Love is a Many Blundered Thing
by JMDOS
Summary: Follow the rollercoaster lives of Cristina and Owen as they try to reconstruct their marriage as well as themselves after Owen's infidelity. Story picks up immediately after Owen confesses his affair to Cristina. (Edited)
1. Chapter 1

Her heart felt like it was being ripped into millions of pieces.

Of course she already knew.

She had felt it in her bones.

But to hear him say it.

To actually hear her husband, the love of her life, tell her that he slept with another woman, made her absolutely sick to her stomach.

She sat in bed, staring up at him with tears streaming down her cheeks but she didn't say a word. Nor make a sound.

"Cristina?" Owen's voice was soft. "Say something, please." He begged.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

She looked down at her hands.

Her tears were making her vision blurry but it still felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Like she was just looking in on someone else's life and all of this wasn't real.

She looked up at him again.

Suddenly, she was numb.

Her tears had stopped and her hands were no longer shaking.

She hated it.

This always happened. Since her father's death, she had trained her mind and body to switch off to anything that might hurt her again.

It was almost automatic now.

But this she wanted to feel.

She needed to know it was real.

All of a sudden, she threw back the covers and hurried towards the bathroom.

"Cristina?" Owen called after her.

There wasn't any answer.

A look of confusion passed over Owen's face when her heard the sound of running water.

He walked stepped inside the bathroom and walked over to their bathtub that doubled as a shower. He pulled back the shower curtain and found her, still fully clothed, standing under the shower faucet, allowing the water to wash over her. Her eyes were closed and her face was expressionless.

"Why?" Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears.

There was no need for her to elaborate. "Honestly? I dont know."

Her eyes were still closed. "Did you do it because of the abortion?"

He didn't answer.

"I asked you a question, Owen." She raised her voice.

"I don't know." He paused. "Maybe."

She gave an eery laugh.

She lifted her head so that the water could run over her face.

She needed to feel.

She started to shiver and Owen noticed.

He stuck his hand under the water and realized that it was ice cold.

"Do you want to get out now?"

"No."

He accepted her answer and sat down on the toilet seat, watching her.

He watched as the water ran down her face and mixed with her tears.

Tears that he'd caused.

He had hurt her, he knew that.

But he was hurt, too.

At first, it wasn't that bad. They both had occupied their minds with sex, as they always do when their personal lives are a mess.

So, he didn't think about it as often and when he did, he just found Cristina and they'd sneak off to do what they do best.

But when they stopped because of his responsibilities as a chief, he was only left with his thoughts. And they started to consume him. It was all he ever thought about; how she hurt him, how she took away the one thing he wanted most.

These thoughts made him withdraw from her. He was ashamed of them. He loved her. Sometimes, he wondered if he loved her too much.

So, when that woman with the blonde hair, whose name he had chosen to forget,offered herself to him, he had taken her to bed, in drunken hopes that he would regain intimacy with a woman. The intimacy that was now absent in his marriage and that he so dearly missed. His inebriated mind forgot to remind him that he only craved it with Cristina. He also needed to get his mind off of her; what she did.

What he did was worse though.

Yes, she deprived him of a child that was his own. But he broke their vows. He intimately touched a woman with the hands that were only meant for his wife. He kissed another woman with the mouth that was only meant for her.

She'll probably never trust him again.

Hell, he wouldn't if he were her.

He felt dirty. He felt as if he was the one who was supposed to be in that shower and not her.

That thought brought him back to her.

She was crouched in the tub. She was now soaking wet. Her clothing clung to her body.

"Are you ready to get out?" His voice was soft.

She didn't answer so he stood up and walked over to her, took his chances and turned the water off.

Seeing that she didn't react , he helped her up and removed her sweater and pajama pants and she complied by lifting her arms and legs.

He wrapped her up in a towel.

"Do you want to walk?"

Her voice was a whisper. "I can't."

He put his arms beaneath her legs and lifted her. He carried her into the bedroom and placed her on the bed.

He got out dry clothes and dressed her.

His mind went back to when she did this for him. Their first date that went terribly wrong. He doesn't remember much from that night but he does remember how cold the water was and he remembers her in the shower with him. He remembers her comforting him before undressing him and laying him on her bed.

And even after the whole drunken scene he pulled, she still gave him another chance. He wondered if she had any second chances left. He feared she didn't.

He finnished dressing her and pulled a chair up in front of her for him to sit on.

"Do you want to talk?"

She looked up at him. Her eyes held no emotion. She didnt want to speak to him. Not right not. She wanted to be as far away as possible from wherever he is.

"I have to go." She said.

"What?"

"I have to get out of here." She paused. "I have to get away from this place." She gestured at the room. "Away from you." Her eyes landed on him again.

She stood up.

"Where are you going to go?"

She grabbed a bag and started throwing in random items.

"Cristina , where are you going to go?"

She pulled on her boots and threw on her leather jacket.

"I dont know." She brushed past him and grabbed her phone and car keys on the kitchen counter.

"I have the right to know where you're going, Cristina!" Owen's voice was filled with frustration.

Cristina's eyes met his and the look she gave him made his hair raise.

But her voice was low and soft. "You lost that right when you fucked another woman."

And with that , she was gone.

\

Her phoned buzzed for the hundreth time that morning.

There were phone calls, text messages, voicemails. And it seemed as if Meredith and Owen were taking turns trying to get hold of her.

She flipped onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

The gurney she was lying on was surprisingly comfortable. More comfortable than they used to be.

She missed the tunnels.

She missed the beginning of her internship.

She missed George and Izzie.

She missed her life before everything got crazy.

But her life did get crazy.

Izzie got all cancery and George got run over by a bus. Mer nearly drowned and she got left at the alter.

Sure , things got better when she found Owen and Mer married McDreamy.

But good things never last.

Now, she was probably going to be husbandless all over again because she didn't want to have kids and her husband was so hurt he couldnt keep it in his pants.

Her phone buzzed again.

She groaned and reached for it on the ground.

It was Meredith again and she decided it was time to stop hiding.

"Hello?"

"Cristina! Oh my god, where have you been? I've called and texted you like a million times! Owen's here and we're worried! Where are you?"

"Owen's there?"

"Yeah, he is." She paused. "Would you tell me where you are?"

She wondered if Owen had told Meredith what had happened. He probably didn't but she had to ask. "Did he tell you why i ran? Why i'm missing?"

"No. I asked a few times but he wouldn't say." Meredith sounded annoyed.

"Okay , I'm going to tell you where I am but I want you to come alone. Don't bring Owen."

Meredith didn't question it. "Okay."

"I'm in the tunnels."

"I'll be right there."

Meredith hung up.

As much as Cristina needed the quiet night, she needed her person more right now.

\

Cristina heard Meredith's footsteps walking towards her and she sat up.

"Okay. I'm here." She dropped her bag on the gurney. "Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on, now?" Meredith looked at the bag filled with clothes next to Cristina. "Did you spend the night here?" Meredith was still out of breath.

Cristina nodded.

"Did you get any sleep?"

Cristina shook her head.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Cristina shrugged.

"Well, you better decide soon because we have to be up there in like two hours." Meredith sat down next to Cristina.

"You really scared Owen. He was banging on my door at like five Am, asking where you were and when I said you weren't there, I thought the man was going to lose it."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Owen-"

"Can we not talk about Owen, please?" Cristina cut her off.

"Okay."

"Just sit here with me until we have to start our shift, okay?"

Meredith eyed her but nodded anyway. "Okay."

They sat back against the wall.

After a few minutes, the sun began to shine in through the windows and into their little hide-out.

"I need to take a shower. I stink." Cristina said with disgust.

"Yeah. I wasn't going to say anything."

"Bitch."

Meredith laughed.

"Do i really have to see him today?"

"You can go hide-out at my place? But that would mean missing work."

Cristina sighed. She turned towards Meredith. "I will tell you everything eventually but right now , I just have to deal with it on my own, okay?"

"Okay." Meredith said softly.

She reached for Cristina's hand and squeezed it.

Cristina laid her head on Meredith's shoulder, convincing herself that crying right now wouldn't do her much good.

And they stayed that way until Cristina willed herself to start the first shift she had dreaded since her intern year.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your comments. They made my day!

/

"Dr Yang?"

Cristina shut her eyes.

"Yes?" Her voice was flat.

"Can I see you for a second?" Owen was using his chief voice.

"I can't." She continued filling in the patient file in front of her, using the nurses station to support her. "I'm about to scrub in on a surgery. Dr. Altman's waiting for me."

"Then can i see you tonight?"

She didn't look at him. "I promised Meredith I'd help her with Zola tonight." Her tone was cold.

"Cristina."

She handed the file to the nurse and turned to him, pushing a pen into the pocket of her scrub top.

"Dr. Hunt."

He was drawn back a little by her formal reference to him.

He stretched his arm out to touch her but she stepped back.

"Is there anything else , Dr. Hunt?"

He didn't answer.

"Excuse me." She pushed past him and made a corner.

Once she was out of sight, she stopped and leaned against the wall.

She let go of a breath she was holding ever since he said her name, shook her head as if to clear her mind and pulled herself together.

She was not about to have a breakdown at work.

Her pager went off and Dr. Altman's name flashed across the screen.

"Thank God." She breathed. She needed that surgery, right now, to get him off her mind.

She took a few more deep breaths, pushed herself away from the wall and made her way to what, in her opinion, was the best type therapy.

\

Cristina threw her scrub mask into the surgical waste bin and went to stand next to Teddy in the scrubroom.

"Nice work in there today, Yang."

Cristina smiled.

Teddy gestured at the sink for the water to come on. "So, how's studying for the boards coming? You making progress?"

"It's going okay."

Teddy rolled a piece of paper towel off of the dispensary and turned towards Cristina, studying her face.

"Everything okay, Cristina? You don't seem like yourself."

Teddy handed Cristina a dry piece of paper towel to dry her hands with.

"I'm fine." Cristina gave her a tight smile.

Teddy turned away from Cristina to throw her paper towel in the waste bin. "You know, if you ever need to talk, you could always-" Teddy cut herself off when she turned around and realized that Cristina had left and that she was now alone. "...come to me." She finnished slowly.

"So, now, am I not only a widow, but I also speak to myself." She said to the empty room and threw her hands to her sides. She removed her scrubcap. "Great. I'm still doing it." She mumbled and made her way out of the scrubroom before the scrub-nurses could give her any questioning looks.

\

Meredith set her tray down on the table and took a seat next to Cristina.

"So, did you see him yet?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah." Cristina sipped on her drink.

"And?" Meredith shoved a tomato into her mouth.

"I kinda lied about having to help you babysit Zola tonight."

"That's okay." Meredith shrugged. "Wanna sleepover? Derek's on-call tonight and we could sit on my bathroom floor and talk about how much we hate boys and their stupid boy penises, all night?" Meredith suggested.

"You love your husband and his penis."

"True. I do love it." Meredith stared ahead and nodded with a smile.

"What about him?"

"Yeah. Him, too."

Cristina looked at Meredith and then stood up. "I'm hungry."

Meredith looked up at her. "Didn't you just eat?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Okay, then."

Meredith watched Cristina walk towards the donut station and then turned back around when she heard Alex sit down.

"What's up with gloomy over there?" He nodded towards Cristina. They both watched as she bit down on a donut and then pick up several more.

"She's got problems." Meredith shrugged.

"We've all got problems." Alex simply said and took a bite of his burger. "Hunt seems to have the same stick up his butt." He said with a mouth full of food.

"Yeah, well, i have a feeling that stick is going to be up both their butts for a while." Meredith reached over and stole one of his fries.

He slapped her hand. "Get your own."

Cristina sat down at the table again with various types of donuts.

"What? Are you pregnant again?" Alex asked as he eyed her.

"Alex." Meredith scolded. She turned to Cristina. "Are you?"

"Karev, what are you doing here?" Cristina's voice was laced with false surprise. "Isn't it about time you found another crazy chick to pee on Mer's couch? It is that time of the year again, am I right?" She asked sarcastically.

"You can still smell the pee, sometimes." Meredith mumbled to herself.

"Why would i go find a crazy chick if i already have you?" Alex shot back.

"And the bloodstains won't wash out either." Meredith said to no one in particular.

"You call that a comeback? You're such a pathetic-"

"Woah, woah." Jackson sat down. "What's going on? You're making Grey speak go herself, again."

Cristina leaned back into her chair and angrily bit at her donut.

"Cristina's being a bitch. Even more than usual." Alex offered.

Suddenly, Alex had a face full of donut.

"Hey, no throwing food." April set her tray down.

"Oh, fuck me." Cristina stood up and walked away.

"I guess you were right, Karev." Jackson watched as Cristina yelled at an intern who bumped into her. "She is being more of a bitch than usual."

"She has a valid reason." Meredith spoke up.

"Which is?" April asked.

"I'm not sure yet."

April rolled her eyes.

All three of them turned to watch Cristina take all of the interns food and shove through the cafeteria doors.

"Yeah, well, I hope whatever it is, is over soon. Otherwise, she's going to be needing bigger scrubs." Jackson said.

They all agreed and then went back to their lunch before they were one by one paged to their various duties.

\

Cristina shrugged on her leather jacket.

She was alone in the residents' lounge and she was greatful because it meant she didn't have to speak to anyone. It had been a long day and all she wanted to do was go home to Meredith's, force her to make her something to eat and just spend the rest of the evening relaxing while similtaneously drowning in her own pool of self-pity.

She sat down on the bench and pulled on her left boot. She stopped before she pulled on her right one. She looked out of the window and watched the rain angrily pour down.

She thought about how appropriate the weather was. It matched her mood.

She sighed. Her life was a mess right now. But then again , when was her life not a mess?

She pulled on her other boot and stood up.

She grabbed her bag and when she turned around , her heart nearly jumped out of her chest.

"Owen!" She held her hand over her heart. "Are you trying to kill me? God."

"Sorry. I, uh, i just wanted to speak to you." He sounded wounded and she nearly gave in.

"I can't right now. I told you , I have to go help Mer." Her tone was no longer cold.

He nodded. "Okay."

She stood, staring at him.

"Are you sleeping over?"

"Uhm, yeah. Derek's on-call."

"Cristina." His voice was soft.

"I have to go." She didnt have the energy to speak right now.

She walked past him but he grabbed her arm.

"Owen, please, just let me go."

"I can't! It's literally been less than a day without you and my life already feels fucked up! How am I supposed to just go home? You're not there, Cristina!" He released her arm.

A moment passed. "Come home with me? We can sort this mess out. I have to fix this."

Her answer was a whisper. "I can't." She turned around and started walking away.

After a few seconds , he started following her. "Cristina." He tried to keep his voice quiet and calm so that no one would notice his distress.

"Cristina!" His raised his voice a little.

She just kept on walking and was nearing the exit.

"Stop walking , Cristina!" She could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Dr. Yang!" She heard him yell.

She swung around. "What? What do you want , Dr. Hunt? What do you want?" She yelled back.

They both paused when they realized that they were now causing a scene and everyone was watching them.

Cristina turned back around and hurried out of the hospital.

She rolled her eyes when she heard him follow her.

She turned around. "I don't want to do this, Owen! Not right now! I need to time to think. Time to process everything!" She yelled.

"You're running, Cristina! You've never ran before. At least not from me. So why start now?"

Cristina pushed her now wet hair back and sighed. She knew he was right.

"Okay, fine. I'm not going to run." She was no longer yelling but he could still hear the anger in her voice.

Owen stepped forward.

"Tell me how to fix this, Cristina."

She looked down for a second, thinking, and then she looked back up at him.

"I've thought about it all day and I've decided that I need you to tell me how it happened. I need to know every last detail. I'm done trying to figure it all out on my own. I want to know why and how this happened."

"What?" A look of confusion passed over his face.

"You want to fix this? That's what I need."

He stood for a while, just staring down at her and then he nodded.

"Okay. Let's go."

Cristina backed away. "Not tonight. I can't be near you tonight. I'm not ready." She saw Owen's hurt expression and tried to ignore it. "I'm not on-call tomorrow night and I know you arn't either so we can do it then."

"Okay, then."

She suddenly became aware of the cold and how wet her clothes were.

"I have to go. Mer's waiting."

"Of course."

She walked away but turned around again when he called out her name.

"Take care now." He said softly but loud enough for her to hear.

And without waiting for a reply, he walked away, leaving Cristina standing in the middle of the walk-way. She stared at his retreating back wondering how the hell they managed to end up here all over again.

/

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	3. Chapter 3

Meredith was in her bedroom picking Zola up from her nap when she heard the front door close.

"Cristina?"

She walked towards the stairs.

"Is that you?"

"Yeah."

Meredith reached the bottom step. "Look who just woke up from her nap." She held her baby's cheek against her own, showing her off to Cristina.

Cristina looked at Zola and smiled but her expression quickly turned serious. "Yeah. Owen cheated on me."

"What?"

"Cover her ears for a sec?"

Meredith placed one hand over Zola's ear and held the other ear against her cheek, glad that Cristina cared about her kid.

"My husband fucked another woman."

Meredith just stared at her.

Cristina dropped her bag on the floor and kicked her shoes off next to the door. "Exactly."

Meredith handed her the baby. "Im going to go get the wine."

\

"So you guys just screamed at one another in the middle of the hospital?"

Cristina and Meredith were seated on the couch and were just about finnishing their second bottle of wine. Well, Cristina was. Meredith was constantly reminding herself that she needed to stay sober to look after the baby.

"We weren't exactly in the middle of hospital but... yeah."

"Damn. I always miss the good stuff."

"I told him i needed to know every detail of his infidelity." She looked at Meredith and then threw back the rest of her wine.

"And why would you tell him that?"

Cristina emptied the bottle into her glass. "Because, Mer, i need to know how it happened."

"Well, you're a doctor. You should know how it happens. When a man and a woman-"

"You've had like one glass of wine. How are you way more drunk than i am?"

Meredith made a face. "I'm a bad mother."

"You're not a bad mother. Look at her." Cristina pointed to the baby happily laying on the floor beneath her mobile. "She loves that dangly toy thingy you got her!"

Meredith smiled. "So, anyway, you want to know how Owen became 'Cheaty McBastard'?"

"Yes, I do."

"What did he say?"

"He said 'okay'."

They sat in silence for a while.

"Hey, if things don't work out, Derek's got a great lawyer."

"Yeah. Thanks for helping me stay positive."

"It's what i'm here for." Meredith gave her a smile and Cristina rolled her eyes.

Cristina sighed and let her head fall back against the cushion.

"Are we ever going to be happy, shiny people?"

"Probably not." Meredith saw the tears forming in her friend's eyes and it broke her heart. She stood, picked Zola up and walked towards the radio. Immediately the room was filled with the sound of their favourite song. "But here's the upside to being dark and twisty, we get to dance it out all the time. Happy, shiny people don't get to do that." She held her hand out to Cristina. "C'mon. Let's dance the crap out of this."

"Hmm. Mommy language. Suits you."

Meredith laughed and started jumping up and down, making Zola giggle.

Cristina set down her glass and joined them. They took turns twirling and hopping around with the baby. They shook their hair aswell as their hips, as they desperately tried to rid themselves of the dark and twisties.

After a few minutes, they both collapsed on the couch.

"I feel old." Meredith was trying to catch her breath.

"We're two old women who dance it out with a baby." Cristina held her hand over her chest as she tried to get her breathing back to normal.

"Yes we are."

"I'm kinda okay with that." She looked over at Meredith who had Zola on her lap.

"Me, too."

Cristina moved closer to Meredith and rested her head on her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk some more?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

A moment passed.

"It's just..." Meredith waited. "My husband actually had sex with another woman."

"I know."

"He actually kissed and touched her, Mer!"

"I know." Meredith repeated.

Cristina stood up and started pacing , she suddenly couldn't stand the thought of being seated. Meredith and Zola both stared up at her. "He pleasured her. And he's good at it." She paused and looked at Meredith for emphasis. "Seriously, Mer, he is good in bed." This revelation indicated to Meredith that the two bottles of wine were finally catching up to Cristina.

"Okay. I get it."

Satisfied, Cristina started pacing again.

"I mean, was he drunk? Did he do it out of spite? Was he that hurt? He's messed up dozens of times but you don't see me dishing it out to other men!"

"Cristina."

She stopped pacing again. "I'm hurt too, Mer. Doesn't he get that? Doesn't he see that?" Tears were threatening to fall again. "It wasn't easy for me to give up that baby, you know? I wish i wanted to be a mother. I do. Look at you , you're happy." She wiped at her eyes. "I couldn't and can't give him what he wants, Mer." Her voice was a whisper now. "He's growing tired of me. He already has. And that's pretty hard to do because im really awesome." Meredith smiled a little and so did Cristina even as tears fell down her cheeks. She went on. "He's going to leave me. I know it. I can feel it. He's going to find someone to give him the babies that he wants... and deserves. And what's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to me , Meredith?"

Cristina was starting to breakdown, partly because she was slightly inebriated, and Meredith jumped into action.

"Hey, hey, hey. Come here." She patted the seat cushion next to her and Cristina did as she was told. "Here. Take the baby."

"You really think this is the best decision after what I just said up there?"

"Sssh. Just hold the baby."

Cristina looked down at Zola. The baby must've sensed her sadness because she snuggled up into Cristina's neck. Cristina rubbed her back and relaxed against the cushion. After a few minutes , Zola pushed herself away from Cristina a little, as if to check if she was still there, and looked into her eyes.

"Hey , there , Zozo." Cristina was using her baby voice.

Zola placed her tiny hand against Cristina's damp cheek.

"You're really smart for your age, aren't you?" Cristina smiled and seeing this , Zola smiled as well. "I'm okay." Zola said something in a language only she understood and buried her face in Cristina's neck again.

Cristina looked at Meredith. "This baby crap really works, doesn't it?"

"Yeah , it does."

Meredith watched as two out of the three most important people in her life interacted. She smiled when Cristina said something in a happy, baby voice and added a tickle to Zola's tummy provoking laughter from her baby. Meredith's heart ached for her person right now. But she knew things would get better. They always did. And even if they didn't, Cristina would have her to come to and they'd get through it together. They always did.

\

Cristina woke up to someone whispering in her ear.

"Yang." She felt the person shove her.

She groaned.

"Yang!" She opened her eyes a little and saw the outline of Derek in the dark.

"Either you have to move over so that Meredith can move up or you're going to have to sleep on the couch."

She blinked, not really registering what he was saying.

"Move over , Cristina!"

She rolled onto her side and opened one eye to look at the clock. She still had two more hours to sleep and she thanked God.

A moment later, she felt Derek shift Meredith and felt her friend's arm drape over her waist.

"The things i have to go through with the two of you." She heard Derek mumble.

She wanted to throw a sarcastic remark at him but her eyes shut and she drifted off again before she could take a swing at McDreamy.

/

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	4. Chapter 4

Meredith said something incoherent with a mouth full of toothpaste.

Cristina opened the shower door.

"What?"

Meredith rinsed her mouth. "Do you want to come over again tonight and study?"

Cristina closed the shower door again. "I can't. I have the thing with Owen." She raised her voice a little so that Meredith could hear her over the running water.

"Oh, right." She leaned her back against the sink, studying Cristina's movements through the fogged door. "And how do you feel about the thing?" She tried to sound nonchalant.

"I don't know, honestly."

"You could always chicken out? You could come and live with me. We could drive Derek crazy together. I mean, I've literally lived with everyone except you. Even Callie at one point."

Cristina thought about it. "True."

They were silent for a moment.

"But i'm not running, Mer."

"That's good."

Meredith opened the shower door and Cristina instinctively covered her breasts.

"I'm proud of you, Cristina Yang." Meredith smiled and so did Cristina.

"Thanks. Now go away." Cristina closed the door.

"It's not like i haven't seen it all before." Meredith said over her shoulder as she walked out.

"You're welcome." Cristina yelled before Meredith shut the bathroom door.

Cristina allowed the water to run over her head. She loved showers. It helped clear her head.

She thought about how supportive Meredith was being. She was grateful for that. She wondered if not running was the right thing to do. Maybe she could live here. But she knew she would miss Owen and that stupid firehouse she had learned to love.

Would he miss her?

She removed that thought from her mind.

She looked down at her belly , picturing it swollen and a life growing inside.

Would she be here right now if she had kept the baby? Would Owen have stayed faithful? She wondered if he was thinking about her at that moment. He probably was. She missed him. She missed the way things used to be before Henry died. Would things ever be like that again? Would they ever be that happy?

She couldn't answer that question because Derek was violently knocking against the bathroom door and ruined her train of thought.

"Yang! Get out of the damn shower! I had two hours of sleep and I need to take a shower!" He yelled through the door.

She rolled her eyes. She turned off the water and wrapped a towel around herself.

He banged on the door again. "Yang!"

She opened the door. "Would you keep your panties on?"

"About damn time." He mumbled as he walked past her.

"Mcgrumpy." She commented.

He gave her dirty look as he closed the door.

She laughed as she walked into Meredith's room and sat down on the bed.

"I like cranky Derek." She said as Meredith rushed back and forth in front of her, shoving baby clothes and diapers into a bag.

"I'll send him over to your house next time and let you enjoy him."

"Nah. You keep him. I already have Owen."

Meredith stopped and sat down next to Cristina.

"You good?"

Cristina gave her a small smile. "I'm good."

"Okay." Meredith smiled back. "Now get off your.." she looked at Zola in her crib. "Behind and get dressed. We're going to be late."

"Yes, Mommy." Cristina said as she stepped into Meredith's en suite and got ready for work.

\

"Ready to go?" Owen walked up beside her.

She was about to answer when she heard Meredith call her name.

"Yes. Just give me a minute." Cristina walked the short distance to the front of the hospital.

"Are you guys leaving to go do the thing?" Meredith kept her voice low.

"Yeah, we are."

"Okay." She was still in her scrubs and the cold night was starting to affect her. She hugged her arms over her chest, trying her best to fight off the cold. "Are you sure you want to do this? My offer to come and live with me still stands."

Cristina turned around and glanced at Owen who gave her a hint of a smile.

"Yes, i'm sure."

Meredith nodded.

"Now go inside, Mrs Over-Protective, before you freeze your butt off."

"Okay." Meredith looked Owen in the eye from where she stood and raised her voice to make sure he heard her. "But if you need me for anything, call me. I'll be over there in a second. I'll run if i have to." Her words were intended for Cristina but she directed them at Owen as a warning. She looked at Cristina and lowered her voice. "Okay?"

"Okay." Cristina nodded.

She watched Meredith walk back inside and hoped she could still shack up at her place if things didnt go well. She felt Owen place his jacket around her shoulders, surprising her, considering what they were about to go and do.

She looked up at him and hoped to God that they could work things out.

\

Cristina dropped her bag on the floor as she reached the top of the stairs and threw her jacket, as well as Owen's, on the chair.

It was weird being this uncomfortable in your own home. But that's what she felt. Uncomfortable.

"Are you hungry?" She heard Owen ask.

She shook her head.

"Want something to drink?"

"No, thank you."

Owen nodded.

Cristina sat down on the bed.

She'd been gone 24 hours but things felt so different.

Owen shifted around awkwardly. "Any good surgeries today?"

"That GSW to the chest was pretty exciting."

"That's good."

Cristina nodded. "Yeah."

They sat in silence for a while, both unsure where to start.

Finally, Cristina spoke. "Just start at the beginning." Her voice was soft.

Owen threw their jackets onto the bed and then pulled the chair, where they had been on, closer. "Okay."

\

"And then what happened?" Cristina was lying horizontally across the bed, covering her face with her hands as tears flowed down her cheeks.

"I don't see what good this is doing."

"Of course it's not doing any good. What good could this possibly bring?" She raised herself a little to look at him, anger visible in her tear-filled eyes.

"Then why am I doing this?" He raised his voice a bit.

She suddenly sat up. "Because i want to know!" She was yelling. "I want to know how and why this happened! How you managed to have sex with another woman! You want to fix this? I want to know!"

"I can't do this. You're asking me to hurt you , Cristina!"

"I'm already hurt, Owen!" She stood up. "Look at me!" She gestured at herself. "Can it really get any worse than this?"

He looked up at her and his heart twisted for all the pain he had caused her.

She laid down again. "I need to know." She paused. "Just please," she was no longer yelling. "tell me what happened next."

\

"What was her name?" Cristina asked as she poured sugar into her tea. It wasnt her usual choice for a beverage but it felt like tea fitted the occasion.

Owen had agreed to discuss the intimate details of his infidelity if it meant that it could possibly save their marriage and after an hour, she had decided she needed a break.

Now, he had his back turned to her as he dried off the dishes left from the night before.

"To be honest, i dont remember. But i didn't want to remember her. I chose to forget."

She nodded even though he couldn't see her.

"You were drunk?" He had already told her he was but she needed him to say it again.

"I was drunk."

"How many times?"

"Once?"

"Did you think about me?"

He paused and turned to look at her. She carried on. "You know, during?"

He looked down, thinking. "No." He shook his head. "No, i didnt." He looked back up at her.

If that had hurt her in any way, she didn't show it.

"I was drunk, Cristina. I was barely thinking at all."

She didnt reply. She just nodded and silently sipped her tea.

\

"You think it was easy for me? You think it was easy for me to abort a baby i knew my husband wanted? It was not easy for me , Owen!"

"And yet, you still went ahead with it!" He shot back.

"Yes, while you sat beside me, holding my hand, telling me that's fine. That everything's going to be okay!"

He was quiet.

She walked back to the bed and sat down. She was exhausted. It was hour four and the last hour had been nothing but yelling.

"I thought..." he spoke up again , his voice was soft. "I thought we'd be okay. I thought I'd be okay."

"But you're not."

"I'm not."

She laid back against the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. "Just carry on. I need this to be over soon."

"What happens after?"

She raised herself on her elbows. "We figure things out."

"And if we don't?"

She thought about it. "I honestly don't know."

He nodded and sat down again. He continued. "She convinced me stay for another drink and-"

\

Her phone rang and Owen paused.

"Do you want to get that? It might be Meredith." Owen offered.

He looked over at Critstina seated on the kitchen counter. It's something she always used to do when he would cook or when they had their long talks. She would sit up there and he would stand between her legs, offering her tiny tastes of whatever he was cooking or he would lie on the floor, looking up at her and she would look down at him and they would laugh and talk for hours. But today, he sensed that it was her way of keeping her distance from him.

"Yeah." She said softly.

She hopped down from the counter and got her phone from her jacket pocket.

"Mer."

"How's it going?"

She had her back turned to him so he couldn't see her shut her eyes as she silently fought back the tears provoked from that question.

"Fine."

"Do you want me to come and get you?"

"No. I'm fine. Besides, it's like 2am."

"I don't care. I've mastered that car seat and i can get Zola strapped in and be at your door in less than a minute."

"Mer, i'm fine. Just stay home. I'll call you later."

"Okay."

A moment of silence passed between them.

"Cristina?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to kick his ass."

"That makes two of us."

Cristina hung up the phone.

"Did she want to come and get you?"

She turned around, staring down at her phone as she fidgeted with it. "Yes, she did."

"Do you want her to?"

She looked up at him. "No."

She walked over to her side of the bed. She placed her phone on the nightstand and made herself comfortable on the bed again.

"Continue, please."

\

"I told her i was married. I did. But she told me to kiss her anyway and-" He couldn't carry on because Cristina's sobs worstened behind him and he didn't want to be the cause of them anymore.

He stood up from where he sat at the edge of the bed and walked over to her.

He stood watching her. He watched her as her cries overtook her entire body. She was in pain. Her heart was broken and it was his fault.

He had to hold her. He needed to comfort her even if she didn't want him to.

He laid down behind her and took her body into his arms.

She fought him, pushing his arms off of her.

"I can't believe you!" She yelled between sobs. "I can't believe-" Her cries were cloaked by her tears.

"Don't!" She pushed him away but he held on tighter.

She let go of a frustrated scream, her pillow muffling it, and then she was quiet.

He wrapped his arms around her even more and she allowed him to.

He thought she had given up , that she had given him permission to hold her and he was glad. But suddenly, she jumped up, walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

He waited a few minutes before he went to the door.

"Cristina?"

She didn't answer. She was holding onto the sink, staring into the mirror, wondering how she had gotten there.

"Cristina, are you okay?" He knocked lightly.

She sighed and wiped away her tears.

"Please open the door." He begged.

She contemplated it and after a moment, she walked over to the door and opened it.

He started to speak but she held her hand up and he stopped.

"I am Cristina Yang." She started. "I've got an MD and a PhD." Her voice was calm. "I'm a freakin' cardiotheracic surgeon." She laughed a little as she said those words. "I don't cry over boys. It's not what I do."

Owen didn't say a word.

She went on. "I cried when my dad died. But that was acceptable."

Her hand still held the door and the other hand supported her against the door frame. "I dont cry over boys, Owen."

He nodded.

She straightened up. "And you know what's funny? In a few weeks, i'm writing the most important exam of my entire life and what am i doing? I'm sitting in a bathroom, crying because of a boy!" She began to laugh like it was the most hilarious thing she had ever heard.

"Cristina." Owen was frightened at her sudden laughter and calmness but she kept on laughing.

"Cristina, I'm sorry." He tried again.

Her laughter died down and she looked at him for a moment and then walked into the bedroom but instead of going to the bed again, she sat against the wall.

Owen followed her but he decided to keep his distance and sat at the edge of the bed.

She looked at him. "I thought that I could forgive you. I thought that maybe if I heard the exact story, i could work through it and forgive you but-"

"You can't." He finnished for her.

"I can't." She looked down. "Not yet."

"So what happens now?"

"I'm going to go stay at Meredith's for a while."

"No. I'll leave. It's your house."

"Owen..."

"No. You stay." He looked at her. "You stay."

She nodded.

She remained on the floor, knees pulled up, silently watching him throw things into a bag.

She wondered if her marriage was over. It sure felt like it.

When he was done, he came to stand infront of her.

"Okay, i guess that's it." He looked around at his home, wondering when he'd get to see it again.

She nodded.

He crouched down to her level and she looked up at him.

She could see the tears that were going to fall any minute. "I love you, Cristina. You're the love of my life. I'll never love another woman."

For the hundreth time that day, tears welled up in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks.

"Okay?" He needed her to understand the importance of his words.

"Okay." She whispered.

He stood up and walked towards the stairs but turned around again before he descended them. He didn't attempt to hide his tears. "Please take care of yourself." He looked at her one last time and then left.

She remained on the floor for a long time. She simply couldn't move.

Once she gained her mobility back, she stood up and looked around at her dimly lit home. It looked so empty.

She looked at the living room.

There wasn't any music playing with a goofy Owen dancing, trying to make her laugh which he always managed to do.

She looked over at the kitchen.

Owen wasn't there either. He wasn't stirring three pots at the same time while simultaneously taking a bread out of the oven because he was so excited that he found a new recipe and he couldn't wait for her to try it.

She turned and looked at the stairs. Her husband wasn't climbing them with flowers in his hand and a big smile on his face, even though he knew she didn't like flowers, he still bought them for her and she secretly enjoyed it when he did.

She turned even further and looked at their bedroom.

There weren't blue eyes constantly looking at her with nothing but love in them.

His ginger hair wasn't there to run her hands through.

She wrapped her arms around herself.

She already missed him.

She needed to get away.

There were too many memories in this house and she couldn't be around them any longer. She ran over to her closet, grabbed a suitcase and filled it with whatever she thought she might need.

The longer she stayed away from this place, the better.

\

Derek woke up to a loud banging on their front door.

He looked over at Meredith who was still asleep.

He got up and walked towards the source of the noise.

When he turned on the porch light, he found Cristina on the other side of the door.

He looked at the wall clock in the living room. Five AM.

He unlocked and opened the door.

"Cristina."

"I, uh, i forgot my key."

He looked down at the suitcase in her hand and the situation became clear to him.

He opened the door further and stepped aside.

"Come on in. Mer's upstairs."

He locked the door again once she was inside and when he got to the bedroom, Meredith was already awake and Cristina was holding Zola.

He looked at Meredith with questioning eyes.

"It's what she needs right now." Meredith simply said.

"Okay. Well, i'm going to go sleep in the guest room. You girls talk it out or dance it out or do whatever it is you do. I'm off to bed. Goodnight."

He closed the door and went over to the closet and grabbed a blanket.

Once he was settled into bed, he thought about how Cristina must be feeling right now. He knew that feeling all too well.

He started to drift and the last thing he thought about was how lucky he was to have found have Meredith even after what he'd been through and to actually be married to her after what he'd put her through.

/

Please comment and review!


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all for the kind reviews. It makes my day and motivates me to carry on writing! Thank You!

Ps remember to review and comment!

/

"We're attendings now." Meredith said. "We're actual attendings. We get to boss around interns and residents at the same time."

Meredith and Cristina were lying on Meredith's bed, staring up at the ceiling. They had gotten home from San Francisco an hour ago and the fact that they had passed their boards had just sunken in.

"I always have but i get your point."

"You're an actual cardio thoracic surgeon, Cristina."

"And you're an actual general surgeon, Mer."

"Yeah, yeah. And i'm Mary Poppins. Move over." Alex joined them and laid down next to Cristina.

"I always knew you reminded me of someone." Cristina joked.

"Shut up."

She looked at him. "So how does it feel, Karev?" Cristina wondered.

"How does what feel?"

"Being a peds attending."

Alex smiled. "I'm not going to lie, it feels pretty great."

They all laughed in agreement.

"Who would've thought it would be the three of us left." Meredith said.

"I always knew I would be here. But the two of you? I wasn't so sure."

"That's very modest of you, Cristina." Meredith commented.

"Thank you."

Alex was just about to add another insult when Derek walked in.

He looked at his full bed and saw himself sleeping on the couch again."No. Get out. Both of you. I need to sleep in my own bed tonight."

They remained where they were.

"Leave!" He yelled.

"Geez, okay."

"Dude, chill."

Alex rolled off the side and Cristina crawled off the bed.

"He's so cranky." Alex whispered.

"You should see him in the mornings." Cristina mumbled.

"I heard you."

Meredith laughed and called out to Alex. "Why don't you stay the night? You can take your old room."

"Or you can take Izzie's room. Probably still smells like her."

"Cristina!" Meredith scolded.

"What? Maybe he wants to get one last whiff."

Alex walked over to the window. "Hey, Yang, isn't that Owen's truck pulling up?"

"How dumb do you think i am?"

"Worth a shot." He shrugged.

Derek laughed at the banter going on between the two of them. He spoke up. "Okay, i'm removing my pants now. Stay, don't stay. Either way, i'm taking my clothes off."

"We're going, we're going." Cristina kissed Zola in her crib and then pushed Alex out of the door, closing it behind her.

"Do you mind if i take my old room? Izzie's room has too many memories."

"Yeah , sure. Go ahead. Besides , your room smells like boy."

Alex laughed as he closed his room door.

She went into her room and got ready for bed.

She pulled back the covers and was just about to get in, when the doorbell rang.

She looked at the time on the alarm clock next to the bed.

It was two AM. Who the hell was at the door at two in the morning.

She poked her head out into the hallway to see if anyone answered the door. "Is anyone going to get that?" There wasn't any answer. "I guess i'm getting it." She mumbled to herself.

She descended the stairs and the doorbell rang again. "I'm coming. Relax."

She turned on the porch light and the sudden illumination revealed Owen on the other side of the door.

She stood still for a minutes, caught off guard.

She wasn't expecting it to be him at the door.

Did Alex really see his truck pull up?

She opened the door.

"Owen?"

"Hi." He looked nervous. "I heard you passed your boards and i had to congratulate you in person so i picked up a cheap bottle of champagne at a shady convenience store and here i am." He held out the beverage in his hand.

She took it from him.

"I can see you're surprised and it's late and you probably feel awkward right now so i'm going to go." He stepped closer and kissed her cheek. "Congratulations." He said softly.

He turned around and started making his way to his truck but turned back around when she called his name.

She knew it was a bad idea but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Do you want to... come in? We can open this and drink straight out of the bottle?" She offered.

He smiled. "Who could refuse an offer like that?"

He went inside and she took his coat.

She threw it on the couch behind him and when she looked back at him, his eyes were roaming her.

She was in a pajama shorts , paired with a tank top. Her hair was big and wild and to him, she looked breathtaking.

She cleared her throat, bringing his attention back up to her eyes.

A moment passed between them. They both remained silent. Each of them occupied by their own thoughts. Thoughts that showed in their eyes.

Owen broke the silence. "So," he clasped his hands together. "Tell me everything!"

\

"So, Mer was barfing all over the place, April was having meltdown after meltdown and Alex was M.I.A."

"And how about you?"

"I was perfect."

Owen gave a her a disbelieving look.

"Fine. I kinda yelled at an old guy." She rolled her eyes.

"What? Why?"

"He was being stubborn and he was so set in his ways and he believed that only his methods were correct. He needed to be set straight."

"So , he's you?"

Cristina looked at him. "Shut up."

Owen laughed and passed her the bottle of champagne.

Silence.

She shifted on the living room couch , where they were seated and turned her body to face his. She folded her legs onto the couch and looked down at the bottle in her hands.

"Where... uh.. where are you staying? Still at the firehouse?" She asked, not looking at him. She tried to sound nonchalant while fidgeting with the label on the bottle.

"No. I coudn't stay there anymore. When you guys left for San Francisco, I asked Derek to rent me his trailer out in the woods for a while."

"And he did?"

"He did."

"Probably needed the money to buy more hair products."

"Maybe."

She brought the bottle to her lips and took a long drink.

"You're living in the woods?"

"Yes , i am."

"You know , Alex told me there are bears up there."

"That's fine. I can take a bear."

Cristina laughed. "You cannot take a bear , Owen."

"Who says? I can show him who's boss, tame him and make him my bitch. A pet bear doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"Well, i am not visiting you if you have a pet bear." She laughed.

"I promise my pet bear will not eat you. Not unless i tell him to."

They both laughed at that.

His laughter died down and he looked into her eyes. "I missed you."

"Owen."

"It's true. I missed you."

She looked down again. "I missed you too."

"Come home with me?"

"You know i can't. Not yet."

"Then when?"

"I don't know." She answered honestly.

He nodded. He took the champagne from her and set it down on the coffee table. He then held out his hand for her to take, which she did and he pulled her close.

She rested her head on his shoulder and he hugged her to him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I know. I'm sorry, too."

"I know." He kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so proud of you."

She didn't respond.

"You know," he went on. "I saw greatness in you right from the very beginning. You're a talented surgeon and an amazing human being. And look where you are now." His voice was just above a whisper. "You're a cardio fellow. You're an actual heart surgeon. You fix hearts for a living. And you're the best at it. You've accomplished so much already and you're not done. You're going places, Cristina Yang." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I've always been amazed by you and I continue to be. I'm so, so proud of you." He kissed her hair again. "Just don't forget about me when you reach the top." He only half joked.

She looked up at him, keeping her head on his shoulder.

"How can i forget you?" He wanted to tell her that he was joking but she carried on before he could. "How can i forget about you when you've given me so much to remember." He opened his mouth to respond but she placed her hand on his mouth, stopping him. "We both know we're using this occasion to forget about what happened and we're pretending that we're okay. And even though we're not together right now, I still love you. Owen, i'll always love you. Dont ever doubt that. No matter where life takes me or whatever i do or you do , I'll never forget about you. Ever. Okay?"

Owen was stunned for a moment. Cristina has never been this blunt about her feelings before and he needed some time to process it. "Okay." Was all he could say.

Satisfied, she removed her hand and turned away.

Without thinking, he used his hand to turn her face towards him again and brought his lips closer to hers. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea but she responded so he went with it.

He watched her close her eyes. The way her eyelashes brushed against her skin. She truly was beautiful.

He placed a hand in her hair, inching her closer.

He closed his own eyes and was about to take her lips, when he heard someone say "Dude , Nice." from the otherside of the room.

Cristina opened her eyes to see Alex with a smile on his face, sipping on a beer.

She dropped her head onto Owen's shoulder. "Fucking Alex." She whispered. But she silently thanked him because kissing Owen would just complicate things further.

Owen laughed an awkward laugh when he saw Cristina move away from him.

She stood up. "Okay, go away now."

Alex laughed and made his way to his room again.

Cristina looked down at Owen. She needed to get away from him before things got carried away again. "It's getting late and we both have work in a few hours." She pushed her hair back.

Owen got the hint. "Right."

He stood up, grabbed his coat and walked with her to the door.

"Thanks for the cheap champagne. It was horrible." She smiled.

"Thanks for drinking the cheap , horrible champagne with me."

"You're welcome." She laughed.

"Okay, goodnight." He opened the door.

"Goodnight."

She was disappointed but relieved when he didn't kiss her.

"Don't get eaten by your pet bear!" She yelled at his retreating back.

"I wont!" He replied without turning back around.

Once his truck was out of sight, she locked up again and made her way to Alex's room. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to thank him or kick his ass.

She didn't knock, she just opened the door and walked in.

"If it isn't my very own cock block."

She walked over to the bed and got underneath the blankets with him.

"Did you guys do the nasty?"

"No. Thanks to you."

Alex laughed.

"No, seriously, thank you. You stopped me from making a mistake."

"Did you just thank me?"

"Yeah. I threw up a little in my mouth when I did."

He looked around at the room.

"Do you think Mer will sell me this house once their other one is done?"

"The McDreamHouse?"

"Yes."

"I dont know. Maybe. Why do want to buy a house anyway? Need more space for your hoes?"

"It's just... i'm an attending now. I'm no longer and intern or a resident. I'm a grownup. And i think that requires actually growing up."

She turned on her side and looked at him. "Do you feel like a grownup?"

"No."

"Me neither."

"But you've got a house."

"Had." She corrected him. She thought about it. "Have. I dont know."

"You had, have, I don't know a house and you're married, I think, and I don't have any of those things. Maybe if i at least buy a house , i'll start feeling like an actual adult and not a kid who has no idea what he's doing."

She turned on her back again. "I understand."

They were quiet.

"Do you still miss her?"

"Izzie?"

"Yeah."

"Not as much as i used to." He answered honestly. He waited a moment. "Do you still miss Burke?"

"Sometimes."

"When?"

"On ocassion. Like when someone mentions George's name it forces me to think about Burke or i'll get a whiff of his scent. Things like that."

"Do you miss him enough to want him to come back?"

She didn't even have to think about it. "No."

"Because of Owen?"

"Because of Owen."

"I need to find my Owen."

"Is this your way of coming out to me?"

"You know what i mean."

"Yeah, i do." She looked at him. "When you do find her, don't let her go. Okay?"

"I won't."

She jumped up and walked towards the door. "Okay, moment over."

"Where are you going?"

"It's drinking time!" She made a face that made him laugh.

"You drink too much."

"You breathe too much."

"Alcoholic!" He yelled as she left the room.

"Ass!" He heard her yell back.

When she was no longer in hearing distance, he fell back against the mattress again. He wondered how Owen could be so stupid to let go of a woman like Cristina. He hoped that they fixed things soon because it was obvious both of them were hurting. No matter how hard they tried to hide it.

Cristina returned with beers in her hands.

"I'm back, bitch." She threw the beers onto the bad and nearly hit him with one.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Stop being a baby."

"Fuck you."

"You wish."

She got underneath the blankets again. "I'm sleeping in here tonight, in case you didn't realize."

"Yeah, whatever." He looked at her and told himself that if Owen ever hurt her again , he was going to personally knock him out.


	6. Chapter 6

Cristina unlocked the door and stepped inside.

She was about to kick off her shoes when Meredith came rushing down the stairs , half dressed.

"No, no ,no. Put that shoe back on! You need to leave!"

"What? Why?"

"Just for a few hours. Alex has Zola and you need to go somewhere!" She stepped closer to Cristina to make sure she heard her. "I need this time with my husband, Cristina. You, Alex and Zola have been in my bed for weeks. I need this time." Cristina suddenly understood what she meant.

"Geez , relax."

"That's what i'm planning on doing." Meredith opened the door. "Now leave." She pushed Cristina out of the door and closed it. After a few seconds , Meredith opened the door again. "This doesn't make me a bad friend, does it?"

"It kinda does."

Meredith looked worried.

"But it's okay. I understand. Go get it on with McDreamy."

Meredith smiled. "Thanks." And went back inside.

She looked around. Where was she suppose to go now?

\

"Another one, Joe." Cristina asked the bartender.

"Are you driving?"

"No i'm not, dad."

Joe rolled his eyes and went to prepare her drink.

Someone sat down next to her and she didn't need to look up because she knew who it was.

"Hey."

"Hi. Why are you alone?" Owen asked.

"Because my friends are bad people. Mer kicked me out because she needed sexy time with Shepherd and Alex isn't answering his phone."

"What about April and Jackson?"

She gave him a look.

"Right."He laughed.

Cristina called to Joe. "A round for my friend over here."

He shook his head 'no' at Joe."How long have you been here?" He asked noting that she was slightly drunk.

"Like two hours."

"And how many drinks have you had?"

"Two."

He saw Joe hold up five fingers.

"Okay, then. You're coming home with me."

"No, why?"

"Because I don't want you wondering the streets half drunk."

"Okay, but can Joe and his alcohol come with us?"

"Do you and your alcohol want to come with us, Joe?"

Joe laughed. "No, i'm good."

"You're missing out." She told Joe as she stood up. "I'm really fun when i'm drunk."

"You're fun when you're sober, too." Joe replied.

"True." She nodded.

Owen gave her his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her out of the bar.

The lights in the ally outside of the bar were bright and she squinted.

"Can we get some food?" She asked as Owen continued to lead her to the car.

"Sure."

"Can we get some wine?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're drunk enough and you're working tomorrow."

"You know, you're starting to sound a lot like Joe."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, it is."

"Okay, fine. I guess i'm Joe Hunt now."

"I guess you are." She nodded.

She suddenly stopped walking, making Owen stop as well.

She pointed to the wall. "Remember when you backed me up against that wall and attacked me with that hot kiss?"

"I remember."

"That was a great kiss." She started walking again and Owen pulled her close. She rested her head on his shoulder as she spoke. "We should kiss like that more often."

"We did. You know, before."

"Oh, right." She was quiet. She looked up at him. "I still want food."

"Yeah , yeah."

\

Cristina stuffed a handful of fries into her mouth.

"Are you happy now?" Owen asked.

"Yep."

"Good." He laughed.

They car came to a stop and they got out.

"I still can't belive you decided to live in the woods. You do you know we have hotels here, right?" She asked as she walked up to the trailer.

"I know." Owen unlocked the door and they both stepped in. "But i like it here."

Cristina took off her jacket and threw it on the small couch.

She grabbed her food again and walked over to his bed.

"I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Mer and I used to come here to get away from everything."

Owen nodded. He sat down next her on the bed and she handed him his burger.

"Didn't i have fries as well?"

"You used to." She turned towards him and folded her legs onto the bed.

"How do you eat so much yet maintain such a petite figure?"

"Genes." She winked. She was quiet for a moment. She was starting to sober up but the last bit of alcohol in her system gave her courage. "Do you miss the firehouse?"

He thought about it. "I do. You?"

"I hate to admit it, but i do."

"You loved that firehouse , you just didn't want to show it." He teased and took a bite of his food.

"I loved you and you loved the house so i lived there against my will." She joked.

He looked down at his burger. "Loved? Past tense?" He looked back up at her.

She immediately regretted her words. "You know what i mean."

"Yeah , i do." He took another bite.

"I feel..." she thought about what she was going to say. "I feel like we're getting better." She took a sip of her milkshake.

"You do?"

"Yes , i do." She gave him a small smile. "I think... I think we're going to be okay."

The smile he gave her made her heart swell.

"We're going to be okay." He took her hand into his.

"We are." She smiled back at him. "Okay, give my hand back. I gotta eat."

\

"You sure you don't want to stay the night?" Owen asked one last time even though they were halfway to Meredith's already.

"I'm sure. We can't rush things."

"True." He was quiet. "But are you really sure?"

She laughed. "Owen."

"Okay, okay." They drove in silence for a while. "Do you want me to pick you up for work tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah, sure. Bring me breakfast."

"You literally just ate and you're already thinking about food?"

"Yep." She said simply.

"Why am i surprised?" He smiled.

They pulled up in front of her hopefully temporary home.

"I hope they're done by now."

"How long can sexy time last?"

"Okay first of all , never say 'sexy time' ever again." Owen laughed. "And second, I don't know. We were always better at it than everyone else so i don't know how long regular couples can go at it."

Owen smiled at that. "We were good at it, weren't we?"

"The best."

"Want to go home with me and prove it?"

She laughed. "Owen, stop."

"Worth a shot." He opened his door and got out. He walked over to her side and opened her door for her and she hopped out.

"Thanks."

They walked up to the door. "Thank you for saving me from a drunken night alone. Even though I was drunk for like half of it."

"You're welcome." He smiled.

"Do you want to come in?"

He thought about it. "Sure."

She unlocked the door. "I saw that hesitation."

"I just dont want to be taken advantage of tonight."

"Being taken advantage of by me would be the best thing that ever happened to you." She replied as they stepped inside.

She found Meredith in the living room. "Oh, Mer, how was-" she stopped speaking when she saw Meredith was on the phone.

She was about to walk away when she saw the expression on her face.

"Mer, what's going on?" She whispered.

Meredith didn't answer and Owen gave Cristina a questioning look.

"Okay, i'll be right there." Meredith said to whoever was on the other side of the phone call.

She hung up and stared down at her phone for a long time.

"Meredith?"

Cristina's voice brought her attention back to the room.

"What's going on?" She asked again.

Meredith tightened the belt on her robe. Cristina noted how pale she was and her expression was something she hadn't seen before.

Cristina stepped closer. "Mer?"

Meredith finally spoke up.

"Lexie..." she couldn't get the words out. "Lexie's dead."

/

Thank you all for the lovely comments! They encourage me to write more and more! Please review and comment dolls!


	7. Chapter 7

The car came to a stop and everyone jumped out.

The three of them paused at the scene in front of them.

There were blue and red police lights flashing in the night sky.

The smell of fuel and burnt rubber was still fresh in the air.

By-standers watched as men and women in uniform rushed back and forth in front of them.

Policemen were constantly pushing the crowd back to stop them from getting too close.

An officer ducked under the yellow police tape infront of them and Owen stopped him. "Excuse me," He stuck out his hand. "Major Hunt." The officer looked at him and shook it. "Lieutenant Darby."

Owen nodded. "What happened here?"

"Two civilians were hit by a drunk driver. The force was so bad that their car wrapped around that tree over there." He pointed toward the tree that seemed to be swarmed by cars and people. "The driver got away. Coward." The police officer said with disgust.

Cristina took Meredith's hand into hers.

"And the civilians?" Owen asked.

"The girl didn't make it. The impact of the tree basically split her body in half. And if that didn't kill her, she smashed her head against the windscreen when the car rolled." The officer said it like he'd seen it a million times before.

Cristina covered her mouth with her hand. Meredith was silent.

Owen had to ask. "Who was in the car with her?"

"His license indicated that he was a doctor. She was, too, by the way. Kinda ironic, isn't it? Two doctors."

Owen didn't comment. "What was his name?"

The officer thought about it for a moment. "Mark something."

"Mark Sloan?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah , that's him. You know him?"

"The girl was her sister and Mark was our friend." Owen said softly.

Officer Darby removed his hat. "I'm sorry for your loss, Ma'am." He directed at Meredith but still she didn't say anything.

"And Mark? Did he make it?" Cristina asked.

"He's conscious but unstable. He might not make it through the night."

Owen looked down at Cristina.

"Go." She gave him permission.

He ducked under the police tape and sprinted toward the scene, his trauma training kicking in.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss." The officer repeated.

Cristina nodded her thank you and he left.

She looked at Meredith. Her face was pale and expressionless but Cristina could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Mer?"

There wasn't any answer.

An ambulance van started and it got there attention. It moved, revealing Sloan's car and like the police officer described it, it was literally wrapped around a tree.

The car was upside down and the passenger's side was completely smashed against the tree.

It looked as if they had extracted Lexie already and Cristina searched for her body.

And then she found her and by Meredith's gasp, she knew Meredith saw her, too.

She was laying on the grass. Her face was colourless and her eyes lifeless. The bottom half of her body was already in a body bag but her top half still hung out. There was so much blood visible, even in the darkness of the night.

Her eyes were looking directly at them.

Meredith let go of Cristina's hand and wrapped her arms around herself.

Cristina looked back at the car and saw Owen helping the paramedics with Mark who appeared to still be awake.

She wondered if he knew about Lexie.

She looked back at Lexie and watched as a paramedic zipped up the rest of the body bag.

Suddenly, Meredith walked away and Cristina followed her.

Meredith took her hair into her hands , dropped to her knees and threw up.

Cristina crouched down, rubbing her back and holding her hair as Meredith continued to hurl.

When she was done, she sat back against the car behind her.

"You should be helping." Meredith finally spoke up.

"Owen's got it. I'm staying here with you."

"Okay."

Cristina watched Owen walk towards them and she stood up.

"Meredith, they want to know if you want to drive with Lexie to the hospital."

Meredith looked up at Owen. "I am not driving in a van with my dead sister."

Owen nodded.

"How's Mark?" Cristina asked.

"He has a broken leg and arm. He has a very deep laceration in his head and it looks like we have some internal bleeding."

"Do you think he'll make it?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Someone needs to call Derek." Meredith said from the floor, not looking at them.

"I'll do it." Cristina volunteered.

"I have to go back. You're okay, right?" Owen asked Cristina.

"I'm okay."

Owen nodded and ran off again.

"Wait here. I'm going to call Derek." Cristina told Meredith but she wasn't even sure Meredith heard her.

She took out her phone and dialed Derek's number. He answered on the third ring and she took a deep breath in. How was she supposed to tell him?

"Derek?" Her voice sounded weird.

"Hey, Cristina, sorry we had to kick you out like that." She could hear the smile in his voice. "But I guess karma came back for me because I got paged like an hour later." He laughed.

"Yeah, Derek?"

"Don't worry. You and Hunt can use the house any time. If you guys still do that? I mean-"

"Derek, stop talking!" She cut him off.

"Okay?"

"There was an accident..."

"Where's Meredith?" She could hear the panic in his voice.

"Mer's fine. She's here with me. She wasn't the one in the accident."

"Then who was?"

She waited a minute, gathering courage. "Mark and Lexie."

He was quiet. "How are they?" She could tell that he was trying to remain calm.

"Owen's helping out with Mark. Things aren't looking good." She heard his intake of breath.

"And Lexie?" He said softly.

"She... uh.. she didn't make it."

He was quiet.

"Fuck." She heard him say on the other side. "Fuck!" He said louder.

"How's Meredith?"

"I don't know. She hasn't reacted yet. She threw up but that's all."

Cristina looked down at Meredith on the floor. She was just staring down at the ground, not moving. Cristina turned her attention to Owen. She watched as he instructed his newly formed team.

Yelling orders and taking charge.

"I'll be right there!" She heard Derek say after a while.

"No. Stay there. Lexie's body will be there soon and Mark will be there not long after. You need to be there to meet them."

"Okay." He sounded defeated. "Can I speak to Meredith?"

She walked over to Meredith and handed her the phone. She stood there for a while but there wasn't much to hear because Meredith wasn't talking.

It was past midnight and the cold night air snuck in beneath her leather jacket. She pulled it tighter against her body and folded her arms across her chest.

She walked towards the scene and ducked underneath the yellow tape.

She looked around. She wondered if there was anything she could do.

She looked down at her shoes and realized that they were covered in blood. Most likely Lexie's. She looked back up at the car.

She suddenly had a flash back to her nine year old self in the same situation. Except, she was alone and their weren't any paramedics or a single person to help her. She was alone with her dying father, covered in so much blood that she wasn't even sure whether it was hers or his.

Her eyes began to cloud over as she remembered the feeling of when his heart stopped beating against her bare hands. She remembered the panic she felt when she realized he was no longer breathing. She remembered the way she called out his name repeatedly, trying to get him to come back to her and she remembered the smell of the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders and the hardness of the seat in the ambulance as they drove to the hospital while she sat next to the body of her dead father. She remembered Carl, the paramedic who had repeatedly told her that she had done everything she could. Of course she didn't believe him.

Owen suddenly touched her elbow and she jumped.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Yes, i'm okay." She pushed her hair back.

Owen knew she wasn't being honest but he decided not to push. "Okay, well, we got Mark out and they're about to transport him to Seattle Grace. We have to go so that we can meet them there."

She nodded. "Let's go."

She walked over to her unsteady friend , helped her up from the ground and got into the backseat with her. Meredith rested her head on Cristina's shoulder as they drove.

Owen looked back at them every now and then, just to check if they were okay.

Meredith wrapped her arm around Cristina's waist and hugged her close. "I need you to not die. Don't die , okay." It was more of a command than a request.

"I won't." Cristina looked down at her and then made eye contact with Owen in the rear view mirror. "I won't." She repeated.

/

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	8. Chapter 8

Cristina sat down next to Meredith. The house was filled with people in black. Speaking to one another in a hushed tone. She watched Owen while he spoke to Derek. He knitted his brows and she assumed that they were talking about Mark.

It had been a week since the accident. They decided to wait until Mark was stronger so that he could say bye to Lexie. He had a break down and cried uncontrollably throughout the funeral. Callie had to take him back to the hospital to get him sedated before he tore his stitches and hurt himself again. He also needed to go back so that he could fully recover.

Cristina looked down at Meredith. She was still the same. She hadn't said much all week. The chief gave Meredith two weeks off and Cristina, Alex and Derek took turns coming home during the day to check up on her.

Cristina took Meredith's hand into hers. She was worried about her friend. Cristina had witnessed Meredith grieve before but not like this.

Cristina slouched back against the couch.

She wanted to tell Meredith that the funeral was beautiful. But what's beautiful about a funeral? There's nothing beautiful about burying a loved one. Nothing beautiful about never speaking to them again. There's nothing beautiful about never seeing them again.

Cristina turned her head towards Meredith. "Have you cried yet?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"Not really."

"Okay."

They were quiet.

"Are you hungry? Want something to eat?" Cristina asked.

"I don't want funeral food. It's sad and depressing."

"Okay, do you want to go get some food?"

Meredith turned to Cristina. "Could we?"

"Yes. If you want to."

"Yes, please." Meredith sounded like a wounded child and it broke Cristina's heart.

"Wait for me in the car. I'll tell the boys."

Meredith nodded, stood up and walked out.

Cristina watched her through the window. She felt sorry for her friend. She had lost everyone close to her. She basically only had three people left.

Cristina stood up and walked over to Owen and Derek.

"Hey, how's Meredith?" Owen asked when Cristina reached them.

"She's... I don't know how she is." Derek nodded, understanding what she meant. "Listen, I'm taking her to go get something to eat. She doesn't want funeral food and I think it would be good to get her away from here."

"Okay, just let me know where you guys are." Derek instructed.

"Okay. See you guys later." She walked off but Owen grabbed her arm and pulled her close.

"Please be careful." He kissed her forehead.

"I will." She gave him a small smile.

As she walked away, she thought about how sad it is that something as tragic as Lexie's death might be the one thing that's going to help fix her marriage.

\

Meredith sat down at the table and took her burger out of its bag. "Maybe we should move." She said.

"We're not moving."

"Why not? It would be good. There's too much death around us. Too many ghosts."

Cristina thought about it. She didn't say anything and bit into her burger. What was she suppose to say? Meredith was right.

"But I can't move. You're here." Meredith said after a while.

"Yes, I am."

Cristina watched Meredith as she ate. The change of scenery seemed to do her good because the light in her eyes that had been gone for a week had returned. Even if it was just a glimmer.

"Are you good?" Meredith asked.

"You mean, am I okay? We don't ask one another that."

"I want to know. These type of things are important to me now."

"They are? Are you reborn or something?" She took another bite of her burger.

"Cristina."

"I'm okay."

"How are things with Owen?"

"I don't know how things are with Owen. I don't know where we are right now."

Meredith sipped on her drink as she listened to Cristina. "I think you guys should get back together."

"Yes, because it's all up to you."

"I'm serious. Look at Lexie and Mark. They were deeply in love but they allowed life to get in between them. And then they were too stubborn and hurt to try again. You guys still have a chance. Use it."

"You're starting to freak me out."

Meredith shrugged and chewed on her fries.

"But you're right."

"Yes, I am."

"Nice to know that the narcissist inside of you is still alive and well." She pointed at Meredith with her fry.

Meredith laughed for the first time that week and it made Cristina smile. She hadn't realized how much she had missed that sound.

"I'm going to be okay." Meredith said after her laughter died down.

"You are. And i think... I think Owen and I are going to make it."

"You are." Meredith agreed.

And they both believed it.

They finnished their meal and by the end of it, Meredith didn't want to go back yet.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. Anywhere but there. My house is too depressing right now."

Cristina thought for a second and then took out her phone.

"Who are you calling?"

Cristina didn't answer. She dialed the number and held the phone up to her ear.

He answered almost immediately.

"Cristina? Are you okay?" Owen sounded worried.

"Calm down. We're okay. But I need a favour."

Meredith tuned out during the rest of the conversation and by the end of the phone call, Cristina had to call her name several times to get her attention.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Let's go." Cristina grabbed her car keys and stood up.

"Where are we going?"

"Just come."

Meredith stood up and followed her out of the restaurant and into the car.

"Cristina, where are we going."

Cristina smiled. "Dermatology."

\

Owen pulled up and Cristina stood up from the porch. They walked towards one another and met in the middle.

"What are you doing with my house, again?" He asked as he handed over the keys.

"Firstly, It's a trailer and it belongs to Derek. Secondly, We're using it for dermatology." She said simply.

"Right... " He said, not fully understanding.

"It's like Narnia but so much better." She explained.

"Okay, then." He smiled. "Where am i supposed to sleep tonight?"

"We won't be here that long but if we are, you can take my room."

He started to walk away and spoke over his shoulder. "The things I go through with the two of you."

"You're starting to sound a lot like Derek!" She yelled as he got into his truck.

She watched him laugh as he made a u-turn and drove away.

She turned towards Meredith who was just sitting on one of the fold-up chairs, on the porch, watching them.

Cristina stepped up and unlocked the door. She gestured inside. "Ready to go to Narnia?"

\

"Does my husband know where i am?" Meredith asked.

They were lying on Owen's bed and staring up at the ceiling like they've done so many times before.

"Owen must've told him."

"Okay, because I have a child, you know."

"I know. Derek can take care of her for a night."

"Yeah." Meredith turned on her side and faced Cristina. "If anything happens to Derek and I, I want you to have her."

"We've spoken about this before."

"I know. But I want you to have her."

She looked at Meredith. "Do you really think I'd be the best mother?" She added a small laugh at the end.

"I think you'd be a great mother."

"Mer..."

"You're the only person I trust to take care of her. You don't even have to be her mother. Just be Aunt Cristina who buys a lot of junk food, let's them sleep in and provides them with love."

"I don't even know how to do that."

"Yes, you do. You love me and you love Owen and you love my kid."

Cristina didn't say anything for a while. "I'll think about it." She said after a while.

"Okay." Meredith yawned. "Just think fast because considering my history and my luck, i might die in a plane crash next week and then what?"

Cristina watched as Meredith closed her eyes and started nodding off. But before she fell asleep, she spoke up again. "Cristina?"

"Yeah?"

"I still think you should get back together with Owen."

"And you're still freaking me out."

Meredith smiled and closed her eyes again. After a few minutes she drifted off.

Cristina watched her as she slept. She wondered if Meredith would get back to being her old self again. But she knew she would. She always did.

The dress she was wearing began to annoy her so she stood up slowly, not wanting to wake Meredith, and walked over to Owen's cupboard. She pulled out a drawer and searched through it until she found one of Owen's old army t-shirts. She smelled it and it still had his scent. She smiled.

She removed the dress and then through on the t-shirt.

The cold started to creep up on her so she hurried back to bed , pulled back the blankets and got in.

She turned onto her side and thought about what Meredith had said. She was right. She loved Owen and Owen loved her. She thought about whether she wanted to try again or not and decided that she did. Both of them did terrible things. Both of them hurt one another. The quesion was, could they get over it? Could they move pass all of this? Forgive and forget. Will love be enough? Will she always be enough for Owen? You can't just stop wanting kids. It's not possible.

Just like it was impossible for her to start wanting to be a mother over night.

She turned on her other side, facing away from Meredith.

Her mind was quiet for a while but then it started up again.

She brought the collar of the t-shirt up to her nose and gave it a sniff.

Maybe love was enough. Maybe he'll choose her. It was worth a shot. She loved him enough to try again.

Meredith draped her arm around her waist and pulled her close like she always did.

There were a lot of things she wasn't sure about at that moment but the one thing she was certain about was that Meredith was always going to be there for her. Whether she had an abortion or not. Meredith would still be there even if she decided to cut all her hair off and get a giant tattoo of a snake across her forehead. Not that Owen wouldn't still be there.

She pulled Meredith's arm tighter around her.

She closed her eyes. She decided that tomorrow she was going to ask Owen to try again. And if he decides to say no, pack his bags and move to Alaska, Meredith would be there to bad mouth him and curse him for as long as she lives.

/

Sorry for the late update I wanted to perfect this for you all so thank you for being patient! Please review and comment babes!


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith watched Cristina and Owen speak from across the room. She was at the nurses station pretending to look through patient files and every now and then when Owen would look up at her, she would look down and knit her brows, pretending to be intrigued by something. She knew they were onto her but she didn't care.

Finally, their conversation ended and Cristina walked over to the station, set a patient file down and started filling in details.

She looked up at Meredith and back down again. "You can stop pretending now."

Meredith slammed the file shut. "Good. So did you tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you want to try again!" Meredith said impatiently.

Cristina stopped writing and looked up again. "Not yet. We were speaking about Mark." Cristina watched Meredith's face darken but only for a second. "And besides, you don't even like Owen. Why do you care so much about whether we get back together or not?"

"That was before. Things have changed."

Cristina filled something in and then closed the file and handed it to the nurse who sat down. She turned to walk and Meredith followed her.

"How long is this new Mer going to last? She's kinda annoying."

"Give me a break. I've been back for a week and there have been no intersting surgeries, the new interns are annoying and Derek keeps babying me even though I'm totally fine."

"You're not totally fine." Cristina mumbled.

Meredith ignored her. "Your Owen drama is the only thing that keeps me going these days."

"Well, I'm glad my terrible love life makes you happy."

"It does." Meredith smiled.

Cristina was just about to reply when Callie came racing down a corner and looked as if she was about to have a breakdown.

"Where the hell have you been?" She yelled. "I paged you like seven times!"

Cristina took out her phone. "Shit. My phone's dead."

"We need you!" Callie took her by the arm and started running again. "It's Mark!"

\

Cristina removed her scrubcap as she exited the scrubroom. She just had an eight hour surgery with a heart that just refused to keep going. But she got it to.

Callie stood up from the floor when she saw Cristina walking towards her.

Before Callie said anything, Cristina answered her question. "He's okay for now." Callie visibly sighed and Cristina went on. "He had an aortic disrupture caused by the accident." Cristina was using her doctor voice. "I believe the reason we didn't detect it sooner was because the tear was minor but because his is under so much stress and the number of surgeries he had, the tear grew. We caught it just in time." She stepped closer to Callie and put her hand on her shoulder.

"He's tired, Callie." Her tone became more sincere. "His heart is tired and so is he."

"I know... we all are."

Arizona ran up to them and Derek was right behind her. "How is he?" He asked before he even caught up to them.

"He's okay. It was a tough surgery and we'll have to monitor him for a while but he's okay."

Derek smiled and pulled her into a hug. She allowed it and then pulled back.

He held her by the shoulders. "Thank you."

She nodded and smiled at him.

"I'll let Callie explain everything to you."

All three of them thanked her again and she walked away.

She saw Meredith walking towards her and she rounded a corner, she wasn't in the mood to talk at the moment.

She stepped into an on-call room, switched on the light and found that she wasn't alone.

Owen sat up and squinted at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in here." She apologized but made no effort to leave.

He rubbed his eyes, lifted the covers and sat on the side of the bed. "I heard about Mark... is he okay?" His voice was still husky from his nap.

She nodded and Owen noted the distraught look on her face. "Cristina? What's wrong?"

She looked up at him from where she stood by the door and her eyes were slowly filling with tears. She shook her head no, not wanting to speak.

"What happened? Speak to me." Owen demanded gently.

"I nearly... I nearly lost him in there." Her voice sounded small.

Owen stood up and held his hand out to her. She took it and he sat down with her on the bed.

She went on. "The tear was huge. He should've been dead hours ago. It's really a miracle that he survived this long. I don't even remember how many procedures i did in there, Owen. But I couldn't let him die. Meredith couldn't lose another person. Derek and Callie couldn't lose their bestfriend and I couldn't be the one who killed him." Her voice was soft but he could hear the determination behind it.

"I'm so tired of the death. People we care about keep on dying and they keep leaving. I don't know how much more of this I can take." She said honestly.

Owen put his arm around her and pulled her against him. She rested her head against his shoulder.

"I know." He kissed the top of her head. "I don't know how much more I can take either." He didn't know what else to say because what more could he say.

They stayed that way for a long time. Both using each other's bodies and energy to comfort themselves because like it was proven so many times before, when times were tough and they felt like given up, all they needed was one another's touch and company and all would be right in the world again.

/

Sorry for the late update you but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review and update babes


	10. Chapter 10

Cristina woke up to the familiar scent of Owen Hunt. He was wrapped around her and she was enjoying his warmth.

She turned her head towards the window and saw that the sun was beginning to rise and she sighed. She wasn't ready to leave the comfort of her husband's arms just yet.

She turned into him, hugging his body to hers. She missed him. She missed sleeping next to him every night. She missed his scent. She even missed the roughness of his beard against her skin.

Her grip around his body tightened.

She felt like a divorced woman for the pass few weeks and she was tired of feeling that way.

She wanted to be with Owen.

She didn't know where they were in their relationship at that moment but she didn't care. All she cared about were his loving arms that were wrapped around her and his warm breath on her neck reminding her that he still belonged to her and she still belonged to him.

Owen turned onto his back and her position changed and her ear was now directly over his heart.

His heartbeat was steady and it calmed her.

It cleared her mind and allowed her to think. She thought about the relationships in her life. Meredith was two incidents away from a breakdown. She had gone through a lot in her short lifetime. How she was still sane and standing , Cristina didn't know. She knew Meredith needed her , even if she wouldn't admit it. She also knew that Meredith was pretending to be okay but she didn't blame her. She would've acted the same way.

Cristina slipped her hand beneath Owen's scrubtop and ran her hand up and down his side , feeling his warm , bare skin.

She thought about Mark. She knew he was in terrible shape. His heart was weak and she didn't even know if he'll make it to the next week.

He may need a transplant but how long could he wait for a new heart? She knew she did her best in that OR but was it enough?

She needed to be closer to Owen so she removed his scrubtop without even waking him, like she had done so many times before.

She hugged his now bare torso to her , enjoying the warmth his body gave off.

She draped her leg over his and kissed his chest.

She thought about her relationship with the man lightly snoring below her.

She knew things weren't fixed between them. They just stopped fighting. They chose to ignore their problems for a while but nothing was okay between them. Their problems were still there. Like a third person in their relationship constantly reminding them of how wrong they were for each other. But she refused to believe that. She refused to believe that just because they wanted different things in life , it meant that they weren't meant to be. Maybe love was enough. Was it?

She still had an abortion and he still had an affair. There was nothing they could do about that. They couldn't change the past.

He still wanted kids and she still didn't want to be a mother. Nothing's changed.

Maybe love's enough , she repeated in her head.

But she knew she was a practical woman. She believed in facts not fate. She knew that she never really believed in love. But that was before Owen. Owen changed her mind about love and life. She learned to love another human being with everything she was and everything she had. She knew that once that day comes, the day she dreads with every piece of her, the day she would have to give up her scalpel and scrubcap and her life will come crashing down, she would have Owen. And he would help her cope with the change and he would offer her words of reassurance and just do what Owen does. But what if they don't fix things. Who will she have then? She didn't need him. She could live without him but she simply didn't want to. So , what do they do about that nagging , stubborn third person?

Her phone vibrated and she reluctantly turned out of Owen's embrace and picked up her phone from the floor.

It was a textmessage from Meredith.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" Ever since the accident , Meredith became more paranoid about the people she cared about.

She replied. "I'm okay. Still at the hospital. See you soon."

She set the phone down again and stared down at Owen.

Her shift was going to start soon and she needed to go home and take a shower.

She needed to get out of bed before she decided to just sleep in all day , curled around Owen.

She leaned over his body and placed both hands on either side of him. She brought her face down to his and took his lips with her own.

She lingered for a while and then pulled away before she couldn't stop herself. She ran a hand through his hair and played it safe by placing a kiss on his cheek.

She stood up , grabbed her scrubtop from the chair , threw it on and made her way out of the on-call room.

As she left the hospital , she wondered if she'd ever get to spend the night with Owen again. From the memory of his skin and his lips , she hoped to God that she would.

\

Cristina unlocked the front door and stepped inside.

She only had two hours before her shift started and she was contemplating between taking a shower or sleeping.

She was leaning more towards sleep because even though she slept peacefully in Owen's arms , she still only slept for less than four hours.

She knew she couldn't skip the shower though.

She dropped her bag by the door and kicked her shoes off.

She was about to walk towards the kitchen to solve her third problem , hunger , when she heard sobbing coming from upstairs.

She stopped and listened.

It couldn't be Zola. She knew Zola's cry by now. She'd been hearing it for weeks.

She listened again.

Meredith.

She hurried up the stairs and barged into Meredith and Derek's bedroom.

"Mer , what's wrong?" She walked over to the bed.

Meredith was violently crying into her pillow while Derek was on the oppisite side of the bed , looking helpless.

"She just broke down. I don't know what happened." Derek spoke up. "She won't stop. I tried everything. She doesn't want me to hold her either."

Cristina crouched down on the floor by Meredith's head and placed a hand on her back.

"Meredith?" Her tone was soft.

Meredith lifted her head from the pillow. "I just... I can't..." she said in between sobs. "and then i thought about it and... it sucks. It sucks so much!" she broke down again.

"Okay , okay." Cristina rubbed her back.

Zola started crying in the next room and Derek and Cristina looked at one another.

Meredith turned around to get up and Cristina pushed her down again. "No. Derek can get her. You're too upset right now. Besides , seeing you cry will just make her cry even more."

Meredith look at Derek and sniffled. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not." He leaned down to kiss her forehead. He looked at Cristina. "Fix her." He mouthed.

Cristina nodded as Derek closed the door. She stood up and climbed over Meredith , getting into bed with her. She scooted down and Meredith laid her head on Cristina's chest and draped her arm across her abdomen.

She was still crying but her cries were more silent now.

"Ready to talk?" Cristina asked after a while.

"I... I don't know what happened."

Cristina waited.

Meredith went on. "I was fine." She wiped her nose. "But then Derek asked me if i was okay , again , for the hundreth time today." Cristina could almost hear Meredith roll her eyes. "And it made me furious and that lead to me screaming at him and-" she sat up. "And then i started feeling bad for yelling at him because i mean , he's just checking up on me but i don't need to be checked up on. I'm okay. I was okay. And then one thing lead to another , and I started thinking about Lexie and about Mark who just keeps on dying!" She said the last part with annoyance and frustration. "And I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop crying!" Her voice broke and the tears started up again.

Cristina sat up , put her arm around Meredith's shoulder and brought her down with her again into a laying position.

She knew Meredith would break down sooner or later. She's glad it was now rather than later.

She waited until Meredith's crying subsided before she spoke again. "Do you feel better now?"

It took a while for her to reply. "Yeah." She said softly.

"We need to stop bottling up our feelings like this. We're going to have a mental break down."

"Or a heart attack." Meredith said and moved her head from Cristina's chest to her shoulder , resting half on her shoulder and half on the pillow.

"I miss Lexie." Meredith said as she stared ahead. "I miss her and i didn't want to admit it but i do. And Mark... Mark needs to make it. Derek won't be able to handle it if he doesn't." Meredith wiped away the last of her tears.

"We've had a lot of these talks for the pass few weeks." Meredith gave a small laugh.

"Yeah. We need to get our shit together."

Cristina took Meredith's hand into hers. "But it's okay."

Meredith turned her head to look at Cristina. "Is it really?"

"Yes." Cristina said assuringly. She looked Meredith in the eye. "We're going to be okay , Meredith."

She looked away again.

"We'll be okay."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I won't be posting for the next week or two because my life is about to get hectic but I promise I'll be back faster than you can say 'I am Crowen shipper until the day I die."

/

"We need to celebrate!" Meredith said as she sat down at the table.

Cristina looked up from her salad. "Celebrate? What are we celebrating?" She stuffed a tomato into her mouth.

"I don't know...Life." Meredith gestured all around her.

She saw Cristina's questioning look. "There's going to be alcohol."

"I'm in." Cristina said immediately.

Meredith smiled. "Joe's after work it is then."

Alex sat down. "We're going to Joe's?"

"No. We're going to Joe's." Cristina gestured between her and Meredith.

"He can come too."

Alex wiggled his eyebrows at Cristina and she stole one of his fries as payback.

"Do the two of you ever eat your own food?" He said annoyed.

"Sometimes." Meredith reached over and stole another fry.

He slapped her hand but it didn't deter her away from grabbing another handful.

Meredith looked around. The cafeteria was empty today. "Where's April and Jackson?" She wondered.

"Probably off doing it somewhere." Alex said and then took a bigger bite than necessary of his burger.

Cristina watched him and pulled a face. "They're still going at it? I thought that would be over by now." She smiled. "I never knew little Kepner had a bad side."

"Our little girl has grown up." Meredith smiled.

Cristina saw Owen walk in through the cafeteria doors and over to the buffet.

She wondered if he thought she ditched him during the night.

Undressed him and then left.

She watched him pick up a tray and set it down again. He then picked up a wrapped muffin at the next station , inspected it and then left it.

It worried her because the only time he didn't eat was when he was stressed or his nightmares were back. She hoped it was just stress.

"Cristina!" She heard Meredith call and she snapped back to the conversation infront of her. "Where were you?" Meredith wondered.

"I was here. I'm here."

Meredith decided not to pry any further. "So , while you were gone , Alex and I were discussing who else we would like to invite to tonight's drinking party."

"Why can't it just be the three of us?" Alex asked.

"Because it's always the three of us."

"And i'm okay with that." Alex said simply.

Cristina looked around and found that Owen was no longer in the cafeteria.

"I hate to admit it , Mer , but i agree with Alex. We're good on our own."

Meredith finnished off the last of her hand-fries , starred down at her now oily her hands and then wiped them on her scrubpants.

"Okay , fine. Just the three of us then."

They all agreed and Cristina stood up. "I have to go. I need to draw up a plan for Mark. He just isn't improving and i need to find out why and find a way to fix it."

"Okay , but you're not allowed to cancel tonight." Meredith warned.

"I won't." She walked away and out of the cafeteria doors.

"Hey , where did you go this morning?" Owen was suddenly beside her.

"Oh , Mer had a breakdown and i needed to take care of her."

Owen knitted his brows. "How is she now?"

"She's okay. I think she needed to cry. Must've healed or something."

The spoke as they walked.

"What are you doing tonight?" Owen asked.

"Getting drunk with Meredith and Alex." "What else is new?" Owen laughed.

"Why did you ask?"

"Oh , nothing. It's stupid. Forget about it." He shrugged it off.

"Owen..."

"Did you hear we're getting a 3-D printer?" He changed the subject.

"I heard."

He turned to her."Want to be the first person to use it?"

"Seriously?" She smiled.

"Yeah. I'm the chief. I can make it happen."

"Being married to the chief of surgery has it's perks." She joked.

He laughed and then went quiet , realizing what she had said. Their marriage was kind of a sore topic since they both didn't know where they stood with one another.

She looked down at the floor for a second and then back up at him. "Sorry." She gave him a small smile.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Using the 'M' word."

"Don't be sorry. I'm still your 'H' word and you're still my 'W' word." She laughed. "Don't be sorry." He repeated.

She nodded.

They stood starring at one another for a long time but their trans was broken by a screaming Webber.

"Yang! Hunt! We've got a trauma coming in. Let's move!"

Owen looked at Cristina one last time and they both raced off to the E.R.

\

Cristina slammed her glass down on the table infront of her.

"I mean , who even needs love?" She randomly said but Meredith nodded like she had been speaking about this the entire night.

All three of them were fairly drunk alreadly and their feelings were beginning to surface.

"My fiance` left me at the altar." She continued. "And my husband cheated on me. Clearly , love isn't for me."

She held her hand up to the bartender , ordering another round.

"I know what you mean." Alex spoke up. "I thought i finally found the one , you know. Izzie was my one. She was the only good thing that happened to me in...forever."

Cristina and Meredith nodded.

He went on. "And what happened? She got cancer , died in my arms , recovered and then left me. She fucking left me." He laughed like he couldn't believe that was his life. He threw back the rest of his drink. "Your turn." He said to Meredith.

"Well , my husband basically disowned me for a month."

"That's because you do crazy shit without thinking about the consequences." Cristina stated.

"True. He still disowned me and blamed me for losing Zola."

"But you got her back." Alex said.

"Yes , we did. And now everything's great again." Meredith smiled.

"Except your sister died and your husband's bestfriend refuses to live." Cristina said and then threw back another drink. She turned to the bar again. "How long does it take to put liquor into a glass?" She yelled.

"Yeah , well , that's life." Meredith shrugged.

"Our emotions are fucked."

Meredith and Cristina nodded in agreement.

"But here's the thing ," Cristina rested her elbows on the table , leaning closer to her friends. Her eyes were heavy and she struggled to keep them open. "Mer , you keep pushing me to ask Owen to try again."

"I do." Meredith agreed.

"But what happens if we try again? Things are still going to be the same. Nothing has changed."

"Things have changed." Meredith stated.

"Things have changed for you." She pointed at Meredith. "My life has stayed the same. I still don't want kids. I still had an abortion and my husband still cheated on me. Owen and i still have all of our problems."

"Atleast Owen didn't blame you for losing his job."

"Owen didn't lose his job."

They were quiet.

The bartender brought their drinks to the table.

"What happened to Joe?" Meredith asked.

They all looked at one another. None of them knew the answer.

"Remember heart in an elevator?" Cristina asked.

Alex snarled. "Didn't we talk about this already?"

"Yeah but i just like reminding you about it. And you're already thinking about Izzie so what's the harm."

Each of them threw back a drink.

"Remember when the interns went rogue and performed surgeries on one another?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah and then you didn't defend me when the chief found out."

"Wow. You're really on a mission tonight , arn't you?"

Cristina shrugged.

"I miss them."

"Who?"

"Everyone." Meredith said simply.

"Yeah." Alex agreed.

"I don't."

"Cristina." Meredith scolded.

"Okay , i do but don't make me say it."

Meredith raised her glass. "To everyone. Everyone who left us , died on us and fucked us up."

Alex and Cristina raised their glasses aswell.

"Amen to that." Cristina said.

They downed their drinks and slammed it on the table.

"Atleast i have you guys." Alex mumbled.

Cristina and Meredith looked at him.

"Well , that was wimpy." Cristina mocked. "But true."

"Yep." Meredith gave him a drunken smile.

"We'll always have each other."

\

Cristina tripped over the porch and cursed.

She took out the key out of her bag and turned the lock.

After a lot of nagging and whinning , Derek repeatedly denied to give her the spare key. But when she swiped the key from his drawer in the least subtle manner , he gave up and offered to drive her.

The door opened and Cristina held a thumbs up to Derek and Meredith waiting in the car.

Meredith waved at her and Derek laughed at how drunk they both were.

Cristina stepped into the dark trailer and waited for her eyes to adjust.

She saw the outline of Owen's body on the bed and walked towards him , knocking into the couch on the way. She watched him from the foot of the bed.

He must've sensed her because he stirred and then woke up with a start.

"Cristina?"

She climbed onto the bed and then over him.

"What are you doing?"

She didn't answer. She pushed him back until he was laying on his back and she was laying on top of him , resting her head on his chest.

He gave in and relaxed. He hugged her to him , kissing the top of her head.

She closed her eyes and let Owen Hunt intoxicate her more than alcohol ever could.

He turned them over onto their sides and he hugged her even tighter.

She kissed his neck and then his cheek.

"I miss you." He whispered.

She kissed his shoulder.

"I need you back."

Her eyes opened and he felt her grip loosen. She sat up and looked around.

"Cristina?"

Her conversation with Meredith and Alex earlier came back to her.

Nothing's changed.

"I need to think." She said softly.

She stood up and left.

She walked towards the car and got into the back.

"What happened?" Meredith wondered.

"Can we just go?"

"Sure." Derek started the car , reversed and made his way back home.

Cristina rested her head back against the seat. She sighed.

She couldn't make up her mind. She didn't know what she wanted.

She needed to think. She had to really think. She needed to be alone so that she could make up her own mind and not be pressurised by Meredith or just make a decision for the sake of making Owen happy.

Most importantly , she needed to be alone to find herself again.

\

Cristina rubbed her temple.

She was sober enough to work but her head still continuously throbbed.

She was on her way to Webber's office.

He called her this morning asking to see her about something important and once she sobered up , she got dressed and made her way to the hospital.

She reached his office door and knocked.

Bailey opened up , looking nervous.

"Hey , Webber asked to see me."

"I know." Bailey said.

Cristina gave an uncertain laugh. "Well , are you going to let me in?"

She tried looking into the office for Webber but Bailey was standing infront of her , blocking her view.

"Bailey."

"Okay , but don't freak out."

She gave Bailey a questioning look.

Miranda stepped aside and opened the door further.

Cristina knitted her eyebrows and smiled. "What's going on with you?"

She looked over to Richard's desk and smiled at him. She noted his demeanor and saw him look over towards the couch.

She followed his eyes and what she found made her smile fade.

She looked at Bailey who was starring at the floor and then at Webber who wasn't looking at her either.

She then looked back at the person seated on the couch.

She tried to speak but the words wouldn't leave her mouth.

She inhaled. "Burke?"

/

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	12. Chapter 12

"Cristina." Burke smiled.

He stood up , adjusting his jacket.

She kept her hand on the door knob , it was the only thing holding her up because her legs certainly weren't doing their job.

She starred at him. The very man who she had tucked into a tiny box and placed at the back of her mind , was standing infront of her.

"It's nice to see you." He spoke again.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. What was she suppose to say to him? She had nothing to say.

Her pager went off and she took out her phone , checking the page.

She looked at everyone in the room , knotting her brows.

"I..uh...i have to go."

"Dr Yang." Webber called out but she didn't stop. She kept on walking and then she picked up her pace. She dialed Meredith's number as she speed walked.

"Mer , i'm calling a fucking code red."

\

"Burke's here!" Meredith screamed.

Cristina bit her lip as she nodded.

"Where is he? I've been wanting to kick his ass for quite some time now."

"I don't know. I was paged and i left." She paused. "Shit. I was paged. I'm probably missing a surgery right now."

Someone opened the door to the on-call room.

Meredith pushed them out. "Out. Out. There are like three billion on-call rooms in this hospital. Find one!" She slammed the door.

She turned to Cristina. "So , what are we going to do? Are we sneaking you out? Are we whooping his ass? What's the plan? Whatever it is , i'm in."

Cristina didn't answer. She walked backwards until her legs touched the bed and she sat down.

"Do you know what you want to do?" Meredith asked , her tone a little calmer.

She looked up at Meredith. "No."

"Do you want to go with plan A and sneak out? I've got interns who are terrified of me. They'll do anything i ask , no questions."

"I don't run. I'm not him."

"True." Meredith walked over to the bed and sat down beside Cristina.

"I need to let Owen know that the Bitch Baby landed on his broom stick."

"Oh! Have Owen kick his ass!"

"No one's kicking anyone's ass , Meredith. And if they were , i'd be the one beating the shit out of him."

Meredith nodded.

"I need to face him."

"You don't have to."

"Yes , i do. I'm not hiding. I'm not running. Cristina Yang doesn't do those things."

"You're speaking about yourself in third person." Meredith commented.

Cristina ignored her. "Who the fuck does he think he is?" She stood up. "This is my hospital. I am a cardio God. Fuck this." She walked out of the on-call room , slamming the door behind her , leaving Meredith alone.

"I still think someone should kick his ass."

\

Cristina barged into Owen's office.

"I need to talk to you." She walked over to his desk.

"Okay , but before you say anything , i'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't of-"

She waved a hand , cutting him off. "It's not about that."

He stood up. "What's wrong?"

She brought her hand up to her forehead. "I..uh..Burke's here." She dropped her hand and folded her arms.

Owen's eyes widened for a second. "Burke?"

"Burke."

"Preston Burke? As in the guy who broke up with you just as you were about to walk down the aisle? The little pieces guy?"

"That's the one."

Owen was quiet.

"Well , why is here?"

"I have no idea. I got a page and left before anyone could say anything."

"Do you think he's here for you?"

She shrugged.

He made his way around the desk and stood infront of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and bent his knees so that he could look into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay."

"Do you want me to go with you to find out why he's here or are we avoiding him?"

"I'm not avoiding him."

"Okay."

"And i don't need you to go with me. I'm a cardio God."

"Yes , you are."

"Fuck him."

"Fuck him." Owen agreed.

He took her hand into his. "Where is he?"

"Webber's office."

"Webber. What's that guy's problem." He looked into her eyes again. "Okay. Let's go."

\

As they walked towards Richard's office , Meredith joined them.

"Are we going to kick his ass?"

"Would you stop?"

"Kicking his ass sounds pretty good right now." Owen sided with Meredith.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

As they neared Richard's office , Burke exited and everyone heard Cristina's sharp intake of breath.

Meredith and Owen looked at one another and then at Burke.

"Dr Grey!" Burke acknowledged Meredith as he approached them. "How are you?"

"Fighting off the urge to mess up your face." Meredith answered with a smile.

"Aaah." He turned to Owen. He reached out his hand. "Preston Burke. I'm a friend of Dr Yang."

Owen shook his hand. "Owen Hunt. Dr Yang's husband."

Burke's hand slowed. He looked at Cristina and then back at Owen. "Husband?" He repeated , the shock evident in his voice. "Wow , congratulations." He dropped his hand and gave them a small smile.

He adjusted his glasses , indicating to Cristina that the revelation bothered him.

Owen placed a hand on Cristina's lower back and she was grateful for the physical support.

Bailey and Webber made their way out of the office aswell and took in the scene before them.

"Dr Hunt , i see you've met Preston." Webber came to stand beside Burke.

"I have. And i'd like to know why he's here." He paused. "No offense." He directed at Burke.

"None taken."

Bailey looked at Cristina and answered Owen's question carefully. "Dr Burke has decided to temporarily step in to help with Mark."

"Excuse me?" Cristina finally spoke up. "Why exactly is he stepping in?"

"I asked him to." Webber answered.

"Are you kidding me?" Meredith yelled.

"No , Dr Grey , i am not."

"So , what? You don't think i'm a good enough surgeon to handle Mark's situation on my own? I'm sorry , sir , but i refuse to work with him." She looked Burke in the eye for the first time that day. "I can't work with you. I won't."

Burke nodded.

"Why the hell not?" Webber questioned.

"Because i am better than him." She looked at Burke again. "No offense."

"Again , none taken."

She continued. "I am the cardio God of this hospital now. Not him. He left. I am here. I have the plans. I fix and i heal. And that's what i'm going to do with Mark." She said 'Cardio God' so much in the last hour but she didn't care. She looked at Burke one more time. "You are welcomed to watch from the gallery but you are not scrubbing in with me. Mark is my friend and he is my patient. I began this without you and i will finnish it without you." She looked into Burke's eyes then Webbers and finally Bailey's , making sure that they understood. "Now , if you'll excuse me , i've got patients to attend to."

And with that , she walked away.

Meredith and Owen shared a look and then followed her.

Meredith kept her eyes straight ahead. "That was bad ass."

Cristina gave a smug smile. "I know."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: all my medical knowledge comes from google and the rest comes from my head. So, don't judge me

/

"Okay , so , from now on , no more reminiscing about the past and talking about exes because clearly that has bad outcomes." Cristina sat down next to Meredith in the attending's lounge.

"Deal. I certainly don't want see any my exes show up." Meredith made a face.

Cristina took a sip of her water.

"Do you actually have a plan?" Meredith wondered.

"For Mark? No. But i will by the end of the day."

"Well , arn't we confident."

Alex walked into the lounge and straight over to the fridge. He removed a tupperware clearly marked "April" from the fridge , smelled it and then sat down on the coffee table infront of Meredith and Cristina.

"What are we talking about?"

Meredith didn't waste any time. "Burke's here. He's in the hospital."

Alex's eyes widened and he nearly choked on his stolen Alfredo Pasta.

"Exactly." Cristina commented.

"What the hell is he doing here?"

"Apparently , Webber felt that i needed help with Sloan's case and he asked Burke to step in and assist. Isn't that just so thoughtful and amazing?" She finnished her sentence with a sarcastic smile.

"Did Hunt kick his ass?" Alex , feeling that he had recovered from his shock enough , took another fork full.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"What if Mark just gets a new heart?" Meredith asked.

"Even if he goes to the top of the list , who knows when a viable heart would be available. He doesn't have much time. I need an immediate fix."

"But what more can you do?"

Cristina sunk deeper into the couch. "I don't know." She placed her arm over eyes. "But there has to be something. I'm going to figure it out. I will."

\

"Have you seen him since this morning?"

"No. And i don't want to talk about him."

Cristina sat with her head in her hands , watching Owen set up the

3-D printer.

"So what's the first thing we're going to print?" She asked , sitting up a little.

"Something simple." Owen pressed some buttons and then went to sit next to Cristina.

"Like?"

"Just wait and see."

She gave him a look but followed his orders.

She rested her head in her hands again and watched the machine work it's magic.

She watched as it moved back and forth , creating , fabricating , showing her just how advanced technology has become. It blew her mind.

She suddenly sat up.

"What's wrong?" Owen wondered.

She stayed silent , drumming her fingertips against the table.

"Cristina?"

"What if..." She kept her head towards the printer as she spoke. "What if i just..."

"What if you what?"

She stood up and walked to the front of the machine. She rested her hands against the glass case as her mind went a hundred miles an hour.

Owen waited until she was ready to speak.

He didn't have to wait long. "What if i just print the parts Mark needs?"

"What?"

"Mark needs a new heart but what if i just print the parts of his heart that are faulty and then attach them to his actual heart?"

"So , you would print his aorta?"

"Yes." Her brows furrowed and she spoke more to herself than to Owen. "The tear i fixed is slowly tearing again and his blood flow is getting worse. Not to mention the tremendous blood loss. He's basically surviving on borrowed time right now. Waiting for a new heart could be fatal." She looked at Owen and then back at the structure being formed inside the glass container. "If I print the aorta and succesfully attach it , it could save him...or atleast buy him some more time."

Owen watched her. "Has it ever been done before?"

She kept her eyes on the printer. "No , i don't think so. Not that i know of."

He thought about it for a second. "Do you think you could do it?"

She looked up at him , the fire visible in her eyes. "I think..i think i can."

"So , what's stopping you?"

She laughed a little. "Well , you're the chief of surgery. I need you to sign off on it."

"Go ahead. You have my permission."

She nodded and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

She stopped at the door , leaving her hand on the handle. "I need to find Shane. We have some history to create."

\

She hadn't seen Burke ever since this morning and she guessed he went back to his hotel or even better , back to whatever hole he crawled out of.

She hurried to catch the elevator before the doors closed.

As she stepped in , she was greeted by Meredith's smile.

"I heard you figured out Mark's case!"

She pressed her floor number and went to stand next to Meredith. "I did."

"You're going to print an aorta?"

"I am."

Meredith noted her mood and looked up to check how far away they were from their floors. She decided they needed more time and pressed the 'Emergency Stop' button causing Cristina to look up at her.

"What are you doing?"

She stood infront of Cristina."Are you okay? Are you confident about this?"

Cristina was quiet for a while and then walked back until she hit the elevator walls. "Even if i wasn't , there's no turning back now. The part is already being printed , i already informed Mark , Callie and Arizona about the surgery and Sloan signed a fucking DNR."

"Cristina , you've got this. I am absolutely confident that you're going to make this surgery your bitch." Cristina tucked her hands into her scrub pants pockets and Meredith went on. "You've done intense surgeries like this before , what's different now? Is it because you know the patient and the family? Is it because Mark signed a DNR? Screw that. Put away all of this self-doubt and bring back over-confident Cristina. She gets shit done." Meredith smiled a little and continued. "Cristina , you've got this." She repeated. "Okay?"

Cristina pushed back from the elevator wall and nodded. "Okay."

Meredith , satisfied with her speech , pressed the 'Emergency Stop' button again and the elevator started up once again.

"Besides ," Meredith turned to Cristina. "You've gotta show that asshole and Webber just how badass you are and how much you don't need him."

\

Cristina watched as the nurses prepared Mark for the surgery through the scrubroom window.

She tied her mask and watched as Shane spoke to Mark , the affection evident in his eyes as he tried to calm the nerves of his patient.

She liked Shane. He was a shark like she was when she was in his position. She liked to think that she was still a shark.

She rested her hands on the sink for a second and took deep breaths , calming herself. Nerves were normal , especially before surgery but she always got control of them. She couldn't lose control now.

She was about to turn on the water when Owen came into the scrubroom holding up a fork.

"What is that?"

"It's the first thing we printed." He smiled.

"We printed a fork?" She laughed a little.

"Yes , we did." Owen said proudly. "I wanted to show you sooner but you were so busy for the past two days so i decided to wait."

Cristina looked into the OR for a second and then back at Owen.

Owen set the fork down on the sink. "You're going to be amazing in there. You always are. I know you're doubtful right now but once you get started , it's all going to fall away. Just like it always does."

Cristina nodded.

"I'm going to be up in that gallery and i'm going be with you every step of the way."

He was quiet for a moment. She watched him as he thought about whatever he was thinking. Finally , he moved towards her and removed her surgical mask.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss you goodluck and i need you to allow me to do it."

She didn't say anything so he took it as her permission.

He placed his hands on her waist and brought her body closer to his.

He looked into her eyes and she saw the calmness in them and for some reason it calmed her.

He removed one hand from her waist and placed it in her hair.

He leaned down and brought his lips inches away from hers. She could feel his breath tickle her lips.

He looked once more into her eyes and then pressed his lips against hers.

She sighed and brought her hands up to his neck , pulling him closer.

The kiss did exactly what she knew it would. The feelings that she tried to control and surpress for the past few months resurfaced and it was noticable in the way she kissed him. And it was clear that the same thing happened to him.

She pulled him even closer but before she could deepen the kiss , he kissed her lips once more and then pulled away smiling.

"We're going to have to stop there."

She smiled.

"Do you feel lucky now?"

"I do." She nodded.

"Good." He laughed.

He turned to leave. "You're going to be great. You are great. You're a Goddess , remember?" He looked at her one last time. "See you in there." And then he was gone and she was once again alone in the scrub room.

She took one last deep breath and then turned on the water.

It was time to get her head in the game.

She stepped into the OR and all eyes were on her.

Shane was already at his post. He gave her a nod and she nodded back.

A nurse placed a towel in her hands and she dried them while another nurse tied her surgical gown.

She looked up into the gallery and noticed that it was packed. She watched as Owen sat down next to Meredith. He smiled at her and then held a thumbs up.

She smiled at what a dork he is.

Alex was on the other side of Meredith and in a rare Alex moment , he nodded and smiled at her , showing her that he was on her side.

She finally looked at Meredith who mouthed "You've got this" at her.

Her heart swelled at the sight of her people. They pushed back their surgeries so that they could watch hers.

She smiled behind her mask.

Something caught her eye in the corner of the gallery and she found Burke sitting in the corner.

She froze for a second. She never thought that he would actually accept her invitation to watch from the gallery.

She looked away and recovered. She didn't have time to care about him. Not today.

She stepped up to the OR table and looked down at Mark. He looked peaceful. If it wasn't for his pale complexion , you would never know that he was at death's doorstep.

She looked up at her people in gallery again and they were all still smiling at her.

She looked at Burke and he was still looking at her.

She looked at Shane infront of her and his eyes were as calm as Owen's were right before he kissed her.

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

When she opened her eyes again , they were fierce and her gameface was on.

Everyone in the gallery noticed this and sat up. They leaned forward in their chairs , the anticipation thick in the room.

Cristina turned to the scrubnurse and held out her hand. "Scalpel."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I made use of dates so that you guys are aware of the time jumps. The dates may become a thing but I don't know. I'm not sure yet. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

/

1 May 2013.

"You did everything you could , Cristina." Owen assured her.

"I know." She removed her scrubcap and laid back against the wall of the on-call room. "He was down for so long."

"I know he was."

"What if..."

"No. Stop." He took her hand into his. "You did everything you could." He repeated. "You got his heart started again. The surgery was sucessful. It's all up to him now. Whether he has defecits or not , we're just going to have to wait and see." He squeezed her hand. "It's a waiting game now. Everyone knows that."

She nodded and then moved to lay down on his lap. "I'm just not very fond of this game."

\

14 May 2013

Cristina and Meredith were seated on Meredith and Derek's new couch in their new home.

They watched as the men walked back and forth carrying boxes from the truck to the house.

"You guys could help , you know?" Owen said to the two women as he dropped a box.

"Yeah , but we won't." Cristina shrugged.

Owen nodded and walked out to the truck again for the next box.

Meredith turned to Cristina. "I'm glad Mark finally woke up yesterday. Things were successful."

"We don't know that yet. He was awake for like two seconds. Don't jinx it." Cristina warned her.

Alex threw himself next to Cristina and dangled keys infront of her face. She turned to Meredith. "You sold him the house?"

"Yeah. I felt sorry for him."

Alex smiled and pocketed the keys.

"Well , i'm not moving out."

"You're going to have to pay rent." Alex pointed out.

"After all i've done for you , this is how you treat me?"

"What have you done for me?"

Cristina thought about it. "Good point."

Her phone rang and she had to turn herself around completely to get it from her bag behind the couch.

She looked at the caller ID and answered. "Callie?"

"Cristina! There's something wrong with Mark." Callie sounded panicked.

Cristina sat up. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I think his heart is failing or something. Cristina...his legs are grey. Both of them."

"Fuck." Cristina breathed. "Okay , i'll be right there."

When she hung up , she was faced with questioning looks from Meredith and Alex.

"What happened?" Meredith asked.

Cristina sighed. "You jinxed it."

\

25 May 2013

Meredith caught up to Cristina as they made their way to the cafeteria.

"Burke's still here." Meredith stated when she saw him speaking to Webber.

"I know." Meredith could hear the distate in her voice. "He's been to every one of my surgeries. He's always watching me. It's really creepy."

"Have you guys spoken ever since that morning?"

"No." Cristina pushed through the cafeteria doors. "I don't give him a chance to."

"Okay , good because your eyebrows took a while to grow back and Izzie isn't here anymore to draw them on every morning."

"Was that suppose to be funny?"

Meredith smiled and sat down at the table.

"What's funny?" Jackson asked.

"The fact that you're avoiding April every chance you get because you're afraid of jumping her bones." Cristina replied.

"Okay. My fault for asking."

Alex sat down and handed Meredith and Cristina two plates filled with fries. "Now you have your own and i can eat mine in peace."

Meredith smiled and Cristina started chewing on a few. "They're cold." She complained.

"Like your heart." Alex replied.

Jackson looked between Alex and Cristina. "How's Mark? I haven't been to see him this week and no one has updated me."

Cristina was quiet as she chewed on a fry and Meredith widened her eyes at Jackson.

"What?" He asked , slightly confused.

Cristina stood up and walked away.

"Did i miss something?" Jackson asked.

"I tried to warn you." Meredith reached over and stole one of Alex's fries.

"Seriously?"

Meredith shrugged. "Sorry."

\

2 June 2013

Owen kissed Cristina's shoulder.

It had been a long day for the both of them but they chose not to speak about it. Talking took too much energy.

They decided to just lay in silence in Cristina's dimly lit room.

Owen had his arm draped over her abdomen and her body was pulled close to his.

The only thing that could be heard was the sound of their breathing.

Cristina turned on her side and buried her face in Owen's neck.

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" She said softly.

"Do you want me to?"

He felt her shrug.

She pulled back and looked at him. "I want you to stay." She paused and then smiled. "But we're just sleeping. Nothing more."

"Okay but no promises." He joked.

She laughed and turned on her other side.

He brought the blankets up to her shoulders and pulled her even closer.

He kissed her neck.

"You're going to have to stop kissing me before our deal is broken."

He laughed and then kissed her neck again. "What deal?"

28 June 2013

Cristina's phone rang. She reached over to the table next to her and searched for her phone without opening her eyes.

After failing to find it , she opened her eyes and looked at the time.

4am.

Who the hell was calling her at 4am?

She finally found her phone on the floor and answered.

"Hello?"

"It's Mark." The voice on the other side said.

She sat up a bit. "Mark? Why are you calling me at 4am? Are you okay?"

"No." There was something off about him and Cristina sensed it.

"What's wrong? Are you in pain? Is it your heart?"

"I just need you to come over...right now."

She sat all the way up. "What? Why?"

"Please...just come. Hurry." He hung up and Cristina stared at the phone.

It was already weird that Mark Sloan was calling her and now he was demanding that she went over to his place. Something was very wrong and she could feel it.

She stood up , pulled on her boots and jacket , got her car keys and headed for the door.

She hoped it was nothing serious because of the simple reason that she needed to get back to sleep.

Cristina knocked but there wasn't any answer.

She tried the door and found that it was unlocked.

When she stepped inside , she found Mark on the floor. He had a look on his face that made her worry.

"Mark?"

"I didn't...i didn't know who else to call."

"What's wrong?" She walked up closer to him.

"I don't know what to do." He looked up at her and she noticed that his face was stained with tears. "I don't know what to do." He repeated.

Something moved in his lap and for the first time , she noticed the gun in his hand.

"Mark..." She still had a fear of guns and the fear was present in her voice.

"I've lost everything." He whispered. "People are always leaving me. People are always dying on me. Lexie died. She died." He started crying again.

"I know." Cristina eyed the gun as she sat down on the coffee table infront of him.

"That night...it was so perfect. Everything was so perfect. I asked her...i asked her to marry me."

Cristina's eyes widened for a second. She wondered if anyone else knew this.

He went on. "She said yes. She actually said yes." He laughed like he couldn't believe it. "She fucking said yes." He moved the gun and Cristina flinched. He continued. "And then she died." He looked up at Cristina and the look in his eyes broke her heart.

"Mark , i understand. I get what you're going through." She assured him. "But i need you to give me the gun." She reached for it and he pulled away.

"No!" He yelled.

"Okay , okay." She held her hands up in the air. "I won't take the gun but i need you to calm down. Whatever you were planning on doing with that gun is not worth it , okay. It's not."

Mark shook his head 'no'. "Look at me!" He gestured down.

Cristina looked at his legs and cringed internally. She always did because according to her , it was was all her fault.

"I don't have legs , Cristina! Callie did a fucking double amputation!" He yelled. "I don't have legs!" He repeated. "You know hard it was for me to get to this fucking couch? I broke Lexie's favourite vase. I broke it and now i've lost that too." He was sobbing uncontrollably. "What do i have left? I lost the love of my life and both of my legs. I don't want to do this anymore! I don't!" He lifted the gun to his head and shut his eyes. "I can't do this!"

Cristina decided to ignore the nagging fear and sat down next to Mark. She eyed the pistol and then looked at the broken man infront of her. She placed her hand on his and tried to push his hand down again.

After he shrugged her off a few times and threatened to pull the trigger , he dropped his hand and started crying even harder.

"Mark , it's okay. You're going to be okay. In a few weeks , we'll fit you for prosthetics and you will eventually have full mobility back. It will be hard but we'll get there." She squeezed his hand so that he would look at her. "And Lexie? She was deeply and madly inlove with you. Everyone could see that. It was almost sickening." She laughed a little. "And you know what? You get to live the rest of your life knowing that you posessed the heart of an incredible woman. She loved you and only you." She looked into his eyes. "You're a lucky man." Mark sniffled. "You're a survivor , Mark. You've survived so many things and you'll survive this.

Trust me."

Mark looked at her. "I'm so tired." He whipered.

"I know." She nodded. "I know you are."

"I'm so tired." He repeated. He laid his head on her shoulder and it startled her but she relaxed and rubbed his back.

Before the mood shifted again , she took the gun from his lap , dropped it on the floor and slid it across the room.

"I'm going to call Derek now , okay?"

She said softly.

Mark didn't reply so she stood up slowly and laid him back on the couch.

She got his phone from the table and dialed Derek's number.

He answered after the third ring.

"Mark?" His voice was groggy.

"It's Cristina."

"Cristina? What are you doing with Mark's phone?"

"It's a long story. I just need you to come over to Mark's."

She could hear Derek moving on the other side. "Okay , I'll be right there."

"Hurry."

She hung up and turned around to look at Mark. He was asleep. He looked exhausted and broken.

Loose tears were still falling from his eyes.

She sat down on the couch directly oppisite from him.

She watched him as he slept.

She sighed.

He was going to be okay , she assured herself.

He had to be.

Another death won't do any of them good.

She was afraid that none of them would be able to handle it.

But if it came to it , she knew they would handle it the way they handled the others. They would get over it. They always did.

That's just how life works.

It hurts and it hurts and then one day , it just stops.

The hurt stops and you're left with just a life time of memories and yet another whole in your already broken heart.

\

4 July 2013

Cristina slammed a patient file down onto the nurses station , making Burke jump.

"What is it? What do you want from me?" Cristina asked , her tone impatient.

"Excuse me?"

"I see you watching me. You're always watching me. You're always in the galleries and you're always staring at me. You were staring at me just now while i was speaking to Meredith." Cristina pointed to Meredith's direction and Burke looked at her. She nodded her greeting but she didn't smile. Cristina went on. "What is your damn problem?"

Burke looked around. "I need to speak to you...in private."

"Well , i certainly do not want to speak to you. I have nothing to say to you. If this is your way of trying to apologise or wanting to get-"

"Calm down." He cut her off. "Just come with me." He walked away and Cristina looked at Meredith who shrugged at her.

Cristina looked at Burkes back and followed him.

He led her to one of the conference rooms and opened the door for her so that she could step in.

"Door open or closed?" He asked her.

"It doesn't matter." She mumbled.

He chose to close the door.

"Okay , so why have you been stalking me?" Cristina got straight to the point. She wasn't about to make small talk with Preston Burke.

He smiled. "Would you atleast have a seat first?"

She rolled her eyes and sat down on one of the many chairs that surrounded the huge desk that occupied most of the room.

"Why have you been stalking me?" She repeated once she was seated.

Burke sat down aswell and thought about his answer.

"When i left here..." he paused for a moment. "I moved all over but finally settled in Zürich , Switzerland a few years ago."

Cristina wasn't sure where this was going but she decided to just let him finnish. The sooner he stopped speaking , the sooner she could leave and hopefully never be in his presence ever again.

Burke went on. "I established myself there. I built up my career again and i built a life for myself. I now own my own hospital."

Cristina didn't react , she knew this about him already. It was hard not to hear the constant talks about the very man infront of her. Ofcourse , the talking always stopped when she walked into the room or walked pass the admirers.

Seeing that the news didn't surprise her , Burke continued. "But all good things have to come an end , right?" He smiled. "My wife..." he didn't look up at Cristina. "She wants me to retire. And i agree with her. I need to spend more time with my family. So , she wants me to retire and then move out of the country and closer to her parents."

"And what does all of this have to do with me?" Cristina was growing impatient.

"I want to offer you a job." He sat forward.

"You want to offer me a job?" Cristina laughed. "I'm sorry but i do not want to work for you."

"It's not just any job."

"I will not work for you." She said sternly.

"I don't want you to work for me."

"But you just said-"

"I want to give you my hospital." He cut her off.

Cristina's expression went from anger and slight amusement to complete shock. "You want to give me your hospital?" She said slowly.

"Yes , i want to give you my hospital." He said simply. "You can come for a visit and see if it's something you would like and then make your decision. No rush."

Cristina sat back and allowed it to sink in. "So , what? You dangle the shiny , new hospital in my face and i'll come running back to you? Was that your plan?"

"No , it was not my plan." Burke moved his chair closer to the large table. "Cristina , this is why i've been watching you. I've been completely amazed by you , by your talent. You've become everything i knew you'd become. That potential i saw in you is now out in the open. And you can become even better...greater. With the right staff , tools and equipment , you can become..." He cut off , feeling that there was no need to complete his sentence. He just smiled. "There is no one else i trust more with the keys to my hospital." He lowered his tone. "Cristina , i want to give you my hospital." He repeated.

"I have to think about it." Her voice was soft. "I need to think."

"Take all the time you need. Like i said , there's no rush."

She nodded and then stood up.

When she reached the door , she turned around one more time. "So , you're just giving me the hospital? Like you're Will Wonka and the hospital is the Chocolate Factory?"

Burke smiled. "You're the only one who deserves the golden ticket , Charlie."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I am terribly sorry for my lack of updates! My life has just been hectic these days. So, as an apology, I am going to upload two chapters instead of one and I hope you guys enjoy both of them! Also, I would like to thank you guys for always commenting after every chapter and always coming back for more even though there are hundreds of errors and typos in all my chapters, lol. Your comments inspire and motivate me to carry on writing. So thank you to each and everyone one of you!

/

5 July 2013

Cristina stepped into her room.

She dropped her bag on the floor and threw her jacket on the single chair beside the door. It was the only furniture in the room besides her bed , a beside table and a shelf which was situated on the wall across from her bed. It came with the room and she decided to fill it with her medical books.

Her bedside table consisted of her alarm clock and two framed pictures. One was of her and Owen and the other was of her and Meredith. She thought about getting one with Alex but his face would just throw the whole room off and she couldn't have that.

Cristina kicked clothes out of the way as she made her way to the small lamp in the corner of the room. She turned it on and it dimly lit up the space.

She removed her pants and then rummaged through the piles of clothes on the floor.

She found her pajama pants and pulled it on , aswell as her pajama top.

She pulled back the covers of her unmade bed and crawled in. She never understood why people found the need to make their beds everyday if they were just going to sleep in it again a few hours later.

She fell against the matress with a sigh. She was exhausted but she was far from sleep. The wheels in her mind have been constantly turning for the past twenty-four hours. That's how long it's been. Twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours since Burke placed her dream on a golden platter and handed it to her.

No one knew , yet. No one knew about the life changing decision that she had to make.

The silence helped her though.

For the first time in weeks she was alone. Completely alone. It's been a while. She has constantly been surrounded by people for a long time. Even when she was alone , she wasn't alone. Alex was always home because that Jo girl was always over. And when Alex wasn't home , Meredith would come over. And if Meredith wasn't coming over , Owen would show up unexpected.

She never had time to think. She never had time to get her thoughts in order.

That's why she has no idea where she is with Owen or how she actually feels about Mark's situation and now this thing with Burke.

So , when Meredith invited her to sleepover at the McDreamhouse and actually use her room , she turned her down.

And when Owen told her that he was coming over , she kindly said no.

Alex was on-call all night so she didn't have to worry about him.

She had no idea why everyone in her life found the need to constantly be around her. She certainly didn't have that need.

Peace. That's what she needed.

She placed both of her hands behind her head and pursed her lips.

She wondered if her life would've been different if Burke didn't walk out on her all those years ago.

It wasn't that long ago but to her , it felt like a lifetime.

She knew her life would have been different. Totally different. She wouldn't have been Cristina Yang. She would've been 'Mrs Preston Burke'.

His mother would probably never have allowed her to have eyebrows again. Would he have freaked out over the abortion the way Owen did?

Owen.

She didn't even want to think about what her life would be without him.

Their relationship was complicated , yes. But she loved him. She really did.

What would he say if she told him about Burke's offer?

What would he do if she accepts?

Would he be understanding?

Would she be able to leave him behind?

Would he go with her?

She couldn't allow him to do that.

He's the chief. The hospital needs him.

And Meredith. What about Meredith?

How could she leave Meredith?

She would be fine. Meredith would understand but the thought of not having her friend by her side whenever she needed her there was depressing.

But there were aeroplanes and phonecalls and skype. They could work things out.

It's not like they had to cut one another out of their lives completely if she decides to move.

She watched the lightning flash outside of her window. She suddenly realized how cold it was and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders.

Switzerland. She wondered what it would be like to live there.

She could have all the chocolate she desired and she would be able to afford it because she would have her own hospital.

She smiled at that thought.

If she said yes , she would be the owner of her own hospital.

She would have her own staff and the most technologically advanced medical equipment. That's every surgeons dream.

The things she could do.

The amount of lives she could save.

The possiblities are endless.

That's if she said yes.

Could she say yes?

Could she pack up her life and move across the world?

Could she leave Meredith and Owen behind?

She built a life for herself in Seattle.

She grew up in Seattle. Not physically but mentally.

She had no idea what to do.

She needed more time to think.

She sighed.

Why couldn't this decision have been easy?

Why couldn't it just have been a simple decision.

A yes or a no.

Stay or go.

Pig or cow.

But things have never been simple for her. Her life has never been easy.

Her phone buzzed and she had to pull the leg of her jeans towards her from the bed so that she could get her phone out of the pocket of the jeans.

It was a text from Alex.

"There's buzz around the hospital that you might be getting nominated for a Harper Avery."

Her heart jumped. She texted back. "Because of the 3-D printing?"

"Duh." Alex replied.

Oh shit , she thought. "Who told you?"

"It's all i've been hearing the entire day. Kinda annoying."

Cristina sat up on her knees and tried to remain calm. It was just talk. Nothing official.

She replied. "Jealousy. Why don't you concentrate on your surgeries and patients and quit listening to hospital gossip."

"Fuck you."

Cristina smiled.

"Thank you , Spawn , for letting me know."

"Don't get a big head now." A few seconds letter another text came through. "Too late."

She laughed and threw her phone on the bed.

She fell back against the mattress again.

First a hospital and now a Harper Avery.

What the fuck was happening?

Were things finally looking up for Cristina Yang?

Were all of her dreams coming true?

She wasn't certain.

What she was certain about was that dreams...dreams always came with a price.

/

Remember to comment and review babes!


	16. Chapter 16

7 July 2013

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long ago did he make you this offer?" Owen asked impatiently.

"Three days ago." Cristina answered calmly.

"Three days ago?" Owen yelled. "Burke asked you to move to another country with him three days ago and you're only telling me now?"

"Okay , first , there's no need to yell."

"There's no need to yell? There's no need to-"

"And second ," she cut him off. "He offered me a job. He didn't ask me to move away with him."

"So , now you're going to work for him?"

"No. He wants me to take over the hospital for him. He's the one who's moving away."

Cristina remained calm. She watched Owen pace back and forth infront of her. She decided to tell him because she could no longer hold it in. She still had to tell Meredith but she decided to start with Owen first.

She was seated on the couch and he was pacing infront of her. At first , they both started out seated but somewhere inbetween Owen got up.

Clearly he wasn't taking it well.

Luckily , Alex was upstairs in his room with Jo. They both were avoiding the awkwardness of the argument downstairs.

"I knew this was going to happen!"

"What? You knew he was going to offer to give me a hospital? I need the number of you fortune teller because clearly they've got skills!"

"You're so frustrating!" He yelled again.

"I know i am but would you stop screaming? There's no reason to!" She yelled back.

"Ofcourse there is! I have every reason to yell! My wife's ex-fiancè is taking her away from me!" He threw his hands up in the air dramatically.

"He's not taking me away from you , Owen!"

"Yes , he is. He's giving you a hospital. There's no way you can turn that down! He knows you can't refuse an offer like that!"

"What do you think is going to happen? What , do you think because he dangled a shiny hospital infront of my face , i'm going to take off my pants and throw myself at him?"

Owen cringed at the thought.

"What about me , Cristina?" Owen's voice was soft. "What about me?" He repeated.

Cristina was silent.

He went on. "You're choosing your career over me...again."

"I haven't even said yes , yet." Cristina defended.

"We both know that you've already decided. You already know the answer."

Cristina looked at the floor.

"You're choosing him."

"I'm not choosing him , Owen." She stood up and looked into his eyes. "Yes , i'm choosing my career but i'm also choosing you. You could come with me or you could stay here. We could skype everyday. We could call one another. We could work things out Owen. This doesn't have to be over." She took his hand into hers.

He looked down at their hands and then back at her. "You and I both know it already is."

His words hit her in the gut and nearly took her breath away but she held her composure. She dropped her hand to her side.

"I have to go." Owen looked at her one last time and then made his way out of the front door , slamming it behind him.

Cristina watched from the window as his trucked pulled away from the house and sped down the street.

She sighed and walked towards the stairs , slowly making her away up them.

She opened the door to Alex's room and the intern , who had her back to the door , turn to look at Cristina in the doorway.

Alex saw the look on Cristina's face. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Cristina looked at Wilson and she nodded. "I'll be downstairs." Jo made her way out of the room.

"You should keep her. She's smart. She knows when she's not wanted."

Alex nodded. "So , are you going to tell me what happened?"

Cristina sighed again and leaned against the doorframe. She looked down at the floor. "I just made my first dream payment."

8 July 2013

"Has Derek been to see Mark , yet?" Cristina asked as she plopped down on the couch , next to Meredith.

She looked around. She had to admit , the dream house was looking good.

"Yeah , several times."

"And how is he?" Cristina handed Meredith a chocolate pudding cup and removed a spoon from her pocket and gave her that aswell.

She opened her own pudding cup and took a spoon full of the desert.

"He's doing better. Derek says he smiles more now."

"That's good. I haven't been to see him ever since that night."

"You shouldn't feel guilty , Cristina. You did what you could and he's alive and he's going to get better."

Cristina watched as Meredith struggled to get the packaging off of her pudding cup. "I know but i do."

Cristina rolled her eyes and took the cup from her. She remove the packaging and handed it back to Meredith.

"Thanks." Meredith smiled. "So , how have you been? What's new?"

"I saw you like four hours ago. What could possible be new?"

"Well , sorry for taking an interest in your life."

Cristina was quiet. "There is something."

"Oh? What is it?" Meredith looked at Cristina and shoved the spoon into her mouth.

Cristina looked down at her pudding and swirled the spoon around.

"Cristina? What's wrong?"

Cristina waited a moment. "Burke...he uh...he offered me a job."

Meredith broke into laughter. "He what?" She carried on laughing. "You turned him down , right?"

Cristina looked up at Meredith. "Not exactly."

Meredith's laughter died down almost immediately. "What?"

"It's not an offer i could easily refuse."

Meredith set her pudding down on the coffee table infront of her and turned her body towards Cristina. "Ofcourse you can. Cristina , this is Burke we're talking about here."

"He offered me his hospital , Meredith."

Meredith's eyes widened.

"Yeah , exactly. He wants to give me his hospital."

Meredith was quiet for a long moment. "His hospital in Switzerland?" Meredith asked softly.

"Yes. His hospital in Switzerland."

"Have you given him answer yet?"

"No but-"

"You already know what your answer's going to be." Meredith finnished for her.

"Yeah."

"Does Owen know? Have you told him?"

"He does. I told him last night."

"How did he react?"

Cristina looked down at her pudding again. "I think he broke up with me."

She reached over and placed her pudding next to Meredith's.

"He'll get over it." Meredith assured her.

"Yeah." Was all Cristina could think of saying.

Meredith sighed and laid back against the couch cushion.

"Am i suppose to be happy for you? Because i'm trying and it's not as simple as you would think."

Cristina mimicked Meredith's position and laid back aswell. "I'm not even sure if i'm happy for me. But i do know that this is a dream come true , Mer. This is what we've been working for. This is what i've been working towards since the beginning of my career."

Meredith turned her head to look at her. "I know." She took Cristina's hand into hers and brought it to her lap. "I just don't want to lose my bestfriend."

Cristina squeezed Meredith's hand. "You're not losing me."

Meredith gave her a sad smile. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Mer..."

"It's okay. This is how it works. This is what fellows do. They find attending jobs and they move away. You just happened to find yourself a hospital but whatever. You've always been an over achiever." They laughed a little. "Just follow your heart."

Cristina made a face. "Well , that was wimpy and not to mention cliché."

Meredith laughed. "Shut up." She moved to lay her head on Cristina's shoulder.

Cristina took a deep breath. "Also , there's a chance i might get nominated for a Harper Avery in two days time." She sped over her words.

Meredith sat up. "Cristina , what the fuck? What else are you hiding from me? What , did you cure cancer aswell? Did you cure alzheimers and not tell me about it?"

Cristina shook her head 'no'. "Nope. That's about it."

Meredith's mouth broke out into a huge grin. "Cristina Yang , Harper Avery nominee." She nodded her approval. "Has a nice ring to it."

"Cristina Yang , Harper Avery recipient sounds even better." Cristina corrected her.

Meredith laughed. "True." She moved to rest her head on Cristina's shoulder again. "Have the twisted sisters overcome the 'dark and twisties'?" Meredith wondered.

"I don't know but don't jinx it." Cristina warned her.

They were quiet.

"Cristina?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to lose you to Switzerland."

Cristina didn't respond. She didn't know how to. Instead , she closed her eyes and rested her head against the couch cushion.

She listened to Zola and Alex play upstairs. Someone was chasing someone and the giggles that were coming from upstairs brought a smile to her face.

She felt Meredith snuggle even closer to her as her friend drifted off to sleep. Cristina knew she had a long night last night.

She opened her eyes and looked around at the house McDreamy had built for his wife and himself. She looked at the wall across from couch that was completely filled with pictures of Meredith and Derek and Meredith and Zola and Derek and Zola and then there were pictures of Cristina and Meredith and some of Cristina , Meredith and Alex all together.

She thought about her room upstairs and the fact that it was specifically built for her.

Meredith and Derek included her in their home.

They made her a part of their family and it made her heart swell.

She heard her name being called from upstairs. "Yang! Your goddaughter is looking for you!"

"I'll be right there." She called back.

She slowly moved out of Meredith's grip and watched her friend fall against the couch and immediately snuggle up to it.

She looked around once again and took another listen at the laughter coming up from upstairs.

It all pulled at her heartstrings.

How she was going to leave all of this behind , she had no fucking clue.

/

Remember to review and comments love!


	17. Chapter 17

10 July 2013

Cristina jumped up at the sound of the alarm clock going off , knocking Meredith in the face as she did so.

"What's the time?" She yelled.

"What?" Meredith jumped up aswell.

She rubbed her nose , confused as to why it was suddenly throbbing.

"What's the time?"

Meredith turned the clock towards her. "Five-am! It's five-am!"

"Oh God! They could call at any second!"

"Just calm down! Calm down!" Meredith yelled.

"You calm down!"

Alex came walking in through the door , with Jo shortly behind.

"Did they call?" He asked as he hopped onto the bed.

Meredith and Cristina shook their heads 'no'.

Cristina looked around at her surroundings , tapping the sheets and her clothes like she lost something. "My phone! Where's my phone?"

Everyone looked around , trying to spot it.

"Here! Here it is!" Jo picked the phone up from the floor and handed it to Cristina.

"How the fuck did it get there?" Cristina mumbled.

"Okay ," Meredith took a deep breath. "Everybody...everybody just remain calm." She instructed.

The room was silent. The four doctors stared down at the phone in Cristina's hands.

All of sudden , a phone went off and everyone sucked in their breaths.

"It's mine. It's mine." Meredith announced and waved her phone in the air as proof. She looked at the caller ID. "It's Owen."

She answered the call. "Hi."

"Did they call?" Owen asked immediately.

"No , not yet."

"Okay , just keep me on speaker."

Meredith obeyed his orders by placing him on speaker and leaving the phone in the middle of the bed.

"What time is it?" Alex asked.

"Five-o-three." Meredith answered. "They'll call. They're going to call." She assured everyone , aswell as herself.

Once again , everyone was silent.

Alex watched as the clock ticked to 5:04.

He looked at Cristina. Her facial expression was a mixture of nervousness and fear.

She bit her lip as she stared down at the phone infront of her , daring it to ring.

And then , the phone started vibrating in her hands. She looked down at it and then up at Meredith and everyone else in the room. She looked down again and read the number. "It's them." She said softly. "It's them! It's the Harper Avery people!" She yelled and stood up on the bed. "What do i do? What do i do?" She started panicking.

"Answer it!" Meredith yelled.

The phone continued to ring.

"Cristina." Owen's voice came through the phone. "Breathe. Breathe and then answer the phone!"

Cristina still hesitated.

"Just answer the damn phone , Yang." Alex said impatiently.

"Okay , okay. Everybody just shut up!" Cristina closed her eyes , took one last breath and then swiped the screen. She brought the phone up to her ear and suddenly , her voice was calm and filled with confidence. You would never have guessed that a few seconds earlier , she was completely losing her mind.

Once again , the room went completely silent and when she spoke , everyone sucked in their breaths.

"This is Cristina Yang speaking."

\

"Cristina Yang Harper Avery Nominee." Burke announced as he walked into the scrubroom.

Cristina didn't react.

He went on. "I must say , i'm kinda disappointed."

Cristina gave him a questioning look as she signaled for the water to come on.

"Because having that title next to your name , gets you lots and lots of offers. I might have some tough competition." Burke smiled. "But that's okay. I always get what i want." He laughed a little.

Cristina turned to him and spoke behind her scrub mask. "Listen , if you're here to find out if i've made up my mind , i haven't. Not yet. I just need some more time."

Burke held up his hands in defense. "Take all the time you need. I just came to congratulate you." He paused and then smiled at her again. "Congratulations , Yang." He paused and then spoke again. "I think you're going to win." He pointed at her and smiled.

Cristina nodded. "Thank you." She didn't bother smiling back. He couldn't see behind the mask anyway. "Now if you'll excuse me , i have surgery." She didn't bother waiting for his reply and stepped into the O.R. She could feel Burke watching her from the scrub room window but it didn't bother her as much as it use to.

She wanted him to watch her.

She wanted him to witness who she had become without him.

She wanted him to see that her life didn't end when he left. Instead , she picked herself up and dusted herself off and became the great surgeon she is today.

Burke watched as she stepped up to the O.R table and offered comforting words to the patient.

The Cristina he once knew , would never have done that.

The Cristina he knew , was all about the cutting. Not about the patient.

Well , the Cristina he knew would never have gotten married either but here she is now , a married woman.

And then it dawned on him , that the

Cristina he once knew , no longer existed.

\

"To Cristina Yang!" Meredith raised her glass and so did everyone else as they knocked their drinks together and then threw them back.

The gang was at their usual spot , Joe's bar.

When their shift had ended , Meredith had forced everyone to the bar to celebrate her best friend's nomination. It didn't take much forcing , though. Everyone was happy to.

Cristina looked around at the table.

A few years ago , she would never have thought that these people would be her closest friends. Especially Annoying Kepner.

She watched as Jackson subtly took her hand underneath the table and she smiled up at him. It seemed as if the two had worked things out.

She had to admit , she liked them together. They didn't want to make her throw up that much. But if asked , ofcourse her answer would be different.

"Yang!" Cristina was brought back to the crowd infront of her when Alex called your name. "I have this feeling you're going to win."

Alex was farely drunk already causing his eyes to be heavy.

"Oh?" Cristina raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah , i do. And i kinda hate you for that." Alex admitted.

Cristina laughed. "Well , there's no need to worry. The feeling is completely mutual." She assured him.

"I kinda hate you too." Jackson shrugged.

"Yeah , same." April nodded.

"Well , don't you worry your pretty little heads. I have enough hatred to go around." Cristina picked up her drink. "And if i don't , Meredith will take over for me." Cristina looked at Meredith beside her. "Right , Mer?"

Hearing her name being said , Meredith sat up straight and looked at Cristina. "Right!"

The two of them looked at the group as if to make sure that they were aware that Cristina and Meredith loved one another so much , they were willing to share hatred.

Satisfied , Cristina threw back her drink and set it down on the table. She signaled for another round and informed Alex that he was paying. She had to take advantage of his drunken state. She would hate herself if she didn't.

She felt Meredith poke her in her side. "Ow!" She called out. "I've said it before and i'll say it again : You have boney fingers!"

Meredith ignored her and nodded her head towards the door.

Cristina followed her signaling and when she spotted who Meredith was trying to make her aware of , her heartbeat sped up a little.

Owen. What was he doing here?

She turned around , pretending that she didn't care.

"What's he doing here?" Meredith verbalized what she was thinking. "Is he here for you?" She was speaking in a hushed tone.

Cristina shrugged. "Who cares? He broke up with me remember?"

"You guys are married. You can't break up." Meredith reminded her. "And he cared enough to call this morning. That must say something."

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not. I'm just saying."

"Whatever."

"Well , he's coming over."

Cristina's heartbeat sped up even more when she felt a tapping on her shoulder a few seconds later. She turned around on her chair.

"Hi." Owen said awkwardly and dug his hands into his coat pockets. A habbit he had developed over the years. Cristina wasn't sure if it was because it was always cold in Seattle or if it was a nerve thing.

"Hey."

"Can we..uh..can we talk?"

"Go ahead."

Owen looked around at the faces around the table watching him.

"Not here. Can we go somewhere?"

"I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"Yeah!" Alex chimed in. Whether or not he was aware of that , they weren't sure.

"I just want to speak to you. Apologise." He looked wounded.

Cristina looked at Meredith.

"Go." Meredith gave her permission.

Cristina got up from her chair , taking her bag and her coat with her.

She greeted everyone and thanked them for the evening , something she rarely does and then she allowed Owen to escort her out of the bar.

They walked in silence. They cold wind maneuvered it's way through the alley and Cristina pulled her coat tighter around her body.

"Are you cold?" Owen asked.

Cristina nodded.

"We're nearly there."

"Where's your truck?" Cristina wondered.

"I thought we'd go over to the hospital."

"Why?" Cristina knitted her brows.

"Just wait." He said calmly.

And by his words , she knew exactly where they were headed.

Owen pushed open the door to their secret hide out. She stepped inside and he followed.

A sense of nostalgia came over her.

They didn't use this place much anymore.

Not even for their secret rendezvous.

"I know. It's been a while."

How he always knew what she was thinking never ceased to amaze her.

The heat coming from the vent was comforting. She removed her coat and dropped it on the floor.

Owen removed a bottle of champagne from his inner coat pocket as well as two plastic cups.

"How big are your pockets?" Cristina wondered.

Owen just laughed and motioned for her to sit.

She did so and chose to sit near the vent and not ontop of it. She didn't need vent burns. But she was still close enough to feel the calming effects of the gushes of air that pushed up hair and blew away her problems. Atleast for a few minutes.

"So ," Owen sat down in front of her and handed her a cup. He filled her glass and then his own as he spoke. "I'm sorry for the way i reacted. I was just...thrown off balance by the announcement. I mean , you're basically moving across the world."

"I didn't even say yes."

"But you're going to." Owen gave her a sad smile. "You're going to."

How is it that everyone had already made up her mind for her?

She didn't reply.

"I'm still not happy about it."He admitted. "But ,my wife has been nominated for a Haper Avery and the proud husband in me seemed to not care anymore. This proud husband ," he pointed to himself using his cup. "Had to celebrate his amazing wife."

Cristina smiled.

"I really am proud , Cristina."

"I know. Thank you." She said softly.

"And , i've been researching all of the other nominees..."

"You have?"

"I have."

"So have I." She said with a guilty expression.

Owen laughed and continued. "And from my findings , i have come to a conclusion." He informed her.

"Which is?"

"I think you are going to win."

Her smiled faded a little as she looked into his eyes.

"I think you are going to win." He repeated , emphasizing every word.

For the first time that day , she actually believed those words.

So many people had said those exact words to her , during the duration of the day. She knew their words weren't coming from a sincere place so she just nodded her thanks or pretended not to hear them and moved on.

But looking into his eyes , she saw nothing but sincerity. "You do?" She asked , her tone hushed.

"I do." He answered confidently.

She smiled. "I think i'm going to win too."

\

24 July 2013

"Do you have everything?"

"Yes , i do. Would you calm down?" Cristina grabbed the handle of her suitcase and dragged it along with her as they walked through the airport.

"I just don't want you to stress about anything." Meredith said a little too hastily.

"I'm not stressed." Cristina assured her. "Tell her i'm not stressed."

Owen looked at Meredith. "She is not stressed." And when Cristina wasn't looking , he nodded mouthed 'yes , she is' to Meredith.

"I have eyes at the back of my head and even on the sides. I see everything. I saw that."

Owen laughed and took the suitcase from her.

Cristina stopped walking , making them stop as well.

She turned to face the both of them , looking into their eyes. "Guys , i'm okay. Everything's okay. It's just a stupid award."

"An award you've been obsessing about for most of your life." Meredith mumbled.

Cristina ignored her. "Would you guys just relax? I'm seeing you tomorrow at the hotel and then we're going to be together at the ceremony. Everything's going to fine. Everything's fine." She repeated. "Okay?"

"Okay." Meredith and Owen said in unison.

"Okay." Cristina turned around and took a deep breath. "Now , let's get me checked in."

\

25 July 2013

"Are you still okay?" Meredith asked for the hundredth time.

"Yes , Mer , i'm still okay."

"Just checking."

"I know. You've been 'just checking' since you got here this morning. It's now ," Cristina checked her watch. "Seven-thirty and you're still 'just checking'."

"Well , sorry for being a concerned friend."

Cristina laughed and took Meredith by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Mer , are you okay?"

"No." Meredith answered honestly.

"Well , suck it up." Cristina let go of her shoulders and walked towards the mirror. "We have an award show to get to." She straightend out the creases in her dress.

"Thanks for the sympathy."

"You're welcome."

There was a knock at the door and they looked at it.

"That's Owen. I'll get it."

Meredith walked towards the door that separated Owen's hotel room and theirs. She opened it while Cristina stood behind her , waiting to see what Owen looked like in his suit.

When the door opened , Owen held out his hands. "How's this for last minute." He said with a smug smile.

"Cristina's really rubbing off on you , isn't she?" Meredith stepped aside and went to check her own dress in the mirror.

"Last minute? You had two weeks!" Cristina laughed.

"Can you just let me have my moment?"

"No. All moments are mine." She shrugged.

Cristina looked at him from head to toe. His black suit and tie emphasised his eyes and his red hair making him look like a ginger runway model. "You do look good , though." She admitted.

He smiled. "Thank you."

It was Owen's turn to check her out.

And , boy , was he a proud man.

Her sleeveless black dress fit her like a glove. It gave the impression of class but still made her look sexy.

And beautiful. That's what she was to him. She was both sexy and beautiful.

The dress showed off her visibly smooth skin and her up-do hairstyle showed off the back of her neck -His favourite feature.

"You look amazing." He said , the honesty evident in his eyes.

"Ofcourse i do." He laughed. "But , thank you." She smiled. "Okay , that's enough. Let's go."

"Deodorant?" Meredith and Owen said in unison and they looked at one another. Surprise evident in their faces.

"Oh , thank God you reminded me." Cristina grabbed her bag and rushed to the bathroom , leaving Owen and Meredith in the room.

"She always forgets when she's-"

"Nervous." Owen finnished Meredith's sentence for her. "I know."

They both laughed at how well they knew Cristina as she emerged from the bathroom. "What's so funny?"

"You." Meredith said simply.

Cristina didn't question it. She grabbed Meredith's bag and threw all of her belongings into it.

She wasn't in the mood for one.

"Okay , let's really go now. We don't want to be late." Owen warned.

Meredith took her bag from Cristina and opened the room door. She stepped into the hotel hallway. "Let's go win this bitch." She yelled as she walked.

"Would you stop jinxing everything?" Cristina yelled back at her , half annoyed.

Meredith walked pass a teenager dressed in the hotel's uniform. "Hey!" She said a little too loudly as she grabbed the boy around his shoulders , startling him. "My friend over there ," she pointed at Cristina. "Is about to go and win a Haper Avery."

"Congratulations , Ma'am." The young boy said.

"Thank you." Cristina laughed and took Meredith's hand , pulling her away from the boy. "Are you drunk? Did you raid the minni bar? You're scaring people."

"Not drunk. Just proud." Meredith smiled.

"I'm not drunk either." Owen announced as he finally caught up with the two women.

"Well , congratulations to the both of you on your sobriety."

\

Cristina , Owen and Meredith sat down at their assigned table.

Cristina looked around at her competition.

They all looked like very capable surgeons. All well groomed , neatly dressed and not to mention their perfect postures.

They oozed confidence.

Meredith noticing her wandering eyes , grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "You've got this." She reassured her.

Cristina smiled.

It was obvious that the nerves were finally setting in or she was only now allowing it to surface.

She looked over at Owen and he smiled at her.

She was about to say something when his phone buzzed.

He removed the phone from his pocket and they both checked the caller ID.

"It's Derek." Owen announced and answered the call. "I'll be right back." Owen mouthed to Cristina and stood up.

Cristina turned back to Meredith.

"Are you finally going to admit that you're nervous?"

"No."

Meredith laughed and watched Owen sit down next to Cristina again.

He kissed her on the cheek.

Suddenly , the lights dimmed and the crowd went quiet.

Classical music came on through the speakers as Catherine Avery was ushered onto the stage by a young man who looked a lot like Jackson.

The music faded until it was cut off and then the applause faded as well.

The young man dropped his arm as Catherine released it and he stepped back.

"Good evening , Ladies and Gentlemen." Catherine Avery's voice echoed through the room. "And welcome to the annual Harper Avery award ceremony."

Applause was heard again and once again it faded.

She continued. "I look out into the crowd of these skillful surgeons and-"

Cristina tuned out the rest of Catherine's speech. She looked to her left at Meredith and then to the right at Owen. She was so happy to have her people at her side.

She smiled at them both , her emotions evident in her eyes.

Owen smiled and then kissed her on the cheek again.

"And so ," Cristina was brought back to Catherine's speech. "Having kept y'all in suspense long enough ," Catherine was handed an envelope.

"The recpient of this year's Harper Avery is..." she took her time tearing open the envelope. So much time that Cristina had time to do a quick check on her speech.

"Sorry." Catherine apologised as she finally got the envelope open , earning a laugh from the audience. "Okay , here we go again." She held up the card infront of her. "And the recipient of this year's Haper Avery is..." She read the name on the card and then looked out into the audience. Meredith and Owen grabbed Cristina's hands on both sides and squeezed them.

Catherine Avery smiled. "The recepient is..." she paused again and Cristina let our a frustrated groan. "Dr. Ian Shaughnessy!"

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	18. Chapter 18

25 July 2016

Things were quiet as they got back to the hotel room.

Owen slid the key card through the slot and the door unlocked.

Cristina stepped inside and Meredith and Owen looked at one another , not knowing what to say.

"I need to get out of this dress." Cristina stated and then grabbed her belongings and walked into the bathroom.

A few minutes later , she came out dressed in jeans and a sweater. She really wanted to be in her pajama's but she figured she would be forced to go out to eat so she might as well be prepared.

She caught Owen and Meredith whispering to one another in a corner of the room. "Guys , you don't have to say anything. I'm okay." She shrugged and dropped her bag next to the bed.

Meredith looked at Owen. "It's not that." She said slowly.

"Then what is it?"

"I think you should sit down." Owen advised.

"Just tell me." She remained standing.

Owen hesitated. "Cristina..."

Cristina looked at Meredith. "Mer , what is it?" She was starting to get annoyed.

"Mark...Mark died."

Cristina froze. "What?"

"Mark's dead. He died." Meredith repeated.

"When?" Cristina asked softly.

"Derek called when we were at the ceremony." Owen answered.

"That's why he called? So , you knew this entire time and you didn't tell me?"

Meredith and Owen were quiet.

"The patient that got me nominated , died." She said to no one in particular. "Mark died." She whispered. "How?" She looked at Owen. Anger was evident in her tear-filled eyes.

"He..uh..he had a heart attack. They couldn't bring him back. He was down for too long."

"It's not your fault , Cristina." Meredith tried to convince her.

Cristina's eyes shot to her. She broke into a smile and then laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Mer , that was my heart. I rebuilt that heart for were my 3-D printings. My ideas. My plans. Ofcourse it was my fault!" She yelled the last part.

"I'm just saying-"

"I have to go." Cristina interrupted her. She moved to her bag and pulled out her leather jacket.

"What? Where are you going?" Owen asked , panicked.

"I just need to get out of here." She pulled on her boots and got her phone from Meredith's handbag.

"Cristina."

She opened the door without looking back and stepped into the hotel hallway.

"Cristina!" Owen called. He was about to run after her when Meredith pulled him back.

He looked at her with questioning eyes.

"Let her go. She needs her space right now." Meredith tried to sound calm.

"Does she even know her way around? I can't let her go out there alone , Meredith!"

"She's a big girl. She has her phone. She'll be okay."

Owen still hesitated and looked towards the door.

Meredith sighed. "I gotta call Derek. I need to find out if he's okay."

Owen didn't respond.

He sat down on the bed and rubbed his hands harshly over his face.

A few hours ago , everything was so different.

A few hours ago , they were all happy. Excited.

How things have changed.

Owen vaguely heard the one-sided conversation coming from Meredith as she spoke to Derek.

He lost his best friend tonight. Owen hadn't thought about that until now.

His mind went to Cristina. She was robbed. He was sure about that. That Ian guy's work didn't even come close to her's.

Owen thought about how happy Cristina was for the past few weeks.

He hadn't seen her smile as much as she did for those two weeks , in a long time.

Too many things were going on and Owen thought that maybe the tables had turned. Maybe things were finally starting to get good again

Mark was doing great when he left.

Owen made sure to check-in before he headed to the airport.

He kept on thinking about how much Cristina had lost tonight.

She lost a friend , a patient and a life-long dream.

Owen fell against the matress with a sigh.

"I'm going to lose her to Switzerland." He said softly but loud enough for Meredith to still and look at him. Her expression was a sad one.

When she spoke , it obvious that she was no longer speaking to Derek on the other side of the phone but to the man infront of her.

"Yeah. Yeah , we are." Was all she said and then turned back to her heartbroken husband who was an entire aeroplane ride away from her.

\

26 July 2013

Owen checked his watch for the hundreth time.

"She'll be here." Meredith assured him.

"I hope you're right." Owen said annoyed.

"She's not going to miss her flight. She's not stupid."

Owen eyed her but didn't respond.

A few minutes later , Meredith spotted her amongst the crowd of people infront of her.

"Here she comes!" Meredith announced.

Owen searched for his wife's familiar face and when he found her , he sighed in relief.

"Where have you been?" Meredith yelled as Cristina approached them.

"Would you relax? I'm here." Cristina was clearly still in the same mood she was in when she left.

Meredith decided not to push it. "Okay , well , i packed up all your things and we're already checked in."

"Thanks." Was all Cristina said.

"Hey , are you okay?" Owen asked as he looked into her eyes.

"Yeah , i'm okay. Whatever. Let's just get back home.

And as the trio made their way through the crowded airport , Owen wondered if he'd ever get the Cristina he had before shit went down hill , back.

He decided that he would make sure that he did.

She will be happy again.

Even if he had to sacrifice his own happiness to make that happen.

\

1 July 2013

Cristina stood in the back , barely listening to the priest as he spoke about life and death.

He was standing infront of Mark's coffin as it hovered above the hole that he was moments away of being lowered into and where he would spend the rest of eternity.

Cristina hated funerals and yet , she always seemed to be attending them. It was actually quite sickening.

She watched Owen as he gave Derek's shoulder a comforting squeeze before Derek went up to read his prepared speech.

Losing a best friend must be hard.

She hoped she never had the misfortune of experiencing that kind of lost. She had enough life altering death's for one lifetime.

It's like her father's death set things in motion. It's like he got the ball rolling and that ball killed everyone around her.

At first , it was just a theory but now she was certain it was true.

Somewhere inbetween Derek's speech , he broke down and she had to look away.

Meredith went up to comfort him and ended up finnishing the speech for him.

Near the end of the speech , Derek had pulled himself together and told Meredith that he could finnish.

She handed him the page and went to stand amongst the crowd again.

Derek took a deep breath. "Mark , you were an asshole. You flew through women and you were the most conceited human being i had ever met. " Everyone looked at one another , confused. "Not to mention , you were insanely jealous of my hair." Meredith smiled. "But you were loyal. Except for that one time i won't mention. But that one time helped me meet the love of my life." He made eye contact with Meredith. "And for that alone , i will love you forever. You were my brother." Derek's voice started breaking again. "I will never forget the years we had together. You basically lived at my house and i am grateful for the time i got to spend with you. Then and now." Derek wiped at his eyes. "I wish we had more time together , Sloan. I do. But it's okay." It didn't seem like Derek was speaking to the crowd anymore. It was like it was just Mark and him. Like it was his goodbye. "You go on." He said softly. "You always had to be first. So , go ahead. You won this one." He laughed a little. He walked over to coffin and tapped the wood. "Save me a spot." He whispered.

He walked over to Meredith and the priest took over again.

Cristina watched as everyone placed single roses on the coffin and then it started lowering.

Jackson turned around and walked pass her , not even looking up.

April ran after him and when she caught up , he placed his arm over her shoulder and she hugged herself to him.

When Cristina turned around again , Owen was standing infront of her.

"Do you want to go?"

She nodded and he took her hand into his and lead her to the car.

"Yang." She heard someone call behind her and she turned around again and found Alex walking towards her. "I just wanted to..uh.." He looked at Owen and then back at Cristina. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. Are you...okay?" "I'm okay." Cristina gave him a small smile.

He nodded and pushed his hands into his suit pockets. He looked into her eyes. "Hey , fuck the Harper Avery foundation. They fucked up."

"Alex..."

"No. Fuck them. You deserved that award. I believe that. They can shove that award up their-"

"Okay , okay." Cristina cut him off , laughing. "I get it."

Alex smiled and then shoved her shoulder. "That dumb award doesn't define you."

Owen looked down at Cristina as she smiled.

It had been a few days since he last saw her smile and it was a beautiful thing to see.

Cristina insulted Alex and he insulted her and then they went their seperate ways.

The rest of the car ride home was spent in silence. Except for when Cristina turned herself sideways in her seat and rested her head against the window.

"Karev is a good guy." She stated. "Jo better not fuck up."

And with that , she drifted off to sleep.

\

5 July 2013

Meredith hopped up at the sound of pounding on her front door.

"What the hell?"

Derek sat up slowly. "Is it Cristina?"

Meredith looked at the time. "No. She's on-call tonight."

"Then who the hell is it? I need to sleep!" He yelled the last part.

The banging continued.

Derek threw back the covers. "I'm coming. I'm coming." He yelled at the door.

He made his way down the stairs and to the door.

He opened it to find a frantic Owen on the other side.

"Hunt. Would you calm down? You're going to wake up Zola." He stepped aside and allowed Owen inside.

Owen suddenly looked guilty. "Sorry."

"Cristina's not here."

"I know. I'm here for Meredith."

Derek looked at him and knitted his brows. "Oh. Let me go get her then."

Derek was just about to run off to call his wife to help this dishelved man , when the two turned to the sound of her voice at the top of the stairs.

"Owen , what are you doing here?" She said as she made her way down the stairs. She didn't bother to put on her robe and started to regret it when the cold finally got to her. "Cristina's not here." She repeated Derek's words.

"I'm here for you. I need to speak to you."

"To me?"

"Yes."

Zola called from her room and Meredith turned to Derek. "Do you mind?"

"Sure. I'll be upstairs."

Once Derek was out of sight , Meredith looked at Owen again and noticed the dark expression on his face.

"Owen , what's wrong? What happened?" She gestured to the couch but he didn't sit. She decided to sit instead.

He paced back and forth infront of her and she waited until he was ready to talk.

"I can't..." He started and Meredith waited. "I don't want to lose her."

Meredith suddenly understood. "I know. Me too."

"Maybe we could convince her to stay. We could ask her to stay here in Seattle. She would listen to you , Meredith. I need you to speak to her." He was speaking at a rapid pace , barely taking time to breath as he continued to pace.

Meredith shook her head 'no'. "I can't do that."

"Why not? It would be okay. She belongs here. With us. With me."

"We're asking her to give up her dream for us. I can't make her do that." Meredith spoke in a calm tone.

"Well , i gave up my dream for her! Why can't she do the same?"

"Owen , you know that's not fair."

He stopped pacing and dropped his head. "I can't lose her." He repeated softly.

"I know."

Owen ran his hand through his hair.

He suddenly looked up at her and his eyes were filling with tears. "What am i going to do , Meredith?"

She looked into his eyes. "You have to let her go." She said honestly. "It's what i'm doing. You think i'm happy about this? I am not happy about any of this. I'm not happy that my closest friend is moving across the world. I'm not happy that the guy who broke her heart is now providing her with happiness again. I mean , who knows when he will change his mind again. And i am definitely not happy about losing my person. But you know what? I'm accepting it. I'm dealing with it because all of this crap that is secretly breaking my heart , is making her happy. I'm dealing with it because it's making her happy."

Owen looked guiltily at the floor.

"It took a long time to make her happy again. And then you came around , gave her back her happiness and over the past few months , you and the rest of the world took away that happiness once again." Meredith didn't have to raise her voice. Her words already spoke volumes. "Maybe she wasn't meant to be ours forever. Maybe she was just a passing soul. That's what i'm telling myself." Meredith shrugged. "I'm letting her go." She repeated. "Owen ," he looked up at her. "Let her go."

Owen sighed and fell onto the couch next to Meredith.

He knew she was right. He knew that he needed to let her go in order for her to go live her dreams.

He rubbed his hands roughly over his face.

Maybe Meredith was right about Cristina being a passing soul as well.

The problem was , if she is just a passing soul and if she were to leave him , she would be taking his soul with her.

\

Owen watched her car pull up.

He got out of his truck and caught up with her on the foot path up to the house.

"Hey." Cristina leaned up and kissed him.

He kissed her back and smiled.

"How was your day?" She asked him but carried on speaking before he could answer. "I had a long day...and night." She took out her keys and unlocked the door. "By the way ," She looked at her watch. "It's seven-am. Don't you have to go to work in an hour?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to see you before i headed over to the hospital." He gave her a small smile.

She smiled back and dropped her bag and jacket on the floor as she stepped inside. She kicked off her shoes as well.

"Do you want something to drink? Coffee?" She asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"No , thank you." He bent down and picked up her jacket and hung it on the coat rack. He pushed her shoes over so that they weren't in the way and then placed her bag on the small table by the door.

He walked into the kitchen and found her pouring sugar into a mug.

"Jackson had a break down." She stated as she stirred her coffee.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. April had to sedate him. One of Mark's patients came in and asked for him and then Jackson just lost it." She finnshed and then sipped her coffee. She turned around to Owen and noticed the expression on his face. "Owen , what's wrong?" Her tone changed into a concerned one.

"I want to talk." He said softly.

She knotted her brows and gave him her full attention. "Okay?"

He hesitated and she leaned forward to touch his arm. "Owen , honey , speak to me." She encouraged him.

He looked at her hand and then into her eyes. He could see the concern in them.

"Just tell me." She said softly and squeezed his arm.

He cleared his throat. "I..." he paused and she waited. "I want a divorce."

/

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	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

5 July 2013

Cristina stared at him , not saying anything.

"I want a divorce." He repeated.

She dropped her hand from his arm."That's what you want?" Her voice sounded weird.

He looked at her and then looked down. He nodded. "Yes." He looked back up at her. "That's what i want."

She folded her arms over her chest. "Okay , then." She tried to remain calm.

Neither of them said anything for a while.

Owen noticed the tears brimming in her eyes and he was certain she could see his as well.

He opened his mouth to say something when Alex walked into the kitchen.

"Hey , did you just get home?" He directed at Cristina as he shrugged on a t-shirt.

Cristina wiped at her eyes and Alex stilled. He looked between Cristina and Owen.

"What's wrong?"

Cristina didn't answer.

He looked at Owen , his expression turning into an angry one. "What did you do?"

Owen tried to speak but Alex cut him off.

"You need to leave." Alex pointed towards the door.

Owen didn't protest. He just looked at Cristina and when she averted her eyes , he walked out of the kitchen , pass Alex and out the front door.

Alex walked over to where Cristina stood. She didn't look up at him. He moved to touch her but she shrugged him away. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and it was making her angry because she didn't want to cry. She wiped at her tears furiously. Alex touched her arm again and when she didn't react , he pulled her against him. He hugged her to him and she let go of her sobs.

"It's okay." He whispered. "I got you."

\

"When did i become this woman?"

"What woman?" Alex looked side-ways at her.

"A woman with two failed marriages." She paused. "I didn't even know i wanted to be a married person in the first place and now i have two failed ones."

"Does Burke count?"

"I don't know. I don't know what the rules are."

"I think you need to actually make it down the aisle for it to qualify as a marriage. So basically , you're a woman with one failed marriage and one almost marriage." He looked at the wall across from them. "That's not so bad."

Cristina thought about it. "Yeah." She said softly.

The two of them were lying on Cristina's bed.

After the scene in the kitchen , Alex had reluctantly gone to work that morning but when his shift ended , he rushed straight home. She would never admit it but Alex knew Cristina needed someone. And Meredith having a tight schedule , he knew it had to be him. He didn't mind though.

"Did you bring us food?" Cristina looked at him.

"Nope."

"You suck. Seriously , you do." She looked away again.

"Whatever."

Cristina sighed. She hesitated before her next question."Did you...uh..see him today?"

"Yeah , i did." Alex didn't look at her. "Nearly knocked him out."

"Alex..."

"He's an ass." Alex stated.

"I know."

"He should be beat up."

"I know." Cristina repeated.

"But i won't."

"I know." She said once more.

They were quiet again.

"Just so you know...you're hot."

"Okay?"

"No. Seriously. You are and yes , you suck at being human sometimes but who doesn't?" He paused like he was waiting for her to answer. "You're hot." He repeated. "And you're loyal , you've got the brains and when you don't suck at being human , you've got a great personality. You're the full package. And if jerks like Owen and Burke can't see that? If they're too threatened by a powerful woman? If they're okay with settling for less? Screw them. Okay?" This time he was really waiting for her to answer.

"Okay." She said softly. Tears were threatening to fall but she blinked them away.

"Plus , you've got great boobs."

Cristina smiled a little and shook her head.

They were quiet again. It was silent but a comfortable type of silence.

"Hey." Alex and Cristina looked towards the door and found Meredith leaning in the doorway.

"You two look comfortable." She commented.

She walked over to the bed and Cristina moved up to make room for her.

"Alex , Jo was looking for you." She said as she laid down next to Cristina.

"Yeah , whatever."

Cristina and Meredith looked at him.

"Trouble in paradise?" Cristina asked.

Alex shrugged.

Meredith and Cristina wanted to pry further but decided against it.

Cristina looked at Meredith. "Please tell me you brought food? Alex is useless and so am i. I'm just a little less useless." She paused. "A lot less." It was obvious that Cristina's mood had changed from the one she was in just a few minutes ago.

Meredith smiled. "I ordered pizza."

"Thank God!" Cristina said a little too dramatically.

Meredith hesitated. "How are you? How do you feel?"

"I don't." Cristina shrugged. "I got it all out of my system this morning."

"She's lying." Alex commented.

"Am not." Cristina defended.

"You are." Alex looked at Meredith. "She is."

"Whatever."

"I can leave Derek and we can be divorced women together?"

"I'm fine with being alone but i can't deal with your lonely ass as well."

"Well , sorry for wanting to stand with my best friend in solidarity."

The doorbell rang and Cristina hopped up. "Food!" She rushed out of the her room to get the pizza.

Meredith waited until Cristina was out of hearing distance and then turned to Alex. "Did she cry yet?"

"Only this morning."

"Okay , i guess that's good. Atleast she cried."

"I guess."

"She'll be okay." Meredith assured Alex as well as herself.

Alex nodded. "Either that or she's going to leave."

"I know that , Alex." Meredith snapped. "Could everyone stop saying that?" She mumbled.

"Okay , sorry."

Meredith sighed. "It's okay. I'm okay. We're all okay." She said the last part slowly.

Cristina came back into the room with a large box in her hand. "The two of you owe me money." She stated as she dropped the box in the middle of the bed and then sat down on the end.

She opened the box and removed the first slice.

She made a face before she took a bite.

She noticed Meredith and Alex staring at her and she stopped chewing.

"What?"

Meredith and Alex continued to stare.

She rolled her eyes and swallowed her food. "Guys , i'm staying positive. Let me be positive. There's nothing more i want to do than get into bed and stay there forever but i'm not going to. I have patients and i have friends and i have responsibilities. I can't live in my dark place. No matter how badly i want to." She took a deep breath. "So , i'm staying positive. Let me be positive. Okay?" She looked at Meredith and Alex. Once again , tears were evident in her eyes.

Meredith nodded. "Okay." She looked at Alex.

"Okay."

"Okay." Cristina sighed. She took another bite of her pizza.

Meredith and Alex looked at one another and then each took a slice of pizza as well.

And as they semi-happily chewed on their meal , the three of them wondered if things went south , would they ever find the type of friendship they shared with one another , again.

\

8 July 2013

"I'm sorry you didn't win the Harper Avery. I think you really deserved it."

"Thank you. Now, go away."

The intern frowned and walked away.

That had been the seventh person who had told her that for the morning.

It had been two weeks since she lost the Harper Avery and people just refused to stop talking about it.

People who she didn't even know came up to her and apologised like they had something to do with her not winning. She knew they were coming from a good place but she wasn't in the mood to care. She hadn't been in the mood to care for a while now.

Cristina moved forward in the cafeteria line , paid for her meal and then found a table.

A few minutes later , she was joined by Meredith.

"I found out why Alex and Jo moved to splitsville."

"What? We don't even say hello anymore?"

"Shut up and let me tell you why they broke up."

"Fine. Go ahead , meany."

Meredith ignored her. "Okay , so , i was bugging him all morning about it. I even followed him into the men's room and saw things i didn't want to see but he was upset and i wanted to help. Also , I needed to know , you know? And then-"

"Get to the point , Meredith."

"Jo cheated on him."

Cristina's eyes widened. "She what?"

"Exactly." Meredith looked sympathetic. "What do you think's going to happen?"

"I honestly don't know." Cristina shrugged. "Owen and i got back together after he cheated and here we are , still getting a divorce."

"People suck."

"They do."

Shane showed up on Cristina's side and handed her an iPad with her newest patients information.

"Morning , Dr Grey." Shane gave her his usual enormous smile.

"Hi , Shane."

"Okay , start her on fluids and then page me if there are any changes." Cristina handed him back the iPad.

Shane nodded and headed off to fulfill his latest duty.

"I like him." Cristina stated. "He's me. He's a shark."

"Because the world needs two of you."

"Yes , the world definitely does. I'm actually trying to form my own army." Cristina finally opened her her pudding cup and took a spoon full. "World dominance is the goal."

Meredith laughed. "You seem better."

"I told you. I'm staying positive." Cristina took another spoon.

"To positivity!" Meredith raised her orange juice in the air.

Cristina laughed. "You're an idiot."

\

10 July 2013

"Time of death : ten-fifteen-am." Cristina drop the paddles and left the room.

She had just lost her patient. One she was very fond of.

The patient's daughter was on a flight in from Canada and Cristina had told her not more than a half an hour ago that everything was fine and that her mother was going to be okay.

Cristina walked until she found an empty hallway with an abandoned hospital bed.

She sat down on it and sighed.

She removed her scrubcap and threw it down infront of her. The light material didn't make much of an impact and that frustrated her.

She had been trying to remain positive the entire week but as time went on , that positivity slowly faded.

Especially after her first conversation with Owen after days of silence was about lawyers and prenups and divorce.

Positivity can suck it , she thought.

She'll be positive some other time.

"Dr Yang , there you are!" Shane raced towards her.

"Not now , Ross."

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I know that you were fond of Mrs January."

"Yeah , i was."

Shane sat down on the bed.

"You okay?"

"No , Shane , i'm not." She admitted. "But you will be." Shane assured her.

"Maybe."

Shane had become her favourite. He was her right hand guy. He knew her and he understood her. As a doctor as well as a person.

In the O.R , he knew her every move and he made sure things were done and set up the way she liked it. He made sure her favourite O.R was always booked and he never failed to amaze her with his surgical skill. He was gifted.

And when he could see that she needed space , he would back off and make sure everyone else did the same. And before he backed off , he would drop food and wine off at her house and tell her that "tomorrow will be better." He was soppy and corny but he was her favourite.

Someone came through the doors and interrupted the conversation they were having. "Oh , Doctor Yang. I'm sorry. By the way , I'm sorry about-"

"Leave." Shane instructed.

The intern looked confusingly at Shane.

"I said leave."

"I just wanted to-"

"Go!" Shane stood up and the intern backed up and left.

"Interns are annoying." Shane stated as he sat down.

"You're an intern."

"What's your point?"

Cristina laughed and stood up. "Thanks , Sharky. You always cheer me up."

She placed her hands in her pockets and walked off.

"Anytime , Cristina!" He called after her.

"It's Doctor Yang." Cristina told him over her shoulder.

"One day i will be able to call you by your first name!"

"Yeah , don't count it!"

Shane laughed and then left to do his mountains of work before his superiors had his throat.

\

The elevator came to a stop and Cristina took a deep breath.

She stepped out of the elevator and into the hotel hallway.

She looked down at the room number scribbled on a piece of paper by the hotel receptionist and then up at the room numbers on the doors.

When she found the one she was looking for , she took another deep breath and knocked.

She heard footsteps coming from behind the door and her heart rate sped up.

She heard the sound of a lock being turned and the door opened.

The man on the other side smiled brightly at her.

"Cristina."

She nodded. "Burke."

He stepped aside. "Come on in."

She did and looked around at his hotel room. It was way more neat than hers would've been and the view was spectacular.

"I'm sorry that i had to rush you with your decision." He gestured to the couch , offering her a seat. She politely refused. "I know i said you could talk all the time you needed but my wife wanted to move sooner which means i need someone to take over my hospital for me sooner."

"I understand."

"Do you want something to drink."

"No , i just came here to give you my answer and then i'm leaving."

Burke smiled again. "Okay."

\

Cristina hesitated but ended up knocking.

She heard Derek call to Meredith to answer the door and then the sound of Zola crying.

"I need to give her a bath!" He yelled.

"Okay , okay." She heard Meredith say.

The sound of Meredith's muffled footsteps could then be heard running down the stairs and towards the door.

She swung the large door open.

"Cristina!" She smiled. "What are you doing here? It's late. Not that i'm complaining. Derek's been annoying me." She whispered the last part and then dragged Cristina inside.

"Mer , i have to tell you something."

"Good. I have to have an adult conversation with someone other than my annoying husband!" This time she didn't whisper. She yelled it instead.

Meredith looked at Cristina again. "He can just be such an ass sometimes , you know?"

"Mer..."

"Oh , I'm sorry." Meredith smiled. "What did you want to tell me?"

Cristina fidgeted with her fingers and looked down at her hands.

Meredith's smile faded at the sight of Cristina's expression.

Her face became firm and her mouth became a straight line. Her eyes glistened over.

Cristina looked up at her again.

Meredith looked Cristina in the eyes and knew that her assumption was true.

Meredith folded her arms over her chest and she said it before Cristina had the chance to.

"You're leaving."

/

Remember to review and comments babes!


	20. Chapter 20

10 July 2013

"You're leaving."

Cristina remained silent.

"Oh my God , you're leaving."

"Yeah," Cristina nodded. "I'm leaving."

Meredith folded her arms across her chest.

"I accepted the position before I came over here."

"Oh."

"Mer..."

"I'm happy for you."

"Well , it doesn't seem that way."

Meredith didn't answer. She passed Cristina and walked into the kitchen.

"Meredith."

Meredith turned around sharply. "What? What do you want? Do you want me to bounce off of the freaking walls? Do you want me to throw a damn party?"

"A simple 'congratulations' would be enough." Cristina stepped closer.

Meredith was quiet. She walked further into the kitchen and to the kitchen cabinets. She pulled open the door of the cupboard , removed a glass and then slammed the door shut again , giving Cristina a dirty look as she placed the glass on the counter.

She passed Cristina again to get a bottle out of the wine cooler. She chose the most expensive one and then walked back to the kitchen.

Meredith then popped the bottle open and filled her glass until it threatened to spill over.

"Can I get some?" Cristina tried to break the silence.

"No." Meredith took a gulp.

"Mer. "

"No. Don't 'Mer' me. You're leaving me and you expect me to be happy about it."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Then what exactly are you doing , Cristina? Cause it certainly feels like you're leaving."

"You know what? I don't get you. You're the one who practically made my mind up for me." Cristina stepped even closer. "You're the one who sat on that couch ," Cristina pointed to the sofa behind her. "And told me that it was okay. You're the one who said that this is what fellows do. You supported me."

"Yes because that's what friends do! They support each other and they try to be happy for one another because that's how it's suppose to be! That's just what you do! Even if you're compromising your own happiness." Meredith mumbled the last part and took a long sip of her wine.

"What do you want me to do , Meredith?" Cristina raised her voice and threw her arms to her sides.

"I don't know."

Cristina dropped one hand and brought the other to her forehead. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"You're leaving me." Meredith said softly. "You're leaving us."

Cristina looked up at her. "Who's us?"

"Me and Alex and-"

"And who? There is no one else."

"That is not true."

"Yeah but it is. And that's okay."

"You're leaving your home. This is where you belong , Cristina."

"Not anymore. I don't belong here anymore , Mer."

Meredith set her glass down on the table. "Then where do you belong?"

"I don't know." Cristina laughed a little. "But it's not here." She was quiet for a moment. "Everyday when I walk down the halls , I'm reminded of my failures. I'm reminded of the people we lost. The friends we lost. I'm reminded of gunmen and dead bodies and blood splattered walls. I see these things in my mind everyday and I'm tired of pretending that I don't. I'm tired of pretending that I don't see George in the NICU and that I don't see Izzie in the clinic because I do. I'm constantly haunted by these things." Cristina's eyes were glistening over and so were Meredith's. "Mer , you said yourself that we're surrounded by too many ghosts and I'm starting to think that you're right. We are. And I don't want to live the rest of my life this way."

Meredith looked away.

Cristina went on. "The only people who were keeping me here were you , Alex and Owen. I already lost Owen and Alex has given me his blessing. I just need you to be okay with this." Cristina looked down and then back up at Meredith. "And you know what? If it were the other way around? If it were you trying to get away from your past? I would've given you my blessing. I would have. Even it would've compromised my happiness." Cristina repeated Meredith's words from earlier.

Meredith looked back at her. She was quiet for a while.

Meredith sighed and rolled her eyes.

She wiped at her cheeks and then made her way around the counter.

She stood in front of Cristina , her facial expression still a stern one.

She suddenly wrapped her arms around Cristina and brought her body against hers.

"It's okay. You go be badass. I'm okay." Meredith paused. "We're okay."

Cristina let go of a breath and allowed her tears to finally fall.

She brought her arms up from her sides and wrapped them firmly around Meredith.

"We're okay." Cristina repeated Meredith's words.

Meredith nodded. "We're okay."

/

5 August 2013

There was a knock at the door.

Cristina threw back the covers and hurried to go answer it.

The sound of her bare feet against the cold floor echoed through the house.

She swung the door open.

"You look beautiful." Was the first thing he said.

She ignored the tug at her heart and pulled him inside.

"No talking." She whispered before she kissed him.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Okay?"

He nodded.

They snuck back up the stairs , without waking Alex , and into Cristina's room.

The moment the door shut , he was kissing her again. His hands were in her hair , on her hips and caressing the skin underneath her sweater , all at once.

He pushed them back until she sat and he released her lips. He sat down beside her.

She stared into his eyes and he stared into hers.

She gave him a sad smile.

He didn't have to say anything. It was all written in his eyes and she was sure her eyes spoke for her.

She brought one hand up to his cheek and the other caressed the hair at the back of his neck.

He opened his mouth to say something but she placed a finger over his lips.

"Owen." She shook her head 'no'.

They just needed to be tonight.

No words. No 'I'm sorries'. That was for tomorrow. That was for their goodbye. This wasn't a goodbye.

There was no worrying about the future and what it might hold , tonight. Tonight was about playing pretend. Pretending they're not afraid of what is coming next or scared of having nothing left.

Owen rested his forehead against hers and placed his hand on her leg and squeezed.

He lifted his head and kissed her forehead.

They had signed their divorce papers the week before and hadn't spoken since. Cristina had cried that night and the next morning but she hid her sadness well. That's why Owen was surprised when he got a text message from her earlier saying that they needed a 'last time' before she leaves tomorrow. He didn't hesitate.

He kissed her forehead again and then her cheek , apologizing for what he had put her through for the last few weeks.

When he kissed her cheek again , she turned her head and took his lips. This kiss was deeper , more meaningful.

He laid her back against the mattress and stared down at her. Her beauty overwhelmed him ; The way her hair was spread out on the sheets , the way her eyes glistened with emotion and the way her lips curled into a smile as she watched him , all played a part in taking his breath away.

He had to tell her what he had on his mind. He had to tell her what he was feeling.

So he did.

"Cristina."

"Owen , no."

This time he ignored her.

"You're the love of my life. I'll never love another woman the way I love you. I'll never love another woman. Period. " He said bluntly.

Cristina reached up and tried to kiss him to silence his words but he pulled away and smiled.

"Let me say what I need to say." He bent down and kissed her neck. "and then you can kiss me until the sunrises." He kissed her jaw. "okay?" He didn't wait for her to answer. "Ever since you came into my life ," he paused and thought about his words. "My life ... My life has been brighter. You lit up that darkness that was inside of me and Cristina , I will forever be grateful for that." He was still hovering above her and for a split second , Cristina wondered if his arms weren't tired yet. "I don't think anyone has ever been as grateful for a car crash as I am." He laughed a little.

Cristina smiled and reached up to rub the back of his neck. Owen continued. "The fact that you're leaving tomorrow , oh my God , it kills me." Cristina noticed the tears forming in his eyes just because of the mentioning of her departure. She tried to ignore the tears forming in her own eyes. "But you're not mine anymore. I can't keep you here. So ," his tearful smile caused her chest to ache. "I want you to go over there and show those people who Cristina Yang is and what she can do. We already know what you're capable of. I knew what you were capable of ever since you saved those pigs all those years ago." Cristina laughed as her tears fell. "It's time for them to witness the brilliance that is Cristina Yang." He smiled and she returned the smile. "I love you. I always will."

Owen kissed each damp cheek and then her lips. She didn't say it back but she didn't need to. He could taste it on her tongue and he could feel it in the way her body clung to his.

She flipped them over and straddled his hips.

"Can I kiss you until the sunrises now?"

Owen laughed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ears. He ran his thumb over her cheek and nodded. "Yes , you can."

\

Cristina's hand fell against the mattress and found that Owen's side was cold.

She slowly opened her eyes.

The sun was shining harshly into her room and it caused her to squint. She was disappointed that it wasn't raining. She expected a proper goodbye from Seattle.

She tucked her leg back under the covers and brought the blankets up to cover her chest.

She looked to her left and found a note on Owen's pillow.

She wiped her eyes and then sat up to read it.

"Got paged in for a trauma. Might be gone for a few hours. See you at the hospital (hopefully) and if not , see you at the airport.

-Owen "

She folded the note again and then looked around at her room. Most of her things were on their way to Zürich already. All she had left was a suitcase full of clothes , some of her medical books and whatever was in her handbag at the moment. The emptiness gave her a weird feeling in her chest.

She fell against the mattress again and the note fell from hand and drifted to the floor.

She had forgotten for a few hours. She had forgotten how hard today was going to be.

There was no turning back now , though.

She had to go through with it.

She pulled the blankets up and over her head and let go of a loud sigh.

The day had come for her to pick up her life and move it halfway across the world.

She just hoped that the ghosts she went on and on about , couldn't find her across the ocean

/

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	21. Chapter 21

6 August 2013

Cristina watched Shane load Meredith's car with her things.

The intern had literally begged her to take him with her to Zürich and after less than a minute , she had agreed.

Zola was at her feet , saying incoherent baby words while she played with her medical Barbie Meredith had gotten for her online. Cristina looked down at her and smiled. She picked up the baby and squeezed her.

"Aunt Cristina is going to miss you so much. Promise me you're going to grow up to be an independent woman who doesn't take any crap from anyone. You promise right?"

Zola smiled and then rubbed her nose on Cristina's shoulder and then settled there.

"That's my girl." Cristina rubbed her back as she watched Shane fight with the last bag.

"It's like three bags. Why are you struggling so much?" Cristina yelled. "I gotta say , Your ineptitude scares me."

"Why do you have a bag full of books in the first place?" Shane yelled back.

"Why does your upper body strength suck so much?"

Shane rolled his eyes.

Cristina smiled and then turned around and went back into the house to find Meredith.

"Hey , Mer , can I take your kid with me?" Cristina asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"Sure. Just don't come crying back to me when she wakes up at two-am because she wants to play." Meredith came to stand in front of Cristina. She handed her a leather wallet. "Okay , in here is your passport , your ticket and some money Derek and I are gifting to you."

"Are you trying to buy my love?"

"No , that's okay. I already have it." Meredith gave her a smug smile.

Zola grabbed Cristina's nose with her tiny hand and laughed when Cristina playfully bit at it.

Cristina looked at the wallet in her hand. "When did you become the responsible one?"

"Beats me." Meredith shrugged.

Shane came in with sweat dripping down his face but his trademark smile was still present. He picked up Zola's Barbie that had fallen moments before and handed it back to her , pinching her cheek as he did so. "I need to leave or I'm going to miss my flight."

Shane was taking an earlier flight so that he could get there before her and set things up before she got there.

"Good luck , Shane." Meredith stepped forward and gave him a quick hug. "Take care of her for me , please. And make sure she calls me and make sure she rests and takes it slow because sometimes she needs to be reminded to and when she starts stress eating , get her to talk about it. It will take sometime but be patient. And-"

"Meredith , I'm not a dog you're leaving with a friend for a weekend. I don't come with instructions."

"Yeah but you do."

Shane smiled. "Thanks , Dr Grey."

A hooter went off outside.

"That's my ride. See you when you arrive , Cristina."

"It's Dr Yang." Cristina yelled as he left.

Meredith smiled. "I'm really glad he's going with you."

"Me too."

Meredith looked down at her watch. "We need to leave soon if you still want to go to the hospital before the airport. God knows how long we're going to be there."

"Yeah , okay." Cristina said softly as she swayed side-to-side with Zola.

She followed Meredith into the living room.

She looked around at the house she called home for almost a year and many years prior to the last year of her life in Seattle. Meredith's home was her second home. Sometimes it felt like her only home. It's where she would go when she seeked refuge from society and it's misunderstanding of who she was. It's where she would go when her relationship with Burke started to consume her and she needed to breathe for a few hours. This house was her safe haven. She was saying goodbye to the port in many of her storms.

She grabbed her bag off of the table next to the door and swung it around her shoulder.

"Ready?" Meredith asked.

She looked at Meredith and then at Zola and then at the house again.

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm ready."

\

Cristina drummed her fingers on the table in front of her.

The airport was crowded like it always was. She watched as people hugged and laughed and cried.

She wondered where they were going.

Were they going to see one another again? Were their departures forced or voluntary?

Were they on their way to live their dreams like she was?

She couldn't answer these questions because Meredith sat down in front of her and pushed a coffee in a to-go cup towards her.

She held the cup up in her line of vision. "Is this your way of telling me to leave already?"

"Maybe."

Cristina laughed.

Alex sat down as he placed his phone in his pocket. "Jo wishes you good luck and she wishes you a safe journey or something like that."

"You guys are speaking again?" Cristina sipped on her coffee.

"Yeah. We're trying to work things out."

Cristina nodded. "That's good."

Alex rolled his eyes.

"No , really. I feel like that hairball is good for you."

"We'll see." Alex shrugged. "Anyway , we had enough emotional talks for one day."

Cristina raised her eyebrows in agreement. He was right. Her many goodbyes were emotional. Bailey tried to hold herself together but close to the end , she couldn't hold it in anymore. Hearing Miranda Bailey tell her that she was proud of Cristina was truly an amazing moment for her. And then when Webber squeezed her to him and whispered words of encouragement and pride , she nearly let go of a sob but she managed to hold herself together for the rest of her goodbyes.

Callie was a hard one. Her roommate and friend of many years was a mess. She said incoherent words in between sobs and it was both amusing and heart-tugging all at once.

Callie practically held Cristina's godchild up to her like that scene in the lion king and pushed her into Cristina's arms. Cristina didn't mind though. Sofia was her favourite but so was Zola. They were tied for first place. Cristina was waiting until they were older so that they could fight for the title of favourite godchild. Sofia cried as Cristina left (which caused the rest of the infants in the daycare to start bawling) like she was aware that she wouldn't be seeing her godmother for a long while.

As expected , April was a mess as well and had to be pulled away by Jackson before she really lost it.

She hadn't seen Owen though and it worried her.

"Okay , so , you promise to visit around the holidays right?" Meredith brought Cristina's attention back to her friends.

"Yeah , sure."

Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"You know how life goes. I can't promise anything." Cristina defended herself.

"I don't care. We are not going to go more than a year without seeing one another. Right , Alex?" Meredith turned to look at her friend beside her.

"Right!" Alex feigned his seriousness.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm serious , Cristina. Enough people have disappeared on me already. I don't need you to as well."

"Mer , I promise that I will do my best to visit at least once a year." Cristina assured her friend. "This mutt over here ," she nodded towards Alex. "Once every three years may be more than enough."

"Screw you."

Cristina pretended to be hurt by his words.

"I heard you and Major Hunt got it on last night." Alex smiled as he sipped his coffee.

A look of guilt washed over Cristina's face , followed by Meredith's jaw dropping. However , they both recovered quickly.

"You two can't stay away from one another , can you?" Meredith shook her head , laughing.

Cristina smiled and shrugged.

She looked down at her watch , suddenly remembering his absence.

"Where the hell is he , anyway?"

"He'll get here." Meredith assured her.

"Or maybe he got run over by a truck." Alex shrugged.

"Alex!" Meredith scolded.

"Just trying to be realistic." Alex held his hands up in defense.

"Do you always have to be such an ass?" Cristina wondered.

"It's more of a choice." He smiled smugly.

Cristina threw him with her napkin but still laughed at the way he thought he was hilarious.

For the hundredth time that day , she felt sorrowful that she had to give all of this up.

And as she watched Meredith playfully punch Alex and watched Alex laugh hysterically as he called her "Meredith 'tiny-fists' Grey" and asked her how she managed to even hold a scalpel with such tiny hands , causing Meredith to punch him even harder , Cristina was reminded that dreams always came with a price.

\

Cristina checked her watch for the hundredth time and nibbled on her lip.

"He's going to be here any minute." Meredith assured her.

"He needs to get here in-" Alex checked his watch. "Fifteen minutes if he wants to make it."

Cristina had already checked in all of her luggage and a line was forming to board the flight.

"Try his phone again." Meredith suggested.

Cristina took out her phone and dialed his number without even thinking about it.

It went straight to voicemail again.

Cristina hung up.

"I have to go. Mer , I have to go!" Worry and nerves began to set in.

"Cristina , it's okay." Meredith tried to calm her down.

"No , it's not. I'm moving. I'm actually moving away. What the fuck am I doing?"

Meredith looked at Alex , not knowing what to say.

"Oh God , what am I doing?" Cristina started to pace. "I'm leaving you here and I'm leaving him ," she pointed to Alex. "And I'm not even going to get to say goodbye to Owen. What am I doing?" She started breathing harshly.

Alex pushed Meredith forward. "Go fix her." He whispered.

"Okay , okay." She whispered back at Alex. She cleared her throat. "Hey , hey , Cristina , look at me."

Cristina stopped pacing and looked Meredith in the eyes.

Meredith grabbed her at the shoulders. "Listen , you got this. You're going to go over there and kick ass and make us proud. I'm already very proud but still. You go over there and show that Harper Avery asses that they fucked up and that you deserve every award there is. You're not going to run because you're afraid. Cristina Yang is not a bitch baby. She is an independent woman who looks a challenge right between the eyes and makes it her bitch."

"That's true." Alex commented.

"Cristina , you've go this. Okay?"

Cristina thought about it and then nodded. "I got this." She repeated.

\

"Okay , I have like five more minutes before I have to board." Cristina crossed her arms over her chest.

She had semi recovered from her melt down and she was trying her best to remain calm.

"Maybe he's not coming. Maybe I should just go."

Meredith and Alex looked at one another.

"Okay , I'm going to go."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course not."

Cristina took a deep breath.

She took Meredith by the hand and pulled her aside.

Cristina wasn't good at goodbyes but she promised herself that she would at least try with Meredith.

She looked at her friend and tears were already forming in both of their eyes and neither of them had said anything yet. She took another deep breath. "Okay , don't put your hand into body cavities with bombs in them , don't tell crazy gunmen to shoot you , don't jump in front of busses to save strangers , wear a damn seatbelt and please , never stop swimming." They both laughed a little at how ridiculous Cristina's warnings were and how necessary they were for the lives they have lived. "Mer , you're my sister. You're my person. I need you alive. You make me brave. Without you , God knows what would've happened to me. I mean , I still would've been awesome but you get what I mean." Meredith laughed at her words. Cristina continued. "You have given me so much." Her voice broke a little. "And this is going to sound cliché but never change. Just stay the way you are. This is my Mer. You are strong and you are brave and are loyal and you are the fucking sun." Cristina emphasized her last statement. "There are going to be times where people aren't able to handle all of this," she gestured at Meredith. "But don't you dare dim down. You shine bright and you blind those fuckers." She smiled through her tears. "You once told me that I should tell the people I love that I love them while they can still hear me." She stepped closer. "I love you , Meredith Grey. I really do." She pulled her person into a hug and Meredith's arms wrapped themselves around Cristina.

"I love you." Meredith stated as her tears flowed down her cheeks.

After a long moment , Cristina pulled away and straightened up. "Okay." She said as she laughed a little and wiped away her tears. She walked over to Alex.

"You're not going to do all of that all over again , are you?" Alex pulled a face.

Cristina ignored him and pulled him against her. "I am so proud of you , Evil Spawn. You did good." She whispered into his ear and then pulled back , smiling.

He smiled down at her and then pulled her in for one last hug.

"Okay." She repeated.

She looked down at her watch. "Well , I gotta go." She sniffled a little.

Cristina looked at Meredith. "Tell Owen that I'm sorry." Her words held so much meaning. The three of them knew it and she knew that Owen would as well.

"I really have to go now." She laughed. "Uh ... bye." She smiled and then turned around and walked towards the gate doors.

"Yang!" Alex yelled.

Cristina turned around again.

"You were the Cardio God all along. I hope you realize that."

Meredith looked up at Alex. "You've never said such nice things to me." She whispered.

Alex looked down at her. "Shut up. You're ruining it." He mumbled.

When they both looked back , Cristina had already given her ticket to the woman at the gate and her sea of curls could be seen entering the windowless tunnel. She turned around , with tear filled eyes and waved one last time before disappearing into the tunnel.

They watched and waited for her to pass through the jetway for one last look at her.

They stared up at the glass tunnel and watched as all sorts of people passed through it.

"Grey! Karev!"

Meredith and Alex whipped around and found a frantic Owen running towards them. He pushed pass dozens of people without even apologizing and ended up getting looks from the victims' families.

Owen could care less at that moment.

He finally reached them and had to catch his breath. He looked as if he had just ran a marathon.

"Where the hell have you been?" Meredith raised her voice. "She nearly didn't get on the plane because you weren't here!"

"Where is she? Did I miss her?" Owen whipped his head in different directions as he searched for her.

"She's gone. She boarded the plane."

"Fuck." Owen whispered. "My surgery ran long and then my truck didn't want to start and then I was stuck in the damn traffic and I-"

"Dude , shut up and look up."

Owen looked towards where Alex pointed and found her standing against the glass with a sad smile on her face.

She lifted her hand and waved slightly.

He stepped forward like it would get him to her.

"Cristina." He said softly.

For what felt like the millionth time that day , tears began to roll down her cheeks as they said their silent goodbyes.

Blue eyes burnt into brown.

Cristina hoped that her eyes conveyed what she was feeling and everything she wish could say.

His eyes were speaking for him. Like they always did. She thought about how much she was going to miss those eyes of his. How much she was going to miss waking up to a pool of blue staring at her every morning. She thought about how easy it was to read him. She could tell when he was angry or sad or hurt. She could tell when his nightmares were beginning to bother him again. She could tell when he was lying or guilty. And when he was passionate about something , the blue seemed bluer , if that was even possible. And when he looked at her , the love in them was unbelievable. His eyes held his emotions and it was one of the many things she loved about him.

She touched the glass and smiled again. "Ma'am."

Cristina turned her head to the flight attendant standing at the door.

"Ma'am , you have to board the plane now. We're about to take off." The flight attendant instructed politely.

Cristina looked back at Owen , Meredith and Alex.

Meredith waved and Alex smiled and Cristina returned their gestures.

She looked at Owen and he was smiling and it made her smile as well. He nodded at her and she nodded back.

She looked at her little family one last time and then allowed the flight attendant to usher her inside and to her seat.

She sat down.

She hadn't realized that her tears were still flowing and that she was sniffling.

She must've looked like a mad woman to the rest of the passengers because she was

sobbing with a smile on her face.

An elderly woman in the seat next to her handed her a tissue and Cristina thanked her.

"Are you okay , dear?" The woman wondered.

"I will be."

"I take it you're moving?" The woman paused. "Sorry if I'm prying but you seem upset."

Cristina wiped her nose. "No , that's okay."

The woman smiled. "And yes , I am moving away."

The woman reached out and patted Cristina's hand. "Change might be scary and difficult but it is still necessary. Without change , we would all be living mundane lives , now wouldn't we?" She smiled. She looked ahead and dreamily. "I actually find comfort in the fact that change is the only constant in our lives. It gives an old woman like me something to look forward to." She laughed and then turned to what seemed to be her husband beside her.

Cristina thought about the woman's words and then rested her head against the seat and closed her eyes.

She wondered how a complete stranger could make her feel better in a matter of minutes.

She took a deep breath.

"I'm doing the right thing." She whispered.

She opened her eyes as the engines started and they were told to buckle their seatbelts.

"Here we go." She said aloud.

She was about to start a whole new chapter of her life and she was finally excited to turn the page. For weeks she had been nervous and anxious but at that moment , she felt nothing but excitement and joy. She was starting over. She had clean canvas to paint and draw and doodle whatever the hell she wanted on. And if that wasn't something to be excited about , she didn't know what was.

\

Cristina slowly opened her eyes.

It took her a while to register what she was looking at but when she did , she realized that she was looking up at the sky.

The trees that were in her line of vision were so tall that they seemed as if they were scraping the clouds.

Why was she looking up at the sky?

She suddenly realized that she couldn't hear.

She tried sitting up but her shoulder produced so much pain that she fell back down onto the ground.

She turned her head and all she could see were hundreds of bodies spread out all around her.

She held her shoulder , tried sitting up again and succeeded.

She stood up and looked around.

There was blood and metal and luggage everywhere.

She looked behind her and found a large part of the plane still smoking.

"Plane crash." She said softly.

Suddenly her hearing came back and she immediately wished it hadn't.

People were screaming in pain and out of shock. They were calling out for their loved ones. Hundreds of people were sobbing all at once. People were calling out to her to help them but she was too confused and shocked to actually realize it.

"Plane crash." She said a little louder.

She looked around frantically and started hyperventilating. "PLANE CRASH!"

/

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	22. Chapter 22

Her own words kept echoing through her mind.

Plane crash. The plane crashed. She was in an actual plane crash.

She usually watched those sort of things on tv and felt sympathy for the families and the victims but at that moment , she was the victim. People were probably feeling sorry for her as the headlines rolled in on the news that a plane heading to Switzerland had gone missing and most likely crashed. That's if those people up in the towers at airports were even aware about what had happened.

She held her upper arm to keep her shoulder from moving too much as she looked around. All she could see were trees that went on for miles. They must've went down in some sort of Forrest.

The plain was in bits and pieces.

She could see a wing of the plane to her left and the cabin was behind her. She had no idea where the rest of the plane was. Or where the people who were in those sections of the plane were.

She looked up at the sky. She could tell it was late afternoon and she wondered how long she had been out.

The screams had gotten quieter in the last few minutes and that could either mean that people had accepted the circumstances and were just trying to survive or they were already dead. Cristina feared it was the latter.

She couldn't really help anyone yet. Her shoulder dislocation was producing so much pain that she couldn't even move. So she decided to just stay where she was until she figured out a way to pop her shoulder back into place.

Her head began to throb or she was just in too much shock to notice before. She felt the back of her head with her fingers and found that her head was bleeding. She must've it really hard when they crashed.

The pain of her shoulder and head was beginning to really bother her. More than it did before. It became too much of a task to even stand anymore.

Suddenly , everything became bright around her. She shut her eyes and tried to block everything out but it wasn't helping. Her ears were zinging and she became dizzy.

Her legs gave in and she collapsed but before she hit the ground , in her last few minutes of consciousness, she felt something catch her. The arms of whoever was saving her were the last thing she remembered before she completely blacked out.

\

For the second time that day , Cristina opened her eyes and found that she was looking up at the sky. Only now , it was a dark red instead of an ocean blue.

For a moment , she had thought it had all been just a dream. She had expected to roll over to find Owen's smiling face and welcoming eyes but that wasn't going to happen.

She sat up and realized that her shoulder no longer hurt and that she was lying on a makeshift bed made out of luggage.

She remembered being caught by some mysterious being and now this person was popping shoulders back in and creating beds.

She sat still for a while.

It was quiet. Extremely quiet and it worried her.

She stood up and decided that she was going to investigate.

As she walked , it dawned on her that the screaming victims were no longer around her.

All that was left were pools of blood and left over belongings that were strewn all over the place.

She rounded the cabin of the plane and froze.

She brought her hand up to her mouth.

She stood there for a for a while , trying to understand how this had all happened.

On the other side of the plane , were what seemed like hundreds of dead bodies. She knew they were dead because someone had covered their faces with articles of clothing.

Her heart ached for these innocent people.

Death had snuck up on them.

Her eyes started to cloud over and she turned around swiftly and headed back. She couldn't stand to witness the catastrophe any more.

When she got back to her side , she started pacing back and forth.

How the fuck does she keep getting into situations like this?

Her head was aching and she remembered the bleeding earlier.

She couldn't care about that right now.

She needed a plan.

She needed a way out.

She had to contact Owen and Meredith.

"Hey , you're up."

She whipped around.

The stranger walked up to her and she stepped back. He threw a a piece of flat metal into the cabin behind her and jumped up into it. He took the metal with him into the cockpit.

"How's your head and your shoulder? Are you still in a lot of pain?" He asked from inside.

She hopped up into the cabin and found the stranger breaking tape with his mouth.

"What are you doing?"

"Jerry here , might have fractured his spine. We're stabilizing his back."

"You're a doctor?"

"I am." He turned to the pilot. "Okay , Jerry , i need you to remain still. You can't move or you might hurt your back even more and we can't have that , okay?"

"Okay." Cristina heard coming from the cockpit.

The strange man walked pass her and hopped off of the plane again. He walked over to a pile of wood and started arranging it.

She hopped off as well.

She watched the mans back.

He seemed decent. His McDreamy head of hair and Jackson Avery dress style , told her so.

"Did you...did you do that?" She paused. "With the bodies?"

"Yes , I did." He said as he struck some rocks together.

She nodded even though he couldn't see her.

A fire ignited. He stood up , admired it and then wiped his hands on his jeans.

He turned to her and then smiled slightly. He stretched out his hand. "I'm Noah."

She took his hand. "Cristina."

"You didn't answer my question from earlier , Cristina."

"What question?"

"How's your head an your shoulder?"

"You popped my shoulder back into place?"

He nodded. "I figured it would be better to do it while you were out. Less painful."

"Thanks." She was quiet for a moment. "How long was I out?"

He looked at his watch and Cristina noted that the glass was cracked. "Thirty-two hours."

Cristina froze. "Oh." She said softly.

\

Owen reached for his phone on the desk. He answered without looking as he filed some paper work.

"Owen." The voice on the other side said.

"Meredith. Hey. Have you heard from her yet? Is she settled in? She hasn't called me yet but I guess that's understandable. But she's obviously-"

"Owen." Meredith said again.

He noted her tone. He paused. "Is something wrong?"

There was no response from the other side.

"Meredith , what's wrong?"

He heard her intake of breath. "Cristina...Cristina's plane hasn't landed in Zürich yet."

"What are you talking about? It's been more than twenty-four hours."

"I know."

"Meredith , what are you saying?"

She was quiet. He waited.

"Owen...Owen , the plane is missing."

\

The sun had set and it had gotten dramatically cold in the last hour and the two of them , including Jerry , were wearing every article of clothing they could find that wasn't covered in blood.

Cristina watched Noah throw another log of wood onto the fire.

It had also gotten extremely dark and Cristina was grateful for the small amount light the fire was providing.

Noah came to sit down beside her again but still managed to keep some distance between the two of them. They weren't that familiar with one another yet so sharing body heat was out of the question.

"So , are you married? Kids?" Noah tried to make conversation.

"Divorced and no."

He nodded.

"You?"

"I had a fiancé."

Cristina looked at him. "Had?"

"Yeah , she dumped me after I got a job in Switzerland. Apparently , moving to Zürich wasn't a part of her 'list'." Noah made air quotations around 'list'.

Cristina snorted.

"Yeah. I make great choices."

"I get it though."

"You do?"

"I do. She had a plan. She knew what she wanted and she knew where she was going. And she wasn't going to let anyone stand in her way. Not even a guy."

Noah was quiet. "You know , I thought we were friends. But here you are being all liberating and taking her side."

Cristina laughed.

"You're not going to raise your fist in the air and yell 'sister power' , are you?" Noah joked.

"I just might."

\

"What if we try calling her?" Owen was pacing back and forth.

"Her phone's off." Meredith replied.

"Hunt , sit down. They will be out to speak with us shortly." Derek suggested.

Owen shot him a dirty look and continued pacing.

The three of them were in a waiting room with all of the other victims's families. They were all there for the same reason.

People were crying and speaking in hushed tones around them.

A door opened and everyone stood up.

Derek took Meredith's hand into his and Meredith grabbed onto Owen's arm.

A guy dressed in a suit and tie stepped forward.

He was tall with a built structure. This and his name tag told Owen that he was the head of rescue department.

"I'm sorry to keep you all waiting." The man spoke. "I'm Gregg. I'm the head of the rescue team. I can assure you that we are doing our best to locate your loved ones." His voice projected through the large room and Owen wondered how many other times has he had to do this. "Unfortunately , we haven't located the plane yet. We are working on it though and we will update you as soon as we obtain any new information." With that , Gregg went back in through the door and closed it.

The room was filled with mumbles of confusion and anger.

Owen turned to Meredith and Derek. "Is that it? Is that all we're getting?"

"Looks like it." Derek rubbed his hands over his face.

Owen looked around and then at the door and then back at Meredith and Derek. "Fuck this."

He turned around and started walking away.

"Owen , where are you going?" Meredith called after him.

He didn't turn back.

"Owen!"

\

Cristina's eyes flew open. She had accidentally drifted off.

Something had woken her up and she couldn't remember what it was.

She sat still for a second , watching the dying flames of the fire , when she heard it again.

She looked to the trees on her sides and tried to see if she could see anything. Seeing nothing , she looked back at the fire and tried to ignore what her mind was telling her.

Noah was asleep next to her and she contemplated on whether she should wake him or not.

She decided not to.

After a few minutes , her eyes fell shut again and then flew open once more.

She had heard it again.

She sat up a little and looked around.

And then it dawned on her ; Growling. She was hearing growling.

Some animal or a pack of something was somewhere in the dark.

She couldn't see it. She could just hear it and that made it so much worse.

She looked over at the man beside her. "Noah." She whispered.

He didn't stir.

She waited a few minutes.

The growls got louder and more close together.

"Noah." She said a little louder.

Still , he didn't move.

There was movement in the trees and her heart started beating faster.

She picked up a stone off of the ground and threw him against his head.

He jumped up and whipped his head from left to right. "What? What is it?"

She shushed him. "There's something in the woods." She whispered.

"What?" He whispered back.

"Listen."

They were quiet.

Cristina knew the exact moment he heard it because his facial expression changed and she could almost see his survival mode kick in.

He looked around.

"Okay , let's go." He stood up.

"What? Where are we going?"

"The plane."

"What's the use? There's a giant whole in it."

"Would you rather stay here?"

She thought about it and then stood up. She picked up all of her jackets and they walked quietly to the plane.

Noah guided her into the small but accommodating cockpit and Noah used an extra piece of metal he had found earlier to cover the entrance. The material was large and covered the doorway enough to hide and protect them well.

The two of them crouched in between the two pilot chairs and stayed there.

Noah assured Jerry that he would be okay as long as he remained quiet and still.

The three of them were silent.

The sounds were clearer and could be heard behind the plane and they all had come to the conclusion that the animals they were hiding from were wolves.

Cristina adjusted from her crouched position and sat flat on her bottom and Noah followed.

Cristina brought her knees up to her chin and remained that way for a long time. She had realized that the wolves were feasting on the bodies of the deceased victims.

Growling and chewing and the tearing of flesh could be heard in the silence of the night.

Cristina shut her eyes to block out the images the noises were stimulating.

Noah hesitated but ended up placing his arm around her shoulder and bringing her head to his chest.

Cristina froze at first but relaxed into it.

On another day , at another time , in different situation , Cristina would've pulled away. She would have. She was sure about it. But at that moment , his body heat and the rhythm of his breathing was comforting. It soothed her. Not completely but enough.

The three of them sat like that for a long time. The sounds never once decreased or stopped.

Neither of them spoke.

Neither of them moved.

They just stayed that way until the sun began to rise and Noah whispered that it might be over.

Cristina moved out of his embrace and was about to stand up when he grabbed her shoulder , stilling her.

She looked at him with questioning eyes but he placed his index finger over his lips , motioning her not to speak or make a sound.

She followed his gaze and what she found caused her breathing to hitch.

A loan wolf could be seen through the gap in between the door frame and the metal.

He was inside the cabin and he seemed to be investigating the open luggage bags on the cabin floors.

"What is it?" Jerry whispered.

"A wolf. Don't speak. Don't move." Noah instructed.

Cristina took Jerry's hand into hers.

She knew that if things went south , Jerry won't be able to run or defend himself. She knew Jerry knew this as well.

The wolf lifted his nose out of the bag and directed his gaze at the cockpit.

Noah moved out of his line of sight.

When he felt it was clear , he looked again and the wolf had his nose in the air , sniffing.

Noah knew that wolves had an intense sense of smell and feared that this particular wolf could smell them.

Cristina cringed at the sight of blood across the wolf's face. She wondered if her blood was about to be smeared across the same face.

The wolf started to walk towards them and they backed up against the control panel.

Noah kept his eyes on the wolf between the gaps and Cristina could see the wheels turning in his mind.

She , herself , was trying to find an escape route but wasn't finding one.

As the wolf got closer , Cristina watched Noah reach into his pocket and pull out a Swiss Army knife.

Cristina momentarily wondered if he had that in his pocket their entire stay in this hell hole.

Her attention shifted to the metal door again when she wolf brought his nose up to the gap and sniffed.

The next thing she knew , Noah was on his feet. He pushed the metal on top of the wolf , knocking the animal to the ground.

Before the wolf had a chance to stand up , Noah lifted the heavy piece of material and slammed onto the animal again.

The wolf cried out as the metal made contact with his body.

Noah held the metal in place with his own body , keeping the wolf from moving , as he drove the knife into the animal continuously. The sound of pain and agony and death echoed through the night.

And then it stopped.

The wolf stopped crying and his back paws stopped kicking. His front paws were no longer scratching the floor of the cabin.

It was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the the knife still driving in and out of the wolf.

It was as if Noah hadn't noticed that the animal was already dead.

Cristina rushed to his side and caught his hand before he could plunge the weapon back into the already dead creature.

Cristina pulled him up to his feet. He stilled. She noticed that he was breathing heavily and that his chest and the rest of his clothing was covered in blood.

"Noah." She said softly.

He didn't look at her. His chest continued to rise and fall at rapid pace while he kept his eyes on the bloody mess in front of him.

"Noah!" Cristina said a little louder.

It looked as if she had broken his trance because his wild eyes finally found hers.

"It's over." She brought her tone back down to a calm one. "It's over." She repeated.

He looked at her and then he looked at her hand holding his and then at the wolf.

He nodded as he swallowed while still trying to catch his breath.

Cristina released his hand and stepped back a little.

Noah looked down at his hand and then dropped the knife.

He wiped his face but just ended just smearing the blood onto the side of his cheek even more.

He looked back up at Cristina and she held his gaze.

She didn't know Noah well but as she looked into his raging eyes , she knew that he had just lost a piece of him that he would never get back. She wondered if he had realized that. She wondered if he knew about the inner turmoil he was about to fight. And she wondered if she , too , was going to leave with less pieces than what she had arrived with.

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	23. Chapter 23

Cristina watched as Noah dragged the dead beast out of the cabin and into the woods.

She remembered him saying that he didn't want any of his friends coming back because of the smell.

"The smell of death." She had said to him.

He had nodded and walked away.

If she said that she wasn't a tiny bit afraid of him at that moment , she would be lying.

His eyes had calmed down but not completely.

But she would have to get rid of her fear.

There was no way of telling how long they would be stranded. And being stranded with someone you're afraid of , isn't exactly the most pleasant thing in the world.

She stretched her arm. Her shoulder had been paining ever since the night before and she figured it was because of the cold and the fact that it was dislocated hours before.

She wasn't even sure what day it was anymore or how long they had been there.

The only thing she knew was that things were only going to get worse the longer they stayed in that death infested place.

\

Owen knocked harshly.

The door flew open and a man with salt and pepper hair , wearing a dark jeans and a t-shirt , stood on the other side.

Even though his hair said otherwise , he still looked to be about Owen's age.

"Hey." Owen said awkwardly.

"Owen?"

"Yeah." He smiled a little.

The gentleman stepped aside and made way for his frantic visitor , a look of surprise still plastered on his face.

Owen looked around at his former colleague's home.

Pictures of men and women dressed in uniform were everywhere. He was everywhere.

Owen wondered how his friend managed to look at those images every morning and be okay with it. He got rid of his pictures the second he got home.

Owen spotted a picture of Teddy with her arm around Owen and the man who owned the picture , and smiled.

He turned to the man in front of him.

"Simon , I know this is surprising and unexpected-"

"You don't say."

Owen went on. "But I need your help...as a friend , I need your help."

Simon knitted his brows. "Wow. You've got guts."

"What?"

"You have balls. That's certain. Because a man without them wouldn't have the courage to come over to my home after five years of not a phone call or even a damn goodbye and have the audacity to ask me for a favor." He scoffed. "You've got balls." Simon repeated. "Let me guess? You've been busy?"

Owen nodded. "I have. I've been fixing myself. I've been building a life for myself. And I'm not going to apologize for that." Owen paused. "I am going to apologize for leaving a friend , who was like a brother to me , in his time of need. That I'm going to apologize for." Owen looked guilty. "But after what happened...I couldn't be around anyone or anything that reminded me of that day , of those people."

"Your friends." Simon added.

"My family." Owen corrected.

"Well , I lost family , too , that day. Even though I wasn't on that mission and I don't know what you went through , I lost people , Owen. I was hurting too. And the fact that you just left..."

"I know. I'm sorry. I truly am." Owen paused. "Amy...she loved you. She really did. She would not shut up about you on the way up their." Owen laughed a little. It was the first time he was actually speaking about what had happened to someone who wasn't a therapist.

Owen's face became serious. "She loved you."

Simon looked away.

Owen went on. "I just...I needed time and right now , I need you."

Simon looked at him again. "What is it?"

"It's my wife."

"You have a wife?"

"Yes. And her plane is missing and I need you to locate her."

The man laughed. "How do you expect me to do that? I don't work for the army anymore , remember?"

Owen looked at him. "Simon , I know you still help them out with these type of things. I know you have the equipment and i know you have the connections. Just please...help me."

\

"Hey , I'm going to go get some wood and try to find water. Do you wanna come with?"

Cristina looked up at Noah from her position on the floor.

The sun was blocking out his face so she squinted and used her hand to cover her eyes.

"What?"

"Do you want to come with?"

She sat up. "What about Jerry?"

"The pain knocked him out and that's a good thing I guess."

"It's not."

"I know but still."

Cristina was quiet. "I just don't want him to be alone when he wakes up. That would be a terrible feeling."

Noah looked towards the plane. "I think we'll be back by the time he wakes up again."

Cristina thought about it. She actually needed to get away. She needed a change of scenery before her surroundings drove her completely insane. She felt as if she knew every surrounding tree and every blade of grass by heart.

She stood up. "Okay. But we have to be quick."

"You've got it."

Noah walked up to the plane and stepped inside. He stepped around the blood and picked up the metal he had used as a weapon a few hours ago and placed it in the doorway.

"Just in case Jerry needs protection."

Cristina nodded.

She eyed him as he picked up his knife , wiped it off and placed it in his pocket.

"What do you need that for?"

"We might need protection as well."

She didn't reply.

He began to walk and she followed him.

He looked behind him. "Would you hurry up? We need to get back before dawn."

Cristina rolled her eyes at him and sped up. "Don't tell me what to do." She said when she caught up to him."

"Yes , Ma'am."

She looked at him. "How are you so...normal after what happened this morning?"

"I have seen worse in my day."

She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"We're nosy today , aren't we?" He was quiet for a moment. "I worked in the army for a while." He paused. "I was a part of the trauma unit. I fixed the soldiers up as they came in."

Cristina just looked at him and wondered if he was as messed up as Owen was when they had met.

"So , yeah , I've seen worse. But trust me , last night wasn't just a walk in the park for me."

"I know."

"So , will you stop being afraid of me now?"

"I wasn't-" she stopped at the expression on his face. "Fine."

He laughed. "Good because I want it to be a surprise when I kill you." He feigned seriousness.

Cristina squinted her eyes at him. "Not funny."

\

Owen watched as Simon frantically hit several buttons at the same time.

Soldiers were rushing around him , saying things in a language he once spoke daily.

Codes were being yelled out and names were being called.

The phone rang and Simon answered.

"Yes , this lieutenant Simon Stevenson. I am currently trying locate your plane that went missing a few days ago." Simon was quiet as he listened to the person on the other side. "Yes , I know you and your guys are trying locate it as well but trust me-"

Owen listened to the one sided conversation.

"Listen , if you could just give me the planes last co-ordinates before it disappeared-"

Simon nodded. He called out for a pen and a piece of paper and it was brought to him.

He scribbled something down and then thanked whoever was on the other side of line and then hung up.

"And?"

Simon was quiet as he started punching in things again into the computer in front of him.

"Simon?"

Still there wasn't any answer.

"Simon , would you tell me what's happening?"

Owen suddenly wished he had taken that course in computer technology when it was offered to him when he had first joined the army.

Simon sat back and smiled. He ran his hand through his hair and stared at the screen.

"Simon , would you fucking speak to me?"

His friend looked at him. "I'm not a hundred percent sure but I think ... I think we may have found your wife."

\

Cristina looked around as they walked. The sky was the type of blue it had been the first time she had opened her eyes to this place. Only , it wasn't as hot and the sun wasn't as draining as it was where they were camping out. The trees were providing the perfect amount of shade and she was enjoying it.

She was beyond thirsty and extremely tired and not to mention starving , but she was trying to control all of these things. If she gave into them now , who knows how long she would last.

They had been walking for a while already.

Apparently , Noah had seen a stream somewhere and they were planning on filling up on water there

How they were going to get some to Jerry , she wasn't sure.

She had decided to put her trust in Noah and let him and his army training , work their magic.

"Why did you leave the army?"

He looked at her. Thrown off by her question. "I didn't." He looked down. "I was relieved."

"Oh. What happened?"

He ran his hand over the back of his neck. "I...uh .. I was kinda kidnapped."

She looked at him. "You were 'kinda' kidnapped? No one gets 'kinda' kidnapped , Noah."

"Yeah , well."

They were quiet.

"By who?"

"Who kidnapped me?"

She nodded.

"The enemy." His voice was softer , like he was being reminded of bad memories but he went on. "I was on my way back to where I was staying after a shift and then a car pulled up and a bag was thrown over my head. I was tortured for a few days until the ransom was paid. And then they just... released me. I was one of the lucky ones , I guess." Noah had no idea why he was telling Cristina all of this but it was just something about her dark , understanding eyes that made him want to tell her every piece of information he had located in every dark corner of his mind.

"I'm sorry." She simply said.

He shrugged.

"My ex-husband was relieved from the army as well but that's his story to tell , not mine."

They were both quiet again.

Cristina's legs were growing tired but she chose not to say anything.

"So , you know about me and my dark past , I know about your ex-husband and his mysterious dismissal , what about you?"

"What about me?"

"What do you do? Where did you grow up? What are your hopes and dreams?"

Cristina smiled. "I'm a surgeon. I grew up in California and I was on my way to go and live my hopes and dreams before this happened."

"You're a surgeon?"

"I am."

"What do you specialize in?"

"Cardio. The heart is my organ." She smiled proudly.

Noah stopped walking , making her stop as well. "Wait. What's your last name?"

"Yang. Why?"

"Oh my God , you're Cristina Yang."

She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"You're a freaking legend. You're so fucking badass." He started walking again. "You survived a bomb threat , operated on a man with a damn gun to your head and you printed a heart! You're a fucking superhero!"

Cristina smiled. "How do you know so much about me?"

"Like I said , you're a legend!"

She shrugged it off.

"Wow , I'm stranded in the woods with Cristina Yang! This changes everything. I may not kill you anymore."

She laughed. "You never told me what you specialize in." She turned the conversation away from her.

"General."

Cristina nodded. "You enjoy it?"

"I do. I haven't operated in a while , you know , since the whole thing but I miss it. That's why when I got this job , it was a way of starting fresh , with a clean scalpel and a new set of scrubs. I jumped at the opportunity and I just though my fiancé would too." He paused. "Ex-fiancé. "

Cristina nodded again. "I get it. The starting over part."

"You do?"

"I do."

"Well , at least someone does."

She looked at him and her heart ached for the man with the dried up blood on his chest. He had been through a lot. She knew what it was like to want to get away. To start over. Both of them were running , escaping from their past and look where it had gotten them. This was just another bullet point to add to their long list of tragedies.

\

"How far is this river you were bragging about?"

"We're nearly there."

"Yeah , you said that a while ago."

He stopped waking and looked around.

Cristina stopped as well. "What?"

"I'm just checking if we're going the right way."

"You mean , there's a chance that we might be lost?"

"We're not lost." He said confidently.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

Noah walked towards a small cliff that lead to a steep but short fall.

"Be careful." She warned him.

"I'm always careful."

He brought his hands up to his eyes and tried to see into the distance. He smiled and turned to her. "See. There it is. I was right." He pointed towards the stream that was a distance away from them but still in viewing distance. "I'm always right." He said smugly.

"Just shut up and let's go."

He smiled and was about to turn around a follow her when there was a cracking sound beneath him. He paused and so did Cristina.

"Noah." Her tone was a concerned one.

"It's okay. Just remain calm. It's probably nothing."

The piece of land hitched and he looked up at Cristina.

"Move!"

He tried but before he could step onto stable land , the the rocks beneath him gave away and he went down.

Cristina rushed to the edge and watch as Noah tumbled down the hill , hitting several rocks before he reached the bottom.

His body came to a stand still but he wasn't moving.

"Noah!" She called out to him.

Still , he didn't move.

She looked around , thinking. She didn't have a choice.

She sat down , held onto ground and then slid down to where he was.

She turned him off of his stomach and onto his back.

"Noah?"

She shook his shoulders. "Noah , can you hear me?"

He didn't make a sound.

She brought her index and middle finger up to his neck and checked for a pulse.

She sighed in relief when she found one.

It was faint but it was there.

She check the bruises on his body. His abdomen was bleeding and it was already blue.

There was was tear in his jeans and blood was seeping out of there as well.

She checked the back of his head and found a deep laceration there.

She removed her sweater , leaving her in her camisole. She wondered if it was a good idea to remove clothing considering how cold it got at night but she knew she had to apply pressure to his wounds in order to stop the bleeding.

She tore a large piece of the material and then wrapped it around his head. She tore two more pieces and tied it around his abdomen and leg.

She wondered why he hadn't done that for her head wound.

She decided that maybe her bleeding wasn't that bad. The wound still hurt though.

She looked down at Noah. She felt his pulse again. Still there.

She shook him once last time but still he didn't wake.

She knew that staying there and waiting for him to wake up wasn't a good idea.

The sun would be setting soon and after the activities the night before , she knew that the woods were filled with dangerous animals.

She looked around , trying to figure something out.

She didn't have a choice.

She was going to have to drag his unconscious body up the hill again if she was planning on getting back to the plane any time soon.

She stood up.

She grabbed him underneath his arms and turned him towards the top of the hill.

She took a few deep breaths and started dragging him upwards.

The steep incline and the weight of his body were fighting against one another.

She pulled and pulled and pulled until she couldn't anymore. She was breathing heavy and sweat was beginning to drip down her face even though she had only gotten halfway.

She took a deep breath and started pulling again.

Her legs worked overtime as she tried to walk backwards as fast as she could.

She reached the top of the hill and dragged his body over the cliff and pushed him away from the drop , keeping him from rolling back down.

She dropped to floor and stayed there.

She could hear her heartbeat in her eyes and her chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace.

Looking up at the sky , she noted that it was late afternoon already.

She suddenly felt furious at how quickly the sun seemed to set there.

She needed to get back.

She needed to be surrounded by a familiar environment if she was going to be spending the night alone with two unconscious men.

She stood up and looked down at Noah.

"How the fuck does this type of shit keep happening." She said to herself.

She grabbed him underneath his arms again and started pulling him back the way they came from.

She didn't know the way but she figured if she just kept straight , she'll get there.

The more she dragged him , the harder it got.

She had to drag him while trying to keep him from knocking into any more stuff and at the same time , keep herself from tripping over anything.

After what seemed like hundreds of miles , she paused and took deep breaths. Her chest was beginning to burn and lungs felt over worked.

She wasn't sure how much further it was but she knew that she didn't have time to waste.

The sky was becoming a dark red and the sun would be completely disappearing soon.

She grabbed him again , took a deep breath , and gave a hard pull.

\

Cristina was resting against a tree.

She couldn't seem to catch her breath anymore.

She was drained and even more dehydrated than she was before.

Her limbs felt numb and even though the temperature had dropped , she was still heating up.

The sun has set and she was now alone in the dark woods.

She had expected Noah to wake up by now but then again , she was out for thirty six hours.

She didn't know how she was going to survive that place alone for thirty six hours but she knew she would.

She had to.

An animal began to howl somewhere deep in the forest and a flock of birds flew and cried above her.

Her heart started to race again.

She stood up , grabbed Noah and began pulling him once more.

This time , she didn't stop.

She continued to pull him.

She pulled and she pulled until her back ached and her legs felt like they were going to cave in.

She pulled until the veins in her neck stood up and her head began to throb because of the pressure.

She pulled until she could see the outline of the plane between the trees and the sight it brought tears to her eyes but she didn't allow them to fall.

She dragged Noah all the way to the plane and dropped him there.

She was furious at him for being and idiot and putting her through what she had just gone through.

But she knew she couldn't blame him.

She honestly just needed someone to put the blame on.

She checked on Jerry. He was still out. But he seemed okay.

She nodded to herself , still out of breath.

She dropped down next to Noah and pulled his head onto her lap.

She sat still.

She allowed her exhaustion to seep through her pores and seep through her joints and her bones.

She gave in.

She gave in to all of it.

She rested her head against the outside of the cockpit.

She chose a spot where she was in reaching distance of both men so that she didn't have to move very far if one of them needed her.

Even though she had no idea how she was going to get up if a problem surfaced.

She closed her eyes and imagined a warm fire. She pictured Owen's blue eyes smiling at her and his warm hands on her skin.

She pictured Meredith smiling at her , fussing over her. Forcing her to drink warm coffee and throwing millions of blankets on top of her.

She pictured Derek in a corner , shaking his head at his wife and laughing.

She imagined Alex coming through the door , bitching about something , like he always did , with a miserable look on his face.

She pictured Zola climbing her way up to Cristina's chest and placing one of her incredibly wet kisses on her cheek.

Her heart ached.

She missed them.

She missed her family.

Cristina opened to her eyes to wetness on her nose.

She looked up and watched as drops of rain fell from the sky.

It started slowly at first but then it started to pour.

In a matter of minutes , she was soaked and so was Noah.

She knew she had to get out of the rain but she simply couldn't.

Her mind was saying one thing but her limbs were saying another.

She managed the conjure up enough energy to pull Noah's body against her chest , hopefully providing him with enough heat.

She saw something in the distance and squinted her eyes , the rain blocking her vision.

She realized what she was seeing were the outlines of a pack of wolves.

This time she wasn't scared.

Her rate didn't speed up.

She just rested her head against the metal again.

She had accepted it.

She had accepted that this was her fate.

After years of trying to kill her and failing , the universe had finally won.

She watched the wolves as they approached and didn't even move.

She knew it was selfish of her to not even hide Noah and Jerry but that's what she was at that moment. Selfish and done. Done with everything.

She just wished she had the chance to say goodbye.

To really say goodbye.

Yes , she said goodbye to everyone when she left but that was a different kind of goodbye.

That was a "I'll see you sometime down the road again" kind of goodbye not a "If heaven does exist , I'll see you up there , bud" type of goodbye.

She finally allowed her tears to fall but they fell silently. She didn't make a sound.

The wolves had gotten a lot closer in the last minute and she wished they would just get it over with.

When it looked as if they were about to , a bright light suddenly came from above.

Cristina looked up and squinted.

She was pretty sure it was the bright light everyone in those crappy movies always speak about.

But then dozens of men started dropping down via ropes.

They landed on the ground with thuds and Cristina could make out that they were all dressed in black.

One of the men took out his gun and shot up into the air and the wolves sprinted away.

Another man crouched down to her eye level.

Water was dripping off of his helmet and running down his face.

"Ma'am , are you okay?"

Cristina just stared at him , wondering if he was real or figment of her over exhausted imagination.

"Ma'am , are okay?" The soldier asked again.

Still she didn't answer.

The man took out his walkie talkie and said something about a female survivor and an unconscious man.

A moment later , more people dropped out of the sky.

One of the new men came to take Noah. She fought him off but he assured her that he was taking Noah to safety.

She had reluctantly let go , simply because she couldn't fight him for much longer.

Another man crouched in front of her and his face was familiar.

"Cristina , are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Owen?" She could barely keep her eyes open anymore. "Is that you?"

"Yes , it's me."

All of a sudden , she was being lifted.

As his well-known arms carried her , she wrapped her arms around Owen's neck and snuggled into him. And even though he was as wet as she was , he still managed to be warm and she welcomed the heat.

"Jerry." She mumbled.

"What?"

"The pilot. Get Jerry."

Owen yelled for someone , telling them about the pilot and Cristina watched through half opened eyes as two men ran towards the plane.

"Owen?"

He looked down at her.

"Are we going home now?" Her eyes were beginning to close.

She sounded like a broken child and it broke his heart. "We are. You're safe now , babe."

She buried her head into his neck , allowing his familiar scent to fill up her senses.

"You're safe."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	24. Chapter 24

Thank you to each and everyone of you who take the time to comment and review my story. Thank you for all the views I have gotten. I cannot describe to you how good it makes me feel. Your words and your time means so much to me. They inspire me and motivate me to keep on writing. Once again , Thank you!

/

10 August 2013

Cristina could vaguely hear people in her room.

She kept her eyes closed and wished they would leave.

She was still exhausted and her head was throbbing.

She decided to block them out and ended up drifting off to sleep again.

\

11 August 2013

She opened her eyes and Meredith was seated at the window in her room.

She didn't notice that Cristina was awake because she was staring thoughtfully out of the window.

Cristina wanted to say something.

She wanted to ask her what had happened.

She wanted to ask where her goddaughter was.

But she couldn't muster up the energy to do so.

So , instead , she closed her eyes and once again drifted off to sleep.

\

12 August 2013

People were speaking outside of her window.

She could hear them.

They were familiar voices but she couldn't make out who they were.

The room was dark and she was grateful because her migraine wouldn't go away.

Her room door was closed by a nurse or maybe by one of the familiar voices and the voices were muffled.

The welcomed silence helped her wander off into her drug induced dreams.

\

13 August 2013

Someone was holding her hand and it brought her back to consciousness.

She opened her eyes slowly and blinked away the light that intruded her room.

She looked down at whoever was keeping her hand so warm and found Meredith asleep on her arm.

She moved a little.

"Mer." She said softly.

Meredith didn't move.

She swallowed. "Meredith." Her throat was rough.

She squeezed her friends hand as hard as she could with the limited amount of energy she had. Meredith's head whipped up. "What?" She looked at Cristina.

"You're- you're drooling on my arm."

Meredith's eyes lit up. "I'm sorry." She wiped at her mouth. "I'm sorry." She repeated and wiped away the spit on Cristina's arm. "You're up! You're finally up!"

"I am." Cristina pulled herself into a sitting position.

"You're up." Meredith said once again , tears pooling in her eyes.

"Don't cry , Mer."

"I'm not." Meredith wiped at her eyes. "I'm not."

She looked at Cristina and Cristina looked at her.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Go ahead."

Meredith pulled her into a hug and started sobbing on her uninjured shoulder.

Cristina rubbed her back and smiled.

"You're alive." Meredith stated in between sobs.

Cristina held her tighter. "I am."

\

"You fucking bitch." Cristina turned her head towards the door. "I thought you died."

Cristina sat up. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Alex walked over to her bed and pulled her into a hug , ignoring the blue sling around her right arm.

Cristina gave him a one armed hug. It hurt but she decided to let it slide.

"Okay , okay. That's enough. Save all of this for my actual funeral."

He sat down on her bed. "Who even gets into a plane crash?"

"Apparently I do."

Alex reached over her and took her pudding cup.

"Hey , that's mine." She protested.

"Shut up." He pulled off the lid and stuck his spoon in. He stuffed his mouth with a big helping. "So , what's wrong with you? Did you lose a limb? And organ? Become any dumber?"

"Well , I knocked my head ," she touched the bandage around her head. "So maybe. I would still be smarter than you though."

He smiled.

"Oh and I dislocated my shoulder." She gestured to the sling around her arm. "But Noah popped it back in while I was out and I'm guessing Callie checked it out as well."

"Noah?"

"The guy who survived with me."

Alex looked sorrowful at her.

He threw the empty pudding container onto the nightstand by the bed and Cristina wondered if he had inhaled the dessert.

He walked around her bed , to avoid hurting her arm , and settled down next to her.

She moved over to accommodate him.

"What happened out there?"

Cristina was quiet so Alex decided not to push. "I'm really glad you're not dead." He said after a while.

Cristina rested her head on his shoulder. It was one of the few intimate moments that she and Alex openly shared.

She closed her eyes and released the pain in her chest threw a long exhale.

"I know." She said softly. "Me , too."

\

"You're alive!"

"Yeah , I've been hearing that a lot this morning."

Shane smiled.

"How are you holding up over there?"

"It's been going okay. When Dr Burke heard..." Shane looked at her with guilt in his eyes. "He stayed to help me. He's still here if you want to talk to him." Shane looked around , searching for him.

"No. That's okay."

His eyes fell back on the screen. "Are you sure?"

Cristina nodded slightly. "I'm sure."

They were quiet.

And the silence was filled with guilt.

Cristina sighed. "You don't have to feel guilty , Shane."

"Yeah , but I do."

"No. You don't." Cristina said sternly.

"I should've been-"

"No."

"Dr Yang-"

"No , Shane. You don't get to feel guilty about this. I won't allow you to."

Shane nodded.

After a few minutes , he spoke again. "How are you?"

"I'm good. This hospital has great drugs."

Shane grinned. "Don't stay too long. I need you here."

Cristina didn't reply.

"But you take all the time you need." He added. "Get well soon , Cristina."

"Dr Yang." She corrected him. Cristina gave him a faint smile. "Don't burn my hospital down."

He returned her smile. "No promises."

She smiled one last time and then hung up.

She threw her tab onto the bed and sighed.

Her head was still throbbing and her back was starting to ache from being in bed for that long.

She pressed a button and less than a minute later , the drugs she had been bragging about , carried her away from the dead bodies , dark nights and blood infested thoughts and into a peaceful , dreamless sleep.

\

When she woke again , the sky was dark and it reminded her about her nights in the woods. She wasn't even a minute awake and already she was having flashbacks.

She turned away from the window and watched the people , nurses and doctors pass outside of her room.

They all looked determined. They all had a job to do. They were all going somewhere and she was just lying in her bed.

She felt trapped.

Her mood lifted when a familiar face passed her window and came into her room.

"It's about time." He limped further into her room. "This is the seventh time I've been to your room today and all six times you were asleep." He sat down on her bed. "I'm starting to think you're avoiding me."

"Maybe I am. You are kinda annoying."

She looked down at Noah's body. "You look like you were in a plane crash or something."

Noah laughed. "Yeah , I'm pretty banged up." He lifted his casted leg slowly and slightly off of the ground. "I shattered some bones in my leg as i fell." He lifted up his arm arm which was casted as well. "I broke my wrist and some fingers." He pointed to his bandaged head with his free hand. "And I've gotta pretty nasty cut on my head."

"Wow. You're fucked up."

He laughed. "I am."

He walked around to the other side of the bed , like Alex had and laid down next to her just like Alex had as well.

She shifted , making room for him.

Noah lifted his leg onto the bed and adjusted his arm into a comfortable position.

They were quiet for a while.

"Thank you." He said after a few minutes. "You probably saved both of our lives." He was quiet again but not for long. "We were so far... You dragged me all they way... " he couldn't find the right words and Cristina gave him time. Not because she wanted the thank you but because she wasn't sure what to say. "You saved me. You could've left me there to die. I'm basically a stranger. You didn't have to save me." He looked down at her. "But you did."

Cristina kept her eyes focused on the wall in front of her.

"You are one tough cookie , Cristina Yang." He smiled at her even though she refused to look at him. "You do not crumble easily." He turned towards the window and watched everyone pass by , like she had before he came in. "No wonder these people worship the ground you walk on. You would not believe how tired I've grown from hearing your name being whispered and yelled outside of my room." He joked. "And the worst part is , it's always accompanied by 'goddess' and 'legend' or some other word that makes me insanely jealous."

Cristina laughed.

He kissed the top of her head. A gesture that wouldn't be considered appropriate for two people who had just met a few days ago but more than appropriate for two individuals who had gone through what they had.

"Thank you." He said again.

She finally looked up at him. "No problem."

Suddenly , he stood up. "I gotta go." He wobbled towards the door. "I've got an insanely hot nurse and two pudding cups waiting for me in my room."

"You've gotta share." She demanded.

"My nurse?" He knotted his brows.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and bring the pudding over here."

\

Someone was kissing her hand and her eyes fluttered open.

Immediately , blue eyes were pouring into hers and she smiled.

She moved over to accompany the third man she's had in her bed for the day but this one , this man was different.

Owen removed his jacket and threw it on the chair in the corner.

He got onto the bed and she curled up into his arms.

She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.

He kissed her hair and and snuggled even closer to him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't around today. My surgery ran long and I couldn't get away."

"It's okay."

He was quiet.

"I'm sorry I took so long to-"

"It's okay." She repeated.

"I just thought you didn't call because-"

"Owen ," she looked up at him. "It's fine. You came for me , anyways." She smiled a sad smile. "You rescued me. That's all that matters." Her eyes were filling with tears. The dam wall was starting to crack. "I'm fine. It's fine."

He scooted down so that they were at eye level.

"You're not fine." He stated.

For the first time since she had been rescued , she allowed herself to cry. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and Owen wiped them away before they could reach her chin.

"I know." Her voice was shaking.

His heart broke and he kissed her forehead , her cheek , her nose and then her lips , trying to convey through his gestures how sorry he was for not being there for her when she needed him most.

He kissed her eyes and she opened them again. "But I will be." She stated and for a moment , her confidence was back.

He smiled and rested his forehead against hers.

"You are so strong." He whispered. "So brave." She kissed him again.

When she pulled away , her eyes were still closed and her eyelashes were wet with tears.

He wiped his thumb across her cheek , taking her tears with it.

When she opened her eyes once more , he could see the contradiction between pain and bravery in them.

He rested his forehead against hers again while he rubbed the back of her neck.

"You are my superwoman , Cristina Yang."

/

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	25. Chapter 25

16 August 2013

"Okay , guys , watch this." Jerry instructed.

Noah looked at Cristina and she looked at him.

They were both on either sides of Jerry's hospital bed , waiting for his big surprise.

"Just watch my feet."

They looked down and both of their faces lit up at the sight of Jerry wiggling his toes.

"That is amazing!"

"It seriously is!"

The pilot smiled. "Thank you , thank you. I'll be here all week."

Cristina laughed and dragged a chair to his bed and plopped down in it.

Noah did the same on the other side of the bed.

"How are you feeling , Cristina?"

Cristina looked over to Jerry. She couldn't really see him because he was covered in equipment that ensured his spine remained still and that he wasn't able to move.

"I'm good. After your little show , I'm feeling better."

"I'm glad."

"How many surgeries do you have left?" She shifted the conversation away from her.

"Well , Dr Shepherd said that if the movement in my legs improve , I'll have two more surgeries left. If not , there will probably be more."

Cristina nodded. "If it helps at all , Shepherd is the best there is. You're in good hands." She assured him.

"That's what everyone's been telling me so it has to be true." Jerry moved his eyes towards Noah. "How about you? How are you feeling?"

Noah smiled. "I'm not doing too bad. Dr Torres said that my leg is healing well and so is my wrist so , I can't complain."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

The air changed in the room and all three of them were silent.

"Guys ," Jerry spoke up. "I would like to apologize if all of this was my fault in any away. I am so sorry."

Cristina came to stand by his side. "This was not your fault Jerry." She assured him. "And even if it was , it's not like you crashed the plane on purpose."

Noah stood up. "And out of the three of us , you're the one who suffered the most so , it would really suck for you if you did do this on purpose."

Jerry laughed.

"Don't beat yourself up over this." Cristina smiled slightly. "Okay?"

"Okay."

Cristina sat down again. "So , what's on the hospital menu for lunch?"

Noah was just about to answer when Bailey came in.

"What are you still doing here?" She looked at Cristina.

"I'm visiting Jerry and discussing lunch." She pointed at the pilot.

"Well , you should be at home. I checked with Torres and Shepherd and they both agreed that you could go home. You got discharged an hour ago."

"Well , no one told me."

"I'm telling you now." She said in a very Bailey way. "Go home , Yang."

Cristina stood up and walked towards the door. "Okay , okay. I'm going. Keep your pants on."

She walked pass Bailey and headed towards her room.

Miranda turned back to Noah and Jerry and found that they were staring at her.

"What are you both looking at?"

Noah held his hands up in front of him. "Nothing , Ma'am."

"I can't even see you over these things." Jerry defended himself.

Bailey looked at them once more and then nodded.

As she left the room , she smiled. "I still got it."

\

Cristina sat on her bed , a plastic bag full of brand new clothes next to her.

She wasn't ready to go home.

She wasn't even sure where home was.

Was she suppose to go back to Alex's

Or was Owen taking her to the firehouse?

Was she going to stay at Owen's trailer

Or was she going to live at the McDream house for a while?

She wasn't sure she belonged anymore.

She wasn't ready.

She wasn't ready to go to a place with less people to keep her mind off of her haunting thoughts.

She wasn't ready to go to a place without pain meds to help her sleep.

She wasn't ready to face every day life.

Not yet.

She wanted to stay where she was.

She wanted to stay where there were bright lights and where there were people around her without actually being around her. She could watch them through her window and the knowledge that there were people out there and that she wasn't alone was some how comforting.

She wanted to stay.

But she couldn't.

Not when Owen was wheeling a wheelchair into her room and Meredith was smiling brightly next to him.

Not when she was being offered Derek's hand and being helped into the wheelchair.

And not when she was being applauded by the hospital staff and her friends as Owen wheeled out her of the hospital and into his truck.

She couldn't stay.

She had to go and live her life.

Because she was alive. She had survived.

She had survived what so many hadn't and she was suppose to be grateful.

But how was she suppose to be grateful when images of cramped cockpits and bloody t-shirts and hundreds of dead bodies , kept flooding her mind.

She looked over at Owen as he started the car.

He smiled at her and she gave him a faint smile back.

"Ready to go home?" He asked her.

She looked over at the hospital and then back at him. Her answer was a lie but that was okay because he didn't have to know the truth. It wouldn't make a difference. She nodded. "I'm ready."

\

Turns out home was the firehouse.

It was a weird feeling seeing that place after such a long time.

She hadn't been there ever since that night.

The night that changed everything.

It all felt like a lifetime ago.

She climbed the stairs slowly , Owen patiently following behind her.

When she reached the top , she dropped her bag in the usual spot and then took a few more steps inside.

The house was a lot colder than what she remembered.

She came to the conclusion that no one had been using it for a while.

She turned around to Owen because she honestly had no idea what do with herself.

He had a faint smile on his lips. He reached his arms out to his sides. "Welcome home."

\

He gently removed her sling and then helped her out of her clothes.

He took her hand and then assisted her as she climbed into the bathtub.

Her shoulder wasn't completely healed yet so bathing herself was out of the question.

"Do you want to soak for a while? Want me to leave you alone?"

She nodded.

"Okay , then."

He was about to walk out of the bathroom but she spoke up. "But... Uh.. Don't leave."

He looked back at her and then nodded.

He walked back over to her and then sat down with his back against the tub and rested his head on the edge.

He heard her shift as she slowly sunk down completely into the water.

She closed her eyes and allowed the hot water to drain the remaining exhaustion out of her bones.

She finally started to relax.

After days of unbelievable stress and anxiety , her body was calming down and the feeling was amazing.

Everything was quiet as she laid completely still.

Suddenly , she was crashing again. Blood was all around her , Dead bodies were laid out in front of her and animals were being killed. She could hear the sound of flesh being torn again and their growls and howls and cries.

Her eyes flew open but the images wouldn't go away.

She tried to sit up but the sudden movement caused her shoulder to pain and she fell back. She let go of her breath and she reached out her hand , trying to grip whatever she could.

Owen jumped up. He grabbed her underneath the water and pulled her into a sitting position.

She came up searching for air , her eyes frantic.

She fell against Owen and clung to him.

He held her against him and stroked her hair. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "I just closed my eyes for two seconds." His voice was desperate. "I'm so sorry." He repeated.

She didn't say anything. She just held onto him , still trying to catch her breath.

"I'm so sorry." He said again.

She buried her head into his neck , trying her best to get rid of the stubborn memories that wouldn't leave her alone.

\

Owen hung up the phone and turned to Cristina on the bed. "That was Derek. They're coming over for dinner. Meredith's cooking."

"Mer's cooking?"

Owen smiled. "Okay , we might be having take out."

Cristina smiled faintly back at him. She looked at him for a while. She opened her mouth to speak and Owen thought she was about to confess something. "I'm staying in my pj's." She stated. "I'm not changing."

Owen smiled again and then walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "Whatever your heart desires."

\

An hour later , the four of them were seated around the dinning room table , finishing off the Chinese food the Shepherds had brought over.

Owen looked over at Cristina and her smile was a little brighter and her voice was a little stronger. She was actually holding a conversation with Meredith and Derek about whether Derek should be allowed to get a helicopter and helipad on their property.

Derek said something to Owen , asking for his agreement and Owen replied "yes , of course." And then laughed even though he had no idea what his friend had just said.

He looked back at Cristina and she seemed better.

Better than she was less than two hours ago.

He wondered if her demeanor was a result of his presence. Was it awkward or upsetting for her to be around him? Did she rather want to go and stay with Meredith or Alex rather than her ex-husband? His heart sunk at the thought that she felt forced to be there with him , that she was just staying there because she felt obligated and she was too sensitive towards his feelings to tell him that she wanted out.

But then she looked at him and smiled. She smiled a smile that brought his heart back up to it's original position and took away all doubt. He decided that none of those things could be true because a woman who gave a man such a loving look like the one Cristina was giving him , couldn't and wouldn't come from someone who was being held hostage.

"Let's go up to the roof." Meredith suggested. "We haven't been up there in a while."

Cristina agreed and Owen told them he would join them in a minute.

Meredith grabbed the bottle of wine and Cristina took the glasses as the women headed up the stairs to the roof.

Owen watched them disappear and then picked up the dirty plates and went to deposit them in the sink.

Derek came to stand beside him as Owen started washing the dishes.

"So ," Derek looked up towards the roof. "How is she?"

"Cristina?"

"Yeah."

"I... I don't know." Owen answered honestly.

"What do you mean." Derek reached over to the bowl of grapes next to him and popped one in his mouth.

Owen looked over to Derek , unsure if he should reveal what had just happened to her before their arrive. Owen looked back down at the task before him as he spoke. "She had an episode before you guys came."

Derek knitted his brows. "An episode?"

"Yeah. I think she had a flash back or something. She had a complete panic attack."

Derek nodded and folded his arms across his chest. "She seems fine now." He shrugged.

"But that's the thing. She was fine at the hospital as well but the moment she got home she was... different."

Owen rinsed the plates , left them to dry and then picked up the dish cloth next to the sink and dried his hands. He then mimicked Derek's posture.

"Well , PTSD is very common in trauma patients." He looked over at Owen. "We all know a little something about that."

"You can say that again."

They were quiet.

Derek looked over at Owen again and patted him on the shoulder. "Hey , everything will work out. She'll be okay and you'll be okay and we're all going to be just fine."

Owen looked at his friend. "You're starting to sound like Meredith when she's in denial."

Derek laughed. "Yeah , well." Derek stood up straight. "Now let's get up there before those women challenge one another to jump from building to building."

\

Owen climbed into bed and then pulled Cristina against his chest.

He had removed his shirt because he knew she slept better when they were skin to skin.

He kissed her neck and then her shoulder.

"Tonight was good." She stated. "I missed this house."

"You use to hate it."

"Yeah but you loved it."

"I did."

Owen listened to her breathing for a while and thought she was about to fall asleep but then she spoke up. "It was dark."

He looked down at her and saw that her eyes were closed.

"In the woods." She elaborated. "It was very dark." He waited. "I was... Afraid." She was quiet for a moment. "And exhausted. So exhausted."

He didn't say anything because he didn't want to frighten her back into silence. So he just listened and waited patiently as she spoke.

"There were so many stars in the sky." She continued. "And it was so cold." She grabbed his hand that was already around his waist and pulled it tighter around her. "I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to. Even during the day. I was afraid they would come back." He watched her face in the light of the moon as her brows knitted and her eyes shut even tighter. "I was afraid the wolves would come back and we wouldn't be prepared."

Owen stopped breathing for a second. "Wolves?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah."

He waited again but she didn't say anything else.

Instead , she turned into his chest and held him tight.

He ran his hand through her hair as she kissed his chest and then looked up into his eyes.

Her sad eyes and pouty mouth took his breath away. She was so beautiful even when she was sad and afraid and he was about to tell her that but then she looked away and rested her forehead against his chest.

"That's enough story time for one night." She said softly.

A few minutes later , she was softly snoring into his chest.

He held her even tighter and softly promised her that she would get better and that he would be there for her every step of the way because that's what she had done for him. He ended off his promise with a light kiss to her lips.

She mumbled something incoherent in her sleep which mostly sounded like cursing and then she was quiet again.

Owen smiled and wondered for how much longer he would be able to enjoy her dirty mouth and whether he'd get many more wonderful moments like the ones he was experiencing at that moment with her in his arms and her lightly cursing under her breath.

/

Remember to review and comment dolls


	26. Chapter 26

10 September 2013

She was sitting cross-legged on the bed while Owen got ready for work.

Cristina watched him as he walked back and forth in front of her.

Every now and then he would look up at her and smile and she would nibble on her lip like she wasn't even aware that she was staring at him.

She cleared her throat. "Hey , Owen?"

He pulled on his jacket and then looked back at her. "Yeah?"

"Can I ... Do you mind if I go with you to work today?"

Owen froze. He thought about his reply carefully. He didn't want to scare her. "Yeah , sure." He tried to sound nonchalant.

She smiled. "Okay. I gotta go shower then." She jumped up and walked over to the bathroom.

"Do you need help?" He asked before she closed the door.

"I'm good."

The door closed and Owen smiled to himself.

He sat down on the bed and kicked off his shoes again. He was going to be late for his shift but he didn't mind.

Cristina wanting to go to the hospital showed that she was getting better. She was doing good.

It had been a few weeks since she last had an attack.

She had one more after the bathtub incident.

She had lost it in the park when a dog broke loose from his owner and charged towards her. She had fell to floor and pulled him with her. She couldn't stop crying and he had to carry her back to the truck.

After she calmed down , she refused to speak about it again.

Owen figured the panic attack had something to do with the wolves.

But that was the last one.

The door opened again with an annoyed Cristina on the other side. "I can't get this stupid sling off."

Owen smiled and walked over to her.

"This sling really is stupid." She mumbled as Owen slipped it off of her shoulder.

"I know." He laughed a little. He tossed it onto the floor and turned towards her again.

He smiled at the expression on her face ; her bottom lip was pushed out and her eyebrows were knitted.

"Also , it's a horrible colour." She stated.

"I chose the colour."

She shrugged. "I'm not apologizing for your sucky taste in colours."

Owen laughed again. "Yeah , whatever. Just get your ass into the shower."

\

Cristina sat down and Alex set her tray on the table.

"You know ," she started. "I like having you as my bitch." She picked up her fork and pointed it at him. "I think I'll keep you."

"Just shut up and eat."

Meredith sat down. "You look good in the clothes that I bought you."

"That sounds like something a rapper would say."

Meredith smiled. "Does it feel good to be back?"

Cristina shrugged. "I guess." She tried to play it cool but she couldn't hide the joy in her eyes.

Her day had been amazing. She had sat in so many galleries and witnessed so many surgeries. And after some convincing , Owen had even agreed to allow her to do an appendectomy.

It did feel good to be back. She also knew that it meant that she was getting better. She was well enough to go back to work now.

Cristina turned her attention back to Meredith. "How are Zola and Derek doing?"

"Well , Zola is really starting to get the hang of walking. She's making her mother proud." Meredith smiled.

Cristina smiled back. "And how about Derek?"

"He's proud , too."

Cristina watched Meredith's eyes fall downwards and then busy herself with her food.

Cristina looked at Alex and he shrugged.

She decided not to pry any further. She made the decision to let her friend come to her with whatever was going on in her marriage.

Cristina had noted something was wrong ever since that day she woke up to find Meredith in her hospital room , staring out of the window.

As she watched Meredith steal a fry from Alex's tray when he wasn't looking , she wondered if their lives could just be ordinary for once.

She could do with a little ordinary.

\

"I think this can come off now." Callie announced , removing the sling from Cristina's shoulder.

"Seriously?" She rotated her shoulder a little.

"Yeah. A month has been enough. You're good as new." Callie's smile faded a little. "Well , not good as new. You might still have a little pain now and then but other than that , you're good." Her smile brightened again.

Cristina returned the smile. "That's a relief. Damn thing is annoying."

Callie laughed and hopped onto the exam table with Cristina. "But are you good though?"

Cristina looked at her for a moment and then pushed herself off of the table. "We're not doing this."

Callie knitted her brows. "Doing what?"

"This whole talking thing." Cristina gestured all around her. "We're not talking about our hopes and dreams and fears." She paused. "No. Not happening."

Callie shrugged. "Okay , but if you need to talk , call me."

Cristina opened the exam room door and walked out. "Don't count on it." She threw over her shoulder , Her voice half playful , half serious.

As the door swung close again , Callie sighed. "How do you solve a problem like Cristina?" She mumbled to herself. But she then came to the conclusion that she wasn't someone you needed to solve or fix or change , she was just someone who needed to be understood.

\

"God , you look terrible." Noah stated as Cristina walked into the room.

"I was just about to say the same thing about you." She pulled a chair up next to his hospital bed and plopped down in it. "So , what's up? I heard you were dying since the last time I saw you."

"Well , apparently , I can survive a plane crash and war but an appendectomy nearly killed me." Noah shrugged.

"Seriously? An appendectomy?"

"Yeah. I was suppose to leave a few days ago when I suddenly got this pain in my side. Next thing I knew , I'm waking up with tubes everywhere and I'm being told that I nearly bled out when an intern nicked something. I wasn't really paying attention. I was too concentrated on how fucked up my life is." He laughed.

"I know what you mean." Cristina looked down. "Hey , sorry I didn't come to see-"

"Don't apologize." Noah cut her off. "I get it. I get why you didn't come."

Cristina smiled at him. "Thanks."

"Have you been to see Jerry?" Noah changed the subject.

"Yeah. He's doing great. Just had his last surgery yesterday and is still out. Shepherd said that things are looking hopeful."

"I don't trust Shepherd." Noah stated. "His hair is too perfect. It's too suspicious." He gestured at his own hair.

"He has a wife. Don't fall in love with him too much."

"Damn."

Cristina laughed , stood up and gestured for him to move over.

She laid down next to him and sighed. "I'm glad you didn't die."

"Yeah , that would've sucked."

"Yep."

He looked at her for a while and then smiled. "I'm glad you didn't die , too."

\

Owen set Cristina on her feet.

He was forced to carry her into the house after she complained about being too tired to walk and refused to move.

She threw her jacket onto the chair and kicked off her shoes.

"You're welcome." Owen said sarcastically , his tone playful.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked into his eyes as a light smile played on her lips. "Thank you." She placed a soft kiss on his lips. "For everything." Her words held a lot.

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her even closer. "You're welcome."

He moved in for another kiss but she pulled away. "I am starving." She complained. She was about to walk away when he lifted her into the air again.

She giggled , because that's what she did when she was with Owen , as he carried her over to the kitchen counter and set her down there.

"Stay." He instructed.

"Yes , Sir."

He walked over to the fridge and pulled it open. "Okay , we've got cold pizza , spaghetti and... " his voice trailed off as he smelled something , made a face and then threw it in the trash. "I guess that's it." He wiped his hands on his jeans. "What would you like?"

"Pizza , please."

"You got it."

Cristina listened as he moved around the kitchen. She heard plates being moved and the microwave being turned on and then he was in front of her again.

He handed her a plate and stood between her legs as he took a bite of his own slice.

"So , did you enjoy today?"

She chewed as she nodded. "I did."

"Feeling better?"

"I am."

His smile was so bright and filled with love that her appetite was suddenly gone and she was craving something different.

She set her plate on the counter and then did the same with his.

"I think you've had enough." She wrapped her arms around his neck again and pulled him closer with her legs.

She placed a kiss on his cheek , on his neck and then his lips.

"I missed you." He whispered.

She rested her forehead on his. "I know." Her eyes remained close. "I missed you."

Suddenly , she was in the air again , her back was hitting the mattress and Owen was kissing her hard.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "I'm tired of missing you."

She started unbuttoning his shirt. "I know." She said again and then pulled him close once more. "Now , ssh and help me get you naked so that I can stop missing you."

\

Owen woke up to the sound of rain falling against the windows.

It took him a while to realize that the thing that woke him up was the blaring alarm beside his head.

He turned it off and then suddenly remembered that someone was suppose to be next to him.

But she wasn't there.

"Cristina?" He called out into the still dark house. There wasn't any answer.

He got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom , pushing the door open. "Cristina?" She wasn't in there either.

He walked back into the bedroom and looked around with his hands on his hips , mildly confused.

For a second , he wondered if she might be on the roof but then he remembered that it was raining.

Something caught his eye on his bedside table and found that the light on his phone was flashing continuously, signaling he had a voicemail in his inbox.

He walked over to get it and then sat down on the bed again.

He held the phone up to his ear and almost immediately her voice came through.

"Owen , hi." He could tell something was wrong but her voice was still filled with love. "Don't hate me but I did something." She continued. "I'm currently on a flight to Switzerland." She paused because she probably knew that he would need some time to process that. After a moment , she went on. "I just couldn't ... I couldn't say goodbye again." She was quiet again. "We knew this was coming. We knew that at some point I had to leave and I hope me sneaking off in the middle of the night was worth it because it was the hardest thing I ever had to. I don't want to leave you. I don't. But , I have to go and live my life. And so do you." He heard the emotion in her voice and he could feel his own eyes tearing up. "This is for the best."

His heart ached at her words. "You have given me ... So much. You have. Don't ever doubt that , Owen." Her tone was stern. "And just so you know , everything I've ever said , I'll always mean." He closed his eyes and listened as her voice faltered. "I want you ... I want you to have what you need. You deserve it. That's why I can't stay. I can't stand in the way of your dreams. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did. I can't have you resent me , Owen." He heard her take a deep breath in. "I can't have that." She repeated. "You are such an important person in my world." She emphasized each word. "You always have been and always will be." He could now hear that she was crying by the change in her breathing and it made him wipe the wetness from his own eyes. "I've been rambling , I know. But , I just wanted you to know. We didn't get a proper goodbye the last time and I just thought that we deserved one this time. Even if it had to be this way." She laughed a little. "Owen , I will always-" She was cut off by a flight attendant , telling her that they were about to take off and she needed to put her phone away. Owen heard Cristina ask for a minute and then she was back. "Anyway , I've gotta go. The flight attendants are giving me dirty looks." Owen smiled. She was quiet for a while and he waited. He waited for it. "I ... Uh .. Take care now. Bye."

And then the machine was speaking in his ear again , asking if he wanted to replay the message.

He threw the phone on the bed beside him.

He looked around at his surroundings.

Everything felt different.

The house suddenly felt a lot colder.

The bed looked a lot bigger and emptier.

And Even as the sun started to break through the rain clouds and pour into the firehouse , the house still looked dark.

He felt more alone than he ever had before.

He sighed and looked at his phone again.

His words were a whisper into the cold , dark , lonely home they once shared.

"Take care now."

/

Remember to review and comment dolls


	27. Chapter 27

Just letting you guys now that this story is not done. I am not done with it. We still have a long way to go and i hope you'll stick with me on Cristina and Owen's journey. Enjoy!

/

12 September 2013

Cristina looked around at her new place.

She was standing in the middle of the foyer gazing up at the upstairs section.

It's not the type of house she would usually rent but she left the housing up to Shane and this is what he chose.

But she had to admit , it was nice.

It had a dual staircase that lead from the foyer up to the bedrooms that were situated upstairs.

It had a massive living room with large couches that she could just picture herself lounging on.

The house even had a backyard with a heated pool.

It was fancy , she had to give it that much.

She ascended the stairs and made her way over to the room that she had chosen for herself.

The house came with six bedrooms , three on each wing , and Shane had already moved himself into one of them , leaving her with the bedroom with an en suite and a gorgeous view.

She figured it was because he knew that as long as she got the good room , he could stay.

She stepped into the room and sat down on the king size bed Shane had purchased for her.

All of her things that she had shipped over before everything happened , were already unpacked and packed in closets and placed on tables.

Shane had even replaced all of the medical journals she had lost in the crash.

She gazed out of the large windows that spread out from the side wall all the way to the wall in front of her bed.

From the glass wall on her side , she could see the mountains behind her and in the distance and through the windows in front of her , she could see far into the city.

She's pretty sure that with binoculars , she could've even see her office.

She walked over to the side window and looked down into the neighbor's yard.

It was a distance away but still clear enough for her to see.

There was a woman in her garden , on her knees.

She watched the woman stand up and remove her sun hat. Cristina noted that she was a brunette with a full head of hair.

The woman must've felt someone watching her because she looked up , saw Cristina , smiled and then waved.

Cristina , caught off guard , forced a smile to her face and then gave a short wave.

She turned away from the window and walked towards her walk-in closet.

She had complained to Shane that all of the accessories that came with the house were totally unnecessary and that she didn't even have enough clothes to fill the closet.

He had waved her off and said that they could go shopping some time.

She stepped into the closet and started snooping around like it didn't belong to her.

She pulled open drawers and went through the little clothing she had brought and then sat on the island in the middle of the all white closet.

She ran her hand over the glossy surface and nodded.

This was it.

This was going to be her new hide-out.

\

Cristina sat on the counter in her new kitchen while Shane Cooked spaghetti on the stove.

The marble tops , silver appliances and white cabinets gave the kitchen a modern look.

She liked it.

Her socked feet swung as she listened to Shane tell her all about the hospital she was about to start at tomorrow.

"So I take it you like it there?"

Shane turned around while still stirring whatever sauce he was making in the pot in front of him. Cristina wasn't really concerned about the process. The only thing that bothered her was the sounds her stomach was making and the aromas in the air. "Yeah , I do. We have a great staff on board and they are all so professional."

"So , they're not stuck up , arrogant people?"

"Nope."

"That's good , I guess."

Shane was quiet and Cristina sensed there was reason for his silence.

She looked at him. "What?"

He turned towards the pot and kept stirring without looking back. "What happened with you and Dr Burke?" He asked carefully. "You've never told me that story before." He paused. "The full story."

Cristina froze.

"I mean , there has to be something there. The man gave you a hospital , for God's sake." He finally looked at her again.

She recovered and tried to sound nonchalant again. "I don't know what to tell you , Shane. We dated , it didn't work out and then he moved away. Nothing exciting."

"That's not what I heard."

"Yeah , well , you shouldn't believe everything you hear."

Shane nodded. "He speaks very highly of you and he never stops asking about you." He looked up at Cristina's expression and couldn't tell what it was. "I just thought you should know." He added.

She looked down at her hands and then up at him. The unreadable expression was gone and Cristina was back. "When's the damn food ready? I'm starving." She hopped off of the counter and walked over to the couch. She picked up the remote and started flipping through channels. "I'm telling you , Shane , if you want to keep living here rent free ," she emphasized the last part. "You're going to have to step up your game."

\

13 September 2013

Even though she was use to cold weather , the weather in Switzerland was a hundred times worse than it was in Seattle. Or At least Cristina thought so.

The icy morning had her wrapped in many layers of clothing , a beanie and a scarf.

She hurried to her car , which was new as well , and slammed the door shut.

She hit several buttons , trying to turn the heat on and then finally succeeding. She sighed in relief as the car was almost immediately filled with hot air.

She was about to start the car when her phone rang.

She rapidly searched through her bag until she found out it and cringed at the caller ID.

She had been ignoring Meredith's calls ever since she landed and she knew she couldn't for much longer.

She removed her gloves with her teeth , swiped the screen and then held her breath.

"What the fuck , Cristina?"

"Well , hello to you too , Meredith." Cristina said calmly. She put Meredith on speaker and then placed her in the phone holder.

"Don't 'hello' me. You snuck off in the middle of the nigh without a word and then didn't call me or answer my calls for three days and you have the audacity to 'hello' me?"

"Then what am I suppose to say , Mer?" She started up the car.

"Oh , I don't know. How about 'I'm sorry I snuck off to Switzerland like a wanted spy and didn't let you know , Meredith.' Or 'I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye' or literally anything else would have done the trick."

Cristina pulled out of her driveway and onto the road. Her house was situated away from the city and surrounded by trees and wilderness. It reminded her about the McDreamhouse. "Okay , okay. I'm sorry."

"You could at least sound more sincere."

"I am truly sorry , Meredith Grey. I promise that it won't happen again." She paused. "Better?"

"I could do without the sarcasm but yes. Better." Meredith was no longer yelling. "You could've said goodbye though. I mean , Owen got an emotional voicemail and I got nothing. Kinda jealous."

Cristina smiled. "I know. But I said everything I wanted to say the last time." She made a corner.

"But still." She could practically hear Meredith pouting.

"Sorry." Cristina came to a stop.

"How's everything over there?"

"It's good." The light turned green and she started driving again. "The house is huge and way too fancy but I like it. I'm on my way to the hospital right now so I don't know how that is yet."

"Wow."

"What?" Cristina slowed the car down and then signaled for a pedestrian to cross the road and nodded when they smiled at her. She sped up again.

"You're on your way to your hospital." She could hear the smile in Meredith's voice. "A hospital that you own."

"I own a hospital." Cristina said it like it was just sinking in for the first time.

"You own a hospital." Meredith repeated.

Cristina was quiet for a few minutes while she listened to Meredith yell at an intern and then she was back.

"You're still at the hospital?"

"Yeah , I had some patient files to correct and update because my intern is a moron and can't be trusted."

"And where's Derek?" Cristina tried to sound nonchalant.

"He's back at the house."

"Oh , with Zola?"

"No. She's here with me. But she's asleep though."

The whole thing sounded suspicious but Cristina didn't say anything.

The car came to a final stop and Cristina sighed. "I think I found it. I found the hospital." She removed her seatbelt and leaned forward , looking up at the building.

"How does it look?"

"It's huge , that's for sure."

"Well , hang up and go in. You can FaceTime me later."

"Okay."

"Good luck , Dr Yang."

Cristina smiled. "Bye , Mer." She hung up and then threw her phone back into her bag.

She removed her many layers of clothing , leaving her in the outfit she had thought looked professional and appropriate for her first day.

She sat back , took several deep breaths in and then open the car door.

She placed a high heel firmly on the ground and got out of the car.

A young man , whose Identity tag said that he was an intern at the hospital , rushed up to her and offered to park her car in her spot.

She handed him her car keys and drove the car away and behind the building.

She looked up at the building once more.

It was a beautiful glass structure.

She had seen pictures of it that Burke had shown her and whatever she could find on google but up close , it was breathtaking.

And it was hers.

It belonged to her.

She shook her hands as she tried to get rid of the nerves and then took a few steps forward.

"Here we go."

\

"And this is your office." Burke announced as he opened a door that already had her name on it. Along with 'Director of cardio thoracic surgery'.

She stepped inside and looked approvingly around at her new office.

It was just the right size.

And it had a large window for a wall like back at the house.

Her desk was situated in front of the window and a large couch was place by the wall.

There were already pictures of Meredith and Alex and Owen on the desk next to the window and more medical journals on shelves.

Shane really took care of her.

She had to remember to thank him later.

Or at least buy him dinner.

She turned to Burke. "So , where do I sign?"

\

Cristina signed her name one more time and then handed the pen over to Burke.

"Okay , that's it." He smiled. "The hospital is officially yours." He placed a copy of the documents in a file and handed her the originals.

A strange feeling came over Cristina.

She didn't know what it was but she knew it was a good one.

She sat down on the leather office chair she assumed Shane had bought as well , and ran her hand over her desk.

She looked up at Burke with happiness and gratitude radiating from her eyes.

"I don't actually have a key but I'm metaphorically handing the key over to you." He laughed. "The chocolate factory is yours."

"This is so much better than a chocolate factory." She said more to herself than to him.

"That's true." He nodded. "Well , I have a plane to catch."

"Yes , of course." She stood up.

Instead of walking towards the door , he stepped forward and placed his hands in his pockets , holding the file under his arm. "When I heard ... Your plane crashed , I felt a lot of emotions. But what resonated with me is that , it's a damn good thing I'm leaving." He laughed a little. "Because if I stayed , my marriage would be over. So , I would stay and help you out a little but I can't. I have to go. I have to leave."

Cristina was caught off guard a little and didn't know what to say. So , she just said what came to mind. "Well , at least I know where you're going this time."

Burke laughed. "Okay , yeah , I deserved that."

Cristina gave him a small smile.

He adjusted his glasses and then pointed a finger at her. "You ..." He paused. "Have become everything I knew you would be. Well done."

She nodded. "Thank you."

He smiled at her one last time and then he was gone.

Her knees felt weak so she sat down in her chair again and took a few deep breaths.

She had finally gotten the closure she had wanted for a long time and now that she finally had it , it felt strange.

But she also felt content.

She let go of her last deep breath and then smiled.

She turned her head to the window and watched Burke walk out of the hospital.

He looked up at the building and saw her.

He gave her a wave and she returned it.

He then turned back around and disappeared into the crowds of people on the street.

"Goodbye , Willy Wonka."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	28. Chapter 28

14 September 2013

As soon as the car came to a stop , Cristina hopped out.

She hurried to her front door and almost immediately unlocked it.

She sighed in relief as the door opened and she was greeted with wave of cold air.

Her shoulders relaxed as she stepped inside and pushed the door close.

She hung the coat she already removed in the car , on the coat rack by the door and threw her bag on the floor.

She then kicked off her shoes , removed her socks and closed her eyes as the cold tiles greeted the pads of her feet.

"It's good to be home." She said to herself.

The weather had gone from one extreme to another extreme. It was blazing hot outside and the drive from the hospital to the house felt like a literal drive through hell.

She felt like she didn't appreciate the cold enough and complained too much about it the day before and this is was her punishment.

"Aren't you glad I came home early?" Shane asked as he came out of the living room.

"All you did was turn on an air conditioner."

Shane cocked an eyebrow.

"But I love you so much for hitting that button."

Shane laughed. "I know."

Cristina was about to throw in an insult when the doorbell rang. "We have a doorbell?" She asked instead.

"Apparently we do."

Cristina turned around , opened the door and found a bright smile on the other side.

"Hi." The woman said cheerfully.

"Hi." Cristina said slowly. She then realized that it was the woman from the garden.

"I'm Louise Shaughnessy. But you can call me Lou." The woman extended her hand and smiled again.

Cristina shook her hand. "Cristina. Cristina Yang." Shane came to stand beside her. "And this is Shane."

"Hi , there , Shane."

"Hi. Do you want to come in?"

Cristina's head snapped towards him and he ignored her stare.

"Oh , no. That's okay. I have a pie in the oven. I just came over to say hi to my new neighbor's." Her dark red lips extended into a smile once again. Cristina looked her over as she spoke.

Her eyes ran over the strangers petite body that she styled with a white pencil skirt and see-through blouse. Her skin was tan and flawless. The weather didn't have an effect on her at all.

Her short blonde hair added to the sophistication that she already oozed.

A dark red lipstick painted her lips and her dark mascara and even darker eyelashes highlighted her blue eyes.

The woman smelled of money and class and Cristina couldn't get over how perfect this woman seemed to be.

And she seemed to be having the same affect on Shane because he was smiling more than usual and he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Well , I have to go now." Her voice brought Cristina out of her thoughts. "It was nice meeting you. We have to get together some time." She smiled.

"Yes , we do." Shane replied.

Cristina tried to smile a genuine smile.

They then watched her as she walked towards her house , wave at them and then disappear inside.

"Well , she seems perfect." Shane stated as the door closed.

"Control your hormones , Sharky."

Shane rolled his eyes.

She started making her way up the stairs and towards her room. "I'm expecting dinner on the table by the time I come back down." She threw over her shoulder.

"You're starting to sound like a dictator." He yelled back up at her.

"Good. That means my plan is working!"

\

Cristina turned off the downstairs light and then ascended the stairs.

She peeked into Shane's room and found him completely passed out , lying spread eagle.

She smiled and then gently pulled his door closed.

She sipped her glass of wine as she made her way over to her wing of the house.

When she got to her room , she placed her wine on the nightstand next her her bed. She then removed her clothes and donned on her pajama pants and Owen's army t-shirt that she had stolen when she packed.

It still smelled like him and she hoped it never stopped smelling like him.

She then threw back the covers and got into bed. She sighed as the smell of new bedding filled up her senses.

She was still. Just staring at the ceiling.

She knew she wasn't going to fall asleep any time soon. Her body wasn't use to the time difference yet.

And she had gotten use to sleeping next to Owen over the last few weeks so sleeping alone wasn't as glamorous as it use to be.

She hadn't bothered to close her curtains so she could see the city lights in the distance. It was beautiful , that she had to admit.

She turned her head to the side and noted that her neighbor's lights were still on.

It was four-am and she wondered what she was still doing up. She decided that it was none of her business and closed her eyes and attempted to fall asleep.

Her phone rang and the sudden noise made her jump.

It was Owen trying to FaceTime her and she contemplated whether she should answer or not.

She decided that she owed him this call after ditching him in the middle of the night.

She swiped at the screen and almost immediately his smile and blue eyes filled up the screen. Her breath was taken away and she feared he could see it in her eyes.

"Hi." He simply said.

"Hi." She smiled.

"How are you? Haven't seen you in a while." He joked.

"I've been good. You?"

"I've been better."

They shared a sad smile for a moment and then he broke the silence. "How are things over there? How's the hospital? The staff?"

"The hospital's great. Everything's so new and advanced. All the equipment is so ... It's just amazing. And the people are great , too. They're friendly and everything but no one's up in anyone's business. They're there to do their job and that's what they're doing. It's really great."

He smiled at the passion in her eyes. "I'm really happy for you , Cristina."

"Thank you. I'm really happy for me , too."

They were quiet for a moment. "How are things at Seattle Grace?"

"They're good. The Harper Avery foundation donated a bucket load of money to the hospital so we've been upgrading everything. We've got new systems and new staff. It's great."

She smiled. "It sounds great." She set the phone down on the pillow. "Hang on."

He heard her moving around and then watched her as she reached over the phone to get a book. "Is that my shirt?"

She paused. "No."

"Yes , it is."

"You have no way of proving that."

She was gone again and the phone was being moved around a lot as she set the phone up to rest against the book and pillow beside her.

And then she was back and to Owen , she looked more beautiful than ever. She was lying on her side , facing him with her hand under her chin and she looked mesmerizing. And he almost told her but he decided to hold his tongue.

She noted the look in his eye. "What?"

"Oh , no , nothing."

She sensed he was lying but decided to let it slide. "So , tell me more. What have I been missing for the past few days?"

And he went on for more than an hour , telling her about all kinds of things. He told her about April and Jackson who were expecting , he told her about the new doctor , Maggie Pierce , who was the new head of cardio and he told her about Derek's sister , Amelia , who took a position under Derek. And for a second , Cristina wanted to ask him when he became such a gossip but decided not to because he was smiling and laughing and she missed seeing his blue eyes light up. Finally , he came to the relationship status of Cristina's friends and former roommates , Callie and Arizona.

"So , apparently , Arizona cheated and Callie found out and now they're living apart."

"Really?"

He shrugged. "That's the word on the street." Owen was now lying on his side as well , facing the screen but in an on-call room.

"I'll have to give her a call tomorrow." She paused. "I mean , later."

"What's the time over there?"

Cristina looked at the time in the corner of her phone. "Six-thirty. The sun's going to rise soon." She yawned.

"I'm going to let you sleep then."

"Yeah." She closed her eyes but didn't hang up.

"Yeah." He repeated her words. He watched her. He watched as her eyes fluttered and the way her chest was rising and falling. The fact that she was wearing his t-shirt made him feel proud and made him feel as if he was there with her and as if he was the one wrapped around her body. But he wasn't. He was thousands of miles away and she was there. The thought of not being able to hold her made his heart ache.

She was quiet for a few minutes and Owen wondered if she had fallen asleep. He contemplated between hanging up or watching her sleep for a few minutes.

He decided that he could always call her later in the day and that he should let her sleep.

He was just about to hang up when he heard her voice again.

"Owen?"

"I'm still here." He assured her.

"Why did you ask for a divorce?" Her eyes remained closed and her voice was soft and filled with sleep.

He was caught off guard and didn't answer for a while. "I .. Uh ... We were basically broken up. I felt like you were done."

She opened her eyes a little. "Were you done?"

He looked away. "No , I wasn't."

"So what was your real reason?"

He was quiet again. "I wanted ... I wanted you to go and live your dreams."

She opened her eyes more. "What?"

He rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "I knew that this was what you wanted. You wanted the job. It was your dream and I was holding you back. I knew that I was making the decision harder for you and I didn't want to hold you back. I was holding you back."

She grabbed the phone and sat up. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears. "Owen , you were not holding ... I don't ever want you to feel like you were a burden. You were not a burden. I was with you because I wanted to be." She repeated his words from so many years ago.

He simply smiled. "Well , it was worth it. It worth letting you go because now you're living the life you always wanted to." She heard his voice break a little but he recovered.

"Owen..."

"I have to go. My duty calls." He smiled a tearful smile. "But I'll call you later , okay?"

She wasn't sure if that was a good idea but she nodded.

"Get some sleep , babe." The word slipped out but he didn't care.

"Bye." She whispered.

And then he was gone and she was left with a blank screen and a confused heart.

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	29. Chapter 29

16 September 2013

There was a knock at her office door and she looked up to find Shane standing in the door way.

"Dr Grey's on the phone for you."

Cristina motioned for him to hand her the phone. She held the phone up to her ear. "Hey , Mer."

"Hey. How's it going?"

"Good. I'm just doing some research on the 3-D printing and there have been many attempts after mine but none have been successful."

"I'm not sure if that sucks or not because on one hand , I want lives to be saved but on the other , I want you to do the saving."

"I get it."

"Are you trying again?"

"I am." Cristina sighed and shut the laptop. "I just want to get this right."

"I know and you will."

Cristina was quiet. "I just feel like I owe it to Mark."

"His death wasn't your fault , Cristina. His heart was just tired. There was nothing any one could do about that." Meredith paused. "His heart was just tired." She repeated.

Cristina sighed again. "Yeah , I know the feeling."

\

A solemn Cristina unlocked her front door and stepped inside with Shane following shortly behind.

"Is something bothering you?" He asked as he closed the door and removed his jacket.

He then gave his hand to Cristina to use as support as she removed her shoes and dropped them on the floor.

He kicked them to the side and then looked up at her as she spoke.

"Yeah. It's just this trial thing that's bothering me." She started walking into the living room and he followed.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. I'm good." She plopped down on the couch and sighed.

Shane nodded. "The interns told me about this great pizza place not too far from here. Want me to call them and place an order?"

Cristina though about it. "Yeah. Okay. But I want my own large pizza. I have some emotional eating to do."

Shane smiled. "Sure."

He was just about to ascend the stairs when there was a knock at the door.

He looked at Cristina but she had rolled over and was now lying on the floor.

He walked over to the door to open it and for the second time that week , there was a bright smile on the other side.

"Good evening."

"Hi." Shane smiled.

"Is your wife home?"

"Cristina? She's not my wife."

"Oh. Well , is Cristina , the woman who is not your wife , home?"

Shane laughed. "Yes , Louise , she is."

"Lou." She corrected him with a smile. "Anyway , I came over to invite the two of you to dinner."

Shane looked over at Cristina who was rapidly shaking her head 'no' from the floor.

"That's very generous of you , Lou , but-"

"Oh , no , darling. I won't allow you to decline my invitation." She smiled again. "See you at 8." She then gracefully turned around and Shane watched her high heeled legs navigate her way across their lawn and onto hers.

Shane closed the door and turned to Cristina again. "I guess we aren't having pizza tonight."

Cristina groaned and fell back against the carpet again.

\

Cristina hugged her coat to her as the cold air made it's way onto the porch they were standing on.

"Is it too late to cancel?"

"Yes." Shane said as he knocked on their neighbor's door.

Cristina rolled her eyes and they both waited as they heard footsteps approaching the door.

"We can still run." Cristina suggested.

"No." Shane said sternly.

"You're no fun."

Shane smiled at her as the door opened , revealing an unfamiliar face.

"Hi ," Shane said confused. "Lou invited us for dinner?"

"Yes , of course." He smiled. The man stepped aside and welcomed them in. "I'm her husband , Steven." He extended his hand to Shane first.

"Shane."

Cristina expected his hand to reach out to her next but when it didn't , she didn't think anything of it. "I'm Cristina." She stated.

"Welcome to our home." Steven smiled. "Well , Louise is in the dining room. Follow me." He instructed and they did.

They were lead to a room in the corner of the house.

The room was large with glass patio doors that extended across half of the room.

The doors were halfway open and the evening breeze was pouring in.

As they stepped inside , Louise looked up and beamed.

"Cristina. Shane. Welcome." She went into hug Cristina and even though she felt awkward , Cristina allowed her to. Her expensive perfume filled up her senses and once again Cristina was reminded of the opulence this woman oozed.

Louise then hugged Shane and when she let go , she clasped her hands together and beamed once more. "Well , I hope you're hungry."

\

Cristina looked at the table in front of her.

It was filled with all types of pasta , salads , meats and she had even made a special pizza for them , knowing that they were just about to order one before she invited them over.

"Lou , this looks ... Great." Cristina stated.

Cristina noted the look Steven gave Louise before he turned back to Cristina. "Yes , Louise is quite the cook. It's one of the reasons I married her." Steven seemed to be joking but Cristina sensed something hidden beneath his words.

Louise cleared her throat and gestures towards the food. "Well , dig in."

\

"So , Shane , what do you do?" Steven directed at Cristina's roommate.

"I'm a medical resident."

Steven raised his eyebrows. "Wow. That's impressive."

"Cristina owns the hospital Shane's doing his residency at." Louise announced and then looked at Cristina for confirmation. "Am I right?"

Cristina looking up from her lasagne that she had momentarily lost herself in and nodded. "Yes , I do."

"That's nice." Steven smiled at Cristina and she suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"Oh , come on , Steve. It's the twenty first century. Women own hospitals now." Louise laughed.

"I didn't say anything." He had a tight smile plastered on his face.

"But you were thinking it." She gave him a playful wink and he seemed to have softened up when he laughed and waved her off.

Steven turned his attention to Shane again , asking him about all sorts of things.

Cristina took this time to look Louise's spouse over. She tried to hide her wandering eyes since she was seated so close to him and having his wife across from her , she didn't want to give her new friend the wrong impression.

Steven was well built.

His muscles bulged out from underneath his dress shirt and his hands were large and looked as if they were rough.

His body reminded her of Owen's but Tom's eyes didn't hold the softness and sincerity that Owen's did and even though Owen's hands were much larger than hers and looked to be hard and rough , they were soft when they touched her skin.

She wasn't so sure about Steven's.

His dark hair was in a comb over do and his eyes were a dark brown. Nearly black even.

He certainly exuded the same class and sophistication Louise exuded but he lacked the warmth and joy Louise brought with her.

Shane suddenly directed something at Cristina and she agreed even though she had no idea what he had just said.

It seemed to be the right answer since Shane smiled at her and then continued his conversation with Steven.

Cristina looked back at Louise and found that she was already smiling at her.

Cristina laughed when Louise silently rolled her eyes when Steven mentioned his cars for the tenth time since they sat down.

Cristina noted the look in Steven's eye when he caught her and she wondered if the man had any sense of humor at all.

She feared that he didn't and wondered how some many people got through life without one.

\

Cristina watched Steven and Shane as they spoke on the porch.

She was helping Louise clear the table , something she wasn't really use to but she didn't mind doing. Especially after how much Louise spoiled them with dinner and dessert.

She carried a bowl of half eaten Alfredo pasta into the kitchen and placed it on the counter next the the other left overs.

As she waited for her neighbor to join her , she leaned against the island and admired the light grey kitchen.

It had a modern yet homey feel to it and Cristina liked it.

Her new friend walked into the kitchen and started placing things into the dishwasher.

"So , how do you like your new home? Your new neighborhood?" She asked as she packed.

Cristina shrugged. "It's okay."

Louise looked at her for a second and then went back to her task. "You're from Seattle , am I right?"

Cristina knitted her brows. "Yeah. How did you know."

It was Louise's turn to shrug. "I googled you." She added a guilty smile.

Cristina shook her head in amusement. "How about you? Where are you from? You don't have the accent that comes with this place."

Louise closed the dishwasher and turned it on. She then turned to Cristina. "I was born in France , moved to London when I was 3 and then when I was eighteen , I met Steven , married him and moved out here."

"Wow. You've been around."

Louise laughed. "I like you. You're not afraid to say what you're thinking. Lord knows we need that around here."

Cristina wasn't sure what she meant by that but she decided not to think about it too much. "Thanks."

"You're supposed to say you like me back."

"I'll get back to you on that."

Louise shook her head and smiled. "Whatever you say , Cristina."

\

Shane locked their front door and hung his coat on the coat rack. "They're nice people."

"Yeah."

Shane noted her tone. "What?"

Cristina shrugged. "I don't know. I just have a bad feeling about Steven. I don't know what it is."

"I know what you mean. Maybe we just have to get to know him better."

"Maybe." Cristina started ascending the stairs. "Anyway , good night , Ross."

"Goodnight."

She walked over to her room and turned on the light as she stepped inside.

Her new company made her miss home.

She wanted to start fresh but she forgot about the whole meeting new people thing.

She was never a fan of that.

She enjoyed the familiarity of a friendship. She wasn't a fan of guessing what another person was thinking or about to do.

She missed her friends.

She missed Owen.

She sighed as she sat down on her bed.

She came to the conclusion that making new friends was just another price she had to pay for living her dreams.

/

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	30. Chapter 30

25 September 2013

There was a pounding at her door and Cristina hurried down the stairs.

It wasn't that late but it wasn't that early either.

She swung the door open and found a frantic Louise on the other side.

"Do you drink?" She asked immediately.

"What?"

"Do you drink?" She asked again.

"Yes , I do." Cristina said slowly.

"Okay , good. Get dressed. We're going drinking."

"Excuse me?"

"Get dressed." Louise instructed.

Cristina was thrown off by her neighbor's demeanor. She had gotten use to the calm and composed Louise.

A confused Cristina showed Louise to the living room and then made her way up to her room again because apparently , she was going drinking.

\

Cristina and Louise stepped out of the bright street lights and into the dimly lit bar.

It was crowded and loud and it kinda felt like joe's bar.

"So this is where everyone disappears to after eight." Cristina mumbled.

"I'll get us a round and you find a table." Louise raised her voice so that Cristina could hear her.

Cristina nodded and then watched her walk over to the bar. It was so weird to see her in jeans but Cristina was just coming to realize that there were many sides to Louise Shaughnessy.

She found a booth in the back and sat down.

While she waited for her captor to return , She took in the crowd before her. She watched as people laughed and danced and sang along to whatever song was playing in the background. She observed several people at the bar with sad eyes sigh into their drinks , making her wonder what kind of problems they had.

She watched and laughed as drunken men hit on drunken women , only to get turned down and leave with a bruised ego.

Her eyes fell on Louise as she made her way to the table carrying a tray of shots.

"Wow. You realize I've got work in a few hours? Can't operate with a hangover."

Louise shrugged. "You don't have to drink as much as I do. I ," she pointed to herself. "Don't have work in the morning so I can afford to get hammered." She smiled at the end and Cristina laughed.

She could tell that something was bothering her companion but she wasn't sure if they were close enough for her to pry.

So , instead , she watched her down a few drinks consecutively and cringed at how her friend was going to feel in the morning.

\

"I wanted to be a lawyer." Louise stated.

Cristina , whose attention had wandered for a while was drawn back the woman in front of her.

"I wanted to be a lawyer." She said again.

"So , what stopped you?"

Louise laughed. "Naivety."

Cristina waited a moment. "What do you mean?"

Louise rested her head on her palm and outstretched the same arm on the table , like a bored child. "I was young. I was in love. I thought I knew the man I was marrying."

Cristina eyed her and carefully sipped on her beer. "And you don't?"

"Back then , I didn't." The alcohol seemed to be loosening up Louise's tongue.

"How about now?"

"Now ," she gave a hair raising smile. "'Now , I know exactly who he is." Her words held something and the curiousness inside of her made her pry even further.

"And who is that?" She tried to seem casual.

Louise's eyes shot up to her , like her inebriated mind had realized that she had said too much. She sat up , threw back a drink and then looked at Cristina with a whole new expression. "Have you ever been to London?" She suddenly changed the subject in the least subtle manner.

"London?"

"Yes. London." Her slight British accent surfaced again.

"No , I haven't been."

"Oh , well , then we certainly have to go sometime. I would love to show you around my parts of town."

"Okay. Sure. Sounds like fun."

"It will be." Louise smiled again but this time it was her usual , carefree smile.

Cristina smiled back and took another sip of her beer. She started to wonder what deep , dark secrets this woman was hiding and if she would ever have the privilege of knowing them.

\

Louise was in the middle of telling Cristina a story about her adventures as a sixteen year old , which so far was hilarious , when her phone rang.

She looked down at it on the table and her phone lit up with Owen's name and a picture of him leaning against his truck. That day she had asked him to pose for her as a joke but the picture became one of her favorites. Another favorite was their wedding picture that was now on her desk in her office.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Louise asked her , her eyes heavy. "You should get that. It could be important. Get it. Answer it." She paused. "Cristina , answer it."

Cristina laughed and then rolled her eyes. "Okay , relaxed." She swiped the screen and then stood up from the table.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Owen , is something wrong?" She pushed pass the crowds of people , out of the bar and into the street. She squinted at the sudden brightness but recovered.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Oh."

It was quiet. She waited for him to speak.

She walked over to the brick wall and leaned her back against it.

She could hear him breathing on the other end and wondered what could be bothering him.

"I miss you." He suddenly said.

"Owen ..."

"I miss you. I really do." He was slurring her words and she realized that he must've been drinking.

"I miss you so much. I miss your tiny , soft hands and your smile. I miss your smile .. And your laugh. I really miss your laugh."

She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

He went on. "Your laugh was always my favourite." He was quiet. "I miss your hair. God , I miss your hair. I miss waking up to a face full of curly hair and I miss seeing the same hair spread out on my pillow when I come home from a shift and I miss your scent. Your intoxicating scent. What is that , by the way? You always smell amazing." She smiled. "And I miss your lips. Your soft lips. I miss your skin. You have perfect skin. And don't get me started on the back of your neck." He was quiet. "I miss you." He said softly. "Come home. Come home to me."

"Owen , don't."

"Cristina , come home."

"I can't do that."

"Yes , you can. Come home to me."

"Owen , wherever you are , go home and get some rest. Sleep it off."

"I can't go home."

She sighed. "Why not?"

"You're not there. You're not there with your smile and your skin and your hair and your scent. I can't go home."

She didn't know what to say but she didn't have to say anything because she heard Derek say "okay , buddy , that's enough." In the background and then it sounded like the phone shifted hands.

"Cristina , hey , it's Derek."

"Hi , Derek." She rubbed her hand over her forehead and closed her eyes.

"Sorry about that. He was feeling down and decided to take him out for drinks. I guess he had a little too much and he insisted on calling you."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." She wrapped her arm around her waist.

"Anyway , I have to get him home. Don't worry. I won't let him work his shift later."

"Thanks for taking care of him , Derek. I appreciate it."

"No problem." She could hear him smile. "Bye."

"Bye."

And then the phone was dead and the cold of the night was sneaking up on her.

She leaned back against the wall and placed one hand on her hip and the other on the back of her neck. She rubbed her neck , trying to relieve some of the newly acquired stress knots.

She shook her head , trying to understand how she always got to this place. How Owen's phone calls always left a hole in her heart and how even just the sound of his voice made her long for home.

But she was home.

She needed to remind herself of that each and every time she hung up the phone.

She was home.

She pushed herself away from the wall and cleared her throat.

She shook herself in an effort to get rid of the emotions that were taking over her body.

She pulled open the door of the bar and pushed pass the crowds of people again until she found Louise already smiling at her.

"So , who was it?" She asked eagerly.

Cristina shrugged. "It wasn't important."

Louise pouted.

Cristina laughed. "Who are you when you're drunk?"

Louise place her chin on her hand and leaned forward while dramatically squinting at Cristina. "Who are you when you're drunk?"

Cristina leaned forward as well. "You're about to find out." She reached for a drink and threw it back.

Louise cheered and then suddenly stopped. "Wait. What about work?"

"I'm the boss. I can give myself the day off."

Louise cheered again , making Cristina laugh.

But even as Cristina tried to drown herself in liquor and dancing , she couldn't get Owen's sad eyes and broken voice out of her head. No matter how loud the music was or how strong the drinks were. He was there. He was always there.

\

Shane helped Louise into the back seat and then strapped Cristina's seatbelt in when he saw she was struggling in the front seat.

He came around to the drivers side and got in.

He started the car and made their way back home.

The drive was silent.

Cristina looked back at Louise who was passed out on the seat and came to the conclusion that her friend was a mess but that's okay because she was a mess as well.

She looked at Shane. "Thank you for coming to get us."

"No problem."

"Are you mad? Are you mad that I woke you up in the middle of the night to come pick my drunk ass up?"

"No."

"You're mad."

"I'm not mad."

"So what's that sourpuss on your face?" She placed her finger on his cheek.

"Okay , I am mad. I'm mad because I came home from my shift and you weren't there and I tried calling you hundreds of times but you weren't answering and then when you finally do , it's from some random bar and you're beyond drunk. I wasn't sleeping. I was waiting for you to call me back so that I knew your body wasn't behind some dumpster somewhere."

"You watch too many murdery movies."

"Cristina."

"Okay , okay. I'm sorry ... Dad."

Shane rolled his eyes.

She rested her head against the car window and closed her eyes.

"Owen called." She said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She was quiet. "I'm worried about him."

She didn't say anything further.

Shane took his eyes off of the road for a second to look at her and found that she had drifted off to sleep.

He sighed. "Yeah , I'm beginning to worry about you , too."

/

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	31. Chapter 31

2 October 2013

Cristina walked into the OR gallery and everyone straightened up.

She walked pass them and sat down in an empty seat in the front row.

She watched Shane enter the OR and step up to the table.

He looked up , searching for her and when his eyes found hers , she saw him visibly relax.

She smiled at him and nodded , silently assuring him that he has got this.

She was nervous for him. She was.

It was his first solo surgery and she wanted it to be successful.

It was a simple procedure. Routine. But anything could go wrong and she hoped to God that it didn't.

His eyes left hers and he looked down at the patient.

"Here we go." His voice came over the intercom. He looked at the OR nurse and extended a steady hand. "Scalpel."

\

Cristina sat down at her desk.

She had just come out of a two hour meeting about scrubs and equipment and staff and her head felt like it was going to explode if one more person asked her which shade of blue she wanted the scrubs to be or if she liked the the shade they had now or if she wanted them to be blue at all and if not , could she choose from a list of what seemed like a million different colours and the different shades , by next week.

She wanted to scream that she didn't give a fuck but she couldn't because she was the boss and all it was all a part of the job description.

She folded her arms on the desk and rested her head on them.

She closed her eyes and waited for the throbbing in her head to stop.

She needed to operate.

She couldn't remember the last time she held a scalpel or even did a stitch.

Meetings , budgets and colour co-ordinating was her life now.

And she hated it.

She now understood why Derek quit after being chief for two seconds.

However , she knew she would have to get use to it. She had to adapt. It was a new environment and natural selection was coming for her. If she couldn't survive this , the hospital would go bankrupt or close down and her groundbreaking surgeries and medical research will never see the light of day.

She had to find her way.

And she was going to.

That she was sure of.

\

There was a knock at her door and Cristina lifted her head.

She squinted at Shane as he stepped into her office carrying a take-out bag. He placed it in front of her.

"I thought you might need something to eat." He gave his trademark Shane smile.

"Please tell me it's greasy food."

"It's greasy food."

She groaned in relief. Shane handed her fries to her and she sat back against her chair as he unpacked the rest of the meal on the table. "How long was I asleep?" She took a bite of her fry.

"Like an hour or two."

Cristina nodded. "Anything important happen in those hours?"

"No. Not really. I handled everything."

"Thanks."

They were quiet as they ate.

Cristina reached for her burger and then looked up at Shane as he spoke.

"How are you?"

"What do you mean?" She took a bite.

"Are you okay? Are you doing alright?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" She took a sip of her drink.

"I'm just asking. Making sure."

Cristina eyed him. "What is it?"

Shane was quiet.

"Shane."

"I'm just ... I'm just worried about you."

"What's there to be worried about?" She knitted her brows , her tone getting defensive.

"I don't know. You've been different. Distant."

"What are you talking about? When was I distant? I'm not different."

"But you are." He sat up a little. "I mean , that stunt alone the other night is something to speak about."

"God , are you still on about that?" She raised her voice a little. "I told you that Lou just showed up at the door and forced me to go with her. She didn't give me much of a choice. Why am I explaining to myself to you anyway?"

"Because we live together and you owe me that much after just disappearing without a note or a phone call , leaving me sick and worried about you being lost in an unfamiliar town!"

"Yes , we live together. As roommates. You're not my boyfriend. You're not my husband. Back off."

"You've been drinking." He stated.

"What?" Her voice was filled with annoyance.

"You've been drinking more than usual. Ever since you got back that night , you've been drinking more. You were drinking before but after your little outing , it intensified. It's one of the reasons why you have that headache and why you had to sleep it off. You drank last night."

"I had one or two glasses. Big deal."

"It is a big deal. This is your hospital. This is your job. You can't fuck it up , Cristina!"

It was the first time he cursed in front of her and it threw them both off.

"It's Dr Yang." She corrected him , her tone cold.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"And you're right." She went on. "It is my hospital. It's also my home. I can do whatever I want. I can drink as much as I want. I can come and go as I please. You're not in charge of me. You're not supposed to be looking after me. I'm an adult. I take care of myself. So why don't you get your own life and stop butting into mine." He stared at her.

"Just get your own damn life because I certainly don't need you in mine." She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She looked up at him , waiting to see his reaction.

He nodded. "Okay. I will." He turned to leave and she called after him.

"Shane." He kept on walking. "Shane , wait."

He opened the door and slammed it shut as he left.

The office was quiet again.

She sighed.

She leaned back into the chair and ran her fingers over her forehead.

He was right. She knew he was. She just didn't know why she had reacted that way when he called her out.

He was the one person she knew she couldn't drive away. She needed him more than she would admit.

He had become one of her closest friends and her life wouldn't be the same without him.

Her pager went off and she checked her phone. She had another meeting to get to and she was already late.

"Fuck." She whispered.

She stood up , grabbed her lab coat and made her way to what seemed like the hundredth meeting that week.

\

Cristina climbed out of bed and walked through the dark house.

Bare feet slapped against marble floor as she made her away over to his room.

She stood outside the door and knocked.

"What?" He said from inside.

"Can I come in?"

There wasn't any answer so she slowly opened the door and found him in bed , gazing up at the ceiling.

She leaned in the door frame. "Can't sleep?"

He looked over at her. "Is there something you need , Dr Yang?" His tone was cold.

"No."

"Well , then , goodnight."

She ignored him and walked over to his bed , climbed onto it and laid down next to him.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to apologize so shut up."

He looked at her. "You suck at apologizing."

"Stop talking." She instructed.

He folded his arms across his chest and looked up at the ceiling again.

"I'm ... Uh ... I'm homesick."

"What?"

"I miss home. I thought that this move would be easy. That I'd just pick up and move across the ocean and everything would be fine and life would be great because I own a hospital and I'm living my dreams but it's not. Everything's not fine. I'm home sick."

Shane was quiet.

"I miss Meredith and Owen and Alex." She paused. "Don't tell Alex I said that."

Shane smiled in the dark.

"And when Owen called the other day , the night I went out with Lou , he was all drunk and asking me to come home and I swear , I was this close to buying a one way ticket."

Shane looked at her.

"And before , I had surgery. I had surgery to help me deal with my emotions because the OR was quiet and I was doing what I love but now I don't even have that anymore because I'm stuck in meetings all day and I don't know how long it's been since I've seen the inside of a chest cavity." She paused again. "So , I've been drinking because I don't know how to deal with this. I've never felt this way before. I've never felt so helpless and lost. And before , I never had a place I could actually call home and simultaneously feel like home. Meredith and Owen and Alex , they're my home." She looked at him. "I need you to be my new home."

Her eyes were pleading. "If I'm going to survive this , if I'm going to be successful , I need you to be my new home."

Shane was quiet.

"I need you." Her eyes were filling with tears. "I hate to admit it but at this point in my life , I need you." Tears were now freely flowing down her cheeks. "If you walk out tomorrow and find a new job and a new home and another annoying , can't-deal-with-her-emotions friend , I'll survive. I will. But I don't want you to. I need you to stay with me." She didn't break eye contact once. "I need you." She repeated. "I need you , okay." She said once more.

He nodded. "Okay."

He sat up , put his arm around her and brought her down to his chest. "It's okay." He kissed the top of her head. "It's okay." He squeezed her arm. "I'll be your home."

/

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	32. Chapter 32

5 October 2013

Her phone rang and Cristina reached for it on the coffee table.

She answered. "What?"

"I need you to come into the hospital."

"Shane , it's my day off."

"I know. But you need to."

"Why?"

"Just come." He hung up and Cristina cursed at him.

She threw the blanket to the side and groaned.

She wasn't in the mood to leave the house.

It was raining and it was cold and all she wanted to do was lay on the couch all day and watch her surgical tapes.

She reached for the remote and turned the Tv off.

She then pulled on her boots , picked up her phone and her car keys and made her way to the door.

She pulled on her coat , threw her scarf around her neck and pulled on a beanie.

She opened the door to find a soaking Louise on the other side , preparing to knock.

"Hi."

"Hi." Cristina said slowly , confused.

"I ...uh ... I got locked out. Do you mind if I wait with you until Steven gets back."

"Sure. But I was just about to head over to the hospital. You can come with , if you want?"

Louise nodded and Cristina noted that she was shivering.

"Do you want some dry clothes first?"

She nodded her head desperately and laughed. "Yes , please."

\

Cristina laid out a jeans and a sweater for her on the island.

"Is this okay?"

"This is perfect , darling."

Louise removed her sweater without warning and Cristina was about to turn around when something caught her eye.

"Lou , what happened?"

"With what , darling?"

"There's a bluing mark on your side. What happened?" Cristina sounded genuinely concerned.

"I ... I fell."

"You fell?" Her tone was one of disbelief.

"I fell." Louise stuck to her explanation.

"Well..." Cristina stepped forward. "Does it hurt?" She moved to touch the wound.

"No. Not really." Her voice was small.

"Louise..."

"I'm fine." She pulled on the dry sweater. "I'm okay. I'm just clumsy , that's all." She tried to smile but it faltered.

Cristina looked at her with questioning eyes.

"I'm fine , darling."

"Okay." Cristina nodded slightly.

Louise cleared her throat , straightened her posture and changed the subject. "Do you have some dry socks as well? I'm not in the mood for wet feet all day."

Cristina gave her a faint smile. "Sure." She looked at Louise for a moment and saw something in her eyes.

The same thing she saw that night at the bar but once again , she couldn't figure out what it was.

Louise must've sensed her curiosity because she averted her eyes and busied herself with changing her pants.

Cristina handed Louise a dry pair of socks and watched her pull them on , followed by her boots.

When she was done , she looked up at Cristina with a smile and the look in her eyes were gone. "Ready to go?"

\

Shane met them at the doors of the hospital and he looked like a giddy child.

He had brought out and umbrella and the three of them tried their best to stay dry until the reached the inside of the hospital.

Once they were inside , Shane dropped the umbrella and smiled at Cristina again.

"Okay. What is it?"

"I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"Well , it's something you've been missing. Something you need. But you haven't been able to fulfill this need because of the move and the new job and whatever."

"Sex? You got me sex?"

"Oh , that's a great gift."

Shane laughed and rolled his eyes and Cristina and Louise. "No. I got you a surgery. Actually , I stole you a surgery." He mumbled the last part.

"You got me a surgery?" Cristina smiled.

"I got you a surgery." Shane repeated.

"What kind of surgery?"

"A heart and lung transplant."

"You son of a bitch." Cristina smiled even brighter. "If I were a hugger , I would hug you right now."

Shane stepped forward and Cristina took a step back and pointed a finger at him. "But I'm not a hugger so I'm not going to." She pursed her lips.

"I'm still going to hug you." He moved closer.

"No. Don't hug me. No." She tried to push him away but he had already enveloped her in his arms and was already squeezing her.

She allowed him to for a minute but then moved away. "Okay. That's enough. I don't want you to get use to this type of treatment every time you do something good. You might start to think that I actually like you or something."

Shane laughed and dropped his arms to his side.

Cristina turned to Louise. "Do you want to watch?"

Louise smiled. "Sure."

She turned back to Shane. "Ask the patient if they're okay with an audience and then get back to me. I'll be in my office getting my scrubs."

"You got it , boss."

Cristina and Louise made their way over to the elevators and Shane called out to Cristina.

"And for the record , you do like me."

Cristina pressed the elevator button and folded her arms across her chest. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that."

\

Louise was lounging on the sofa in Cristina's office , flipping through a magazine while they waited for the OR to be prepped.

"You know ," she started. "This reminds me of when I use to go to work with my brother."

"Oh yeah?" Cristina didn't look up from her laptop.

"Yeah." She said mindlessly. "I use to go to the hospital with him all the time. He's a surgeon , too. That's kinda why he's mother's favourite."

"What does he specialize in?"

"Neuro."

"Do I know him?"

Louise shrugged. "Probably. He's 'famous' now that he won that award." She put 'famous' in quotations.

Cristina looked up from her screen. "An award?"

Louise looked at her. "Yes."

"What award?"

"I don't know. A Harper-something."

Cristina swallowed. "A Harper Avery?"

"Yeah. That's it."

"Lou , what's your brother's name?" Cristina tried to sound calm.

She knitted her brows. "Ian , why?"

"Oh my God , your brother's Ian Shaughnessy?" Cristina raised her voice a little.

"What's going on , darling?" Louise sounded confused.

At that moment , Shane opened the office door and came walking in.

"OR's ready."

"Shane , Ian Shaughnessy?" She gave no explanation.

Shane thought for a while. "The guy who stole the Harper Avery from you?"

"My brother stole the award from you?"

"He didn't exactly steal it." Cristina started to explain.

"Wait." Shane looked at Louise. "He's your brother?"

"Of course. Of course." Cristina mumbled to herself.

"Well , fuck." Louise looked at the two of them.

Cristina sat back against her chair.

"Small world." Shane stated.

Cristina stood up , closing her laptop as she did so. "Who knew ghosts could swim across fucking oceans."

\

Cristina inserted the last staple and then handed the stapler to the OR nurse.

She let go of a breath and closed her eyes as the sweet hum of a successful , exhilarating surgery settled in on her.

She opened them again when she heard a single clap that erupted into the whole OR and gallery applauding her success.

It wasn't a groundbreaking surgery. It wasn't an award winning surgery. But it seemed like everyone , who hardly knew their new boss , knew that she needed to cut again. She needed to hold a heart in her hands again. She needed to save a life again.

She felt happy. She felt whole.

For a long time she felt like she was just constantly running and her chest was on fire and she was becoming light headed and felt as if she might pass out but after just one surgery , it's like someone stopped her and handed her a bottle of water and told her that she no longer needed to run.

It was as if her lungs had collapsed and she was struggling for air and she was just about to fall out of consciousness when suddenly someone stuck a chest tube in her side and she was able to breathe again.

She could breathe.

And she did.

She breathed deeply. In and out. It was all she could do to keep from crying in front of a whole OR team and her spectators.

She walked through the doors and into the scrub room. She leaned against the sink and pulled off her scrub mask as she allowed herself to feel the emotions she had been bottling up.

Shane walked into the scrub room with his trademark smile even brighter and bigger but when she looked up at him with tears in her eyes , it faltered.

She shook her head 'no' , waving her hand at him. "No. No. These ... These are happy tears."

He was quiet for a moment as he let her recover. "So , I did good?" He asked softly.

She nodded her head. "You did good , Sharky."

\

Cristina pushed into her office with Shane and Louise following behind her.

"Okay , Shane , here's the thing." She started , her voice determined. "There are going to be some changes in this place. In my life. Never again am I going to feel so shitty for such a long time." She went to sit on her desk , facing the couch Louise took a seat on and Shane stood in front of.

"So , I've decided that from now on , I'm only allowing two meetings a day. No more. The rest of my time I'm going to be spending in the OR because that's what I came out here to do. I Came over here to be a brilliant surgeon. I didn't pack my bags and nearly die to become an office worker who is constantly miserable." She paused. "Also , we're hiring someone to do the paperwork because God knows I wasn't born to fill out forms and sign a million documents. These hands ," she held her hands up in front of her. "Were made to cut and fix and help and heal. They were made to feel beating hearts and fix broken ones. And that's what I'm going to do." She took a breath. "And lastly , I'm setting aside one day in the week where I will conduct my research. My projects have taken a backseat for far too long and that is unacceptable and I won't have it any longer." Her face was stern. "Do we understand one another?"

Shane smiled at her. "Yes , we do."

She nodded. "Good."

Shane looked at Louise and she was smiling. "Who is this beast?"

"This ," Shane looked at his mentor , his tone one of excitement. "Is Cristina Yang."

Cristina stood up , walked around her desk and sat down in her chair. "You bet your ass it is."

\

7 October 2013

Cristina was just about to fall asleep when her phone rang.

She brought it up to her ear without checking the caller ID.

"Cristina?"

"Lou?"

"Can I come over?"

"It's two in the morning." She stated.

"I know." Her voice sounded desperate.

Cristina was quiet for a moment. "Spare key is under the mat."

\

A few minutes later , a familiar voice came from the doorway.

"You have a risky hiding spot for that key , darling." Cristina had realized that her friend had a habit of calling everyone 'darling' and whatever other term of endearment she could think of.

Cristina turned towards the door and her eyes widened. "Lou ," She sat up. "What happened?"

She had a large laceration across her left eyebrow , her eye was beaten shut , her lip was bleeding and blood was dripping from her nose. She didn't look anything like the Louise Shaughnessy Cristina knew.

Louise hesitated.

Cristina patted the bed. "Sit." She instructed.

Louise limped over to the bed and sat down.

Cristina was quiet for a moment , making sure she was certain about what she was going to ask next. "Is it Steven? Did he do this?"

Louise looked at her. Her expression was neutral at first but then her lip started tremble and her eye that was open , began to fill with tears and then suddenly she threw herself onto Cristina and started to sob.

Cristina was startled at first , but then she grabbed onto her broken friend and held her as her cries rocked through her.

After a minute or two , Louise pulled back and looked Cristina in the eye. "I've tried ..." She started. "I've tried to leave. I have." She nodded. "I've tried but he runs my bank accounts and he sold my car and he cut ties with my family and he just runs my life and I can't ... I don't know what to do anymore , Cristina! I need your help. I need you to help me!"

Cristina nodded. She smoothed Louise's hair out of her face and held her face in her palm. "Okay." She brought her face down to hers. "Okay." She repeated. "I'll help you." She pulled Louise against her chest and she began to sob again. "I'll help you."

/

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	33. Chapter 33

7 October 2013

"Does he know you're here?" Cristina walked over to one of the many draws in her closet and pulled it open. She took out a bottle of wine and handed it Louise.

"No. He left after. Probably at a bar or something."

"He's a drinker?"

"Alcoholic seems more appropriate."

Cristina sat down on the island and Louise did the same.

She then popped the cork , took a swig and handed it back to Louise.

Louise eyed it. "Where are the glasses?"

"It's more fun this way and the great thing about it is , you can take large gulps." Cristina wiggled her eyebrows.

She shrugged. "True." And brought the bottle to her lips.

After she swallowed she looked towards the door. "Where's Shane?"

"Asleep , I think. Should I wake him?"

Louise shook her head. "Not yet."

"Okay." Cristina was quiet for a moment. "We have to go get your face cleaned up and have you checked out."

"Can that wait , too?"

"Sure." Cristina said softly.

Louise nodded and then took another large gulp.

"Do you wanna talk?" Cristina asked carefully.

"Where do I start?"

"At the beginning is always a good place."

Louise gave her a small smile.

Cristina couldn't get over how someone who seemed as perfect as Louise could be going through something so terrible and horrific. She looked beaten up ; Physically , emotionally and mentally. How someone could manage to be kind and funny and such a great person while going through something like what Louise was going through , Cristina didn't know.

"We met when I was eighteen." She suddenly started. "He was handsome and rich and interested in me so obviously I went for him. Of course I liked him back. I wasn't just there for the money and the good times." Louise looked into Cristina's eyes , making sure she understood. "He was wonderful when we were dating. The real gentlemen." She smiled. "My parents fell in love with him , my brother was crazy about him , my whole family just adored him and so did my friends and eventually I fell in love with him , too and the feeling was mutual." She paused. "The year we dated was extraordinary. My parents aren't the wealthiest people in the world so I was use to a simple lifestyle but I quickly became accustomed to his. He bought me expensive clothes , expensive bags , shoes. He got me my own credit cards and took me on trips to Paris and Italy and whatever island I said I wanted to visit. It was great. We were happy. Truly happy. We were in love." She smiled again.

Cristina nodded , not saying a word.

"Then , he proposed. I was so happy and thrilled because it was what I always wanted and he was every girl's dream come true. God , I was so naïve." She sounded annoyed at herself. "So , anyway , we get married and my wedding day is this big event and everyone who's anyone is invited and the food is great and the cake is amazing and the booze are flowing and everyone's just having a great time.

So , we get home and I'm still feeling amazing after my big day but Steven , Steven didn't look too happy. I ignored him at first but I couldn't for much longer because I mean , what about the honeymoon sex?" She laughed a little. "So , I go to him and I ask him what's wrong and he gives me some bullshit story about me disrespecting him in front of our guest and I , at this point , have no idea what he's talking about. It became this whole big fight , on our wedding night , if I might add and long story short , he slaps me across my face."

Cristina's stomach drops.

"Of course ," she went on. "He said sorry a million times and I forgave him. The next day we left for our honeymoon and he bought me this Louis Vuitton bag , that is still up in my closet , haven't used it once , as an apology gift. Such an ass." She mumbled the last part. "It never happened again on our trip and I thought that maybe he had just little too much to drink and he was on edge because of the day and it was just a one time thing. One time thing my ass." She was getting angrier the more she spoke. "So , one day , months later , he comes home from work and we're at the dinner table and we're talking and I bring up that I would like to go back to school , I mean , I was only twenty at the time. I was fresh out of school when we got married , I took a year off and I was ready to pursue my career." She says it like it's the most obvious thing ever. "He got all upset saying no wife of his is going back to school just become a professional liar and cheat and who was going to make him dinner every night and take care of him and at this point , I was like 'am I your mother or what?' And one thing lead to another and hit me with his fist. I will never forget the taste of blood in my mouth or how I felt lying on that floor." She paused , trying to compose herself. "I mean , he's my husband. He's not suppose to hurt me. He's suppose to protect me when I can't protect myself." Her voice broke a little.

Cristina reached for her hand and squeezed it. She wasn't sure what to say or how to react so she remained quiet and just listened to her friend's heartbreaking story.

"Anyway ," she carried on. "After that , he apologized again , bought me another bag and we moved on. I was so stupid. I should've gotten out when I had the chance."

"You weren't stupid." Cristina finally said. "You were giving him the benefit of the doubt. You weren't stupid." She repeated.

Louise gave her a sad smile and then went on. "After that incident , it became more frequent. More violent. More bloody. He cut off all my independent bank accounts , sold my car and made sure I didn't leave the house without his knowledge. He then cussed my family out over the phone , told them that I said I didn't need them and that they were nothing to me now that I had him , thereby cutting all ties with them , all to prevent me from running to them. He became so controlling and I let him. I did. Because I was afraid to leave , I still am." She admitted. "You know , he even took my name?" She laughed a little. "He would call me 'Louise' when he was mad or while cursing at me and punching me and slapping me and then 'Lou' when he was looking for forgiveness. That's why insist on everyone calling me 'Lou'. Brings up memories that are more bearable than the former. He took my fucking name." She said it like she couldn't believe it. She was quiet before she continued. "And then the other day we were having an argument and I had stopped listening and realizing this , he threw me out in the rain and left for work."

"That's when you came over to my house." Cristina added.

"Yes. I had nowhere else to go and I was freezing and wet and you were kind enough to take me in and give me dry clothes and I'm grateful. I truly am." Louise gave her a tearful smile.

Cristina smiled back , her own eyes filling with tears.

"By the way , that's how I got this blue mark on my side. I few days prior , he had slapped me and I fell to the ground and he kicked me in the side. I couldn't go to the hospital because he wouldn't take me and I had no way of getting there myself. I didn't want to ask you because you'd ask questions and it would become this whole thing."

"I'll check you out later. You can come with me to the hospital."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

Louise was quiet for a moment and then went on. "So , the fight went on for a few days leading up to him throwing me out in the rain and you taking me with you to the hospital. And then this evening , I let it slip that I was with you and he got angry that I left the house without his permission and I tried to explain that I had nowhere else to go since he threw me out and he told me that I shouldn't blame my disobedience on him. He started accusing me of sleeping with Shane and he called me a whore and a liar and then he accused me of telling you about everything and making him look like a bad person. I knew where it was all headed. I did. But still I stayed. I let him yell and scream and waited for the punches and the kicks because eventually it all stopped and he would leave and I would try to stop the bleeding as much as I could and I would go to bed before he got home. And when he did , he would always kiss me goodnight and then go take a shower. This time , after he left , he came back drunk and he pulled me out of bed and started accusing of me of things that didn't even make sense and everything thing just started again and this time , it didn't seem like he would stop. I kept thinking 'This is it. This is the night he finally kills me.' But he did stop and he left again."

"Oh , Lou." Cristina held her hand again , not knowing what else she could do.

"I stayed on the floor for so long , not moving , not even crying. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel the blood dripping down my face or throbbing of my eye or this." She pulled up her sweater , showing Cristina the bruises across her abdomen , arms and back. Including the ones on her legs. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should run while he's gone or just stay there and wait for him to come back and kill me. And that's when I called you because I knew I could come to you. You have an amazing soul , Cristina. I knew it the first day I met you and you've been proving me right ever since. That's why I'm telling you all of this. You're basically a stranger and here I'm telling you my darkest secret and I'm totally comfortable with it because I know you won't judge me or feel sorry for me. Instead , you're going to help me and Shane's going to help and I just ... I've been waiting for you guys for a long time."

"We're here now , Lou. We're going to help you."

"I know." She smiled and brought the wine to her lips. She took a long sip and cringed as the liquid made contact with the cut on her lip.

Cristina looked at her one last time , admiring how strong this woman was and then hopped off of the island.

She held her hand out for Louise. "C'mon , let's get you cleaned up."

\

Cristina watched out of the window as Steven walked out of the house , looked up and down the road once more and then got into his car and left for work.

"He's gone." She announced. "He's still looking for you but he's gone." She looked at Louise , her face bloody and blue. "Are you ready?"

She nodded. "I'm ready."

Cristina then turned to Shane. "You know what to do if he comes back and we're still in there."

"I do." Shane looked at her. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with her?"

"No. It's better if I go."

Shane hesitated.

"It's okay , Ross. He probably won't be coming back anyway."

Cristina opened the door , took Louise's hand in hers and then sprinted across the lawn and then onto the porch.

Louise tried to reach up to get the spare key on the door frame but cringed so Cristina had to do it instead.

She unlocked the door and Louise stepped inside.

Cristina looked back one last time at Shane who had stationed himself at the edge of the lawn , not keeping his eye off of the road.

She stepped inside , locked the door again and then followed the sound of drawers rapidly being pulled open and shut.

When she got to the bedroom , Louise had already pulled out a suitcase and most of her things were thrown in.

"Bastard cleaned everything up." She said as Cristina walked into the room. "Not a drop of blood anywhere. Probably thought I went to the police."

Cristina didn't say anything. She just started grabbing items out of Louise's closet and threw them in the bag.

She looked around at the room as she did so.

It was beautiful but even with all the white and the large windows , it still seemed dark and Cristina felt that it was appropriate.

Louise had a large closet like hers and as she suspected , it was filled with gorgeous clothes and shoes and bags.

It was the type of closet that would make Anna Wintour jealous.

They were nearly done when her phone rang.

They both froze.

"Answer it." Louise whispered.

Cristina swiped at the screen and Shane's tone was hushed. "He's coming. He came back. Get out of there , Cristina."

She knew Louise heard because her eyes widened and she could see the fear in them.

"Shit." Cristina called out.

She grabbed the suitcase and shoved it in the closet and then started closing all the drawers and cupboard doors.

She froze as she heard the front door open.

Louise suddenly grabbed her arm , pulled her downwards and they both crawled underneath the bed.

Louise looked at her and her eyes were filling with tears. "He's going to notice all of the missing clothes." She whispered.

Cristina grabbed her hand. "He won't." She didn't fully believe it even when she said it.

Footsteps neared the bedroom and Cristina could hear her heartbeat in her ears and feared Steven could hear it as well.

They watched as black dress shoes entered the room and made their way over to the dresser.

He grabbed something , shoved it into his pants pocket and walked over to the front of the bed.

And he just stood there.

Cristina worried that he saw them. That her foot was sticking out or he heard them breathing or that he could actually hear her heart.

She looked over at Louise and she had her eyes clothes.

Their hands were clammy but they still held on to one another.

Suddenly , he turned and walked towards the door.

His footsteps echoed through the house until they heard the front door open and close again.

And then it was silent.

Louise let out a breath and fell against the hardwood floors.

"It's okay. He's gone." Cristina assured her.

Her phone rang again.

"He's gone." Shane confirmed. "Are you okay?"

"We are." Cristina looked at Louise who still had her eyes closed while tears were running down her nose and onto the floor. "We're okay."

\

When they got to her office , Cristina sent Louise with one of the best attendings she had , to get her checked out.

Shane followed her to the office and they both were silent when they entered.

"What the fuck did we get ourselves into?" Cristina finally asked.

"I don't know. But we can't back out now."

"I know. I don't want to back out."

"Me either."

They were quiet again.

Cristina closed her eyes , interlinked her hands across her forehead and rested her head against the back of the chair.

"I thought he was going to find us this morning." She confessed. "What we did was so risky and we nearly got caught and I thought he was going to find us and kill the both of us."

"I wouldn't let him do that."

Cristina opened her eyes and looked at Shane.

"I know." She said softly. She closed her eyes again. "You realize we're going to have to sneak her back home?"

Shane sighed. "Yeah , I do." Shane looked at her. "What if he knows?"

Cristina opened her eyes once again and sat up. She shook her head. "He doesn't. He doesn't know."

"How are you so sure?"

"I just am."

"He's dangerous , Cristina and what if I'm not around to protect the two of you. I mean , how long are we going to be harboring a fugitive? And he's obviously going to know she's been there when he gets home because all of her stuff is gone."

"I'm not sure how long. As long as it takes. As long as she needs. Nothing's going to happen , Shane. He probably thinks she's halfway across the country already. Packed her stuff and left." Her tone became softer. "This morning was a risk. We know that but now we're going to be more careful. We're okay."

There was a knock at the door and they both looked up as Louise stepped in.

She looked so small in her oversized hoodie and jeans. Her eye was still swollen shut , she had a giant bandaid on her forehead and her top lip was swollen as well.

"I'm all fixed." She announced and then limped inside.

"Are you okay?" Shane watched as she slowly walked across the office.

"I'm okay." She crashed on the couch. "I'll be asleep right here if you need me."

Cristina gave her a small smile. "You sleep as long as you want. There are snacks in my drawer and free food in the cafeteria. Say I sent you and they won't charge you. We..." She looked at Shane. "We have work to do."

She stood up and walked to the door , with Shane following shortly behind.

"Cristina? Shane?"

They both looked at her.

"Thank you." Her voice small and soft. "Thank you so much. I know this is all far from over but I'm out and that's ... That's huge." She smiled. "Thank you."

\

Louise ducked as they neared the house.

Cristina and Shane noted that Steven's car was in the driveway but he wasn't outside.

They pulled up in their own driveway and Shane got our first while Cristina waited in the car with Louise.

Shane unlocked the front door and then went back for them.

He helped Louise out while Cristina kept her eye on their surroundings , making sure no one , especially Steven , saw them.

Louise then walked in the middle of her two harborers while crouching down.

They made a brisk walk to the door and then immediately shut it when they were inside.

"I think that was successful." Shane stated.

"I think so , too." Cristina dropped her bag on the floor and removed her coat. "At least we're safe for the night."

She started ascending the stairs.

"Do you mind if I make dinner? It's the least I can do." Louise asked when Cristina reached the top.

"Hey , knock yourself out. Beats ordering take out."

Louise smiled and walked towards the kitchen.

"I like her." Shane said to himself. "I think we should keep her."

\

9 October 2013

Her phone rang and it was Louise.

They had decided that it was best for her to stay home during the day because sneaking her in and out of the house was way too risky.

But when Cristina answered the phone , she wished they had taken that risk.

"Cristina." Her voice was desperate. "I need you. He's here. I need you." The phone went dead and Cristina's heart dropped.

"Shit." She whispered. "Shit!" She grabbed her car keys and ran out of her office.

She dialed Shane's number as she ran. "Pick up , Shane. Fucking pick up." Her co-workers were eyeing her as she went pass them but she didn't care because if they knew , they would be running beside her.

Shane finally picked up. "Were you too lazy to page me?"

"Meet me at the car."

"What?"

"Shane , meet me at the car. Now. It's Louise."

\

They pulled up at the house and Steven's car was in their driveway.

"Fuck." Shane muttered.

Cristina looked at him and then unlocked the door. "Let's go."

They got out of the car and when they reached the door , it was already open.

Cristina's heart felt like it was about to beat out her chest.

So many things were going through her mind.

She was so afraid that she was going to step inside to find Louise's lifeless body on the ground.

She was afraid they were too late.

They stepped inside and the sounds of pain coming from upstairs made them look at one another for just a moment and then sprint up the stairs.

They found Steven standing over Louise , her clothes already stained with blood as she tried to crawl away from him.

Steven raised his hand again and Shane stepped forward.

"Don't you dare." His voice fueled with anger.

Steven froze and then turned around. His hair was messy , he was dripping with sweat and the look in his eyes sent a shiver down Cristina's spine.

"Oh , look who we have here." He smiled. "Look who came to rescue you , darling." He looked at Louise.

"Leave her alone." Shane warned.

"Listen , asshole ," Steven's smile disappeared. "This is my fucking wife. I can do whatever the fuck I want." He smiled again. "Besides , why would you want to protect such a worthless piece of shit?" He pushed her down again as she tried to get up.

"Let's just go downstairs and talk this out." Shane suggested.

Steven laughed. "Oh , fuck that." He stumbled and Cristina and Shane realized that he was drunk. "You know ," he pointed a finger at Shane. "I should be teaching you a lesson. You did keep my wife from me. I thought the bitch ran away. But no , you had her. Did you fuck her?"

"No , I didn't."

"Don't lie to me." Steven's face became laced with anger.

Shane didn't answer him.

"Maybe I will teach you a lesson." He looked at Cristina and she took a step back. "You know , an eye for an eye?" He laughed.

Shane stepped in front of Cristina.

"Oh , Mr Macho , huh?"

"Steven , I'm going to need you to leave now." Shane tried to remain calm. "Before I call the police." He warned.

Steven held his hands up in front of him. "You got it , boss."

He looked at Louise one last time , who was still trying to get up.

He then walked pass them and Cristina ran for her friend on the floor.

Suddenly , Steven turned around and threw a punch at Shane , hitting him straight in the face.

"That's for fucking my wife."

He tried throwing another but Shane caught his hand and punched him in the stomach.

"Shane!" Cristina called out.

"Go! Cristina take her and go!" Shane yelled as he tried to get Steven to the ground.

Cristina hesitated but then grabbed Louise by the arm and made a dash for the door but as she made it out of the room , Steven pushed Shane to the floor and ran after them.

As they neared the stairs , he caught up with them and grabbed Cristina by the hair , pulling her back against him.

Louise screamed and he shoved her face against the railing.

"Shut up , bitch."

Cristina tried breaking free from him but he was too strong. "Let me go."

"Why would I do that? You're so damn pretty." He held her by the waist , keeping her arms with his so that she couldn't move.

His breath was right next to her ear and it was making cringe.

Shane came stumbling out of the room. "Don't you dare touch her."

"Shane." She said softly.

"Let her go!" He yelled.

Steven smiled. "Come and get her." He shoved Cristina down the stairs , she tumbled and knocked her head a few times until she reached the end and then she was still.

"Cristina!" Shane called out.

"Is she dead?" Louise asked. "Is she dead?" She was hysterical. "Cristina!"

Shane ran for his friend at the bottom of the stairs.

"What a shame." Steven stated. "She was hot."

Louise looked up at him. "You son of a bitch."

She stood up and jumped at him.

She clawed at his face , her nails leaving deep scratches in his face.

"You psycho bitch!" He yelled as he pushed her off of him but she came right back for him.

She bit his hand as he tried to grab her and he cried out.

"You're the psycho." She kneed him in the groin. "You're the bitch." She punched him in the stomach. "You're the fuck up , you piece of shit." She punched him once more , putting her all into it. The impact of his body against the railing , caused the wood to break and fall away.

He lost his footing and stuck his hands out towards her. "Lou!" He called out.

"It's Louise." She gave him one last shove , sending him over the edge. She kept eye contact with him as he fell back and then listened as he yelled and as his body made contact with the tile floor.

Shane looked up as he heard Steven's scream and then the sound of breaking bones and then silence.

He stood up and slowly made his way towards Steven's body and when he got there , blood was already dripping out of his ears.

His body lifeless and his limbs twisted.

He looked up at Louise standing over the railing , her expression was unreadable and her face pale.

He looked back down at the body in front of him.

Steven was dead and Louise Shaughnessy had killed him.

\

Shane walked over to Cristina seated on the back of an ambulance van.

A paramedic informed Shane that she had a concussion and her shoulder had popped back out but she would be fine.

Shane thanked him and then sat down next to his friend.

"Guess I'm going back to my sling." She stated. "Although , can we change the colour this time?"

Shane smiled. "Sure."

He looked around at the chaos that was surrounding the house.

Blue lights were flashing in the night sky , police tape was being pulled across their lawn and curios and concerned neighbor's were everywhere.

Shane watched as a paramedic did a work up on Louise.

She still hadn't said anything.

She still hadn't regained the colour in her face.

Her eyes were lifeless and far from what they use to look like ; full of joy and radiance.

Shane guessed that's what you looked like when you murdered your husband.

"What did the police say?" Cristina suddenly asked.

"There aren't any charges. It was self defense. They're letting her go."

Cristina let go of a breath. "Such great news."

"It really is."

The two of them watched as a black body bag was wheeled out of the house and into a waiting ambulance.

"I hate to say it ," Cristina started. "But he kinda deserved it."

Shane nodded.

He looked at Cristina. "Do you want to go with Louise to the hospital?"

"Yeah. I can't stay here any longer."

Shane kissed the top of her head and then stood up. He helped her down and then took her hand in his.

And as they made their way over to their broken friend , Cristina wondered if her life would be any different if her father didn't die so many years ago. Would her life still be filled with so much death? So much heartbreak? So much sorrow?

Would she still have met Meredith and Alex and Izzie and George?

Would she still have been left at the altar by the man she thought she loved?

Would she have met Owen?

Would her life still be this chaotic?

There was no way of knowing.

Once again she realized that her father's death had set something in motion.

Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing , she wasn't sure.

What she was sure about was the fact that death wasn't something she could outrun.

It was always going to follow her wherever she went.

That is until the Grim Reaper comes knocking at her door , telling her that it's finally her turn to play.

/

Remember to review and comment loves


	34. Chapter 34

12 October 2013

Cristina threw back the covers and jumped out of bed.

She hurriedly made her way across the room to the door that joined their hotel rooms.

She pulled it open and ran over to his bed.

She shook him by the shoulders. "Shane!"

He continued to scream.

"Shane!" She called again , pulling him up towards her.

"Shane , wake up!"

His eyes finally flew open. He eyes rapidly moved across the room as he was brought back to reality.

She grabbed his face and centered his eyes on her. "Shane. It's me. You were having a bad dream. You're okay."

His brows were knitted and his eyes were wild but still , he nodded.

"Come on , move over."

He did as he was told and she climbed into the covers next to him.

She brought his head against her chest. "It was just another nightmare. It's okay. I'm here. You're okay." She rubbed his back as his breathing began to slow and she repeated her words. "You're okay."

\

"Are you sure he wants me there?"

"Louise , he wants you there."

"But-"

"He wants you there."

Louise sighed. "Thank you for doing this for me."

"You need this. You need to get away."

"I do."

"One thing you need to know about Alex is ," Cristina started. "He can be an ass but he means well."

Louise laughed. "Are you sure you can't come with?"

Cristina looked at Shane and he shrugged. "I can't. I need to stay. My hospital needs me."

Louise nodded.

The noisy airport filled the silence that was suddenly between them.

"Cristina..."

"It's okay." Cristina waved her off. "You don't have to."

Louise nodded again. "Well , I have to go."

"Yeah , you better get going."

Louise went in for a hug , avoiding the black sling around Cristina's right arm. "Thank you." She whispered.

When she pulled back , her eyes were filled with tears and Cristina rolled her eyes at her own tears.

"Goodbye , Shane , darling. Thank you so much for everything."

Shane smiled and then pulled her into a hug. "You are so strong. Don't ever doubt that. You're strong and I admire you." He said softly.

She squeezed him as well and then pulled back.

She wiped away her tears and then looked at the two people in front of her and smiled.

"Seattle , here I come." She announced and then picked up her luggage , said a final goodbye and then made her way across the airport to her gate.

"Call your family!" Cristina yelled.

She didn't turn around. "I will!"

"Do you think she's going to be okay?" Shane asked as the two of them watch her give them one last wave and then disappear into the tunnel.

"She will be." Cristina waved back and then smiled. "He'll take care of her. Alex has her."

\

There was a knock at her hotel room door and Cristina got out of bed to get it. "Finally!" She said as she approached the door. "Seriously , Shane , you need to learn how to drive faster. I'm fucking starving." She pulled open the door and a very familiar face smiled at her on the other side.

"Noah?"

"Hi."

She stared at him.

"I'm all better now and I was released a few weeks ago and then the hospital called and said my job is still available if I want it so I took it and here I am." He smiled again. "Cristina?" He waved his hand in front of her face.

"Noah." She said again and then through her arms around his neck. "You're here."

He hugged her back , squeezing her to him. "I'm here."

\

"So , how's Jerry?" She handed him a glass of wine and then laid down next to him on the bed.

"He's good. He's getting better. He might walk again." Noah crossed his fingers. "What's new with you? Why are you living in a hotel?"

"That ... That's a long story." Cristina laughed. "And it's not funny at all." She laughed a little harder. "But this is my third glass and I might be a little drunk." She took a sip of her own wine and placed it on the bedside table behind her.

Noah smiled. "Is that why you have a sling again?"

"That's exactly why."

"Please don't tell me you nearly died again."

Cristina made a face.

"God , do you have a death wish?"

"I think I might."

They both laughed again.

He brought his hand to her cheek. "I missed you."

She leaned into his touched and smiled. "Of course you did."

He ran his thumb back and forth across her cheek. He was just about to say something when her door opened and they both looked at Shane as he walked in.

"Oh." He froze.

Noah lowered his hand.

"I just came to drop your food." He held the take away bag in his hand , up. "I'll be in my room."

"Don't be silly , Shane." Cristina sat up. "Take a seat." She patted the bed.

"You know Noah." She gestured towards Noah. "He's the guy who nearly died in a plane crash with me and then didn't." Noah laughed. "Noah , you know Shane , my resident." She gestured at Shane.

Shane stepped forward and offered his hand to Noah. "I'm also one of her closest friends but she would never admit that."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Anyway ," Cristina took the bag from Shane. "Noah , do you mind sharing my fries with me?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Good but you're probably only getting like three."

"I knew that going in."

"Of course you did."

\

Noah opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

Cristina followed him but remained in the doorway.

"I'll be in my room." Shane told Cristina.

"It was nice seeing you , Shane."

"You , too." Shane nodded at Noah and then opened his door and disappeared behind it.

"And ," Noah turned his attention to the woman in the grey sweatpants , oversized jersey and socked feet , in front of him. "It was really , really nice seeing you."

Cristina smiled. "It was really nice seeing you , too."

They were quiet but their smiles remained.

"It feels so good to see someone so familiar." Noah finally said.

"I know what you mean." She leaned into the doorway , resting her head against the door.

His eyes never left hers. "I guess I ... Have to go now."

"I guess so."

Noah leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

She closed her eyes and leaned into it.

When he pulled back , he gave one last smile. "See you around."

Cristina watched his retreating back until it disappeared around a corner. She stepped inside her room and closed the door.

She walked over to the interlinking door , pulled it open and made her way over to his bed. She then climbed over him and laid down next to him.

"Is your boyfriend gone?"

"He's not my boyfriend." She took the chocolate from his hand and took a bite.

"Sure looked like he was."

"It's Noah. We nearly died together. We have a bond."

Shane gave her a look.

"What? Are you twelve? There's nothing there. He's my friend."

"Whatever you say."

"Yes , whatever I say."

Shane looked at her. "Can I have my chocolate back?"

She shoved the whole thing into her mouth and then spoke with a mouth full of chocolate. "No."

"You're the one who's twelve." He commented.

Cristina laughed. "I know."

Shane smiled and then reached underneath his pillow , pulling out another candy bar.

She gasped. "You son of a bitch." She slapped his shoulder with her uninjured hand. "You've been hiding the stash from me."

Shane handed it to her and then pulled out another. He picked up the remote and turned the Tv on and they both made themselves comfortable.

After a few minutes of mindless chewing , Shane spoke up. "He still looked like your boyfriend."

"Shut up."

\

20 October 2013

Cristina looked around at her second new home for the year.

It was smaller than the last one and she liked it.

There weren't as much rooms and the kitchen wasn't as big but there was still enough space for her and Shane to co-exist.

"Where do you want this?" Noah asked from the doorway.

"Just leave it in the kitchen." She instructed.

Noah nodded and then walked over to the kitchen that over looked the living room. It had large windows that allowed for sunlight to enter and the dark wooden cabinets and marble tops gave it a warm feeling.

"This is the last of it." Shane announced as he walked in and dropped the box in middle of the living room.

Cristina sighed and dropped down on her new couch.

Her phone suddenly began to vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out.

She swiped at the screen. "Alex Karev."

"Cristina Yang."

"What's up , old bud?"

"Why are you so happy?"

"I might be in denial about the incidents in my life. You know , same old , same old."

Alex laughed. "You're really fucked up , you know that?"

"I know." She paused and tilted her head to the side as she watched Noah unpack boxes. "Speaking about fucked up , how's Louise? Has she settled in yet? Are you mistreating her?"

"She doing surprisingly good."

Cristina sat up. "Do you think she's actually in denial?"

"Maybe." She could practically see his hands on his hips and his mouth pulled upwards. "Or maybe she's just happy to have the bastard finally croak."

"That could be it too."

They were quiet.

"Anyway , back to the point of the phone call , how's that research going?"

Cristina sighed. "I haven't really made much progress with it. Been kinda busy with murder and what not. Why?"

"I've got this kid. He needs a new aorta and I don't think he'll survive waiting for a new heart."

"So you want me to print one?"

"I want you to try."

"I don't know , Alex. It's risky."

"Since when are you afraid of risk?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "I'll think about it."

"Well , think fast. We have a tiny human's life in our hands."

"You've been spending way too much time with Arizona."

"Yeah. She's kinda living her , too."

"God , it's like a shelter for the lost."

"It is."

They were quiet again.

"Listen , I've gotta go. Let me know what you decide."

"Okay , I will."

"See you around , Yang." And then the phone was silent.

She threw it down next to her and then watched Shane and Noah laugh in the kitchen.

She was happy they were getting along.

They were both very important people in her life.

She stood up and made her way over to them.

"Who was that?" Shane asked as she approached.

She sat down on one of the bar stools in front of the island they were all standing around. "Alex."

"How's Louise?"

"Who's Louise?"

Shane and Cristina looked at Noah.

He nodded. "Right , right. Long story."

"She's good. Might be in denial." Cristina answered Shane's question. She was quiet for a while. "He wants me to build another heart."

Shane looked at her , trying to decide how she felt about it. "Are you going to?"

"I don't know."

"I think you should try again."

"I think so , too." Cristina admitted.

"Well ," Noah started. "Then it's settled. Cristina's going to print hearts like God and we're all going to be around to witness it."

"I was kinda there the first time." Shane commented.

"Dude."

"Sorry."

"Anyway ," she stood up. "While you two girls argue about me , I'm going to start unpacking my things." She started making her way down the hall and to her room.

"I would totally win though." Noah stated.

Shane snorted. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

\

25 October 2013

Her phone rang and Cristina swiped the screen , revealing Meredith's smiling face.

"Hey , Mer."

"Hey , what are you doing?"

Cristina made a face. "Hiding in my office. So many people want me to sign so many things. The only thing I'm looking forward to is my surgery in an hour."

Meredith laughed. "How's your arm?" She nodded towards Cristina's sling.

"It's okay." Cristina shrugged.

Meredith nodded and Cristina could see something was wrong.

"What?"

"There's something I need to tell you."

Cristina knitted her brows at Meredith's tone. "Okay?" She said slowly.

Meredith hesitated.

"Mer , what is it?" She laughed a little.

"It's Owen."

Cristina heart beat sped up. "What about Owen? Is he okay?"

"He's fine."

"Then what is it?"

"He .. uh ... He's kinda hooking up with Derek's sister."

"Amelia?"

"Yeah." Meredith couldn't read the expression on Cristina's face.

"Oh. Well , that was fast."

"Yeah." Meredith said again.

Cristina was quiet , her face still unreadable.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked carefully.

Cristina smiled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because your husband is seeing another woman."

"He's not my husband."

"Yeah , but he is."

"I'm fine." She shrugged. "I'm happy for him. I am."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Mer."

"Okay , okay."

Cristina was quiet for a moment. "I ... uh .. I have to go. Surgery and everything."

"Yeah , of course." Meredith nodded. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay." Cristina gave her a small smile. "Bye , Mer."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and then set it down on the table.

She was trying to process her feelings , trying to understand how she felt about all of this.

She honestly didn't know and she didn't have much time to figure it out because the door opened and Shane stepped in.

"We need you in the conference room."

She looked up at him , not registering his words.

"Dr Yang."

"Yes?" She blinked.

"Cristina , are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She had said those words so many times in the last few minutes that they started to sound weird to her. "What did you need , Shane?"

He knitted his brows. "You're needed in the conference room."

She nodded , stood up , straightened her dress with her good arm and made her way out of her office , pushing all thoughts of Owen kissing another woman to the side as she strutted down the halls and onto her next crisis.

\

26 October 2013

"So let me get this straight , your husband is seeing another woman."

"My ex husband but yes." Cristina looked into Noah's eyes as he sat on the other side of the island.

"Wow."

"What?" She brought her glass of wine up to her lips and took a sip.

"I just don't understand how or why someone would divorce you."

Cristina's hand stilled. She recovered and brought the glass back down to the counter. "Yeah , well , it was for my benefit."

"What does that mean?"

Cristina looked at him.

"Another long story?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to have to tell me these awfully long stories some day."

"Don't get too excited because once you know , you can't unknow them and it might make you want to leave and never come back." She emptied her glass and carried it over to the sink.

"I don't see that happening."

"Yeah , well."

She turned back around and he was suddenly in front of her.

Her breath caught in her throat at his close proximity. It gave her a chance to look him over.

The moonlight coming in from the window , emphasized his dark hair and brown eyes. She noticed how well structured his face was and how amazing he always seemed to smell.

He looked around like he had just noticed that someone was missing. "Where's Shane?"

"He's out with some friends from work." Cristina tried to sound nonchalant.

Noah nodded , dug his hands into his pockets and step forward.

Cristina rested her hand on the kitchen sink behind her and watched him.

"Dinner was great." He tried to make small talk.

"It was." She smiled.

"I really liked that pizza." He removed one hand from his pocket and placed it on her hip.

"We had spaghetti."

"Whatever."

Cristina laughed.

He laughed with her and placed his other hand on her side.

His face became more serious but a light smile still played on his lips. "Would it be terrible if I kissed you right now?" His lips inches from hers.

Cristina actually thought about. She thought about Owen and for a split second , guilt washed over her but she recovered when she realized that he was probably sharing his bed with another woman at that very moment.

His hand squeezed her hip and she was brought back to the man in front of her.

She shook her head. "It wouldn't be terrible at all."

Before she even completed the sentence , his lips crashed into hers and she immediately deepened it.

He made a little noise at the back of his throat and then lifted her onto the sink.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and brought a hand up to his silky , full head of hair.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Is your arm okay?" He was trying breathing heavily.

"My arm is terrific." She tried to catch her breath.

Noah laughed. He removed her sling and looked into her eyes once again. "Is that okay? Are you okay?"

The moment she said yes , he lifted her up again and this time made his way down the hall to her room , their lips never breaking apart.

Once in her room , he kicked the door closed with his foot and all that could be heard from the outside were sounds of pleasure and the sound of two friends taking their friendship to a whole new level.

/

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	35. Chapter 35

27 October 2013

She was walking the halls of the hospital when her phone vibrated.

She swiped at the screen and Meredith's face popped up.

"Hey , Mer."

"Hey , what are you doing?"

Cristina shrugged. "I have some time to kill before my next surgery and I'm tired of being in my office so I'm just ... roaming around."

Meredith nodded.

"How have you been? How's Derek? Zola?"

"Zola's good. She's saying all kinds of things now." Meredith beamed. "I sent you photos of her. Did you get the photos?"

"Yes , Mer." Cristina laughed. "I got the photos."

"Okay , good because she's adorable."

"She is." Cristina nodded. "How about Derek?" Cristina made a corner.

"He's fine."

"Just fine?"

Meredith shrugged.

"Mer."

"How's Shane?" She changed the subject in the least subtle manner.

She spotted Shane at the nurses station and walked over to him. "Ask him yourself." She handed him the phone and then went to attend to some papers the nurses handed her.

When she returned , she heard her name being mentioned. "What about me?"

"Oh , no , nothing." She heard Meredith say.

She squinted her eyes at Shane and he handed the phone back to her and laughed. "I have to go." And then he was gone.

"What did you say to my resident?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

"You're so annoying sometimes."

"So , how's Noah?"

"Did Shane ... What did he tell you?" She looked around like she was searching for him.

"He didn't tell me anything." Meredith smiled. "But now you're going to have to tell me about whatever you're freaking out about."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Fine." She looked around again and then made her way over to a supply closet. She turned on the light and closed the door.

"Why are we being so secretive?"

"Because I don't want my doctors to know about the things I do in my personal time."

Meredith knitted her brows. "What did you do?"

Cristina didn't say anything.

Meredith suddenly gasped. "Oh my god , you did him , didn't you?"

Cristina still didn't say anything.

"Oh my God , you did! You had sex with Noah?"

"Would you keep your voice down?"

"I can't believe you had sex with Noah." She smiled.

"Yeah , well."

"How did it happen? Did you plan for it to happen? Are you attracted to him? Are you guys dating now? Does Owen know?"

"Slow down , Meredith."

"Answer my questions , Cristina."

"It kinda just ... happened." Cristina shrugged. "We didn't plan it. And of course I'm attracted to him."

"But in that way. You know , the dating way."

"Yeah , I am , I guess."

"You're trying to be nonchalant about this but it's not working."

Cristina laughed. "You're way too happy about this."

"What? I can't be happy about my best friend getting laid?"

"Not this happy. No." She continued laughing.

"What about Owen?"

"What about him?"

"Does he know?"

"He didn't bother to tell me about Amelia , why do I need to tell him about this?"

"Good point."

Cristina was quiet. "How is he?" She asked carefully.

"He's doing okay." Meredith nodded.

"Happy?"

"Seems that way."

They were quiet.

"Oh , did I tell you about Maggie Pierce?"

Cristina sunk down to the floor and rested her back against the door. "The woman who replaced me? No. What about her?"

"Well , turns out she's Webber's daughter."

"I thought Adele and Webber never had kids." Cristina knitted her brows.

"They didn't."

"Then-" Cristina's eyes widened. "No!"

"Yes."

"The replacement is your sister?"

"Uh huh." Meredith made a face.

"God , Mer , how many more do you have?"

Meredith was quiet.

"Well , do you like her?"

"I guess. She's okay." Meredith shrugged.

"That's how you felt about Lexie and look how that turned out."

"Yeah , well , that was different."

"Yeah but it wasn't."

"Can you just be on my side?"

"I am on your side."

"I know." Meredith sighed. "I need to find a different hospital to work at. One where long lost sisters can't find me."

Cristina laughed. "Good luck with that."

"Thanks." Meredith checked her watch. "Anyway , I've gotta go. I've got a shift in a few hours."

"Yeah , of course."

"Bye. Say hi to Noah for me." Meredith wiggled her eyebrows.

"You're a child , you know that?"

Meredith laughed. "I know." She waved at the screen. "Bye."

And then she was gone and Cristina suddenly realized how much she missed her best friend.

\

10 November 2013

Cristina was on edge.

Her first trial patient was scheduled to arrive any second.

A little boy with a severe heart defect that will most likely end his life in a few months.

Her trial was his last hope.

She looked down at the heart in the printer as it neared its finish.

She watched the machine move back and forth , singing a beautiful song as it fabricated what seemed to be the impossible.

Her phone vibrated and it was a text message from Shane.

"Boy's here."

She texted back. "Be there soon."

She set her phone down again and took a deep breath.

It was unlikely that her first attempt would be successful , that much she knew and that's why she decided that she wouldn't grow attached to her patient or his parents. She wouldn't get to know them personally , only medically. It was better that way.

She looked at her heart again , took one last breath and then made her way to the beginning of what she knew was going to be a long trial.

\

25 October 2013

Cristina sunk down on the couch.

"You couldn't have saved him , Cristina." Shane assured her. "He was long gone."

"I know that." She sighed. "I'm just tired of losing them." She had lost 5 patients in the last few weeks and it was starting to get to her. "I just need it to work. Alex needs it work. We need a breakthrough."

"And we'll get one." Shane sounded more confident than he felt. "Soon."

She nodded.

He held out his hand. "Come on. Let's go get something to eat."

\

27 October 2013

"Do you want to go out on a date?"

Cristina looked at him. "I don't do dates."

Noah nodded. "So you don't find it weird that we've slept together multiple times and we haven't even had a date yet?" He drew circles on her shoulder with his fingertips.

"Nope." She looked at the TV again. "Do you?"

"Kinda."

She looked at him again. "Do you want to go on a date?"

"Yeah. We can dress up , I'll take you some place nice. It'll be fun." He smiled.

Cristina thought about it.

"You're paying though." He added.

She laughed. "Makes sense." She nodded. "Since I earn more."

"Ouch."

She laughed again. "Okay."

" 'okay' you'll go on a date with me?"

"Okay , I'll go on a date with you."

He dramatically punched his fist in the air. "Yes!"

"Ugh , I change my mind." She moved out of his embrace.

"No going back." He wrapped his arms around her and pushed her down against the couch pillows , avoiding her arm as much as possible. "You're mine now!"

She laughed and tried to push him off but her determination quickly slipped away when his hand found its way underneath her shirt.

"I still change my mind." She said softly as he kissed the corner of her mouth.

"We'll see about that."

\

5 November 2013

Bare feet slapped against the tile floor as she made her way over to his room for the fifth time that week.

She pushed open the door and shook him. "Shane!" Her eyes were barely open. "Shane , wake up!" She pulled him up. "Shane!"

His eyes flew open and he stared at her.

"It was another nightmare. It wasn't real."

She climbed over him and got underneath the blankets. "Go back to sleep. I'm here."

Shane nodded even though she couldn't see him because her eyes were already closed.

"Sorry." His voice barely audible.

"It's fine." She threw her arm over his waist. "Just go back to sleep. I'm here." She was already drifting off. "I'm here."

\

Noah stepped into the room and walked over to Cristina.

He ran his thumb over her cheek. "Cristina." He whispered.

When she didn't wake , he said her name a little louder and her eyes fluttered open.

He could see the confusion in her eyes as she took in his face.

"I just got paged. I have to go into the hospital." He said softly.

She closed her eyes again and turned on her side. "Okay."

He kissed her on the cheek , tucked her leg back underneath the blankets and then brought the covers up to her shoulder.

He then walked over to Shane's side and did the same for him.

And as he left the room , he thought about how lucky Shane and Cristina were to have found one another.

\

10 November 2013

Cristina rotated her shoulder. It felt so freeing to have her sling off.

She looked down at the patient chart again.

She had another trial patient coming in and she really wanted her next attempt to be a success.

She couldn't handle the death anymore.

She looked over at Shane as he yawned.

He had another sleepless night and it was beginning to worry her that the nightmares would never stop.

She wondered why she wasn't as affected by what had happened as much as he was.

"Can I ask you something?"

He looked over at her from the couch in her office. "Yes?"

"What are the dreams about?"

He shrugged. "I don't remember."

"Shane."

"I honestly don't."

She looked at him and sighed. "Okay."

"Okay."

Her phone rang and she looked at him one last time before she answered it.

"Cristina Yang."

"Hi , darling."

Cristina smiled. "Lou!"

"How are you?"

"I'm ... Good. How about you?"

"Surprisingly , I'm doing just fine." She laughed.

"Don't have a mental break down please."

"I won't." She paused. "How's Shane?"

She looked over at him. "He's okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah." They were quiet. "How are things in Seattle? Are you fitting in? Is Alex being an ass?"

"Things are great. Yes , I am and no , he's not as bad as you said he would be."

"Give him some time."

Louise laughed. "Oh , and I met that ex husband of yours."

"Yeah?" Cristina tried to keep the sudden emotion out of her voice.

"Yeah. Those eyes are everything , aren't they?"

"They really are."

Louise must've realized that bringing up Owen was a bad idea because she went quiet and when she spoke again , the subject had changed. "Anyway , I heard about you and this Noah guy..."

\

13 November 2013

Cristina unlocked her front door and stepped inside.

She pushed the door closed , locked it and then kicked off her heels and threw her bag on the table by the door.

She made her way of to his room , pushed the door open and went to lay down next to him.

His eyes never left his book. "How was your date?"

"It was good. More than good. It was great."

"Then why don't you sound excited?"

She shrugged.

He looked at her.

He sighed. He set the book down and turned towards her. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"Then why do you have a sourpuss on your face?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't have a sourpuss."

"Cristina."

"Do you think I'm moving to fast?" She paused and then looked at him. "With Noah?"

"Do you feel like you are?"

"It all just feels so ... Sudden." She scooted down and looked up at the ceiling as she spoke. "A few months ago , I was still married to Owen and we were doing good and now I'm here , in a whole different country and he's with Derek's sister and I'm with Noah and when did all of this happen?" She looked at Shane. "When did we get here?"

He looked at her and then scooted down as well. "I don't know. Things change. Life changes. One moment you're here and the next ... You're not and your whole life is different."

They were quiet.

"Do you miss home?"

"I do." He answered honestly. "But then I think , what did i have there that I don't already have here? I mean , I don't have family or siblings or real friends. I had my job and my home and that was it." He looked at her. "But now , I'm this hotshot resident and I have friends and I have you and things are better."

"So you wouldn't want to go back?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Do you want to go back?"

"Maybe." She whispered.

He turned on his side and looked at her , not saying anything.

She looked at him and then mimicked his position.

"I ... I have this recurring dream. Sometimes it's about that night and sometimes it's a completely random location but he always shows up. Always. And then I hear your screams and I hear Louise's and then suddenly you're not there anymore and you're at the bottom of the stairs or a cliff and ... I dream about your death. Constant dreams about you dying and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to stop them."

Cristina reached out and touched his cheek. "We'll get you help , okay?"

He nodded.

"I'm going to help you." She moved closer and rested her head on his chest. "Because dreaming about my death isn't the most flattering thing in the world."

He laughed and she felt the vibrations beneath her ear and she smiled. "We're going to get you help , Ross. Everything's going to be okay."

/

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	36. Chapter 36

20 November 2013

"So , how do you feel?" Noah handed her a glass of wine and sat down beside her on the couch.

"I feel good." She admitted. "But I don't want to jinx it." She took a sip.

They were quiet.

Cristina's last surgery had gone much better than the others. She had learned so much from her previous patients but she was beginning to lose faith , having lost so many.

But the young woman she had operated on earlier in the day , she gave Cristina some hope back. She just didn't want to get ahead of herself.

"Do you think this might be it?"

Cristina looked at him. "It might be." She smiled. "But I don't want to jinx it." She repeated.

"Okay." Noah smiled. "What do you want to do?"

"Just ... Sit here. At least until something goes terribly wrong or terribly good." She pulled his arm around her shoulders.

"Okay."

"It's might take a while." She warned.

He kissed the top of her head. "I'm perfectly content with that."

\

22 November 2013

Cristina rushed down the hallway , halfway pulling on her lab coat and stopped in front of the patients room where Shane was waiting for her. "What happened?"

Shane stared at her.

"You paged me nine-one-one! What is it Shane?" She yelled.

He suddenly smiled. "She's awake."

The expression on Cristina's face faded. "What?"

"She's awake." He repeated.

They both turned to the girl in her bed , smiling at her parents. "She's awake?" Cristina looked more shocked than happy.

Shane nodded. "She's awake."

Cristina pulled open the sliding door and stepped inside.

"Hi , Dr Yang." Sarah greeted her from the bed. Wires were coming out from every hole and vein in her body but still she managed to look radiant and bubbly.

"Hi." Cristina smiled.

"It worked." The young girl stated , her dry lips extending into a smile.

Cristina pressed the stethoscope against her chest and listened , not saying anything.

Sarah grabbed her hand , making Cristina still and look into her eyes.

"Dr Yang , it worked."

Cristina smiled. "It did." She nodded.

They both laughed and Sarah's parents hugged Cristina , thanking her and then she had to excuse herself because she suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotion.

She walked pass Shane and he called after her.

She waved him off and made her way over to nearest on-call room.

She pushed open the door and closed it.

She turned around towards the beds and closed her eyes. She rested the back of her hand against her forehead and took deep breaths but it wasn't helping.

She suddenly broke out into a sob and crouched over , holding onto her knees.

It all came back to her ; the night Steven was killed. She thought about how she almost died herself. She saw Louise's face in her mind , the fear in her eyes. She saw Shane and his faulting bravery. She felt Steven's arms around her and then suddenly she was falling.

She sunk down to her knees as her cries overtook her.

Images of Owen with another woman found their way into her mind.

And then the many faces she had lost during her trial were suddenly in front of her.

Then she was back in the woods again with Noah and the dead wolf and she couldn't get out.

She opened her eyes but she was still there. They were still there.

Her ghosts never left her.

They were still there. They will always be there.

Somewhere in between her breakdown , Shane came into the room and pulled her into his arms.

He rocked her back and forth as they sat on the floor.

After what felt like an eternity , she began to calm down.

She opened her eyes , blinked and one by one they disappeared and then the woods cleared up and she was back in the on-call room and she could breathe again.

Her grip on Shane loosened but his didn't.

He still held onto her and refused to let go and she was grateful because she didn't want him to.

"I got you." He whispered.

She buried her face in his neck and closed her eyes again.

"I got you."

\

Noah got out of the car as Shane pulled up.

Shane got out and Noah hurried over.

Shane walked over to the passengers side , opened the door and lifted Cristina into his arms.

Noah closed the door behind him.

Shane handed Noah the front door keys and he opened it and Shane stepped inside with her , walked down the hall and deposited her on her bed.

He pulled the covers up to her shoulders , looked at her one last time and then left the room.

Noah was waiting for him outside.

"What happened?" He asked immediately.

"She fell asleep in the car and I didn't want to wake her." Shane started walked towards the kitchen.

"No , I mean what happened today?"

"She finally crashed."

"What?"

"I knew it was coming. She was way too okay after that night and I knew it was coming. It just took that one thing and the dam burst."

Noah nodded. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She always is." Shane turned around and started walking towards his room. "Turn off the lights when you're done."

Noah heard his bedroom door close and then it was quiet.

He wasn't sure what to do with himself.

Was he supposed to stay?

Would she want him to stay?

He decided that she would probably want someone to be there when she woke up.

He turned off the lights like Shane had instructed and made his way over to her room.

He found his way to the bed in the darkness and climbed under the covers.

As soon he laid down , she turned around , her eyes still closed and hugged him to her.

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her even closer.

"I'm here." He whispered.

"Owen." She called out , her voice filled with sleep.

Noah's heart sunk down into his stomach and remained there.

Instead of leaving like another man would've done , he scooted down and held her even tighter.

"Don't worry. You're going to be okay." He kissed her forehead and repeated his words. "You're going to be okay."

\

23 November 2013

Cristina emerged from her room feeling like a complete mess. Her eyes were swollen and she had a headache from crying the night before , her hair was everywhere , and she was still wearing the clothes from the day before.

"You look great." Shane stated and then smiled.

"It's too early for sarcasm." She rubbed her eyes and then took a seat on a chair in front of the island.

"It's three in the afternoon." He said and then set a cup of coffee down in front of her.

"Fuck." She dropped her head on the table.

"Don't worry. I called in sick for you and told Keating to take over for the day."

Her head flew up. "Keating? She sucks!"

"No , she doesn't."

"Yeah , she doesn't." Cristina pouted and then picked up her coffee and took a sip.

She suddenly looked around. "Where's Noah?"

"He had a major surgery he couldn't reschedule."

Cristina nodded. "I feel like he's the only normal person in my life."

"I'm normal." Shane shrugged.

"But you're friends with me which makes you abnormal."

"He's sleeping with you." Shane said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah but I'm good in bed so it's understandable why he would keep coming back for this crazy."

Shane laughed. "Are you feeling better?"

She nodded. "I am."

"No more breakdowns?"

"No more breakdowns. Cross my heart."

Shane smiled. "Okay."

"Although , I might fake one now and then because I really love the attention."

\

25 November 2013

Cristina was sitting on the desk in Shane's office , watching him fill in charts.

"You know , the other residents think I favour you." She looked around.

"I know." He didn't look up.

"Don't they hate you? I would've hated you."

"Not really. I think they try to use me to get to you , though."

She looked down at him. "Does that bother you?"

He looked up , thought about it and then shook his head. "No."

"Really?"

"No because it means I have people who try and kiss my ass by doing my scut. It's a sweet life." He smiled. "I mean , I have my real friends who don't give a damn but still."

"When did you become so evil?" She picked up his stapler and opened it up , removing staples.

He took it from her. "Oh , around the same time I met you."

"Ha-ha."

He smiled.

Someone knocked on the door , making Shane look up and Cristina turn around.

"Is this a private meeting or can anyone join?"

"Noah , what are you doing here?"

He walked over to her and kissed her on the lips.

"I was in the neighborhood." He shrugged. "What are we doing?"

"We're discussing why residents hate Shane." Cristina informed him.

"Isn't that just because he's a pain in the ass?"

"That's the main reason but there are many other reasons that stem from that." Cristina pointed out.

"Oh , I see. Very interesting."

"I'm trying to work over here." Shane tried to sound serious.

"Yes , of course." Noah turned to Cristina. "Let's go , my dear."

"Ew." Cristina made a face.

Noah stood up and threw her over his shoulder.

"This is very inappropriate for a boss." She pointed out as she hung there.

"Yeah , whatever."

\

The three of them were seated on the ground around the coffee table in the living room , eating take out.

"When does Alex plan on operating on that little boy?" Noah questioned.

"When he's strong enough to ship to Zürich." Cristina shrugged. "Also , I want another surgery to be successful before I work on him." Cristina brought the chopsticks up to her mouth.

"Sarah's doing great." Shane stated.

"She is. She really is." Cristina shook her head. "Okay , onto something lighter."

\

"So , anyway , George fucks up the whole thing , faeces is spilling out everywhere and he freezes. Burke ended up pushing him away and performing the surgery himself. And that's how George O'malley got the nickname '007' on his very first day." Cristina laughed.

"Well , that must've sucked."

"Yeah , but he got to perform surgery on a heart in an elevator during a power outage so he redeemed his name."

Noah nodded. He was about to ask another question when Cristina's phone on the coffee table vibrated and the three of them looked at it.

"It's Meredith." She announced.

The two men nodded and then looked away.

She picked the phone up and swiped at the screen. "Hey , Mer."

"Cristina."

Cristina knitted her brows. "What's wrong with you? Why do you sound so weird?" She rolled her eyes. "Are you calling because of what happened the other night? Did Shane call you?" She squinted her eyes at the man in question and he held his hands up in defense.

"Cristina." Meredith repeated.

"I told him not to call you. I'm fine. I just had a little break down. Nothing out of the usual. You need to stop-"

"Cristina!" Meredith yelled , cutting her off.

"Yes?"

Meredith was quiet.

"Mer , what is it?"

She heard Meredith inhale deeply before she spoke. "It's Owen."

/

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	37. Chapter 37

26 November 2013

Cristina hurried down the almost too familiar hallways and passed very familiar faces as she made her way over to the ICU.

She hurried over to the nurses desk and practically yelled his name. "Owen Hunt!"

"Dr Yang..."

"Owen Hunt!" She yelled again.

"Cristina!" She looked over and found Meredith staring at her.

She ran into Meredith's arms and her best friend held her.

"Mer." She whispered.

"I know."

Cristina didn't want to let go and Meredith held her even tighter.

Finally , Cristina pulled back and held her friend's head in her palms and smiled a teary smile.

They hadn't seen one another for months and their reconciliation was mixed up in the number of emotions they were both feeling.

Their smiles faded as they realized why they were actually together again.

"Owen." Cristina simply said and Meredith took her hand into hers and guided her to his room.

As they neared the room , Cristina noted the even more familiar faces outside his room.

Alex stood up , his face full of worry but still managed a smile and wrapped her up in a hug.

She hugged him back and then he stepped out of the way.

She spotted April , her belly round and huge , and Jackson seated where Alex had just come from and she gave them a small smile.

Owen had a team of supporters behind him and it warmed her heart.

She finally turned towards his room and she literally gasped.

Surprised at the sound , she covered her mouth with her hand and took a step forward.

He didn't look like the Owen she had left all those mornings ago.

His skin was pale and full of cuts and bruises.

He had a ventilator down his throat and brace around his neck.

His beautiful red hair was covered up by a bandage that went right around his head and his arm was in a sling.

She pulled open the sliding door and woman's head pop up from the side of the bed.

She had only just noticed Amelia sitting there but couldn't even muster up a smile.

She walked over to the bed and looked down at her former husband.

She brought her hand up and rested it on his cheek.

"Oh , Owen." She said softly.

"They said he's going to be okay." The other Shepherd spoke up.

Cristina looked at her and nodded.

Meredith stepped inside and Cristina looked up at her.

"What exactly happened?"

"He ... uh ... He was on his way here and a semi ran into him."

Cristina closed her eyes.

"It could've been worse." Meredith commented.

"Yeah." Cristina looked down at his frail body in the hospital bed. "Tell me."

Amelia looked at Meredith , checking if her sister in law understood and she did.

"He came in with a large laceration on his head , a dislocated shoulder and several other lacerations. And then he suffered a pneumothorax and a ventilator had to be put in. He has a fractured rib and we're waiting on his CT scans. Derek's looking them over as we speak."

Cristina nodded and smoothed the red hair sticking out from beneath the bandage.

"Do you know what happened? How he got hit?"

"No." Amelia answered. "He was out of it when he came in so we didn't get the proper story."

Once again , Cristina nodded.

Derek suddenly came through the doors , scans in his hands and urgency in his eyes.

"Cristina , you're here." He observed.

She smiled at him and he looked relieved to see her.

"Hunt's got a subdural hematoma. I need to go in and do a craniotomy." He finished and stared at her.

She knitted her brows. "Why are you looking at me?"

"Well ," Derek looked at his sister and then back at Cristina. "You're still listed as his health care proxy."

Cristina looked at him and then Amelia. She looked back at Derek and he was still staring at her.

"I need your permission , Yang."

"Yes , of course. Do what you have to do."

Derek nodded and was about to leave the room when Cristina called out to him again.

He turned around and immediately regretted it when he saw her broken eyes.

"Derek ," her voice was soft. "I can't lose him , too."

Derek paused and then nodded and left.

Nurses came in and Owen was wheeled out of the room and to the OR.

Cristina watched them leave and then she was left in the suddenly large and empty room with an on-edge Amelia and Meredith who seemed to be waiting for Cristina to make her next move.

Amelia stood and placed her hands in the pockets of her jeans , feeling out of place.

"I'm sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances." She looked at Meredith and then Cristina.

"Yeah." Was all Cristina said and then walked out of the room.

Meredith looked at Amelia. "Are you going to be okay? I have to go and look after Cristina."

"I'm okay." Amelia nodded.

"Okay."

Meredith left and then stopped beside April. "Would you keep an eye on Amelia? I have Cristina."

"Yes , of course."

Meredith gave her a small smile and then followed Cristina into an on-call room where they waited for the outcome of someone whom Cristina still loved and someone Meredith had learned to love.

\

The room was quiet as the door opened and Callie stepped in.

"Hey." She stood by the door.

Cristina gave her a small smile. "Hey."

"I heard you're back."

"I am."

Callie remained where she was.

Meredith patted the bed. "Come on."

Callie walked over to the bed and sat down beside Meredith. "He's going to be okay , Cristina." She said after a while.

She looked at Callie. "Yeah."

They were quiet again.

The door opened again and Alex stepped in.

He walked over to bed and laid down horizontally and the women hung their legs over him. "Hunt's been through a war and survived." He stated suddenly , while staring up the ceiling. "He's going to survive this."

Cristina nodded. "Yeah."

A few minutes later , the door opened once again and Arizona , Jackson and April stepped inside.

"We were ... Checking in on you." Jackson said.

"And we brought food." April held up a take out bag as proof.

Jackson walked over to the other bed in the room and pushed it against the one everyone was sitting on , making room for all of them.

Callie and Arizona made eye contact as Arizona sat down but neither of them said anything.

"Hunt's a fighter. He's going to be okay." Jackson stated as removed the many burgers and fries from the bag.

"Yeah." Cristina said softly.

Meredith looked at her. "That's like the seventeenth time you've said 'yeah'."

Cristina didn't look at her. "Yeah."

Meredith took her hand into hers.

The rest of the group tried to keep the mood up by making conversation and enjoying their meal , each trying to ignore the fact that one of their own was in an OR room at that moment getting his head cut into.

Cristina hadn't said anything for a while and Meredith kept squeezing her hand , bringing her back to her whenever she felt her friend drifting off too far.

"Someone should go and get Amelia." Cristina suddenly said and the conversation stopped and everyone looked at her. "She shouldn't be alone right now." She didn't look away from her spot on the wall across from her.

"I will." April volunteered.

She left and then returned shortly after with Amelia following behind.

The room was quiet as they stepped inside and April went back to her seat.

Amelia stood by the door , uncertain.

Cristina picked up a burger and pointed it at her. "We have food." She simply said.

Amelia was quiet for a while , staring back at her colleagues. "Great." She nodded. "I'm starving."

She walked over to the bed , took the burger from Cristina and gave her a small smile. Cristina returned it and then the conversation commenced once again.

Meredith looked at her friend , suddenly proud to call Cristina her person.

Cristina looked back at her and her eyes were glossed over.

Meredith's smile faded.

"What if ..." Cristina whispered.

"No. No 'what if's '. Everything's going to be fine."

"Mer , it's us. Nothing is ever fine with us."

"This time it's going to be." Meredith paused. "I promise."

\

Her phone rang and everyone looked at her.

"Probably Shane." She waved her phone and then got up and left the room.

She swiped at the screen.

"Cristina?"

"Yeah."

"How ... How are things over there?"

"Derek's currently doing a craniotomy. Haven't heard anything for a few hours."

"That's a good thing."

"That's what we tell the families , Shane. This is me."

"Okay. We can only hope for the best."

She nodded even though he couldn't see her.

"Noah?" She asked.

"I think he's still back home. I'm at the hospital , making sure everything's organized for tomorrow."

"Thank you for stepping in."

"No need to thank me."

Cristina smiled. "I ...uh.. I have to go now."

"Of course." He paused. "Bye."

"Shane." She called out before he hung up.

"Yeah?"

"Don't let Noah go home. He doesn't like being alone at his place." She paused. "He has ... Dreams ... Flashbacks."

"Okay. I won't let him go home."

"Thank you." She was quiet for a moment. "I'll see you soon , Sharky."

\

Cristina sat at his bedside , watching him rest.

He was still drowsy from the anesthesia and hadn't fully woken up yet.

It was quiet in the recovery wing.

Amelia had gone to the cafeteria to get some coffee and something to eat and had left her alone with him.

She held his hand and looked him over.

He still looked pale as ever but the intubation tube had been removed and he was getting there.

Derek had said that the surgery went perfectly and that he expected a full recovery.

She watched as his eyes danced beneath his eye lids and wondered what he was dreaming about.

She brought her hand up to his cheek and ran her thumb over his skin and couldn't fathom how she left him in the first place.

"Don't tell me you came back to reclaim your territory." A voice by the door said.

Cristina turned and smiled. "Lou."

The two of them stepped forward and embraced.

"I heard you were here and I had to come and see for myself." She said as she pulled away. She looked at Owen behind Cristina. "How is he?"

"He's ... doing better."

"Oh , darling."

"Yeah."

Amelia came walking in and she and Louise exchanged greetings.

Louise then turned to Cristina. "Do you want to go get some coffee? Take a break? Catch up?"

Cristina looked at Amelia and she nodded. "Go ahead. I've got him."

Cristina turned back to Louise. "Let's go."

\

Owen opened his eyes and took in his surroundings.

The room was dark and unfamiliar.

He blinked as he realized his head was throbbing and wondered if it would ever go away.

"Owen?" A voice said beside him.

He turned towards it and found Amelia smiling at him.

He returned the smile but when he turned to the door , it immediately faded.

"Cristina?" His voice uncertain and groggy.

"Hi."

Amelia turned around and saw Cristina smiling at him from the door.

Cristina stepped inside.

"You're awake."

"I am." He paused. "You're here."

"I am."

Amelia looked between the two of them. "I'm just going to go and check on this patient of mine."

"Oh , no , please stay." Cristina tried to stop her.

"It's okay." She smiled. "You two have a lot of catching up to do." She sounded genuine but Cristina still felt bad.

Amelia left the room , pulling the sliding door closed behind her.

Cristina turned to Owen again.

"I can't believe you're here."

"I can't believe you're stupid enough to get into a car accident." She said as she walked over to his bed and sat down beside him.

Owen laughed. "Yeah. That was pretty stupid of me."

Cristina smiled. "Do you want some water?"

Owen nodded and she reached over to the jug of water beside the bed , poured water into the cup and held the straw in front of his mouth.

He sat up a little , took a sip and fell back down.

She placed back onto the table.

"How's your head?"

"Other than feeling like it got bashed in with a baseball bat , it's good."

"Good to hear."

"On the bright side , we now have matching slings."

"You've always wanted to be more like me."

"That's true."

They were quiet as there eyes met and locked for a few minutes. Cristina had to look away and break the silence. "Amelia seems nice."

The air suddenly became awkward and uncomfortable and she regretted her choice of topic.

"Yeah , she is." He said after some time.

"She seems to really like you. No woman sits at the bed of a man she doesn't like for two days."

"You did. In fact , you came from Switzerland to sit at my bed."

"Who said I didn't like you?" She smiled.

"I just assumed."

"You shouldn't make assumptions."

He smiled and then they were quiet again.

"I missed you." He suddenly said.

Cristina stood up. "On that note , I will be leaving." She laughed. "And I'll get your girlfriend on my way out." She emphasized the word 'girlfriend' and the two of them laughed. "I'll see you later."

"Okay , then."

She nodded and gave him one last smile. "Okay."

\

"Where's Derek?"

"His surgery ran late."

Cristina nodded as she removed the pillows from Meredith's bed.

They both got under the covers and fell back with a sigh.

"He's going to be annoyed when he comes home and finds me in his bed."

Meredith shrugged. "He can sleep in your room."

"Maybe I should sleep in my room."

"No. You're staying here."

Cristina looked at her. "Mer , is something wrong?" She paused. "With you and Derek?"

"How's Owen?" Meredith changed the subject.

Cristina sighed for more than one reason. "He's good. He woke up in good spirits so I guess that's a good sign."

"Yeah."

They were quiet.

"Do you still love him?" Meredith suddenly asked.

"Owen?"

"Yeah. Do you still love him?"

"Well , of course I do. Of course I love Owen. I'll always love that man. We just don't make sense. We want different things. He wants something I can't give him and ... Of course I love him."

"Do you want my opinion?"

"Not really."

Meredith ignored her. "I think when you love someone , you don't just throw that love away. You figure something out. You work at your relationship. You compromise without having to compromise who you are. You just ... Try."

"We did try. Several times , if I might add."

"Try harder next time."

"He wants kids , Mer."

"I know."

"You can't compromise between wanting to have kids or not."

"That's true but you still have to try and figure it out." She paused. "You can't just give up."

"He's with Amelia now , anyway."

"And you're with Noah and still you're in love with another man."

"Way to bring the mood down , Meredith."

"You're welcome." Meredith smiled.

They were quiet again.

After some time , Cristina spoke up again. "Are you tired?" She turned to Meredith and found that her friend had already drifted off. "Okay , then."

Zola started crying and she looked at Meredith again and realizing that her friend wasn't going to wake up any time soon , she threw back the covers and hurriedly made her way over to Zola's room.

She stepped inside the blue room and walked over to the crib where Zola was already standing up , reaching her arms out to Cristina.

"Hey , baby girl." She lifted Zola up into her arms. "What's the matter?" She held the baby against her , her small cheek pressing against Cristina's face. "I'm here. I'm here , baby girl." She rocked Zola back and forth until the she quieted down.

Cristina held her back and looked at her. "You just wanted some attention , didn't you?" She smiled.

She carried the baby out of the room and made her way to the downstairs kitchen.

She set Zola on the kitchen counter and got herself a yogurt out of the fridge.

She pulled open a drawer and pulled out a spoon.

She then went to stand in front of Zola again.

"You know ," she started as she pulled open the yogurt. "You and I , we're tough. We both have been through a lot. We both lost our families ," she paused. "Well , I just lost my dad. You lost both of your parents. But I have lost people who were like family to me so I guess that's kinda the same." She stuck the spoon into the yogurt and took a spoonful and then carried on talking like the infant understood every word she was saying. "But we made it. I mean , I now own a hospital and you , you're living in this great house and you've got two amazing parents. We made it."

Zola said something in her own language and Cristina nodded. "Exactly."

Zola reached out , indicating that she too wanted to indulge in the midnight snack.

Cristina gave her some yogurt and then wiped the edges of her mouth. "I guess , both of our lives became better when we found your mom." She paused. "Meredith helped us both."

Zola looked up at her like she understood.

"Can you say 'cardio myopathy'?" Zola didn't respond. "No? Okay , then at least say 'Cristina'." Still the baby didn't respond. "Come on , work with me here."

Zola made an adorable face that made Cristina laugh.

Cristina kissed the tip of her nose and she giggled.

"You and me , kid ," she looked into Zola's eyes but the baby was more interested in the spoon in Cristina's hand. "We're going to be alright."

/

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	38. Chapter 38

27 November 2013

Her phone rang and it brought her out of a deep sleep.

"Hello?" Her voice barely audible.

"You didn't call so I thought I'd check up on you."

She took a while to reply.

"Cristina?"

She opened her eyes again. "Yeah. Yeah , I'm here."

"Are you still asleep?"

"Kinda."

He laughed.

"Do you want me to call back?"

"No , no. Talk. I'm here." She sat up.

"Okay." She could hear him smile. "So , how is he?"

"He's doing good. Derek had to operate but he came out good. Woke up last night and he was Owen." She looked around , trying to decide if Meredith was still home.

"Do you know when you're getting back?"

She froze , uncertain. She hadn't really thought about it. "No , not yet."

"That's understandable. I mean , he just woke up."

She smiled at how understanding he was. "I hope you're in my bed."

"I am , actually. Shane wouldn't let me go home."

"Good."

He laughed. "I'm going to let you get back to sleep." He paused. "Don't be gone for too long , okay?"

"I won't."

"Talk to you soon."

"Of course."

It was quiet and then he hung up.

She looked at the phone and then threw it on the bed. "Mer?" She called out but there wasn't any answer.

She fell back against the pillows with a sigh and watched the sun come through the windows.

She knew she should get dressed soon if she wanted to go and see Owen for the day but her eyes wouldn't listen. Especially when Meredith's sheets felts so cool against her skin and the pillow cushioned her head so well.

\

As she made a corner , she saw Derek leave his room and called out to him.

He stopped and waited for her to reach him.

She watched him hand Owen's chart over to the nurse and then turn to her as she approached.

"How is he?" Was the first thing she asked.

"Much better than he was yesterday. We just changed his bandages and reapplied dressing on his wounds and so far , no infections , no internal bleeding and the craniotomy looks like it was successful as well."

She smiled and he smiled with her. "Thank you."

He clasped her on the shoulder. "No problem , Yang." He then turned around and made his way to whatever patient was next on his rounds.

She stepped inside Owen's room and found that he seemed to have fallen asleep again after Derek's check-up.

She walked over to the chair by the wall and pulled it over.

She knew she shouldn't but she took his hand in hers and her heart fluttered at the familiar warmth.

She ran her thumb over his skin and smiled when he opened his eyes.

"Hi." She said softly.

"Hi." His voice was gruff but his eyes were soft.

"How are you?"

He swallowed. "Better." She felt his grip on her hand tighten.

"Good."

"I still can't believe you're here."

"Well , I am." She smiled.

"You are."

They looked at one another for a long while. Saying things with their eyes that their mouths weren't allowed to. Not anymore.

She suddenly let go of his hand and stood up.

He knitted his brows as he watched her walk towards the door. "Where are you going?"

She didn't answer but instead , pulled the door shut , locked it and then pulled the curtain closed.

When she turned back around , he smiled at her , with his eyebrows still knitted and watched her walk over to the bed.

She kicked off her shoes , removed her jacket and got under the covers with him.

She brought her body as close to his as she possibly could and sighed at the feel of his skin against hers.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of his breathing and his steady heart beat beneath her ear.

She brought her hand up to his cheek and raked her nails through his beard. "I missed you." Her voice barely audible.

"I missed you." His eyes fluttered shut as the familiar and long missed scent of her hair filled his senses.

She looked up at him , his blue eyes radiant as ever. Seeing them from behind a screen was a whole different experience than seeing them in person.

Her heart beat sped up when his hand found its way to the exposed skin of her back and started caressing the area.

"Don't ever do that again." She warned.

"Do what?"

"Come close to dying."

"I should demand the same thing from you."

"I'm serious."

"Me , too." He kissed the tip of her nose.

She placed her head on his chest again.

"I should go." He could hear the reluctance in her voice.

"Or you could stay."

"I can't."

"I know."

"Amelia will be here soon and this looks bad."

"It does."

"I don't want to go."

"I don't want you to go."

"But I should." She lifted her head.

He pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Okay."

She nodded. "Okay." She kissed his cheek. It was an innocent kiss but she might have lingered for too long.

She got down from the bed , pulled on her shoes and jacket and looked down at him. She really wanted to lay back down with him again and she could see he wanted that too.

"I'll see you later?"

"See you later." He smiled.

She walked over to the door , pulled open the curtain , unlocked the door and stepped outside.

She smiled at him one last time and left but as she rounded a corner , she bumped into Amelia.

"Oh , hey."

"Is he awake yet? I was here earlier and he was still asleep." Cristina noted the container of food in her hand and wondered why she hadn't thought of bringing Owen something to eat.

"He's awake." She nodded , a wave of guilt suddenly washed over her.

"Okay. Thanks. See you later." Amelia passed her.

"Yeah , sure." Cristina watched her disappear into Owen's room and felt as unreasonable jealousy crept it's way into her heart.

She shook it off and went to find Meredith and Alex. She needed some cheering up.

\

"So , you just left in the middle of the night?"

Alex and Cristina sat down at the table.

"Yeah."

"And what did your boyfriend say?"

"Could you not call him that? We're not twelve."

"Not call who what?" Meredith sat down.

"Cristina doesn't want me to call her boyfriend , her boyfriend."

Cristina stared at him.

"Don't enrage her , Alex. She's had a long week."

"A hard life."

Alex and Meredith nodded and hummed in agreement.

"Anyway ," Cristina reached over and stole a fry from Alex and he slapped her hand away but even though he didn't show it , he was happy that she did. He missed her stealing his food. "He called me this morning asking when I planned on going back and I didn't know what to say because honestly , I don't know when I'm going back home."

"Did you tell him this is your home?"

"Mer."

Meredith shrugged.

Alex's phone buzzed with a page and he checked it. "I gotta go." He pushed his tray to the middle of the table and Meredith and Cristina both immediately started chewing on his fries.

Meredith turned to Cristina. "What do you think about Amelia?"

"I don't think anything about Amelia. She's Owen's girlfriend and I'm his ex-wife and I just have to ... deal with the situation."

"So she's his girlfriend but Noah isn't your boyfriend?"

"God , I feel like I'm back in high school."

Meredith laughed.

"Hey , is Derek still your husband?"

Meredith's laugh faded. "I have to go." She stood up and walked away.

Cristina watched her retreating back. "Coward!"

\

Cristina was on her way to Owen's room again , even though she wasn't sure if it was such a good idea since what happened that morning.

She really couldn't control herself.

She had missed him so much and he was there and not behind a screen or a voice through a speaker. He was there.

Someone suddenly called out her name and grabbed her by the arm.

She turned around to find Alex with urgency in his eyes. "My kid ," he was out of breath. "With the aorta. He needs you. He's not going to make it. He needs you!"

Cristina nodded. "Okay. Let's go."

\

She brought the stethoscope to the little boys chest and listened.

She looked up at Alex and he could tell by the look in her eyes that it wasn't good. But he knew that already.

The four year old , with sadness in his eyes , reached for the stethoscope when she pulled away and she removed them from her ears and handed them to him.

He gave a brief smile at his new toy.

Cristina motioned for Alex to meet her in the corner.

"It's not looking good."

"You can do the surgery right? We have a printer , too. You can do it."

Cristina stared at him , her heart twisting at the desperation in his voice and eyes.

"Alex..."

"Just try."

"This procedure has only worked once before. Who knows if-"

"What difference does it make?" He cut her off. "He's not going to make it anyway. You have to try , Cristina. He's just a kid. He deserves a chance."

She sighed. "I hate peds." She looked over at the boy still playing with his toy and then looked at Alex. "Okay." She nodded. "I'll do it."

\

"Have you been to see him again?" Alex asked as he passed the grapes to her.

"I was about to before you pulled me aside and asked me to perform miracles."

The two of them were sharing a snack in an on-call room as they waited for the printer to finish its work.

Cristina pulled a grape from its stem and popped it in her mouth.

"Is he good?"

"He was good the last time I checked."

"And how are you holding up?" He asked nonchalantly.

She stilled and looked at him. It was the first time someone actually bothered to question how she was handling the whole thing and she suddenly found herself swallowing a lump in her throat.

"I'm... I'm good." She nodded.

"You don't have to be , you know." He shrugged. "It's okay to be affected by all of this."

"He's not mine to be affected by anymore."

"That's complete crap. You seriously believe that? You and Hunt ... You guys aren't some random couple who can just move on."

"And yet we did."

"Would you stop being so stubborn? Just admit that Amelia affects you. Admit that his accident affected you. Admit that your feelings for him still run deep. Deeper than just friendship. Deeper than a guy you just came to visit because he got hurt. For Gods sake , you flew across the world in the middle of the night for him." He paused. "Just admit your feelings because once you do , you can deal with them and then figure out where to go next."

Cristina looked at him. "When did you become so philosophical?"

"When you left , I had no one to insult anymore so I had to find a new hobby."

"So you became a relationship guru?"

"Yep."

Cristina laughed. She checked her watch. "do you mind if I go and see him? We still have a couple of hours to kill."

"Yeah , whatever. Do what you gotta do."

She tapped his cheek. "Thanks , asshole."

She placed the bowl of grapes onto the bed and then got up.

"Admit to your feelings." He called out as she left.

"Yeah , yeah."

\

As she approached the room , she saw Owen getting wheeled out.

Derek had urgency in his eyes , yelling orders at the nurses as they rushed pass Cristina with Owen's unconscious body.

"Derek , what happened?" Cristina ran up to him.

"He had a seizure and CT's revealed a brain hemorrhage. I have to go back in."

"You said he was fine."

"He was. You're a doctor , Cristina. You know these things happen."

She watched Derek walk pass her and chase after Owen's gurney.

"Yeah." She whispered.

\

As Cristina sat in the waiting room , she understood how all of her patients' families must've felt.

The not knowing.

The waiting.

It could drive you insane.

She looked over at Amelia.

She looked more than concerned. She really did care for Owen and Cristina thought that she deserved better.

She shouldn't be with someone who still had feelings for someone else.

She realized she was doing the same thing to Noah and she sighed.

Meredith appeared beside her and then sat down in the chair in between Cristina and Amelia.

She rubbed Amelia's arm comfortingly and then took Cristina's hand into hers.

"Derek's going to fix him." She said aloud. "He's going to be just fine."

Alex came from around the corner. "Yang! The printer just finished! Let's go!"

"She can't right now." Meredith spoke up.

"What? Why?"

"Owen went back into surgery."

Alex pulled back. "Oh."

Cristina moved to get up. "I should go. That kid needs me."

Meredith pulled her back down. "You can't do surgery like this , Cristina."

Alex sat down on the table in front of her. "Mer's , right. We can wait a while."

Cristina sighed and fell back against the chair.

She looked at Meredith. "Your husband better not fuck up."

/

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	39. Chapter 39

27 November 2013

Her heart was heavy.

She felt like she couldn't breathe.

She like she was suffering a major haemothorax and pneumothorax at the same time.

She couldn't breathe.

For twelve hours now , she couldn't breathe.

Her pace quickened as she ran down the hall , Meredith following shortly behind.

Tears were already running down her cheeks and she didn't bother to wipe them. She really couldn't care.

She didn't care as they dripped onto her neck and down her chest.

She didn't care as her hair stuck to her face and refused to move.

She probably looked like a complete mess but she didn't care.

There wasn't any room to care about anything else.

She had let Amelia go first.

She had been in there for more than two hours and Cristina had patiently waited.

She had drowned in her thoughts and emotions and it still felt as if she were drowning.

She rounded a corner and bumped into Derek , literally.

Derek held her face in his palms. "Cristina , breathe. It's okay. Breathe."

She nodded and took a deep breath.

He then wiped the hair out of her face and gave her a small smile. "Just breathe."

He looked behind him and watched Amelia walk out of the room. He then turned to Meredith. "Let's give Cristina her privacy." He took Meredith by the hand and called out to his sister. "Amy!"

She stopped and looked around.

"Meredith and I going to get something to eat. You coming?"

Amelia nodded. "Yeah , okay."

He looked back at Cristina. "I'll give you the details later."

Derek then pulled Meredith and Amelia along as they made their way down the hall and away from the room.

Cristina took another deep breath and took the few steps she needed to take to stand in front of the room.

She could see his outlined figure in the dark and her chest tightened up even more.

She stepped forward and into the room.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. "Hey." His voice groggy.

She let out a sob and smiled. "Hi."

"Why are you crying? I'm okay."

"What kind of shitty question is that? I'm crying because you had your brain cut in to twice in the last forty-eight hours!" She yelled. "And you didn't have much of a brain to start with." She added after a second.

Owen laughed and then held his head as the movement made his head throb. "Ow." He smiled through the pain.

She bit her lip. "Sorry."

"That's okay."

She looked at him for a while and then suddenly turned around and locked the door for second time that day , pulling the curtain closed as well.

She made her way over to his bedside and before he could question her rapid movements , her lips were on his.

She was careful to mind his wires and sling and bandages but as soon as their lips touched , all of that fell away and the familiar emotions came flooding through and they could both feel it in every bite of the lip and soothing of the tongue.

And when their tongues collided , that even more familiar fire was ignited and it felt like it never died down. Like it was always their.

Cristina felt like she could breathe again. Even though her chest was on fire from lack of oxygen , she felt as if someone had stuck a chest tube into her chest and she could breathe.

It had been months , not hours , since she had taken a breath and now her lungs were finally filling with the air they desperately needed.

She didn't want to pull away ; Not when a low growl escaped from the back of his throat. Not when his hands found their way into her hair and onto the back of her neck , pulling her closer. And not when he gently tugged on her hair , causing a small whimper to escape pass her lips.

But she had to pull away because what they were doing was wrong and immoral and not to mention that he had just had surgery.

So she reluctantly pulled away and immediately missed the feeling of his lips.

She rested her forehead against his and tried to steady her breathing.

Owen could feel the dampness on his cheeks from her tears and his heart fluttered. She still cared. He knew it all along but to actually have validation was something else.

She was still trying to catch her breath when she spoke again. "We need to stop fucking dying on each other."

\

She was seated on his bed , feeding him chocolate pudding and occasionally stealing a spoon for herself.

It wasn't the best pudding but it was pudding and she was feeding it to him.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Owen thought about it. "I remember I was driving and then this car was suddenly coming at me so I swerved and the last thing I remember was the headlights of truck and that's it. Next thing I knew , I was waking up in hospital and you were here." He smiled , making her smile.

She gave him another spoon of the pudding and took last little for herself.

She then placed the empty container and spoon on the table next to his bed.

She looked back at him and his blue eyes were smiling.

She laughed a little. "What?"

"I'm just ... happy you're here." He took her hand into his.

"Me , too." She answered honestly. "But we shouldn't be happy. Not when I'm involved with a guy across the ocean and you're seeing a woman who's a few feet away."

"I know." He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "I'm still happy though."

She smiled. "Me , too."

The very woman he was seeing stepped through the doors and made her presence known by clearing her throat.

Cristina jumped up and dropped his hand , making things seem more suspicious than they were.

"No. Don't worry about it. It's okay." Amelia assured her. "I understand."

Cristina looked at Amelia and then at Owen. "I should ... I should go."

She grabbed her coat from the chair and looked over at Owen. "I'll see you later , okay? Try not to bleed out."

"I'll do my best."

Cristina gave Amelia a small smile and then left the room , wondering how the hell she and Owen had managed to complicate their relationship even more.

\

30 November 2013

Cristina watched Meredith put Zola in her crib and smiled.

She was growing up so fast and Cristina was a little sad that she wouldn't be around that much.

Cristina looked at Meredith. "So , are you going to tell me why Derek hasn't been home ever since I got here?"

Meredith sighed and then looked down at Zola. She motioned for Cristina to follow her out of the room and Cristina did , closing the door behind her.

"So?" Cristina folded her arms across her chest.

"He ... he kinda moved out." Meredith turned around and walked towards the stairs.

"He what?" Cristina raised her voice and then followed her.

"He moved out." Meredith shrugged as she made her way down the stairs and to the kitchen.

"But you guys had lunch a few days ago?"

"No. He had lunch with Amelia. I left."

"Mer..."

"It's no big deal." She opened a cabinet and took out two glasses.

"Of course it is a big deal! Your husband moved out."

Meredith didn't say anything as she filled the glasses with wine.

Cristina took a glass from her. "Would he at least tell me why?"

Meredith looked up at her. "He wanted things that I don't." She shrugged.

"No." Cristina paused. "That's my excuse." She took Meredith's hand and pulled her over to the couch , motioning her to sit. She placed their glasses on the table in front of them and then looked back at Meredith. "What really happened?"

Meredith sighed. "Okay , so , months ago , after your ... plane crash , Derek got an offer from Mass Gen. It was a huge offer. Really huge."

Cristina nodded.

"And he wanted to take it but I said no because I mean , you needed me. I couldn't just leave." She paused. "So , anyway , you got better and things still weren't good with me and him. I'm talking about fights over the littlest things and it just wasn't good." She took a breath. "Then like two months ago , he brought it up again and I said if he wanted to go , he should go because I'm not moving back to Boston. I'm not. My life is here. My job is here. I want my kid to grow up here , you know?"

Cristina nodded again.

"And then..." she paused. "A few weeks ago , he came to me after I finished my shift and he told me about this woman who worked for Human Resources at Mass Gen and he told me about how she had been coming to him for weeks and bugging him about the offer and then one night at the bar , she just happened to be there and they got to talking and he ... he kissed her." She looked up at Cristina , her eyes teary. "I know it's not as big as sleeping with someone but it's something. It is. He stopped himself but what if he didn't."

"I know." Cristina finally spoke up.

"He said he couldn't live with the guilt and he left. He left on his own."

Cristina took Meredith's hand in hers.

"I think... I think my marriage is over." Tears fell down Meredith's cheeks and Cristina took her face into her palms.

"Listen to me , you're going to be okay." Meredith looked away and Cristina brought her eyes back to her. "Even though it feels like the sky is falling and the earth is giving way beneath your feet , you're going to be okay. I can't promise that you'll be able to fix your marriage and that everything will go back to normal because that might not happen but I can promise that you're going to get through this. You have Zola and you have me and you have Alex and we got you. You're going to be okay. You hear me?"

Meredith nodded and Cristina pulled her friend against her.

"You're going to be okay , Mer."

\

2 December 2013

Cristina tied her surgical mask and then motioned for the water to come on and started scrubbing in.

Alex came through the doors and did the same.

"Do you think this is going to work?"

"It has to." She looked through the window and into the OR at the tiny body being strapped to the table.

"We've printed out two hearts now. That's a lot of money and a lot of resources. Webber will kill us if it doesn't."

Alex laughed.

Cristina held her hands up as the water dripped off.

"See you in there."

\

The OR was quiet as they waited.

Cristina looked up at Alex , concern visible in her eyes and then back down at the open chest cavity in front of her.

She flicked the artificial heart , daring it to beat.

"Come on." She whispered. "Beat you bastard."

And then suddenly , it did.

Cristina sighed in relief and Alex dramatically threw his hands in the air.

The OR erupted in a round of applause at Cristina's work and she jokingly bowed.

Alex , joy radiating from him , smiled at her from behind his mask. "It's good to have you back , Yang."

She looked at him , her smile fading a little. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't back. That she was supposed to leave for Zürich any day now and go back to a place that's supposed to be her home.

But she didn't.

Maybe because she didn't want to ruin a happy moment or maybe because deep down , she wasn't so sure if she wanted to go back anyway.

\

4 December 2013

She spotted Derek leaving Owen's room and she called out to him.

He stopped and smiled at her as she approached.

"How is he?" It felt like she had asked that very question a million times in the last few days.

"He's much better. He might be able to go home in two or three days."

Cristina smiled. "That's good."

"Yeah." He was about to walk away when she called out to him again.

"Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Meredith... told me."

Derek sighed and then folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't mean to preach or whatever but you can't force her to move."

"What about what-"

"She was forced to move when she was just a kid." She cut him off. "You know the story. Ellis forced her to move. And to Boston , for that matter. She didn't have much say back then but she does now." She paused. "Meredith couldn't control her life back then. She couldn't control her mom and convince her not move. She couldn't control Ellis' Alzheimer's and she just ... didn't have control. But she does now and you can't be the reason why she loses control again. Don't do this to her."

"It's too late now anyway."

"It's never too late. Don't be dumb. You love one another and you can be together." She looked towards Owen's room. "And you can still make things work. Nothing's stopping you. Just ... got to her."

Derek looked in the direction she was looking. He grasped her on the shoulder. "It's not too late for you either."

\

6 December 2013

Cristina walked into Owen's room with purpose.

She looked at Amelia. "Can I get a second with him?"

Amelia looked at Owen and then at Cristina. "Yeah , sure. I have a patient , anyway."

Cristina thanked her as she left the room. She waited until Amelia was out of sight and then closed the door and the curtain.

She looked at Owen. "Sit up."

"What?"

"Just ... sit up."

Owen lifted himself slowly and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.

She walked over to him and stood between his legs.

She looked into his eyes and then lowered her head until her lips met his.

Immediately , he deepened the kiss.

She pulled him as closed as she could and then eventually straddled him.

Owen held her as best as he could with his good arm and kissed her back with equal passion.

He was about to lower her down on the bed when she pulled away and stood up.

He looked at her , confusion in her eyes.

"Okay , so ," he could tell she was still trying to compose herself. "That was the last one. No more kissing and cuddling and acting like secret lovers. That's all." She looked down at him and he looked irresistible so she stole one final kiss , a short one but it weakened her knees just as much. She pulled away again. "That ... that was the last one. I'm serious."

He laughed and she smiled.

"I'm serious. We can't do this. We can't. You have Amelia and she really likes you. I can tell and you really like her." She noted the look on his face. "And it's okay. It's okay to like her. But we can't hurt the people we care about like this. I can't take a call from Noah , that's how guilty I feel and I don't ... I don't want to feel this way."

"I know what you mean."

"Owen , i love you."

He stared at her. "I .. I love you too."

"No." she closed her eyes and held her hand up. "I love you. I will always love you." She opened her eyes. "But we broke up for a reason. We weren't working. We want different things and I can't give you what you want. Maybe Amelia could. Maybe it works out with her but we have to try. We have to try."

"I know." He held his hand out to her and she stepped forward.

He took ahold of her hip and brought her closer. He looked up at her. "We have to try."

"Yes , we do." She agreed.

"I still love you , though." His eyes were getting to her.

She ran her hand through his hair. "I know. And that's okay."

"And I'm always going to think you're beautiful."

"That's just stating facts so it doesn't count."

He laughed.

She smiled at him. "You know , i have to go back home soon."

"This is your home. With me."

"What did i just say?"

He laughed again. "Sorry." He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it. "Habits."

She rolled her eyes , amused.

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know. I have work and Shane and Noah. I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe it's better that I don't come back for a while."

"Don't be silly. You have to come back. You have to visit Meredith and Alex and me."

"We can't do this."

"I know but we can be friends. I'll be the bestest friend you've ever had and you can visit friends."

She laughed. "I have enough friends."

"But you don't have me." He said smugly.

"True." She nodded. "I should ... I should go because you're getting to me again." She pulled away.

"Okay."

She looked at him. "One more?"

He smiled. "One more.

/

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	40. Chapter 40

I'm sorry I've taken so long to update this story but life was hectic for a while. I'm back though. I'd like to wish everyone a happy new year and I hope this year brings nothing but love and joy and happiness in your lives. We're all aware that 2016 sucked the living crap out of us but hopefully this year us so much better. Happy new year loves.

/

15 December 2013

Cristina unlocked her front door and stepped inside.

She shut it again and turned around.

Her home was dimly lit by a lamp in the corner and she wondered if Shane was asleep.

She pulled her suitcase along with her to her room and then stepped inside.

She didn't bother turning the light on. She just let go of her bag and then fell against her bed with a sigh.

It was a long flight and even though she hated to admit it , it felt good to be back in her own room.

"Hey."

She looked over and found Shane standing in the doorway , the light from the hallway illuminating him.

She sat up. "Hey."

They were quiet for a moment.

"How are you?"

She smiled slightly and then looked away.

"Cristina?"

She shook her head.

He stepped forward and sat down beside her.

She laughed a little and wiped away a few stray tears. "It must be the jet lag."

"Talk to me."

She looked up at him. "I , uh , I'm just really sad and confused and ... tired and I've been homesick. Only , I don't really know where my home is anymore because you're my home but so is Owen and Meredith and Alex and I feel like I'm just stuck in the middle , not knowing where to go. I want to be here , i do. I mean , I'm living out my dreams but I love Owen and he's moving on with his life and I guess , so am I but I don't want to. I don't want to move on." She sniffled. "And I should be happy for him , for the both of us but I'm not. I'm not happy. And Mer , she needs me right now. She's going through this whole thing with Derek and Alex , he needs me , too and I just ... I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling this way."

He pulled her against his chest.

"I shouldn't have gone back." She stated. "I was just getting used to being here and away from them but now the feelings are all so new again and I just feel tired."

He held her tighter. "It's okay."

She sighed into his chest. "I missed you."

He kissed the top of her hair. "I missed you , too."

\

25 December 2013

Cristina eyed the girl across the room.

Her curly , big hair bounced as she laughed at a joke Shane just told , her unbelievably white teeth nearly blinding Cristina.

"What are you thinking?" Noah questioned.

"Where did she come from?" She kept her eyes on the new comer.

"Shane brought her home one night and she's been back to the house a couple of times."

"What kind of name is 'Gracie'? That's a child's name."

Noah laughed. "Are you jealous?"

"No. Why would I be jealous?"

"Because Shane has a girlfriend now which means you're not the only woman in his life anymore."

Cristina made a face. "Shut up."

He smiled and the kissed her cheek. "No worries. You don't need him. You're my girl."

Cristina half smiled , her guilt still eating at her.

Gracie suddenly stood. "I have to go. I have class in the morning."

"You're still at school?"

Shane raised an eyebrow at her.

But Gracie didn't seem to notice Cristina's tone. "Med student." She answered with another perfect smile.

Cristina nodded.

"Anyway , thank you for having me. Merry Christmas." She gave them one last smile and then Shane ushered her to the door. Once her car was out of sight , he closed the door and turned back around to the couple seated on the couch , only to find them already staring at him.

He sighed. "Okay ," he sat back down. "Go ahead. Ask."

Noah looked at Cristina.

"Where did you meet her?" She started.

"At a bar. But she's a friend of a friend."

"Where's she from?"

"California."

"Why's she here?"

"Her family moved here a few years ago."

"How old is she?"

"23."

"Isn't that a little young for you?"

"I'm 26 , so no."

They were quiet.

"Do you like her?"

"I do."

"Have you guys had sex yet?"

"Cristina!" Noah looked between the two of them.

"It's okay." Shane looked at him. "Let her get all of her questions out." He looked back at Cristina. "No , we haven't. We're waiting."

She scoffed.

"She wants to wait and I think it's a good idea. We should get to know one another first."

Cristina sat back. "Well , i don't like her." She waved her hand in the air.

"What? Why?" Shane laughed.

"There's just something off about her."

Shane rolled his eyes. "There's something off about you." He stood up. "I'm going to bed." He walked over to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "She's going to grow on you. Trust me."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Goodnight."

"Yeah , yeah." She waved him off.

She looked at Noah and he was smiling. "What?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "It's just ... I'm never going to understand the relationship the two of you have and I'm thinking i should just give up on trying to."

She smiled and then snuggled up to him. "You should witness Mer and I in action. You'll probably implode."

"I guess I'll have to prepare myself for when that day comes."

She tapped him on his cheek. "Smart man."

\

31 December 2013

Her phone rang and she reached over Shane for it.

She swiped at it and Meredith popped up on her screen.

"Happy New Year!" Was the first thing she said.

"Well , hello to you , too , Meredith."

"Happy new year to you , Cristina."

"The new year hasn't even arrived yet and you're already drunk." She smiled.

"That's true. But it's okay. Derek agreed to stay sober to look after Zola and everyone's here so what's the worst that could happen?"

"Everyone's there?"

"Yeah. Everyone."

"Show me."

Meredith drunkenly turned the camera around to her house guests and gave Cristina glimpses of Callie , Alex , Webber , Louise and for a minute , she swore she saw a red headed man in the corner but before she could investigate , Meredith turned the camera back to her.

"Looks like fun."

Meredith shrugged.

"So I take it you and Derek are back together?"

"We're , uh , trying again. We're ... trying."

Cristina nodded.

"Who are you with?"

"Just Shane."

"Where's Noah?"

"He has some work to do." Cristina shrugged.

"Have you told him? Have you told him you had make out sessions with your ex husband?"

Cristina cleared her throat. "I have to go."

"Crist-"

She hung up the phone before Meredith could say anything further.

She felt Shane's eyes on her and folded her arms across her chest. She cleared her throat again. "Stop looking at me , Shane."

He held up his hands in defense.

"It was just a couple of times. The man was dying , what else was I supposed to do?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah , well , shut up anyway."

\

Cristina and Shane watched the little clock on Shane's wrist and counted down the seconds.

"5..." they said in unison.

"4..."

"3..."

"2..."

"1..."

Shane looked at her. "Happy new year , Cristina."

She smiled. "Happy new year."

He kissed her and then she laid her head on his shoulder.

"It was one fucked up year." He stated.

"That it was."

"But we made it. We survived."

"Barely." She paused. "But we did. We survived."

"I'm glad you didn't die in that plane crash."

She laughed a little. "Thank you?"

"I'm also glad you weren't killed by Louise's abusive husband."

"Okay , I get the point Shane."

He smiled and pulled her closer.

"Our New Years resolution should be to try and stay away from life threatening situations."

"Now that's a resolution i would want to keep." She was quiet for a while. "Even though this was a horrible , horrible year , it still had some good in it."

He sighed. "That's true." He looked at her. "When did you become 'Little Ms Optimistic'?"

"A lot has changed , Shane. A lot."

"Yeah."

"I know it's not thanksgiving or anything , but I'm really grateful for you. You've been my rock in many situations and ... I don't know what I'd do without you."

Shane was quiet.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah ... I'm still here." He tried to hold the emotion out of his voice but failed.

She looked up at him. "Don't get all soft on me , Ross."

"You're the one who's soft."

"I know." She made a face and dropped her head to his shoulder again. "I hate it."

"No. It's good. You're almost human now."

She rolled her eyes.

Shane reached over to their glasses on the table , handed Cristina hers and held his in the air. "To an amazing year with hopefully less near death experiences."

She laughed and knocked her glass against his. "To an amazing year."

/

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	41. Chapter 41

5 January 2014

Owen watched Amelia dress and marveled at how beautiful she was.

From head to toe she was breathtaking but for some reason , every time she smiled at him or her hands brushed against him , he wished it were someone else.

Someone whose smile had been embedded into the four corners of his mind and whose touched could instantly ignite a flame.

And it made him feel guilty.

The guilt ate him up.

Because here , he had this amazing woman who wanted what he wanted and who made him happy but still , when she kissed him , it wasn't her lips he would feel and when they would make love , it wasn't always her face he would see.

And the guilt , the guilt ate at him.

What's worse was the fact that he knew she knew.

He could see it in her eyes even though she hid it well.

She knew that another woman was always running around in his mind.

He guessed she could see it in his eyes as well.

She bent down and gave him a kiss on the lips , greeting him as she went off to work.

He wasn't able to go back to work yet. He still had some recovering to do.

Maybe that's a good thing because as he watched her smile at him one last time before exiting the trailer , he knew that if she stayed a minute longer or if he happened to be going with her , he would've ended things. The guilt would've forced him to.

So , instead , he laid back down onto his bed and closed his eyes and no matter how much he tried , he couldn't stop thinking about those head of curls and those brown eyes you couldn't help but lose yourself in.

\

Cristina gripped the edges of the toilet seat and brought up meals she had long forgotten about.

Her throat burned as she sat back , gasping for breath.

"I'm never drinking again."

Noah smiled and dabbed her forehead with a wet cloth , which she pushed away , refusing to be looked after. "You've said that before." He brought the cloth back to her forehead and she left it there.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against the bathtub. "Why did you let me drink this much?"

"Because when I tried to stop you , you nearly punched me."

"I wouldn't have punched you."

"Yes , you would have."

"Yeah." She paused. "I would have."

He laughed and dabbed the cloth under her neck.

"I don't make good life choices." She kept her eyes closed.

"No , you do not."

"I should start thinking about the decisions I make in life."

"Yeah , probably."

"Fuck." She suddenly went pale again and pushed herself over the toilet pot , making all kinds of inhuman noises.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and then rested her cheek on the toilet seat.

"That's disgusting." Noah commented.

"I don't care."

"Alrighty then."

She groaned. "I fucking hate Shane and his stupid girlfriend for insisting we go out."

Noah laughed again and stretched out his hand. "Come here."

She moaned and then took it.

He pulled her onto his lap and she snuggled up against his chest.

"I really hate them." She mumbled.

"No , you don't."

"Yeah." She was quiet. "Maybe just the girl."

"You don't hate her."

"Well , I strongly dislike her."

"You're just jealous."

"And you're a moron."

"Wow."

"I said what I said."

He looked down at her , all pale and sweaty and he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm so in love with you." It slipped out before he could stop it.

She slowly opened her eyes. "What?"

"I love you." He said a little more seriously.

She sat up.

She knew she should've said it back. But she couldn't bring herself to. Not when all she could think about for the last half an hour was that time she had too much to drink instead of dealing with her trauma and ended up on the bathroom floor of the firehouse just like she was at that moment , only , she wasn't in the firehouse and it wasn't Owen holding her hair back. She wished he were though. As ungrateful it that sounds , she wished it were Owen dabbing her forehead with the cloth instead of the man who was.

Or when they both had food poisoning and they camped out on the bathroom floor because it was closer to the toilet and she ended up laying on Owens lap. She would give anything to be able to do that again. Especially at that moment. The lap she was in just didn't feel the same.

She hadn't spoken for a while and she was brought back to brown eyes instead of blue.

She opened her mouth to say something but Noah stopped her.

"You don't have to say it just because I did. It's okay." He smiled.

She smiled back. Not as genuine but it was there. Her heart ached at the thought that she couldn't give him what he wanted. What he deserved.

And then it dawned on her that she had managed to find another lover whose needs she couldn't meet and wondered if she were just better off alone.

\

8 March 2014

"Noah said the L word the other night."

Meredith's eyes widened behind the screen.

"Exactly."

"Well , did you say it back?"

"Not exactly."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know."

They were quiet.

"I mean ," Cristina started. "I like the guy." She shrugged and then spun in her office chair , coming to rest in front of her iPad again. "But do I love him? Do I have the capability to love another man again?"

"Yes."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because , your heart has the capacity."

"What heart?" She rolled her eyes.

"Really? This coming from a heart surgeon?"

"Shut up."

Once again , they were quiet.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." She said honestly. "He's just ..."

"Not Owen." Meredith finished for her.

"Yeah."

"Well , no one's going to be."

"I know."

"Then maybe it's time to move on."

"I have moved on. I honestly think this is the furthest I can move."

"Maybe we should just move out into the woods and become lonely cat ladies."

"Lonely tequila ladies."

"Even better."

"Well , before we pack our things and move into the wilderness , I have to go and fix a heart. I'll speak to you tomorrow."

"Good luck."

"I don't need it but thanks."

Meredith laughed and then the screen went blank.

And as Cristina left her office and made her way to the OR , she couldn't help but picture her and Meredith in a little cabin in the woods , flannel and boots everywhere , feeding their deer friends , without a care in the world and suddenly all of it , excluding the flannel , seemed so appealing.

\

11 March 2014

There was a knock at the front door and Cristina went to answer it.

The door opened , revealing a young woman , who looked to be in her twenties , on the other side.

"Hi." She smiled. "I'm looking for Shane Ross?"

"He's not here right now. But he'll be back soon." Cristina eyed her. "Who are you?" Her question came out harsher than intended.

The girl laughed and stretched out her hand. "I'm Elizabeth Ross. Shane's sister."

Cristina took her hand. "Cristina Yang."

"So , you're the infamous Dr Yang. So nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much."

"Shane has never mentioned you , to be honest."

"Ouch."

"Oh , no , I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." She smiled again. "He wasn't really open as a child and I guess he still isn't."

Cristina nodded and then looked at her again. "Would you like to wait for him?"

"Considering I just took a twelve hour flight to see him , yes please."

Cristina smiled and stepped aside , letting her in.

Cristina watched her , she looked like a nice person and she wondered why Shane never bothered to mention her. Did he have other siblings she never knew about?

"You have a lovely home , Dr Yang." She commented , looking around.

"Cristina. And thank you." She gestured towards the sofa. "Please , have a seat. Would you like anything? Coffee? Soda?"

Elizabeth was just about to answer when the door opened.

They both looked towards the door and watched Shane step inside.

"Hey , I was at the hospital and this trauma came in and the amount of blood was amazing and-" he stopped when he saw the woman on the sofa. "Liz?"

"Hi , Shane." She stood.

"W-what are you doing here?" He looked between Cristina and Elizabeth.

Cristina stepped to the side , watching them.

"Well , you weren't answering my calls and I really needed to speak to you."

"So you flew across the ocean? Liz , you can't just barge in here , unexpected and just expect me-"

"Mom died." She blurted.

"What?"

"Mom died." She repeated.

Shane's eyes went cold and his body language was uneasy. "When?"

"A week ago. I've been trying to get a hold of you but you weren't answering my calls."

Shane nodded.

"Was she sick?" Cristina asked from the sidelines.

Shane looked at her , his eyes lacking emotion.

"Cancer." Elizabeth answered.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a mother and a sister?"

"She's not my mother." Shane mumbled and walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Lisa was our foster mom. She adopted us when we were kids." Elizabeth answered once again.

"You're adopted?" She questioned Shane , shock evident in her voice. "Damn , Shane. What else have you been keeping from me?"

"It never came up." He looked at Elizabeth. "How long are you staying?"

"I fly back home tomorrow. I just thought you would want to know."

He nodded. "Thank you." He looked away. "Where are you staying?"

"Nowhere yet." She laughed a little.

Shane looked at Cristina. "Can she stay?"

"Yeah , of course."

"Thank you so much." She smiled at Cristina.

"No problem."

The girl looked back at Shane. "Listen , bro , the funeral is in two days. I was thinking-"

"No."

"Come on , Shane. She raised us. It's the least we can do."

"I said no , Elizabeth." He raised his voice a little.

"Okay." She nodded. "Okay."

Cristina shifted , uncomfortable. "I'm just ... going to go to my room for a second. Give you guys some time."

Elizabeth smiled at her for the tenth time since she arrived and Cristina questioned if she was always that happy.

As she walked away , she wondered if she really knew the guy she was living with. She thought she knew Shane. But maybe that was just the Shane he allowed her to know. Maybe there was a whole layer of undiscovered territory that she never even knew existed. And it scared her that she might not like what she found once she started to uncover it.

/

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	42. Chapter 42

A/N: I'm sorry I've been gone foo so long. Life got in the way of my writing, but I'm back now. Thanks for sticking around. I hope you guys enjoy these three chapters!

12 March 2014

The door opened and Shane stepped inside.

She looked up at him from her book and watched him.

He stood by the door , his eyes on the floor.

She closed her book and set it on the nightstand beside her bed and then patted the blanket , motioning for him to join her.

He walked over , keeping his gaze down and then fell against the bed.

They we quiet for a long time and she patiently waited until he was ready.

"My birth mother died." He suddenly started. "Overdose." He stated.

Cristina chose not to react.

"I was six at the time and Elizabeth was two." He paused. "We sat with her lifeless body on the kitchen floor for two days."

Cristina's heart dropped. She scooted down and came to rest beside him , folding her hands beneath her cheek and watched her roommate and best friend unravel.

"A neighbour found us because I hadn't been over to visit her son for those forty-eight hours and it worried her." He looked away for a moment. "Anyway , we went from home to home , trying to find a family. We came close many times but never really got there. Adopting a toddler and a baby with traumatic experiences , at the same time didn't always sound appealing to people , you know?"

"Yeah." She was barely audible.

"So , after a while of being shoved around , this couple comes in and adopts the both of us. It was quick and easy and seemed a little too good to be true. But Lisa and Fred were good people. They took care of us. They fed and clothed us. On Friday's we even had family game nights. And every week we would try different cuisines from different countries. Life was good for a while." Shane had a hint of a smile on his lips but it quickly vanished. "That was until Fred got sick. Brain tumour. He died three months after his diagnosis. After that , Lisa started drinking. I mean , really drinking. Black out kind of drinking. And being the eldest , I took care of her. I cleaned up when she would throw up on herself or around the house. I made sure that all of us were fed. I made sure she was sober before work. We needed the money. Fred didn't leave us with much. And I was okay with it. I took it as family is better than no family. And a house is better than no house. Doesn't matter if it wasn't a home."

Cristina hadn't said anything for a while but her silence was appropriate.

"Then one day , Lisa brought home this new guy. Thomas. I was never a fan of him. There was just something about him that made me uneasy. And one night ," he paused. "I went to check up on Elizabeth before I went to bed and there he was." Shane's jaw locked. "She was seven." He looked at Cristina , tears rolling down his cheeks. "Seven!" He emphasized.

Cristina wiped her thumb across his cheek.

He looked away again. "The next day , I told Lisa about it but she was too unstable to do anything about it and it carried on. I wanted to do something about it. I should've done something sooner. One day , I just packed our things and I got us out of there. One of my teachers gave us a place to stay after I told her about our circumstances and she let the two of us stay there until I went off to college. Elizabeth went back home when Lisa sobered up. She left Thomas. And I guess Liz forgave her. I didn't. I still haven't. And now she's dead."

Cristina sensed that Shane was done so she moved closer to him and kissed his cheek and rested her head on his chest.

"I'm so sorry , Shane. I'm so sorry."

\

Cristina found herself at the airport , before sunrise , watching Shane check in their things.

If it were anyone else asking her at four in the morning to fly half way across the world with them to attend their mother's funeral , she would've said "hell no" and then she would've happily , without a hint of guilt , gone to sleep.

But this wasn't anyone. This was Shane.

So when he looked at her with those eyes of his , she didn't even hesitate to say yes.

So , she packed a bag while he booked their tickets and made their way over to the airport.

She watched Elizabeth as she walked over to Cristina with their coffees in her hand and a huge smile on her lips.

It amazed Cristina how someone could be so cheerful that early in the morning.

It amazed her even more how someone could remain so vibrant even after going through what Elizabeth had gone through.

Shane and his sister reached Cristina at the same time and she was handed her coffee.

"You know , for someone who hates planes , I always seem to find myself on them." She took a seat on one of the infamously uncomfortable , steel airport chairs.

Shane smiled and sat down next to her , Elizabeth taking a seat as well.

They were quiet as they absentmindedly sipped on their coffees.

"So , what's the deal with you two?" Elizabeth suddenly asked.

Shane and Cristina turned to her.

"What?"

"What's the deal with you guys?" She asked again. "Are you guys involved? Dating? Friends with benefits?"

"No , no , no." Cristina shook her head.

"Hell no."

She looked at Shane.

"What?"

"Would it be that bad to sleep with me?"

He was quiet. "I mean , no , but you're like my sister." He laughed nervously.

"I know. I'm just messing with you." She sipped her coffee again.

Shane rolled his eyes and sat back.

"So , there's definitely nothing going on with you two? Because I mean , you basically finish each other's sentences. You know one another's every move. You sleep in the same bed together. There's absolutely nothing going on?"

Cristina looked at Shane and then looked at Elizabeth again. "No."

She looked at her brother and his boss for a minute and then shrugged. "Okay then."

\

Amelia stepped into the trailer and placed her bag on the kitchen counter.

"I brought dinner." She announced and then placed the packet on the dinner table.

"I'll be right there."

"You didn't shower today?" She questioned when Owen emerged from the bedroom still dressed in his pajamas.

"I didn't feel the need to."

She nodded.

She handed Owen his meal as he sat down and then grabbed her own out of the packet , tossing the empty bag on the floor.

"How was your day?"

"Uneventful." He shrugged.

They each chewed in silence for a while , lost in their own worlds.

Amelia suddenly stopped and dropped her Burger. "I can't do this anymore."

Owen looked up at her. "What?"

She looked him in the eye. "I can't do this anymore."

He was quiet , unsure what she meant.

"I can't live day in and day out like this. Owen , you're depressed. You don't bathe. You don't leave this trailer. You barely speak to me."

"I'm still recovering." He tried to defend himself.

"You miss her. That's the problem. And I can't live my life knowing that the man I love , the man I would give my life to , is constantly thinking about someone else. I deserve better. I deserve effort. I deserve for the person I share a bed with and a crappy trailer with to be able to look me in the eye and actually mean it when he says he loves me."

"I love you." He stated.

"No." She shook her head. "No , you don't. Not the way you love her." She took his hand into hers. "And that's okay. But we need to stop forcing this. We can't go on this way. You have no idea how damaging it is to be with someone who's half there or doesn't even want to be there. You're hardly with me even when you are. And I can't ... I can't feel this way anymore. Like I'm constantly fighting for your attention. It's killing me , Owen."

"Amelia-"

"This is for the best." She stood and then kissed him , lingering longer than she should've. "You'll see." She had to leave before she changed her mind. Before her courage faded away.

She grabbed her bag , speaking with her back towards him. "I'll send Derek for my things." She turned around and looked at him one last time. "See you around." And then she disappeared through the door , the sound of metal banging against metal echoed through the trailer as the door closed , the empty sound mimicking everything Owen was feeling at that moment.

He looked down at their half eaten meals and then at the fries still in his hand. He threw them down with a force and then sunk down into his chair. "See you around."

/

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	43. Chapter 43

14 March 2014

Cristina walked pass the room and then stopped. She backed up and looked inside.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you." Shane looked up at her. "What are you doing sitting alone in the dark?"

"I couldn't be out there any longer."

Cristina nodded.

"Well , can I sit with you?"

"Sure."

She stepped inside , turning the light on and closing the door.

She walked over to him and sat down beside him on the bed.

"It was a lovely funeral." She said and then rested her head on his shoulder.

"Nothing's lovely about a funeral."

"Yeah. I just felt like it's the appropriate thing to say."

"Since when do you care about being appropriate?"

She smiled and was about to say something about being better at being inappropriate , when there was a knock at the door. "Shane?"

"It's Liz." He told Cristina. "Come in."

The door opened and she smiled at them. "I've been looking for you guys."

"Here we are." Cristina said and then sat up.

Her phone began to ring and she excused herself , stepping out of the room and into the bathroom.

She settled on the toilet seat and answered the call. "Hey , Mer."

"Hey , yourself. Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for two days."

"I'm at Shane's mother's funeral."

"Shane has a mother?"

"Foster mom."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Since when do you willingly attend funerals?"

"Since Shane's sister showed up at my our door with news of a dead mother." She shrugged.

"Wait. Shane has a sister?"

"Looks like it."

"I mean , how sure are we that his name is really 'Shane' ?"

"Not as sure as I used to be."

They were quiet for a second.

"I've got some news." Meredith stated. "But I'll keep it for when you're not attending Shane-not-Shane's foster mother's funeral with his sister whom he has not mentioned for as long as we've known him."

Cristina smiled. "Talk to you later , Mer."

"Bye."

The screen went blank and Cristina sighed. She missed Meredith more and more lately. It's like that one visit , if you could call it that , made everything worse instead of satisfying her.

She stood up , checked herself in the mirror and exited the bathroom.

As she approached the door , she heard muffled yelling coming from inside.

She hesitated , not wanting to intrude but had no idea where else she could go so she stepped inside the room.

"How are you so okay? How were you so willing to move back home? Were you not affected by any of the shit that went down in this house?"

"Of course I was!" Elizabeth yelled. "You don't think I have sleepless night because of my trauma? You don't think I have nightmares? I can still smell him. I can still smell his breath. I can still feel his hands ... all over my body." She held her hands up , disgust present on her face.

Cristina hovered by the door , not wanting to draw much attention to herself.

"So why did you move back then? You could've came to me if you needed a place to stay!"

"She needed us , Shane! She needed our help! That woman raised us. Lisa and Fred rescued us from our shitty lives-"

"And gave us even shittier ones!" Shane cut her off.

"Yes. That's true. But have you forgotten about how good life was before that? Before Fred died? They were good to us , Shane." Tears began to roll down her cheeks. "They were good to us. Don't you ever forget that. When you were having those nightmares , they would sit up with you until you felt safe enough to go to sleep again or they would let you sleep in their bed. And when I wasn't eating or drinking and hardly breathing because of my depression , at such a young age , they were the ones who got me help. They didn't blame me. They didn't push me aside. I was going through a tough time and they were there for me. They never once made us feel like we were burdens. Like we came with baggage." She paused. "Now , Lisa , she was going through a tough time and she needed me and I had to be there for her."

They were both crying now and Cristina wondered how both of them were still standing having gone through everything that they had.

"Shane ," Elizabeth stepped closer to him. "I know you're still angry at mom for the crap she put us through. And you're angry at Lisa for turning out the same way mom did and you're angry at Fred for dying but , it's time let all of that anger go. It's time to free yourself from this hatred. I know it's hard. Believe me , I know. But , bro , it's been long enough. It's time to let go."

Shane looked around , trying to fight the tears but in the end , he couldn't any longer and he broke down.

Cristina watched as Elizabeth took him into her arms and comforted him as he sobbed on her shoulder.

"I know." She said softly. "I know." She pushed his away for a second and cupped his head in her hands. "Hey ," she smiled. "Look what you have now. You have an amazing job. You're saving lives. You have Cristina." She looked over at the woman by the door and then back at him. "Life isn't so shitty anymore. You're good. You're doing good. Okay?"

Shane nodded and Elizabeth brought him back down to her shoulder.

"We're okay now , bro. We're okay."

\

15 March 2014

Cristina watched as Shane slept in the airplane seat beside her.

She was exhausted herself but she knew sleeping wasn't an option.

She still had her fears.

She turned her head and looked out the window , watching the sun rise.

For the past few days , she had constantly been picturing a tinier version of Shane on the kitchen floor with his dead mother , trying to console his crying sister.

She suddenly understood why Shane had so much drive inside of him since day one. Why she saw so much of herself in him.

He was strong.

Elizabeth was even stronger though. She lost her mother at such a young age , suffered through depression , was sexually abused and still she found the strength to forgive everyone who had wronged her and still managed to smile every day. She was the definition of a warrior. Cristina admired her.

The plane hopped a few times and Cristina's heart dropped.

She took deep breaths , fighting everything her mind was telling her.

She kept her eyes closed , gripping the arm wrests.

All of a sudden , a hand came to rest on hers.

"Hey."

She opened her eyes and found Shane's concerned ones looking at her.

He took her hand in his. "It's okay. The plane's okay. I'm sorry I fell asleep."

He guided her head to his shoulder. "Close your eyes. I'll be here."

She wrapped her arm around his waist , shutting her eyes.

He smoothed her hair. "I've got you. Don't you worry. I've got you."

\

Cristina could barely keep her eyes open any longer as their car pulled up to the house.

She couldn't wait to get out of her clothes and into bed.

Shane opened the door for her and stepped out.

He grabbed her suitcase from the backseat and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

She was about to walk up to the door when he stopped her.

"I just wanted to ... thank you for going with me. I know funerals aren't your thing and I just ... I appreciate you going with me."

She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "You don't have to thank me. It's what bosses who are also your roommates are for."

Shane laughed.

"Come on. I have to sleep."

They started making their way to the front door when they both stopped.

Shane looked down at Cristina and then back at the doorway , making sure she was seeing what he was seeing. She definitely was.

She let go of her suitcase and took a step forward.

The person on their doorstep stood up and took a step forward as well.

Cristina's mouth opened and then closed again.

Her brows furrowed. "Owen?"

/

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	44. Chapter 44

15 March 2014

"Owen?"

"Hi."

She looked up at Shane and then back at the man in front of her. "What- what are you doing here."

Owen looked around. "I ... I don't know."

Shane looked at the two of them and decided it was his time to leave. "I'll be inside." He grabbed Cristina's suitcase , nodding at Owen as he made his way into the house.

They watched him disappear inside the house and then their eyes were back on each other.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Not that long."

Cristina sensed he was lying but she let it go.

"Well , do you wanna come in."

"Not yet."

Cristina suddenly had a flash back to many years ago when she found the same man at her doorstep. Only , he was a lot younger , a lot more broken and there was a lot less history between them.

"Why are you here , Owen?" She asked again.

"I honestly don't know. I was on my way to work and I took a wrong turn and ... now I'm here."

"Owen..."

"Amelia and I broke up." He blurted.

"What?"

"We broke up. Well , she broke up with me. But i deserved it. I wasn't ... we broke up. And it's for the best , really. Because she's not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's not the one I think about every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. She's great. She's amazing but she's not you."

Cristina was quiet.

"And yes , we've been through so much shit and we'll probably go through even more shit and I don't know about you but I'm okay with that." He laughed a little. "It's worth it. We've done the being with other people thing and I was miserable. And I felt guilty all the time because you're all I could think about and I just ... it wasn't right. It's a waste of time. Because I don't see my future with anyone else but you. Cristina , you are my future."

"I don't see a future with anyone else either." She confessed.

"You see? It's always going to be us. We're always going to come back to one another because this ," He gestured between them. "You and me , this is how it's supposed to be. I know nothing's changed. We still have our problems. But we'll figure them out. You know how I know? Because I love you. I love you so much. I've never loved another being as much as I love you. And I know that this time things will be different between us. I fucked up before. I fucked up a lot and you've given me so many chances and I'm going to try my luck and ask for another one. One last one. I'll even draw up a contract stating that if I do fuck up , you're legally obligated to shoot me in the leg and leave me for dead."

She laughed at that and he laughed with her.

"So? Will you give me another chance?"

She was quiet for a while and he watched her , waiting patiently.

And then she nodded. "Okay." She whispered.

"Okay? You'll give me another chance?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'll give you another chance."

He smiled a beautiful smile and was about to kiss her when she pulled away. "Starting tomorrow because I've still got Noah."

He dropped his hands. "Right."

They were quiet , each with a smile playing on their lips.

Cristina looked around. "Well , do you wanna come in for some coffee?"

Owen laughed. "I'd love some coffee."

They started walking to the door. "But not as much as you love me , right? Because I mean , you just said..."

"I said another human being. We're talking about coffee here. That's a whole other thing."

Cristina laughed and then she stopped just as they reached the door. She looked up at him. Tears still sparkling in her eyes. "I love you too , by the way."

Owen smiled. "You do?"

"Of course I do." She turned to open the door. "Why else would I be sharing my coffee with you?"

Owen nodded , watching her as she stepped inside. "Good point."

\

"You're breaking up with me?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

She looked down. "Owen and I are trying again. And I need to see where it leads this time."

"Each time you guys tried it only ended in heart break. You really want to go through that again? Is it worth it?"

"Yes." She answered honestly. "It's worth it."

Noah scoffed.

"I don't want you to think that I'm choosing him over you."

"But you are , Cristina!"

"Noah ... it's Owen."

"I know. You're always going to choose him."

Cristina didn't say anything. Mostly because it was true.

Noah sighed. "Okay."

The noise from the busy park filled the silence between them.

Cristina watched him. It was breaking her heart doing this to him. But it had to be done. It was going to be happen sooner or later.

"I don't want you to think that this means I'm going to throw you away because I'm not. You mean a lot to me and I would like to keep in touch."

"Yeah , right."

"I'm serious. I know it's just a thing people say when they break up but I honestly mean it. I want you to be around. You can still sleep over in our guest bed. My home is open to you twenty-four-seven and I'm sure Shane feels the same way. I mean it."

He looked up at her. "Thank you."

She nodded.

"This doesn't mean I'm going to automatically stop loving you , you know."

Cristina's heart ached. "I know."

She moved , laying her head on his shoulder.

They watched the park goers walk by for a while.

"I'm so sorry."

Noah sighed and then wrapped his arm around her shoulder , placing a kiss on top of her head. "I know."

\

Cristina opened her front door and stepped inside.

She let go of a sigh as she kicked off her shoes and drop her bag on the floor.

She had a long day.

She still hadn't slept.

She was basically just running on fumes.

However , all of that fell away when she stepped into the kitchen and found Owen making dinner.

She smiled. "Hi."

He looked up from chopping some peppers. "Hi." He smiled back.

She rounded the island and slipped her hands around his waist , turning him towards her.

"My hands are dirty."

"I don't care."

She brought one of her hands up to his neck and lowered him towards her.

The moment their lips touched , it was over.

All of the pent-up emotions of the last few months came pouring out into their kisses.

Owen turned her , pushed her against the island.

It was all a battle of tongues and teeth and hands until both of their lungs screamed for air and they reluctantly pulled away.

Cristina rested her forehead against his as she tried to catch her breath.

"I've been waiting all day to do that."

"I've been waiting all my life."

"You're so dramatic."

"You still love me."

She smiled. "I do." She kissed him again and then pulled back. "It's so much better to kiss you without all the guilt."

"I know what you mean."

She pushed him off of her. "Okay. Get back to work."

She slapped his ass and made her way out of the kitchen. "God , I need to sleep." She stated for the hundredth time that day.

\

"Cristina?" She felt someone lightly shake her shoulders. "Cristina?" The voice said again.

She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into Owens.

"Hi." He smiled.

"Hey." She stretched. "What time is it?"

"A little after seven. I didn't want to wake you but you need to eat something." He stood up. "Come on. Shane and I are waiting for you in the kitchen."

He left the room and after a few minutes , Cristina followed.

She walked into the kitchen , barely awake and sat down on a stool.

"How did you sleep?"

"Okay. Until this annoying person came to wake me up."

Owen laughed and then placed a bowl of pasta in front of her that smelled divine. "God , I missed your cooking."

Shane was watching them and as Cristina placed a forkful of food into her mouth , she looked up at him. "What?" She asked with a mouthful.

"So what does all of this mean?"

"What does what mean?"

He gestured between the two of them. "This."

Cristina and Owen looked at one another. "What do you mean?"

"What's going to happen now? Are you guys officially back together? Is Owen moving to Zürich? Are you moving back to Seattle? What about Owens job? Do they even know you're here?" He directed at the man across the table from him. "And if you do move back to Seattle , what about the hospital? Are you just going to give it to someone else? Am I supposed to go with you or should I just find another job here?" He looked at Owen again. "Do you even have any luggage? And what about our living arrangements? Can I still live here or am I finding another place to live? Because I really don't think I can afford it right now. And plus , I like this house."

The two of them were staring at him. Cristina looked at Owen and he suddenly stood up. "I , uh , I have to make a call to hospital. Let them know I'm here." He exited the kitchen.

Shane turned towards Cristina. "So?"

"Shane , I honestly don't know. We haven't discussed any of it yet. And I'm okay with that. For once I'm just going with the flow and whatever happens , happens." She shrugged.

Shane nodded. "Okay."

"Okay."

"I'm really not moving." He added.

Cristina took another forkful. "I don't expect you to."

Owen came back into the kitchen. "Well , I just got off the phone with shepherd." he looked at Cristina. "Expect a call from Meredith any second now."

Cristina laughed.

Owen went on. "And I told him I won't be coming in for a week. I'm the chief of surgery. I'm allowed to do that." He said confidently. And then the confidence faltered. He looked at Cristina. "Right?"

She smiled. "Right."

He nodded.

"Who did you put in charge?"

"Webber."

"Good choice."

"Yeah. Derek doesn't have a good track record."

"He barely has a track record." She grabbed Owens beer and took a sip. "So , Shane says he refuses to move."

"I wouldn't expect him to." He shrugged , echoing Cristina's words from moments before.

"See , Shane? You're safe."

"I better be."

\

16 March 2014

It was around midnight when they finally went to bed.

They both were exhausted out of their minds and before Shane had gone to sleep two hours prior , he called them "crazy" for not being asleep already.

As Cristina removed her clothes , she stopped and looked at Owen lying in her bed. His eyes were already halfway closed and she suddenly felt overwhelmed. "I can't believe you're here." She said aloud.

Owen opened his eyes. "What?"

"I can't believe you're here. Lying in my bed. In my house. In Switzerland. This is just so crazy." She laughed.

"It is , isn't it?"

"I just never thought the day would come where we'd try again."

"And how do you feel?"

She looked at him. "I feel ... happy."

"I'm happy , too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

His blue eyes were sparkling in the dark and she couldn't resist him anymore. She climbed onto the bed and straddled him. "Let's see if we can make you any happier." She gave him a devilish smile that made his stomach do a somersault.

"What happened to being exhausted?"

She shrugged. "I can sleep when I'm dead."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	45. Chapter 45

: Cristina Yang : Co45

16 March 2014

Owen slowly opened his eyes and came into focus with his surroundings.

For a minute , panic set in as he looked around at the unfamiliar room.

But then his eyes fell upon a beautiful , curly head of hair spread out on the pillow beside him. And then he remembered.

Cristina.

He smiled.

She was on her stomach , her arms beneath her head and he had no idea which way her head was facing because there was so much hair everywhere.

He stifled a laugh when he moved some of it away and found that she was facing him. Her mouth was half agape and she was clearly in a deep , deep sleep. Poor thing was exhausted.

He moved closer and placed a soft kiss on her lips. For a second , she smiled and he thought that he had woken her but then it faded and she carried on sleeping.

He scooted down and looked at her. He could never get over how beautiful she was. No matter how many years they'd known one another , every time he saw her , her beauty just blew him away.

And what made her even more beautiful was the fact that she was aware of it. She wasn't vain but she knew she made heads turn when she walked into a room , whether it was because the occupants were familiar with the brilliance that came with Cristina Yang or because of her looks , either way , she owned it. He had always found her confidence sexy. Whether it was her confidence in her looks , in her work , in her gut , she owned it and it was sexy.

He ran the tip of his finger down her arm , leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. The morning sun was coming in through the window , highlighting her skin and he had to touch it. He always loved her skin. Especially feeling it beneath him. She was warm and soft and she was always glowing and he could never keep his hands off of her.

He then brought his hand up to her hair and smoothed it out of her face. Her hair was the icing on the cake. She had her beauty and her skin and her body and then there was her hair. Her beautiful , dark , curly hair. It was her most defining feature. If you were ever looking for Cristina , just look for her hair and you'll find her. He loved when she would lay on his chest and the wonderful scent of her hair , whatever it was , would fill up his senses. It was always his favourite part of their evenings. When they were too tired for sex and too tired to move to the bedroom so they would sit on the couch , her on his chest and they would just be together. It was the time of the day he always felt most content.

But , if she didn't have her hair or her skin or her body or her beauty , that wouldn't matter to him. Because she would still be Cristina. The sassy , determined , sarcastic , big hearted surgeon that she was. Her personality was what truly defined her. And what a personality that was. Not many understood her sense of humor or why she was who she was but the ones who did were very lucky. Because they got to experience her. And that was a blessing in it's self.

Owen always felt the luckiest out of everyone because he got to go home with her. He got to share a bed with her and share all her meals and hear about her day and about the incompetent doctors who annoyed her. He got to experience Cristina Yang more than anyone else. And for a long time , he missed it. He missed knowing that no matter what , she was going to go home with him and they were going to curl up in bed together and the next morning , she was still going to be there to greet him with her amazing smile and a kiss.

He missed the way she spoke about things. Whether it was food or her job or something Zola did , there was always passion in her eyes and it was infectious.

He missed hearing her laugh and being the cause of her laughter. He missed sitting on the kitchen counter with her talking about everything and anything and hysterically laughing into the early hours of the morning.

He missed her. Every day since they were apart , he missed her.

And now , he was back in her bed and in her home and she had welcomed him with open arms and he feels lucky again.

And if it were even possible , he had fallen even more in love with her.

He was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions so he kissed her and he knew he was going to wake her up but he didn't care because he loved her and he needed to express it.

After a few seconds , she was kissing him back and his heart fluttered and his eyes began to sting with tears.

She pulled back and she had that familiar smile on her face. "Good morning."

"I love you."

She looked at him for a second and then her smile grew even bigger. "I love you , too."

\

Her phone rang and it was Meredith trying to FaceTime her. She swiped at the screen and her friends face popped up.

"Hey , Mer."

Meredith didn't say anything , she just kept staring at Cristina with her 'knowing' face.

Cristina rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Go ahead."

"Is Owen there?"

"He is." Cristina turned the phone towards the couch in her office.

"Hi , Meredith."

"Hey. Enjoying your vacation , chief?"

Owen laughed. "I am."

Cristina smiled at him and turned the phone back.

"He needs to leave now."

Cristina looked at Owen and he got up. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss. "I can't say that this is the first time the twisted sisters have kicked me out of somewhere." The two of them laughed and then Owen made his way over to the door and closed it behind him.

"Is he gone?"

"Yeah. He's gone."

"What the fuck , Cristina?"

"What?"

"What the hell is going on? He's there. With you. In Zürich."

"He is."

"When were you going to tell me he's coming to visit you?"

"I honestly had no idea. I came from Shane's mother's funeral and there he was. On my doorstep."

"So what does all of this mean?"

"I have no idea."

"What do you mean you have no idea?"

"I mean , I have no idea. We haven't discussed it yet and I'm okay with being in our happy bubble for a while."

"That bubble has to pop some time."

"I know that."

They were quiet.

Suddenly , Meredith smiled. "He's there. With you. In Zürich." She repeated her words from moments ago , this time with a different tone.

"I know." Cristina smiled back.

"This is crazy."

"Yeah."

They were quiet again.

"Amelia's sleeping in my spare bedroom."

"My room?"

"No. The spare spare room. Even though yours isn't a spare room. It's your room."

Cristina nodded. "How is she?"

"I think she's okay." Meredith shrugged. "Or maybe she's just hiding it well."

"I hope she's okay." Cristina said genuinely.

"Yeah." Meredith looked at her. "I miss you. If you were here , we would've been drinking coffee in the tunnels and talking about this in person."

"Mer..."

"I know."

After a minute Cristina spoke up again. "I miss you , too."

Meredith looked away. "I gotta go before you make me cry." She laughed and then she hung up and Cristina was left staring at a blank screen.

She sighed. She thought about going back with Owen for a while , just to see Meredith and Alex and everyone else. She really missed them. She missed Seattle.

But she knew she couldn't go back. She needed to stay where she was and make progress with her trial and take care of her hospital. She needed to pay more attention to her work. She needed to stay in Zürich and she was certain about that until her eyes fell upon a picture of her and Meredith and Zola and it made her heart twist. And for a second , she had changed her mind but then she shook her head , got up from her desk and went to find Owen before she found herself booking a ticket to Seattle , Washington.

\

17 March 2014

Owen walked into the bedroom. "I need clothes."

Cristina looked up at him from her medical journal , a chopstick still in her mouth. "What?"

"I need clothes." He repeated. "I've been wearing these clothes for more than forty-eight hours and I feel dirty and smelly and I need clothes."

Cristina smiled and placed her food on the nightstand. "So , go and buy you some clothes."

"I don't have any money. I don't even know what currency you use here."

"Then I'll take you shopping." She shrugged.

Owen sighed. "Thank you."

Cristina looked back down at her journal.

"What are you doing?"

She looked at him again. "I'm ... reading."

"No. You're taking me shopping." He started walking over to her. "You're going to get in the shower and then you're going to get dressed and then we're going shopping." He placed his hands under her knees and lifted her up into his arms.

She squealed. "Owen!"

He started walking her over to the bathroom.

"Okay , fine." She looked at him , his face was so close to her that she wouldn't even need to reach out that far to kiss him. "But only if you shower with me."

He looked at her , a playful smile on her lips. "Deal."

\

Cristina was sitting outside a dressing room with several shirts and several pairs of pants on her lap while she checked her emails. "How's it going in there?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" She frowned.

The door opened and Owen emerged wearing a bootleg jean with tassels on the bottom of the legs , glitter shimmering in them , a red plaid shirt and a giant belt buckle covering most of his waist.

Cristina stared at him for a long moment. And then she broke out into laughter. "What the hell?" She held her stomach as the laughter echoed through her body.

Owen wasn't amused. Or he was. He just didn't want to show it. "Shut up."

"I'm sorry." She tried to calm herself but simply couldn't. "What even made you pick that out?"

"I thought I could make it work." He shrugged.

Cristina wiped her eyes. "Well , clearly you are." She gestured at him. "You're working it." She took deep breaths , trying not to laugh again.

"You're no help." He complained.

She slowly brought her phone up and snapped a picture.

"Cristina!"

"You brought me." She smiled and then went back to checking her emails.

"Yeah , well , you're fun to look at it." He stated and then made his way back into the dressing room.

"Damn right I am."

After a few minutes , she started laughing again.

"You're looking at the picture , aren't you?" He asked from behind the close door.

"Of course."

\

"So then Steven basically throws me down the stairs and I'm immediately knocked out. The next thing i remember is Shane screaming at me to wake up and seeing Stevens body on the ground , blooding pooling out of him and Louise standing over his body."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah." Cristina took a sip of her wine.

"You could've died." Owen stated.

"Yeah , well , if we start thinking about all of the times I almost died , we'll be here a very long time."

"That's true."

At that moment , the front door opened and Shane stepped inside.

They two of them looked up from the couch.

"Hey." Cristina greeted as she watched him drop his keys in the bowl by the door. "How was therapy?"

"It was okay." He shrugged.

"Any break throughs?"

"Not really." He threw himself down next to her , taking the wine from her hand and downing it.

She looked at him. "That bad , huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Mother or nightmares?"

"These days , the two are connected."

"Why do I always end up with men who have PTSD?" She asked no one in particular.

Owen and Shane turned to her.

She looked at the two of them. "What? Too soon?"

Shane stood up. "I'm going to bed."

"Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?" She asked his retreating back.

"I'm good." His door closed and the two of them were alone again.

After a long moment , Owen spoke up. "You do always seem to end up with men who have PTSD."

Cristina looked at him. "This is what I'm saying."

\

18 March 2014

Cristina knocked on his door but there wasn't any answer. She thought about it for a second and then turned the handle and pushed it open.

He was in bed , staring out of the window when she stepped inside.

"Hey." She said softly.

He turned to her. "Hey."

She closed the door and then walked over to the bed , climbing in next to him.

They watched each other for a while , daring the other to speak.

Shane broke first. "I should've forgiven her when she was alive."

Cristina didn't say anything.

"But I couldn't. You understand why I couldn't , right?"

"I do."

"But now that I finally can , she's dead and I can't do anything about it. And I feel guilty." He admitted. "My therapist said that I couldn't forgive her for so long because my anger was misdirected and I was really angry at myself but I just didn't want to deal with why I was angry at myself."

"Why were you angry at yourself?" Her voice was just above a whisper.

Shane was quiet for a long moment. "I should've left sooner. I let it go on for so long. I just ... We should've left sooner."

"You were young. You did the best that you could."

"I know."

"So then stop beating yourself up. What happened wasn't your fault."

"I know that."

She looked at him. "Do you believe it though?"

"I'm trying to. And maybe some day I will but right now ... I'm her older brother. I was responsible for her."

"Shane." Cristina placed her hand on his cheek. "You were ten years old. You weren't even a teenager yet. This wasn't your fault. You did the best that you could and I will remind you of that every day , if I have to."

Shane smiled. "I think you might."

"Then I will. Every day. I'll even set an alarm as a reminder."

Shane placed a kiss on her forehead and then looked at her. "I really don't deserve you."

"True."

Shane laughed and then they were quiet again.

It was Cristina's turn to speak so he waited.

"I'm afraid Owen and I are in denial."

Shane didn't react so she continued. "We're living in this happy little bubble where everything is bright and shiny but what we're really doing is trying to ignore the fact that nothing's changed. We still have all of our problems that we did before. I still don't want kids. He does. And I really doubt that's ever going to change." She took a breath. "Also , how is any of this going to work? I can't expect him to move out here. His mother is there. He's the chief of Seattle Grace. And he can't expect me to move back. I have my hospital. I have to continue my research here. You're here. My life is here now. So , what happens after this week? Do we just continue doing what we're doing until everything fizzles out and we inevitably just stop speaking or do we come to terms with our future and just make the most of this week because we know that it's our last?" Cristina closed her eyes and then opened them again. "He came here for me. We're supposed to be together. I want to be with him. He's the love of my life. I just ... I don't know what we're going to do."

Shane was staring at her and it was starting to annoy her. "Would you say something?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. Anything. Tell me that everything's going to be okay and that everything's going to work out and that if it's meant to be , it will be."

"Is that really what you want to hear?"

Cristina sighed. "No." She moved closer to Shane and held him around the waist as she rested her head on his chest.

"We just weren't meant for happiness. That full blown happiness that regular people have."

"Regular people haven't been through the things that we have. Their naïvety is why happiness comes so easily to them."

Cristina sighed again. "I envy them." She said softly.

"Yeah." He gently kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: Hey, guys. Yes, it's another chapter already. Don't worry, I'm just as surprised as you are!

So , a couple of things: firstly, we're nearing the 50th chapter and that's just fucking amazing. I didn't even think I'd get this far. I was really convinced that you guys would lose interest at like chapter 10, I'm not going to lie. But you didn't and I am so grateful. I'm grateful to the loyal readers who keep coming back and I'm grateful for the new ones as well (welcome every body! Please, take a seat. We're going to be here a while.) and thank you to everyone who has ever left a comment! You guys have no idea how much it means to me to know that you're reading and that you're enjoying what my messed up brain produces. It really makes my day so , thank you!

Secondly, I've started a new fic called "The Laws of Attraction" and I'd really love it if you guys would give it a read! It's new and different to what I usually write but it's still crowen however, it's an alternate universe type of thing so we'll see where it goes!

Anyway , that's it for now. Thank you once again and I really hope we'll be enjoying one another's company for much , much longer!

/

19 March 2014

The doorbell rang for the fifth time and Cristina groaned.

"Shane!" She called. "The door!"

Owen shifted and then looked at her. "Why are you yelling?" His eyes were still half closed.

"Because some idiots have the audacity to bother us before eight." She turned on her side , facing him.

"Do you want me to go and get it?"

"No."

The doorbell rang again.

Owen stood up. "I'm going."

Cristina smiled. "Maybe put on some pants first? It's a little too early to give our visitors a show."

Owen looked down and then nodded. "Right."

She watched him pull on the pajama pants she had bought him , which he never seemed to wear , and walk out of the room.

She fell back against the pillows and listened.

She couldn't hear much for a while and then suddenly , her name was being called.

"Cristina! Shane! It's for you!"

She threw back the covers and ran out of the room , meeting Shane along the way. They gave one another questioning looks as they made their way to the door.

They stopped behind Owen and he looked back at them and then stepped aside.

"Noah?"

"Hi."

"Elizabeth?"

"Hey , bro."

Shane and Cristina looked at one another again. "You take the girl. I'll take the other one."

\

Noah was sitting on the coffee table across from Cristina while she was seated on the couch. Owen was hovering behind them and Noah looked back at him.

"Owen , give us a minute?"

He eyed Noah. "Sure." And then made his way over to the room , closing the door behind him.

Noah looked back at Cristina. "He's happy to see me."

Cristina smiled. "What can I do for you , Noah?"

He looked skeptical. "I didn't want to come to you with this. I'm not your problem anymore."

"Nonsense." Cristina waved him off. "I told you I'm still here for you."

"Yeah but people always say that. It's like "we should hang out sometime!" Or "sure , I'll babysit for you sometime!"

"I've never offered to babysit anyone. Or hang out with them , for that matter."

"I don't sleep." He blurted.

"Okay."

"And I need to. I'm a doctor. I'm a surgeon. I need to sleep."

"Okay."

"And it would be really great if I could sleep here because I rarely had nightmares while I was here and I need to sleep , Cristina."

She nodded. "Okay."

Noah looked at here. "That felt too easy."

"I told you that my guest room is always open."

"Yeah. Kinda the same thing as 'I'm always here for you'."

Cristina laughed. "Just get your things and you can stay as long as you like."

"And Owen wouldn't mind?"

"Don't you worry about him. I've got him." She shrugged.

Noah sighed. "Thank you so much. This means ... everything to me."

"Don't mention it."

At that moment , Shane came out of his room with Elizabeth following behind.

"Liz needs to stay here for a while. Landlord kicked her out."

Cristina nodded once again. "Okay."

Shane looked back at his sister and then at Cristina. "Okay."

She sat back against the couch. "God , its becoming like Meredith's over here."

\

Cristina walked into the room and closed the door.

"Noah and Elizabeth are staying for a while."

She said as she walked over to the bed.

"They are?"

She pulled back the blankets and got in. "They are." She snuggled up to him , pressing her face against his chest as she tried to soak up his warmth.

"Okay." He kissed the top of her hair.

"Thank you for being okay with it." She kissed his chest.

"It's your home."

"He's still my ex." She kissed him again , lower this time.

"I'm the one you love." He stated matter-of-factly.

She kissed him one more time and then looked up at him. "You are."

He smiled down at her and moved some hair behind her ear. "I'm not so sure about you though." He frowned.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

She leaned up and kissed his chin. "How about now?"

"Eh." He shrugged.

She pushed him onto his back and straddled him. "How about now?"

"You're doing alright."

And then she kissed him with tongue and teeth and all and when she pulled back , he was trying to catch his breath and so was she. "How about now?" She asked for a final time.

"You're getting there."

She smiled and then kissed his jaw. "Would it be terrible of us to have sex while we have guests?"

He flipped her over. "Since when has that ever been a problem for you?"

She smiled and wrapped her legs around his waist. "True."

\

Cristina found herself drowning in research and she wasn't hating it.

The research meant she was furthering her trial. It meant her projects were no longer take a backseat. It meant progress.

Her artificial heart had worked. Well , it wasn't exactly a heart. She had just printed what Sarah and those kids needed and then attached it to their real hearts. She hadn't printed a heart. Even though it felt like it.

But this time , this time she wanted to print the the whole thing. A beating heart.

She had already printed the aorta and the inferior and superior vena cava and that went fairly okay. Sarah was still alive. So that was a good sign. Now , she needed to print an actual heart. With chambers and everything. She just needed to figure out how the fuck she was going to get it to work.

There was a knock at her door and Owen stepped inside. "I'm in love with you ER." He stated as he walked over to her desk and sat down.

She smiled over her coffee mug. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." She took a sip and placed it on her desk. "Would you like privileges?"

He looked up at her. "Really?"

She laughed. "Of course , Owen."

"Yeah , sure." He looked like a giddy child.

"Okay , fine. You have privileges. Go. Go save lives." She waved him off.

He got up and walked towards the door. He suddenly turned around , making her look up. "Are you just doing this to get rid of me?"

"I am." She said nonchalantly.

He thought about it for a second and then nodded. "I'm okay with that."

\

Cristina , Owen and Shane walked through the door and were greeted by the aroma of a cooked meal. Something they weren't very familiar with in that household.

Cristina and Shane looked at one another and then Shane started walking towards the kitchen. "I'll go investigate."

Cristina dropped her bag by the door and kicked her shoes off as well.

Owen watched her with a smirk on his face.

She looked up at him. "What?"

"Why don't you just do that in your room?" He sounded amused.

She shrugged. "I want to get rid of any offensive materials the minute I walk through the door. I.e. My shoes and purse." She started walking towards the kitchen. "Besides , for as long as I've been doing it , they've always ended up in my room the next morning. Must be magical maid fairies or something."

Owen followed her. "Right." He walked with her into the kitchen. "And it can't be me or Shane or Meredith because that's just unrealistic. So it has to be maid fairies."

She ignored him and looked over at her guests. "What's going on?"

"Liz and Noah made dinner." Shane announced.

Cristina looked at Noah. "You're not on-call?"

"Not tonight." He gestured towards the table. "Please , have a seat."

"Don't mind if we do."

The five of them took seats around the island and waited as Elizabeth named all of the dishes ; lasagna (they were always having some sort of pasta) , lamb curry with store bought roti (that was hard to find) and everything-Burgers that literally had everything on them. And then for desert , they were having homemade pie and ice cream (or cream. Whichever. Or both.)

Cristina looked at everything and her tummy growled in response. "I could really get used to this."

\

"You know you leave in three days." Her voice was soft.

"I know." He matched her volume.

They were in bed , like they always seemed to be since he arrived. The room was dark and the only light in the room was coming from outside , allowing them to see enough of one another's faces.

Their hands were intertwined and they were holding them up between them , gently pushing back and forth.

"What happens when you leave?" She searched his eyes as she watched him think.

"I'm hoping not much changes."

"Well , that's being unrealistic."

"I know."

They were quiet for a moment.

"We need to figure this out." She paused. "Do you ... want to figure this out?"

"Of course I want to figure this out."

He saw her nod in the dark. "Okay."

"Okay."

She let go of his hand and wrapped it around his waist , moving closer. "I want this to work."

"It's going to work." Owen said firmly. "It has to."

"Yeah?" She bit her lip.

He used his thumb to pull her lip down. "Yeah."

She looked into his eyes and then he kissed her.

She pulled back and smiled. "It's going to work." She repeated his words.

"It's going to work." He agreed.

They were quiet again.

"So what are we going to do?"

"We could take turns visiting every other week?" He suggested.

"I can't leave my hospital that much. I have to be here. For the hospital. Shane. Noah. I have to be here."

He nodded.

"Every second month?" He tried again.

"Will we survive that long?" She half laughed.

"Probably not."

After a long moment , he suggested one more. "I could move here."

She was absentmindedly drawing circles with her fingertips on his chest but stopped to look up at him.

"I could move here." He repeated.

"I can't let you do that."

"Why not?"

"Well , for one , you're the chief. Two , your life is in Seattle and three , doesn't that feel a little too much like an Ellis-Thatcher-Grey situation?"

"I know Ellis but who's Thatcher?"

She shrugged. "It was before your time."

He smiled. "Okay." And then continued pitching his idea. "Well , one , I could retire as chief and come and work for you."

"Okay , that feels even more like Ellis and Thatcher."

Owen ignored her. "And two , my life is wherever you are."

She looked at him. "That was sappy."

"But true."

She quiet for a second. "I can't let you do this , Owen." She said softly. "It wouldn't feel right."

"Okay , so , let's make a deal."

She adjusted herself. "What's the deal?"

"We try the commuting thing , maybe a week out of every month. We'll take turns."

"For how long?"

He thought about it. "Four months."

She nodded. "Okay. And if it doesn't work out?"

"I'm moving to Switzerland."

Cristina bit her lip again. "Are you sure?"

He smiled. "I'm sure."

She thought about it. "Is it worth it?" Her brows were furrowed.

He laughed. "Oh my god , is that even a question? Seriously?"

She smiled. "Okay." She reached out her hand. "Deal."

He took it. "Deal." They shook and she was about to pull her hand away when she felt him hold on tighter. "You know , I like to seal my deals with a kiss. Maybe a few kisses. Makes them seem more official." He shrugged.

She smiled again and then feigned seriousness. "Well , we can't have this very important deal feel anything less than official , now can we?"

He moved closer to her , his eyes on her lips. "We certainly can't."

/ Remember to review and comment loves!


	47. Chapter 47

21 March 2014

Cristina pulled on her shoes , grabbed her bag and started heading towards the front door where she was handed a muffin in a brown paper bag and coffee in a to-go cup. "Is this going to be an everyday thing?"

"Yeah." Elizabeth shrugged.

Cristina nodded. "I'm okay with that." She took a sip of her coffee and headed out the door as she yelled for Shane and Owen to hurry up.

Shane came speed walking around the corner , mumbling curses and complaints about over sleeping. He stopped at the door where Elizabeth handed him a muffin and coffee as well. He smiled and then gave her a kiss on the cheek and made his way over to the car. "Should you really be eating in here?" He asked Cristina as he got in. "We already have ants." He pulled on his seatbelt and looked over at her as she forced her muffin back into the bag.

"Blame your sister. She's the one who woke me up to the smell of baked goods this morning. Been hungry ever since."

The back door opened and they both turned to watch Owen get in.

He didn't say anything as he strapped himself in.

Cristina looked at the two of them and then started the car , pulling her own seatbelt on. "You two princesses ready? Or do you need to run back in to straighten your hair?"

\

Owen walked into her office and she briefly looked up at him from her laptop as he threw himself into the chair in front of her desk.

"Why do you have a sourpuss on your face?"

"I just confirmed my flight for tomorrow."

Cristina looked at him again. She then closed her laptop and sat back. "Okay."

"Okay."

"Are we going to talk about it?"

"We already did." He shrugged. "Four months. If it doesn't work out , I'm moving here."

"Owen."

"Cristina."

That made her smile a little but it faded. "Are we being realistic or are we just blinded by our relationship?"

"I don't care."

"Why do I feel like you're rooting for the four months to fail?"

"Because I am." He smiled.

She watched him. "Will you really be okay with moving here?"

"Yes." He said almost immediately.

She was careful with the next question. She'd been holding it in for a week , fearful of what might follow after. "And not having kids?" She swallowed.

He pulled back. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again.

She kept her eyes on him. "Will I be enough ... Owen?" Emotion was evident in her voice even though she tried to keep it at bay.

Still , he didn't say anything.

She looked down and then back up at him again. "Owen , are we being realistic?" She repeated her question.

He stood up. "Yes."

"Owen..."

"Yes." He started walking around the desk.

"Owen." She said one more time , her eyes on him.

He came to stand in front of her. He turned her chair towards him and rested his hands on either arm of the chair , bringing his face close to hers. "You are enough ," he paused. "For me. You are enough. More than enough. I'm okay ... with not having kids. If it means that I get to have you? I am okay. More than okay. We're being realistic. This is realistic. I love you. You love me." He paused again. "Right?"

"Sometimes , that's not enough." She shook her head. She was clearly holding back her tears.

"But this time it is. It is. It's enough. Our love is enough. You're enough for me. Your love is enough for me." He took her head into his hands. "Cristina , you're enough for me." His tone was stern but his voice , soft.

"Are you sure?" She whispered back.

He gave an incredulous sigh and then pulled her into a kiss. The way his mouth moved against hers , she could tell he was trying to convey his emotions through a kiss. And she let him.

She felt his hands on her hips , lifting her until she felt the desk beneath her. Owen grabbed the back of her knees and pulled her flush against him as he continued to devour her mouth and her neck and her chest and she let him.

Then she felt her lab coat being pulled from her shoulders and her blouse being ripped open and all of a sudden , she was being pushed flat on her back and he was distributing kisses from the valley between her breasts all the way down to her belly button and she let him.

And she would've let his wandering hands wander further if there wasn't an intern knocking on her door , asking for attention.

He pulled back and helped her sit up as she yelled for the disturber to give her a second. She hurriedly buttoned up her blouse , pulled on her lab coat and then hopped off her desk.

They looked at one another for a long moment until Cristina leaned up and kissed him.

"You're enough for me , too." She whispered , adding a soft smile.

And then she walked around the desk , opened the door and left him inside , wearing a goofy smile and her shade of lipstick.

\

22 March 2014

The drive to the airport was quiet. Not much was said except when Cristina made sure that he had his passport and plane ticket.

Shane had tagged along , Owen could understand why. What he wasn't sure about was why Noah and Elizabeth were with as well but he decided to not question it.

Cristina turned into the airport parking lot and found a space. Shane got Owen's suitcase from the trunk as Owen grabbed one of those airport trolleys.

Cristina had already began walking , leaving them behind.

"She's not taking this well." Shane stated.

Owen looked at him and then at Cristina's furthering back. He started pushing the trolley. "I know."

\

Owen handed her a coffee and she looked up at him before taking it.

He sat down beside her. "You have a sourpuss on your face." He observed.

"I know."

"Are you angry?"

"At what?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Me? For leaving?"

"How could I be angry at you for leaving?" She took a sip of her coffee.

"It feels like you are."

She rolled her eyes.

Owen sat back and the two of them watched Shane , Elizabeth and Noah try to win a stuffed animal in a crane machine.

Owen smiled when the teddy bear dropped and Shane kicked the side of the machine.

"I am angry." She suddenly said.

He looked at her.

"I'm angry because we never have the right timing. If it's not PTSD , then it's ex fiancées and if it's not ex fiancées , it's crazy gunman or dead friends or job offers in other countries. Our timing is never perfect. And it makes me angry."

"In four months it's going to be." He took her hand.

"If you don't die in a plane crash on the way to Seattle or fall in love with another one of Derek's sisters while you're over there ."

"That was a cheap shot."

"I know."

Owen watched her and then pulled her against him , kissing the top of her head. "I promise ," he said softly. "Not to die in a plane crash or to fall in love with another one of Derek's sisters while I'm over there."

"If you do , can I tell you 'I told you so?'"

"Well , I'll either be dead or with another woman , so , knock yourself out."

"Thank you."

\

Cristina watched Owen say his short goodbyes to Noah and Elizabeth. He didn't know them well but she could tell he liked them. Noah a little less than Elizabeth, maybe.

He came to stand in front of the man beside her. "Shane."

"Dr Hunt."

"I'll be back soon. Take care of her for me."

"I don't need to be taken care of."

"Of course you don't." Owen agreed and then looked back at Shane and mouthed "Yes , she does." at him.

"I can see you."

Shane laughed. "I will. Don't you worry about her."

They shook hands and Owen clasped his shoulder. "See you soon."

"See you soon."

Cristina knew she was next so she prepared herself. Owen took her hand into his and pulled her aside.

They looked at one another for a moment.

"Call me when you get there." She instructed.

"I will."

"And call me at least once a week."

"I'll call you once a day , every day."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Don't fall in love with someone else."

"I won't."

"Okay. I won't either."

"I hope not."

She looked at him. "I'll see you next month."

"See you next month."

He pulled her against him , looking into her eyes before he kissed her. It was a perfect kiss. Passionate but soft. If that happened to be their last one , it would be the perfect goodbye kiss. She hoped to God it wasn't.

They finally pulled back when both of their lungs were screaming for air.

She backed away from him. "You have to go now. I'm not about to be one of those girls who cries at the airport when her boyfriend leaves town."

"I feel like this is different."

"Still."

He laughed and then his smile became a softer one. He reached out a hand and tucked a curl behind her ear. "I love you."

"Ditto."

His hand dropped. "Seriously?"

She shrugged. "Seriously."

He shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?" He looked back at his gate. "I really have to go now."

"Go." She smiled.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Neither of them moved.

She laughed. "You're such a girl. Just go."

"I'm going." He smiled. "See you all soon." And then he backed up , turned around and started making his way to the gate. He handed his ticket to the woman at the door and he was about to step inside when all of a sudden , someone grabbed his hand and swung him around. And then he was being kissed. After a moment , she pulled back and smiled her beautiful smile. "I love you , too." He looked into her eyes and he believed her. And then she backed up. "Now , you can go."

He looked at her one last time , smiled and then turned around and disappeared into the tunnel.

Cristina watched his back until she was sure he was gone and then turned around to find three sets of eyes on her.

Elizabeth stuck out a stuffed heart. Not those crappy hearts you draw on Valentine's Day cards. A real heart. With chambers and an aorta and everything. "We got you this." She paused. "Actually , I got it. These two suck at crane machines."

She took it. "Thank you." She gave them a small smile , trying to show them how much she actually loved it but failed.

"Let's go home." Shane threw his arm around her shoulder. "We can get drunk and I'll let you convince me to dance it out."

She smiled and then rested her head against his shoulder as they walked , bringing the heart up to her chest. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

/

Remember to review and comment babes


	48. Chapter 48

A/N: I feel like y'all are going to hate me after this chapter and I apologize in advance.

So , we have a time jump situation going on here. 2 years to be specific. And shit has happened and I'm sorry but it had to be done. (Also , I wrote this while sick with the flu which means I was heavily medicated so forgive me if it's not as great as my flu brain thought it was.)

Enjoy!

\

5 May 2016

Cristina squeezed her best friends hand as they watched the coffin lower into the ground.

How she ended up at another funeral , she couldn't understand. She was like a magnet for these things.

She looked over at Alex , he was holding Meredith's other hand and he wasn't looking good. None of them were.

They had lost one of their own. Her best friend had lost her husband. Her goddaughter had lost her father. And it wasn't fair. Then again , when was death ever fair.

The priest was saying something about how death was a natural part of life and how we should celebrate it and that's when she tuned out.

She spotted Amelia , Derek's sister , across from them , holding her mother's hand. Cristina could only imagine what both of them were feeling at that moment. She couldn't even imagine what her friend next to her was feeling.

Zola started crying behind them and everyone turned around to look at her.

Cristina let go of Meredith's hand. "I'll take her." She gave Meredith's hand to Callie and she moved closer as Cristina took Zola from Shane. She moved through the crowd and made her way to the cars.

She was kinda happy she had an excuse to leave. As much as she wanted to be there for Meredith , she still couldn't handle funerals.

She bounced Zola up and down , holding the baby's head against her cheek. "It's okay , Zozo. I got you."

After a few minutes , she simmered down. Only sniffling every few minutes.

Cristina was leaning against Meredith's car while Zola played with the buttons on her dress.

She watched her. Marveling at how much she had grown. Cristina hadn't seen her for two years. She was a three year old now. Walking and talking. Well , almost talking. Some things were still complete gibberish but Cristina understood her. She was her girl , after all.

"You know ," she looked into the distance and then back at the baby on her hip. "I lost my dad , too." She paused. "Car accident. And at that time , I had no idea how to carry on. I had no idea how to live in a world where my dad didn't. I still don't. Every day , I miss him. So , in some messed up way , you're lucky. You won't remember him. You won't remember all of this. And that sucks. That really , honestly sucks. But you won't know the pain of losing a father. And I'm kinda glad for that. That's not something I would want you to feel. That's not something I would want anyone to feel." Drool found it's way to the side of Zola's mouth and Cristina wiped it away with the back of her hand. "I wish you had the opportunity to know your father. He was a wonderful man. Everyone liked him. He was self centered but he meant well." Cristina smiled. "He was my friend." She said fondly. She brought Zola higher up so that she could look at her better. "And he loved you so much. He really did. He fought for you. We all fought for you. You are loved by so many people. Especially me. No matter what , you're going to be okay , Zozo. Aunty Cristina says so."

Cristina looked up as the crowd of mourners made their way to their cars. She spotted Alex and called out to him.

"You have to go get her."

Cristina nodded and then handed Zola over to him , giving her a kiss on the cheek and promising to be back.

She made her way past dozens and dozens of headstones. She tried not to think about the people beneath her. She tried not to wonder about whether their lives were fulfilled or if they were taken too soon. She tried not think about their families left behind. She couldn't allow herself to.

She came to stand behind Meredith and then sat down beside her.

Meredith didn't look at her. "He's gone."

"I know."

"He's really , really gone."

"I know." Cristina repeated.

"I woke up this morning and for a split second , I thought it was all a dream. A terrible dream because I mean , he's my husband. He couldn't be gone." Meredith looked up at her. "But , I'm sitting here , next to his grave and I'm still not sure this is real. My brain just won't accept that beneath all of this dirt is my husband." Meredith was openly sobbing. Cristina was sure she had been crying like this for days. The bags under her eyes told her so.

"It's real , Mer." Cristina said softly.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry." Cristina took her hand into hers.

"Me , too."

Cristina reached her other hand out and cupped her friends face. "This is ... fucked up. This shouldn't be happening. We shouldn't be here. But we are. Why this happened? I don't know. I can't wrap my head around it myself. But what I do know is , you'll get through this. You're going to be okay. You and Zola are going to be okay. Maybe not now. Or for a long time but eventually you will be. I'll make sure of it. Okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay." She looked at the grave in front of her again. "I have to go now. I can't be here anymore."

"Okay." Cristina stood up and then helped her up.

She intertwined their hands as Meredith said her goodbyes and she silently said her own.

Meredith looked up at her. "I love you."

She smiled softly and squeezed her hand. "I love you , too , Mer."

\

Cristina ascended the stairs as she looked over at Meredith. She watched Addison walk over to her friend and then take a seat beside her. She immediately took Meredith's hand into hers and held it. Cristina looked away. That was a moment they needed to share alone.

She made her way to the upstairs bathroom and knocked before she entered. She closed the door behind her and locked it.

She went to stand by the basin and turned on the cold water , using it to wash her face. She needed to know that this was real. That Derek shepherd had really died. That she had really been to his funeral. And that she was really inside his house with his grieving widow downstairs , along with the people who were there to show that they cared enough to stay after the funeral. She had told Meredith it was real. Shane had told her it was real. Yet , she still wasn't sure.

She looked up into the mirror , water dripping down her face and suddenly saw someone else. Someone she hadn't recognized. It was like she hadn't bothered to look in the mirror since her intern year and now that she finally did , she was seeing was a stranger. The Cristina Yang she once knew was no longer there. She touched her face , feeling the years on it. Feeling the life she had lived. It felt as if it was just yesterday when she had started at Seattle Grace. When everything was still 'normal'. No LVAD wires had been cut. No one had drowned. No bombs had exploded. No one got run over by a bus. No one had gotten cancer. Crazy gunmen hadn't shot up the hospital. Burke was just an attending and Owen didn't even exist. Everything was normal. As normal as the universe allowed it to be. And now she was here: In the bathroom of her best friends home that her now dead husband had built for her.

She walked over to the toilet and sat down. She grabbed a towel from the rack and wiped her face with it and seeing that that she had gotten makeup on it , she sighed. She walked over to the laundry basket and was about to throw it in when she saw it. Derek's ferryboat scrub cap. It made her pause for a second. She always rolled her eyes when she saw it. She never understood his love of ferryboats but it was what defined him. Meredith Grey , neurosurgery and ferryboats were what defined Derek Shepherd.

Were. Defined. Past tense.

She threw the towel in and then turned to the door and was about to walk out when she caught a glimpse of the back of his head.

She stopped and backed into the toilet again before he saw her. Now wasn't the time for a reunion. She wasn't sure if there was ever going to be time for a reunion ever again.

She held the door open slightly and watched him as he made his way down the hallway , turning into her room and then disappearing behind a closed door.

She knitted her brows. What was he doing?

She didn't want to know.

She walked out of the bathroom and hurried down the stairs before he came back out.

She glanced at the upstairs area when she reached the landing , wondering when he had arrived. She'd seen glimpses of him at the funeral but did her best to avoid him. And it had worked. But now he was there , in the house , and she wasn't sure avoiding him would be that easy.

She walked over to Meredith and sat down. Addison was no longer there but she sure Meredith hadn't even noticed.

She took her hand into hers and placed it on her lap. "Hey."

Meredith didn't look at her.

She reached out , placing her thumb and index finger beneath Meredith's chin and turned her head towards her. Meredith's eyes took a second to adjust on her friends face. "Hey." She repeated.

"Hey." Her voice was barely there.

"What do you need?"

Meredith shook her head.

Cristina watched her for a second and then stood up , pulling Meredith up with her. Meredith didn't protest or question her , she just followed Cristina as she made her way through the crowd of people in her home.

She stopped in front of Shane. "I'm taking Mer to bed. Make sure everything's okay down here."

Shane nodded , his eyes on the broken woman holding Cristina's hand.

The two of them made their way up the stairs and down the hall. They stopped at Zola's room where Callie was putting her to sleep. Meredith kissed her goodnight and then she took Cristina's hand again and allowed her to walk her to her room.

They stepped into the dark space and Cristina took a second to find the light switch. She flipped it and then pulled Meredith further inside.

She was about to close the door when he stepped out and she froze. They made eye contact and it took her minute to remember to breathe.

And then she closed the door.

She didn't turn around immediately. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. So many repressed emotions were suddenly out in the open and she needed a moment to push them all back down again.

"Cristina?"

Moment over.

She turned around. "I'm here." She walked over to where Meredith was standing. "Turn around."

Meredith did as she was told and Cristina pulled the zip of her black dress down and then pulled it off her shoulders. She bent down , helping Meredith step out of it.

She walked over to the closet and got out a pajama set and brought it over.

Meredith sat down and Cristina pulled off her heels one at a time and then helped Meredith into her pajama top and pants.

Cristina went to Meredith's side of the bed and pulled open the covers. She called for her to get in and when she did , Cristina went to the other side and pulled off her shoes and removed her coat before she got in as well.

Meredith immediately cuddled up to her.

"I don't feel anything anymore." She whispered after a while. "That's bad , isn't it?"

"No." Cristina shook her head. "It's perfectly fine. I'll feel everything for you."

Meredith nodded. "Okay." She closed her eyes.

Cristina smoothed her hair. "You rest now , okay. I'm here." She pulled the blankets up to Meredith's shoulders. "I'm here."

/

Remember to definitely review and comment loves!


	49. Chapter 49

A/N: yes , I know , I pulled a Shonda. I'm sorry. It had to be done. Hopefully you guys will stop hating me soon , lmao.

/

6 May 2016

Cristina opened her eyes , blinking several times.

She rubbed her hand over her forehead , moving hair out of her face.

She looked to her side and found that Meredith was still asleep.

Her heart sank.

She had forgotten for a second.

She gently sat up and pulled on Meredith's robe. She walked over to the door , opened it and stepped out , trying her best to be quiet.

Once she was out in the hall , she looked back at the door. Day one of forever was about to begin for Meredith. For all of them. But especially for Meredith and she didn't know how it was going to play out.

She walked over to Zola's room and found Callie asleep on the rocking chair with Zola on her chest.

She tiptoed over and gently picked Zola up.

Callie woke with a start.

"Morning." Cristina placed Zola in her crib.

Callie rubbed her eyes. "It's morning?"

"Yeah."

"I should , uh , I should go home." She rubbed her eyes.

"Yeah." Cristina repeated.

She looked at Cristina. "Or I could make breakfast."

"If you want." She shrugged.

"I'm going to make breakfast."

Cristina gave a short nod. "Okay."

Callie stood and left the room.

Cristina looked down at Zola and found that the baby was looking up at her.

"Oh , did I wake you?" She picked Zola up again. "Wanna go downstairs with me? Have a little breakfast?"

Zola nodded.

"Yeah? Let's go."

The two of them made their way downstairs. Callie was already hard at work in the kitchen and Cristina spotted Alex asleep on the couch.

She walked over to him and kicked the cushion he was laying on. "Alex."

"Hmm?"

"Alex." She kicked it again. "Wake up."

"What?"

"Wake up."

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "What do you want?"

"You slept here?"

"Yeah , so?"

"I just didn't know." She shrugged. She sat down on the coffee table in front of the sofa and moved Zola to her lap.

Alex sat up. "Where is she?"

"Asleep."

"Is she ... okay?"

"Her husband just died. What do you think?"

Alex looked at Zola. "Could you not say that in front of the kid?"

Amelia came walking down the stairs and the two of them looked up at her.

She stopped at the landing. "Hey." She directed at Cristina.

"Hey."

"You're still here?"

"I am."

"Mer?"

"Asleep?"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Alex looked at the two of them.

"Someone needs to wake Meredith if she doesn't want cold breakfast." Callie said from the kitchen while she dished eggs into plates.

"Is that a good idea?" Alex asked.

"She has to wake up sometime." Amelia shrugged.

"She's already here." Everyone looked up and watched Meredith descend the stairs. "I'm up." She walked over to Cristina and took Zola from her , placing several kisses on her cheeks , making the baby laugh.

Everyone kept their eyes on her and she sighed. "Stop."

"What?" Alex asked.

"Stop looking at me. I'm okay , right now and if you all keep looking at me , I'm not going to be okay any longer so stop."

They all averted their eyes.

Meredith sighed again and stood up. She walked back up the stairs , taking Zola with her and they all listened as her bedroom door closed.

Amelia looked at Cristina and Alex while Callie busied herself in the kitchen again.

"What are we going to do?" She asked Cristina.

There wasn't any answer.

Alex looked at her. "Yang?"

"I .. I don't know." She answered honestly. "We just ... we all have to take this as it comes. One day at a time."

\

"Do you know what happened?"

"No. Mer didn't say much on the phone."

"I was there."

Cristina looked at him. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Cristina and Alex were seated on the bench outside of the house. Everyone had decided to give Meredith some space so after breakfast , Callie went home and Amelia went up to her room , leaving Alex and Cristina by themselves.

"What happened?"

"We , uh , we were in surgery , right? This kid had a massive hemorrhage and he was trying to fix it and I was just basically on standby because my part of the surgery was finished but I stayed in case he needed a hand. And then he called me over and handed over the instruments to me and I was confused because what the fuck? We were in the middle of surgery. And then he walked off to the side and he just collapsed and that was it."

"Brain aneurysm." Cristina shook her head. "How fucking ironic is that?"

"It's pretty fucked up."

"Yeah."

They were quiet.

"Do you think she's going to be okay?" Alex nodded towards the house.

"I don't know." Once again she was honest. "I hope so."

"Are you okay?" Alex looked at her.

"Me?"

"Yeah. You guys were friends. You have to be affected by this."

She nodded. "I am." She looked down. "You know , he took care of me back when I was drowning in my PTSD? He even took me fishing." She laughed. "He was worried about me and he took care of me and he helped me. And now he's gone." She looked up that the house. "But this isn't about me. This is about Meredith and Zola and Amelia and they need us right now." She looked at Alex. "This can't be about us. Not right now."

\

Cristina was making her way to her room when she heard crying. She stopped.

She walked towards Amelia's room and listened at the door.

She could hear her sobbing inside and Cristina wasn't sure about what she should do.

She took a deep breath in and knocked.

There wasn't any answer.

"Hey , Amelia , are you okay?"

No answer.

Cristina sighed. She couldn't just walk away. "Okay , I'm coming in." She pushed the door open and found Amelia sitting on the edge of her bed with one of Derek's shirts in her hand , sobbing uncontrollably.

Cristina stood by the door , unsure of herself.

"Amelia..." She watched her for a moment longer and then she walked across the room and sat down beside her.

She hesitated before pulling Amelia into a hug.

The woman stilled. "You're hugging me." She stated.

"I am."

Cristina wondered if she was supposed to pull back because clearly Amelia wasn't feeling it but then a second later , she felt her hands come up underneath her arms and then she was hugging her back.

Amelia squeezed her as her sobs began again.

Cristina held her head with one hand while the other rubbed her back. "It's okay." She said softly. "It's okay." She repeated. "You're okay."

\

"When do you go back?"

"I'm here as long as you need me."

"I'm never going to not need you."

"When you need me the least , that's when I'll go back."

Meredith looked at her. "Can I go with you?"

Cristina knitted her brows. "What?"

"Just for a few months. Just to get away."

Cristina nodded. "Yeah , okay. Sure."

"Thank you." Meredith rested her head against Cristina's shoulder.

They were seated on the floor in Meredith's room. The room was dark and cold so Cristina had to pull the blanket off from the bed for them to sit under.

"Do you think it gets better?"

"It has to."

"I hope so." She looked up at Cristina. "I still don't feel anything."

"You will. Eventually."

"Maybe."

They were quiet again.

"Cristina?"

"Yes?"

She was quiet and Cristina waited.

She heard Meredith take a deep breath in. "I , uh , I'm pregnant."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: 50 CHAPTERS OH MY GOD. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT WE'D BE HERE? Certainly not me , that's for sure. Well , you've heard my speech before so I'm not going to bore you again. Just know that I'm grateful for each and every one of you! Also , thank you to my Meredith grey. Lou , I love you. Thank you for encouraging me to do this!

(And yes , I'm all better now! Thanks for the concern.)

Anyway , here we go. Enjoy!

/

7 May 2016

He was watching her. He hadn't seen her in so long so being able to watch her felt like a privilege.

He didn't even bother to look away when she looked at him. He just kept staring.

They made eye contact a few times ; when she took a sip of her drink or when she would laugh and her eyes would travel his away or when she would look at him just to make sure that he was still looking at her.

He wanted to go over. He wanted to say hi. To explain himself. To apologize. But he couldn't.

Because one , she was surrounded by everyone they knew and two , he didn't deserve forgiveness.

Owen took a sip of his drink and looked around. The bar was crowded. Everyone wanted to see the great Cristina Yang in person. Everyone wanted to marvel at her and try and soak up some of her success. Doctors , nurses , residents , they were all there for the same reason. And so was he. He watched an intern walk up to her and introduce himself. He could tell the guy was nervous but Cristina was patient and she waited until he was done and then thanked him for whatever he had said to her and then she turned back to her friends when he walked away. It surprised him how much she had changed. A few years ago , that intern would've been shot down the moment he said hi. Maybe he didn't know her anymore. And the thought of that crushed him.

\

Cristina thanked the intern and then when he walked away , she turned back to her friends.

"Wow , aren't we popular these days." Callie observed.

"Oh , I was always popular." She shrugged.

"You sure it has nothing to do with that Harper Avery?" Arizona questioned.

"Well ... it may play a tiny part in my new found popularity."

"Uh huh."

Everyone laughed and Cristina looked up at him , he was still watching her. He had been all night and she didn't know what to make of it.

Him being there was distracting her. She couldn't fully engage in conversation with the people she really missed and it was annoying her. But she didn't want him to not be there either.

"So , how does it feel?" Jackson spoke up.

"How does what feel?"

"Being a Harper Avery recipient." He said dreamily.

"Oh , i don't know. You tell me , Jackson Avery?" She emphasized his last name.

"That's different. I could never win one myself. So , I have to live vicariously through my friends who have."

Cristina smiled. "That's pathetic."

"So how does it feel?" April repeated Jackson's question.

"It feels ... i don't know , normal."

"She's downplaying it." Alex stated.

"Okay , it feels extraordinary. Life affirming. It feels like everything I have ever worked for has been rewarded. Happy?"

Everyone laughed again and Cristina looked at him one more time.

Callie turned around and looked at Owen as well and then turned back to Cristina. "Would you just go over there?"

Cristina's eyes snapped to Callie. "What?"

"Go over there."

"No. Shut up."

Callie sighed. "You guys haven't changed , you know that?"

"Yeah , well." Cristina shrugged.

Arizona suddenly stood up. "Hey , Hunt!" She called to him. "Come and join us!"

Cristina whipped her head up at her. "Arizona , what the hell?" She tried pulling the woman back into her seat but she was surprisingly strong.

Owen tried to decline but then the rest of the table started coaxing him over and he stood up.

Cristina dropped her head into her hands and wondered why she had ever missed these people in the first place.

Owen walked over to the table. "Hey." He said awkwardly.

She didn't look up yet. Not until Callie announced that they all had an emergent surgery to get to.

Cristina looked up at her. "Seriously? All of you?"

"Yes , all of us. Major accident. Several injured. Some may have died already."

Cristina rolled her eyes and then looked down , refusing to look up at him while everyone gathered up their things and then they were gone and he was sitting down beside her and she was forced to look at him. And God , she wish she hadn't. He still looked like Owen. Her Owen. And all she wanted to do was wrap herself around him and ask him to take her home.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Hi."

"Where's , Mer?"

"Home. She didn't want to come."

Owen nodded. "How is she?"

"Her husband just died , how do you think?"

Owen looked down. "Right."

They were quiet.

She shifted out of her chair. "I should be getting back to her , anyway."

"Cristina , wait."

She looked at him.

"Can I at least explain myself?"

"No."

"Cristina..."

"Owen , don't do this. Not now." She grabbed her bag. "I have to go. See you around."

She started walking off and Owen started panicking. He needed her to know. He stood up. "I have a son!" He yelled.

She stopped. She turned around to him , shock and confusion evident on her face.

"Cristina ," his voice was more gentle this time. "I have a son."

\

She threw her bag on the table. "Wait." She sat back down. "You have a son?"

"I have a son."

"What the fuck , Owen?"

"I know."

"Well , whose is he?"

"Mine."

"Yes , obviously , but who's the mother."

"I , uh ," he shifted in his chair. "I adopted him."

"You adopted him?"

"I adopted him."

"Holy shit , Owen."

"I know." He repeated.

"I can't believe this." She blinked. "You're a father." She laughed a little.

"I am."

"You're someone's father."

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Does everyone know?"

Owen laughed. "Yes. Everyone knows."

"Except me."

His smile faded. "I'm sorry."

She didn't say anything. She rested her head in her hands and both of them remained quiet for a long time.

"Do you want to meet him?"

Her head whipped up. "What?"

"Do you want to meet him?" He repeated.

She wanted to say no. She wanted to get up and leave. She wanted to go over to Meredith's pack her bags , grab Meredith and Zola and fly back to Zürich immediately and just move on with her life. But when she opened her mouth , what came out surprised her. "Yes."

\

Cristina looked up at the grey , two story bungalow house before her. "So this is where you live now?"

"Can't really raise a child in a trailer."

She kept her eyes on the house , taking in the green lawn and the beautiful trees and the swing on the porch. "Right."

The front door swung open and a tiny human came running out. He ran against Owen , wrapping himself around his legs.

Owen grabbed him underneath his arms and tossed him in the air , making him giggle. "Hey , buddy!" Owen then placed the boy on his hip. "How was your day? Were you good to Susan?"

He nodded.

"Yeah?" Owen beamed. "What did you do today?"

Cristina stood aside , observing and not wanting to intrude. Owen looked so happy. His eyes were sparkling , as were the child's. He was happy and she wasn't the reason why.

He turned to her. "Hey , Connor , this is Cristina. Say hi."

The boy with dark hair and darker eyes , rested his head against Owens shoulder.

"He's shy." Owen smiled.

"That's okay." Cristina reached out and took his tiny hand into hers. "It's really nice to meet you , Connor."

Owen looked at her and then nodded towards the house. "Would you like to come in?"

She hesitated and he sensed it. "You don't have to stay long."

She gave a short nod. "Sure."

Owen dropped Connor to his feet and the boy made a b line to the front door and disappeared inside.

Cristina then followed Owen down the pathway and up the steps to the door where he stepped aside , allowing her to enter first.

When she stepped inside , she heard Connor yelling for his father and Owen excused himself , disappearing up the wooden stairs in front of them.

She took this time to admire the house. From the beautiful hardwood floors to the beige furniture to the grey and white walls , it was all very Owen. Masculine yet elegant.

To her left was the living room with a large L Shaped couch that faced an even larger TV hanging in between a wall-to-wall bookshelf.

There was a beautiful , fluffy rug that filled most of the room and she wondered how Owen managed to keep it clean with a toddler in the house.

To her right was the dining room with a long wooden table in the middle of it and in front of the dining room , she could see the kitchen.

She looked upstairs for Owen and not seeing him , she walked into the dining room and headed for the kitchen. It was all marble tops and white cabinets and shiny ovens , with an island in the middle and pots and pans hanging above it. She wondered when Owen had the time to plan all of this out.

The kitchen had wall-to-wall patio doors that were allowing the evening sun to shine in , giving the room a peaceful glow.

Through the patio doors , she could see the backyard. The grass was a beautiful green and she could see a barbecue grill and a seating area. She could also see a swing set in the distance.

To the left was a door that lead into a sunroom with another dining room table situated inside and Cristina could practically see Owen and his kid having breakfast in there.

"Hi." A voice behind her said and she jumped.

She turned around to find a redheaded woman smiling at her and for a minute she wondered if she was involved with Owen in some way.

"Hi."

The woman stuck out her hand. "Susan. I'm the nanny."

Cristina tried to hide her relief and took her hand. "Cristina. I'm ..." she had no idea what she was. "A friend of Owens." Saying that aloud hurt.

"Nice to meet you." She smiled again. "Where is Dr Hunt?"

"I'm right here." He said behind her as he let Connor down , who ran straight into Susan's arms.

She squeezed him to her. "I've gotta go buddy. I'll see you tomorrow , okay?"

She then explained to Owen that she'd be running late the following day and she'll have to pick him up at daycare. And then she peeled the boy off of her , gave him one last hug and left , leaving them alone.

There was a silence between the three of them ; Cristina wasn't sure what to do with herself and Owen was too afraid to say or do anything , not wanting to scare her off and Connor was sensing the tension.

"So what do you think of the house?"

"It's lovely." Cristina gave him a small smile. "It's very you."

"Thank you."

She nodded.

They were quiet again.

"Susan seems nice."

"Yeah. Connor loves her. We both do. She cooks , she cleans. She takes care of the both of us. I don't know what we'd do without her."

"I bet."

Connor tugged on Owens hand , pulling him down to his level where he proceeded to whisper into his father's ear.

Owen nodded. "Right." He stood up. "Well , this little guy has informed me that he's starving." Owen smiled. "Do you wanna stay for dinner?"

Cristina looked at Owen and then at the boy beside him. "I , uh , I have to get back to Meredith. She's been alone for a while now."

Owen nodded. "Right. That's fine."

Cristina could sense his disappointment but she had to be strong.

"I'll go get my keys and then I'll take you home."

"I can just call a cab." She suggested.

"I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'll rather drive you home myself."

She thought about it. "Okay."

\

"So none of you cared to tell me that Owen has a son?" She yelled. "Seriously? You could've called , Skyped , texted , hell , you could've sent me a postcard saying 'hey , hope you're well. Everything's great here. Oh yeah , Owen Hunt , your ex husband , adopted a freaking child!'"

No one said anything. She had organized a meeting consisting of Alex , Callie , Arizona and April. She didn't have the heart to yell at Meredith.

"Any one of those would've been very helpful!"

"We didn't think it was our place to say." Callie spoke up.

"Well , then , you should've made it your place because imagine my surprise when I show up after two years and it turns out Owen has a tiny human following him wherever he goes!"

"He's cute though , isn't he?" Arizona smiled.

"Yeah , he's adorable , whatever. The shock isn't allowing me to see past the fact that Owen has a son!"

Cristina sighed heavily. "He has a son." She said slowly. "Oh my god , he has a son."

"What's happening?" April whispered to Arizona.

"Fuck. He has a son."

"Should we get Meredith?" Callie asked the group.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Cristina muttered to herself. "He has a fucking son." She said one last time.

Alex eyed her and then stood up. "I'm getting Mer."

\

"He's a father , Mer." She said softly.

"I know."

"He's happy."

"I know."

"Without me." She looked at Meredith. "Is it selfish that I'm jealous that he's happy without me?"

"No." Meredith shook her head. "It makes sense."

She looked away again. "It's just ... he finally has what he wanted. What I couldn't give him and he's happy."

"Yeah."

They were quiet.

Cristina looked at Meredith again. "How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

Cristina took Meredith's hand into hers.

"I have my first ultrasound next week. Will you go with me?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

Cristina placed her free hand on Meredith's abdomen and rested her head on her shoulder. "If this one isn't as awesome as Zola , I refuse to be godmother."

"Who said you're going to be godmother again?"

"I have to be." She shrugged. "It's like an unspoken rule or something."

/

Remember to review and comment loves!


	51. Chapter 51

A/N: I chose the following date because it's my birthday and I wanted to sneak in that I just celebrated the day of my birth.

10 May 2016

Cristina placed her tray on the table and sat down. She had just given a lecture at the hospital after Webber called her and basically guilted her into it.

"How was it?" Alex questioned.

"I nailed it." She shrugged. "No surprise there."

Alex rolled his eyes and pushed his plate of fries closer to her.

"I heard you met Connor." Amelia stated.

Cristina looked up at her. "I did."

Amelia leaned in. "Isn't it weird how he kinda looks like Owen?"

"Yes! I thought it was just me!"

"No , I noticed it , too. I mean , it's impossible but the resemblance is uncanny!"

"Kinda creeps me out , I'm not going to lie." Cristina reached over and stole a handful of potato chips from Amelia's tray.

Alex watched them. "Wait. You two are friends now?" He gestured between them.

They looked at him. "Yeah." Cristina looked at Amelia and then back at Alex. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I just thought..."

"Because we both dated Owen?" Amelia finished for him.

"Well , I married him."

Amelia looked at her. "Seriously?"

Cristina shrugged.

"It's just weird."

April sat down. "What's weird?"

"Yang and Shepherd are friends."

"Why's it weird? They're not fifteen year old girls fighting over a guy. They both dated him-"

"I married him."

"Cristina." Amelia looked at her again.

"And now they're not," April carried on. "And I think it's nice that they're friends."

Cristina looked at her and made a face. "You just made it weird."

\

"Hey."

Cristina turned around and found Owen walking towards her. "Hey."

"I caught your lecture." He said as he caught up to her. "Well , the end of it. It was good."

She nodded. "Thanks." She looked around. "Where's Connor?"

"My mother. She takes care of him a few days a week."

She nodded again.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet him."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I just thought you'd think it's weird."

"I've heard that word a lot today." She said to no one in particular.

They were quiet.

"Do you ... wanna go get a drink?"

Cristina looked around at the empty parking lot. "I don't think so. Not tonight."

"One drink." He tried convincing her.

She looked at him for a long while and then dug her hands into her coat pocket. "Owen , I didn't come back for you." She said slowly and then watched confusion cross his face. "I didn't come back to meet your kid. I didn't even know you had a kid. You didn't care enough to tell me."

"I know. I just-"

"You told me I was enough ... Owen. You told me I was enough. And for a minute , I believed you. I did. Because things were going great. Our trips were working out well and you were planning to move to Switzerland and then ... it all just stopped." She shrugged. "Your calls went from every day to once a week and then to nothing at all. You didn't answer my skype calls and you always had excuses. You made me feel... " she paused. "You just changed your mind like you always do." she looked around again. "I'm not here for you. My friend died. My best friend needs me. I'm here for them." She started backing up. "I'm not here for you."

\

15 May 2016

Cristina held her hand as they watched the screen , waiting.

"What if..."

"No."

"Cristina."

"Meredith."

"It's me. Something always goes wrong."

"Not this time. I promise."

Meredith held her eyes.

"There it is." The doctor announced and they both turned towards the screen again.

She heard Meredith inhale and she squeezed her hand.

"There it is." Cristina repeated.

"Well ," the doctor looked at the two of them. "Everything looks good. The fetus is on schedule and nothing looks abnormal." She pulled the sheet on Meredith's legs down and stood up. "Everything's looking good." She repeated. "I'll see you again in a few weeks. Call me if you have any questions or concerns. I'll leave my number with the receptionist as well as your next appointment date and time and a picture of your little baby." She looked at Meredith. "Congratulations, mommy." She smiled and then left the room.

They were quiet for a while. Cristina wasn't sure what the mood was or what to say so she just waited.

All of sudden , Meredith started giggling and Cristina looked at her.

"Mer?"

She covered her mouth with her hand , trying to stop the laughter as it grew.

"Meredith."

"It's just ..." she held her stomach as she laughed. "This is all so hilarious." She continued laughing and Cristina shifted uncomfortably.

"I mean , it's not." Meredith tried calming herself down and sat up. "It's sad and unfair but ..." she started laughing again. "We tried. We tried for so long to get pregnant and now ... that i finally am ... he's dead." She finished off with a laugh that echoed throughout her entire body and then she stopped. And then tears began to roll down her face as Cristina crawled in beside her, wrapping her arms around her friend. "This is so unfair." Meredith said softly.

"I know."

"He should be here."

"Yeah."

Meredith hugged Cristina against her and sighed. "I hope the baby survives my hostile uterus."

Cristina gave a small smile. "Me , too."

\

Cristina stepped outside of the room and into the hospital lobby to answer her phone while Meredith got dressed.

"Hey."

"Hi." Shane sounded tired.

"How are things over there?"

"They're okay. Hospital is fine."

"You haven't burned it to the ground yet?"

She heard him laugh. "No. Not yet."

She sank down into one of the chairs against the wall and sighed. "How are Noah and Elizabeth?"

"Good."

"And you? How are you?"

He sighed. "Traveling between two time zones in two days without sleep and then running an entire hospital and household at the same time does things to you."

"So , you're great?"

He laughed again. "I'm great."

They were quiet.

"Owen has a kid."

Shane remained silent.

"Exactly."

"He has a kid?" He said after a long moment.

"Yep. A little boy."

"Amelia's?"

"Oh , no. He adopted him."

"Wow."

"I know."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah , why wouldn't I be?"

"Because he's Owen and you're Cristina and he has an actual child."

She sighed again. "I'm here for Meredith. Not him."

"I know."

They were quiet again.

"I'm so tired." She said after a while.

"Not getting much sleep?"

"No. I'm just ... tired." She rested her head against the wall. "Does this ever stop? The death and the heartbreak and the disappointments. Do you ever catch a break?"

"I don't think so." He answered honestly.

"That sucks."

"Yeah , it does."

Meredith emerged from the room and her eyes were all puffy and red and she looked like she hadn't slept in a week.

"I have to go. Meredith's here."

"Okay." He paused. "When are you getting back?" The tone of his voice tugged at her heart strings.

"Soon." She said softly. "I'll be home soon."

/

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	52. Chapter 52

17 May 2016

She knocked on the door and then stepped back.

She heard the sound of footsteps running down the staircase and then towards the door.

It swung open. "Cristina!"

She smiled. "Lou."

Louise pulled her into a hug and she accepted it.

"I can't believe you've been here for days and this is the first time I'm seeing you." She said before she pulled back.

"Yeah , well , life has been kinda hectic."

"You heard , huh?" She escorted Cristina inside.

"Don't tell me you knew , as well?"

"Of course I knew , darling. These people are my friends now." She shrugged.

Cristina handed her a bottle of wine and then followed her into the kitchen. "Well , why didn't you tell me? And don't give me that crap about feeling like it wasn't your place."

Louise walked over to the cabinets and got out two glasses. "But it wasn't my place. I'm the newcomer. I'm not going to be the one who rats out on everyone."

"It's not really ratting out if everyone knows , now is it?" She took the two glasses to the table and sat down as Louise popped the cork.

"I guess you're right." She walked over and filled the glasses , sitting down as well. "My bad."

Cristina took a long sip of her wine and then set it down. She looked at Louise for a long moment.

"What?"

"I can't believe you're dating Alex." She made a face. "I sent you here to get away from everything. Not to hook up with evil spawn."

Louise laughed and then sat back. "It's not like either of us planned for it to happen. It just did."

"I know." Cristina paused. "But Alex?"

"Yes. Alex."

Cristina sat back as well. "Okay. Alex."

They were quiet.

"So , how have you been? Kill anyone else lately?"

Louise gave her a look. "That's not funny."

"It wasn't a joke."

"I was going to ask you if anybody had died on you lately but I guess due to recent events , I already have my answer."

Cristina scoffed. "Wow." She laughed. "That was cold."

Louise smiled and then shrugged. "You started it , darling."

Cristina returned her smile. "You seem happy here." She said gently. "With my people." She rolled her eyes and Louise laughed.

"I genuinely am." She took Cristina's hand into hers and squeezed it. "And I have you to thank for that. If you hadn't become my neighbor all those years ago , I don't know what would've happened to me." Her voice was soft. "I'm really grateful for you and all you have done for me." She paused. "You take pride in being this cold hearted , uncaring person but that's not who you are. You have this huge heart and you help others and you take care of the people you love and it's time you get that in return. Darling , you are Harper Avery recipient Cristina Yang. He needs to realize that." Louise watched confusion cross her face. "You're not some basic woman who he can just toss aside when he feels like he needs to and not even inform you about his intentions. You deserve more. You're Cristina Yang."

"Yeah." Cristina said softly.

Louise nodded. "Yeah."

\

18 May 2016

Cristina followed Meredith up the hill and over to their bench which overlooked Seattle.

Over the years , they would come here when they needed a change of scenery. When the cafeteria or the tunnels or someone's house just wouldn't do , they'd drive over to the park , climb up the small hill and claim their bench.

Meredith plopped down. "Do you think all of this walking is good for the baby? You know , since I have a fetus hating uterus?"

"I don't know. The exercise might be good." Cristina sat down beside her.

"The last time we thought exercise was a good idea , you ended up on a operating table and ended up losing a tube."

"I had an ectopic pregnancy. So , your argument doesn't hold up."

"You just wanna be right."

"I am right." Cristina shrugged.

"Whatever." Meredith slouched. "So , I thought we could leave in two weeks , if that's okay with you? I still have to arrange some things before I go."

"Yeah , sure. I'll ask Shane to book the tickets."

"Okay." Meredith nodded. She looked up at Cristina. "How are you?"

"I should be asking you that."

Meredith was quiet.

"I'm okay." Cristina shrugged.

"Are you lying?"

"No. Why would I be?"

"Because my husband just died and you don't want to seem insensitive to my feelings by speaking about yours."

"Know it all."

Meredith looked at her. "You don't have to be okay , you know? It's okay not to be okay. You have every right to be pissed off and sad and devastated and confused. And it's okay not to feel all of those things as well. Just... don't pretend. Not with me , at least."

Cristina moved closer and removed Meredith's hand from her coat pocket and held it. "I'm supposed to be telling you these things."

"Not necessarily." Meredith shrugged. "Just because Derek died doesn't mean everything has to be about me."

"It kinda does."

"Yeah but this is me and you. There's always room for the both of us."

Cristina looked at her for a moment and then rested her head against Meredith's shoulder , keeping her eyes on the Seattle landscape in front of her. "I'm not okay." She said softly.

Meredith squeezed her hand. "I know."

\

The doorbell rang and Cristina groaned. She threw back the covers and pulled on Meredith's robe that she had claimed as her own.

She made her way out of the room and down the stairs as the doorbell went off again. "Okay , I'm coming. Calm down."

She walked over to the door and pulled it open. "Owen?" She squinted at him as the outside light came flooding through. "What are you doing here?" She tightened the robe around her body.

"You were enough." He stated.

"What?"

"You were enough. You always have been , you always will be but , having a kid... it was my dream. It's something I needed as much as you need to be a surgeon."

Cristina folded her arms across her chest.

He carried on. "I could have lived my life with you. And I would've been happy. We would've been happy. But I knew that somewhere in the back of mind , I'd always be going 'what if?' And I couldn't have that. And I'm glad that I got my answer because Connor is everything I've ever dreamt of and more. But , you're not there. You're not with me. And I know that I had to sacrifice one to have the other but it's hard. It's hard being this happy without you because I want you to be a part of my happiness." He held her eyes. "I fucked up... Cristina. I fucked up. I was a coward who was too afraid to tell you once again that I had changed my mind. I couldn't tell you. I tried. God , I tried. So , i took the easy way out. And I hate myself for doing that to you. You have every right to hate me for doing that to you."

"I don't hate you , Owen." She said softly.

His eyes softened. "You should."

"But I don't." She shook her head.

He reached out to touch her face but she stepped back. "Owen..."

"Cristina."

"We can't keep doing this." She stated. "We can't keep hurting one another over and over again. It's not fair. It's not fair to the both of us." Her eyes were glistening over. "You have a child now. And I'm happy for you. I am. You deserve to have your dreams come true. I want nothing but the best for you. But , I can't go down that road again because I feel like we've been down it enough times to know what's coming and I don't want to go through that again." She looked down and then back up at him. "Maybe it's time that we move on for good." He didn't say anything so she carried on. "We've survived the last two years. We have a head start. So , let's just keep going. Let's just break this perpetual cycle."

He took a step back. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

He nodded. "Okay , then."

"Okay." She whispered.

He dug his hands into his pockets and turned around like he was going to leave but then turned back around. "Can we... can we at least be friends?" He paused. "Please?"

She nodded , wiping away a stray tear. "Yeah. We can be friends."

"Okay." He said again.

"Okay."

They looked at one another for a long while until Cristina broke eye contact and pushed the door closed.

She stood there for a moment , her hand against the door , trying to gather herself.

She heard tiny footsteps behind her and she turned around to find Zola standing at the top of the stairs , trying to open the safety gate.

She smiled a little. "Hang on , Zozo. I'm coming."

She made her way over to the stairs and slowly ascended them. She climbed over the safety gate , scooping the girl into her arms and walking over to her room.

She plopped down on the couch and placed Zola on her lap , facing her.

She watched the baby examine her face. She reached out with her tiny hand and touched Cristina's damp cheek. "Sad." She stated.

Cristina laughed as more tears began to fall. "Yeah. I'm sad." The little girl looked concerned so Cristina wiped away her tears and sat up. "But I'm going to be okay. And you're going to be okay and so is mommy. We're all going to be fine." She kissed the baby's hand. "I promise."\

/

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	53. Chapter 53

A/N: As always, any of my medical knowledge comes from the Internet and my imagination so I'm sorry if none of it makes sense, lmao.

/

19 May 2016

Her phone rang and it brought her out of her sleep. She refused to open her eyes so she smashed her hand against the bedside table and blindly searched for her phone. When she finally acquired her target, she brought the phone up to her ear and cringed when the phone blasted into her ear. She sighed , swiped and then brought it up to her ear again.

"Hello." Her voice was barely audible.

"Cristina?"

She slowly opened her eyes. "Owen?"

"Cristina, I need you to come down to the hospital immediately!" His voice was harsh and full of concern.

"Owen , what-"

"Just come. And hurry!" He hung up and she looked at the phone.

She dropped the phone onto the bed and then looked at Meredith sleeping beside her and found herself envying her friend. Then her eyes drifted up to the ceiling and she sighed. "I guess I'm going to the hospital, then."

\

She pulled her coat around her as she made her way into the ambulance bay. She had decided to throw on some sweats because she wasn't even sure why she was there at three in the morning and she wasn't about to pull on some uncomfortable jeans and force herself to wear a bra.

She walked up to the E.R and stepped inside as the automatic doors opened. She immediately spotted Owen pacing in front of trauma one and sped up towards him when she saw the look on his face.

He looked up at her as she approached him and he went to meet her halfway. "What took you so long?" He immediately yelled.

"I .. it's three in the morning. It took me some time to- Owen, what's wrong?"

He didn't say anything. Instead, he pointed towards the open door of the trauma room and she stepped forward to peek inside. She looked back at Owen and then walked past him and into the room, pulling off her coat and handing it to an intern. "Okay, what do we have?" She directed at Edwards as she gently pushed past Maggie Pierce.

"Connor Hunt. Three years old. Came in with a shortness of breath, chest pains and a blue tint to his skin."

Cristina took the chart from the resident and scanned it over and then handed it back to her. She then removed the stethoscope from around Edwards' neck, placed it in her ears and brought it down to the boys chest and listened. Heart murmur. She handed the stethoscope back as well. "Order an ECHO and page me with the results." She paused to look down at the little boy with an oxygen mask over his face. He was looking up at her, his eyes wild and scared. She gave him a gentle smile and rubbed his little tummy. "It's okay , Connor. You're going to be okay."

\

She pulled off her scrub cap as she made her way over to where Owen was sitting. She had just performed a cardiac catheterization on Connor and she was dreading the news she was about to give the visibly tired man in front of her.

"Just say it." His voice was soft.

She took a deep breath in. "Connor has pulmonary atresia." She paused. "The wall between his-"

"I know what it is, Cristina. I'm a doctor, too." He cut her off.

She bit her lip and looked at him.

He immediately looked guilty.

"So, what now?" His voice was soft again.

"Now, I go in and either replace or widen the pulmonary valve, depending on the severity and then I'll enlarge the passage to the pulmonary artery."

Owen nodded and then fell back against the wall. "How did we catch this so late? Isn't this usually caught a few days after birth?"

"Well, Connor, I assume, was in and out of foster homes. These kind of things are hard to catch when there are hundreds of other kids to look after."

He nodded again.

"Do we know anything about Connor's birth parents? Any history of heart disease?"

"No. They dropped him off at a fire station when he was a day old. A couple of firemen found him and took him down to the orphanage. So , no , we don't know anything about them." He said softly.

It was Cristina's turn nod. "I'm going to go prep Connor for surgery. I'll have Edwards bring over the papers for you to sign and then you can sit with him before we take him into surgery, okay?"

"Okay." His voice was barely audible.

Cristina turned around to leave but then stopped and turned back to him. "Owen, I know that's your kid in there and right now you feel helpless and that makes you feel frustrated and angry and it's all understandable. But I've got this. I'm going to make sure that Connor gets through this. You hear me?" She moved to lay her hand on his cheek but thought better of it and pulled back.

He watched her hand drop to her side and then nodded once again as tears began to openly flow. "Thank you.

/

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	54. Chapter 54

19 May 2016

Cristina brought her stethoscope out of the pocket of her old lab coat that Richard had given her to wear for the time being and placed them in her ears and then brought it down to his chest. She listened and then gave a short nod.

She watched the boy as she placed the stethoscope back in her pocket and then made her way out of the room where she was confronted by not just Owen but a team consisting of Callie, Arizona, Alex, April, Louise and even Meredith.

"Don't you guys have patients to attend to?" She questioned as she came to stand in front of them.

"They're here for Connor."

She looked at Owen. "I know that." She said softly.

Everyone looked away as Cristina and Owen shared a loaded glance and then she broke the silence. "I'm assuming it's okay for me to speak in front of everyone."

"Yeah. Go ahead." He nodded.

"Well, when I got in there, I saw that he had a VSD. I closed that up and then I placed a conduit from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery to allow blood flow. There were a few complications. Expected complications. But they've been resolved and I think Connor's going to be fine. He was the perfect patient." She gave a small smile.

She watched as everyone sighed in relief and broke out into laughter and smiles. Her eyes moved to Owens and found that he was already looking at her. She watched as Alex clasped Owen's shoulder in an assuring way and then she looked back at him. She looked down and placed her hands in her pockets as she slowly took a few steps back and then turned around and began to walk away.

Owen watched her retreating back and then felt Meredith push past him and watched as she ran to catch up with her friend, interlocking arms with her.

He watched them for a few more seconds until Callie pulled him into a hug and he was forced to look away. "He's going to be okay, Hunt." She whispered to him.

He hugged her tighter. "Yeah. He is."

\

20 February 2016

She pulled the door open to Connor's room and Owen turned took look at her.

"Morning." He said carefully as he watched her walk over to the bed.

She removed the stethoscope from her lab coat and placed it in her ears. "Morning." She brought it down to his chest and listened.

She leaned up, removed the stethoscope and placed it back in her pocket. She then turned to check his IV bag and then the heart monitor.

"How is he?"

She took a second before she turned to him. "He's good. He's doing really well. I don't hear a murmur and he can probably come off the ventilator later today."

Owen smiled. "Thank you." He held her eyes. "I didn't get to thank you yesterday... but I'm doing it now. Thank you. So much. For everything."

She looked down at him. "You're welcome."

He stood. "Can I... can I hug you?"

She watched him for a long moment, debating how to decline but then to her own surprise, she found herself slowly nodding.

She watched him move around the bed and then quickly close the space between them.

She was stiff at first, refusing to let herself melt into him but when she began to inhale his familiar scent, all of her resolve slipped away and she wrapped her arms around his torso, bringing him closer. She held her head against his chest, his heartbeat in her ear and it was such a forgotten feeling, to feel that safe, that content, to feel that at home in someone else's arms that she found herself tearing up. She felt him kiss the top of her head and squeeze her. The familiarity of his arms around her became all too much and she let go. She stepped back and looked at Connor, wiping a tear away and then didn't look up at him as she spoke. "I'll be back to check on him later." She pushed past him and stepped out of the room, trying her best to hide her damp eyes from the rest of the hospital. She managed to slip inside an elevator before the doors closed and realizing that it was empty, she hit the 'stop' button and the elevator came to a halt. She dropped her head as she let out a silent cry. She then looked up at the ceiling and questioned why she had just done that to herself. She let him slip past her defense once again. She straightened up, took several deep breaths, wiped her cheeks and then hit the button again, feeling the elevator start back up.

She wasn't about to have a break down at work. Not after performing a badass surgery that filled the gallery. She couldn't do it. She was Cristina Yang. Cristina Yang didn't cry at work. Especially not over men.

\

She used her key to unlock the door and then pushed it open.

"Hey." Meredith said from the couch.

She looked up, held Meredith's eyes for a second and then turned around to close the door. "Hey." She dropped her bag on the floor and threw her keys onto the kitchen counter. She then made her way over to Meredith and threw herself down on the couch with a sigh.

"Long day?"

"Long day." She sat up and pulled off her boots, one by one, dropping them down next to her, while Meredith watched. She sat back again. "Where's Zola?"

"Upstairs with Amelia."

Cristina nodded.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Meredith was quiet for a moment, watching her. "Do you want me to stroke you hair?"

Cristina's head whipped up at her. "What?" She laughed a little.

Meredith shrugged. "When Zola's upset, I stroke her hair. It calms her down. She seems to like it."

"No, Meredith, I don't want you to stroke my hair."

They were quiet.

Cristina looked up at Meredith.

"Come on." Meredith patted her lap and Cristina moved to lay down on it.

Meredith brought her hand up to her friends hair and began stroking it soothingly.

"I hugged Owen today."

Meredith looked down at her but didn't say anything.

"It was stupid of me, I know that. But I needed it. It's been so long since I've been in his arms and I just operated on his kid which was unbelievably stressful because I literally held his tiny heart in my hands and if anything had happened... " she paused. "So, anyway, I hugged him. Of course, to other people, that would've seemed as if it were nothing. But it's not nothing. It's us. It's Owen."

Meredith still didn't say anything.

"It won't happen again." Cristina stated. "It can't happen again." She said more to herself than to Meredith.

They were quiet again.

Cristina suddenly sat up. "You know what's worse? It's like... everything has moved on. Like my life here has ceased to exist, if that makes sense." She looked at Meredith as if she was waiting for a reply but then carried on. "It's like, I was gone for two years and... I don't know. I mean, no one told me about Connor. I expected several phone calls. But I got none. Everyone's here and they're all on his side and I'm... over there. And I guess that's okay because I can't expect everyone's lives to stop for me. People move on. I moved on. I just... I don't know.. hoped that everyone would still be on my side."

"I'm on your side."

"You didn't tell me either." She shook her head.

They looked at one another for a moment and then Meredith patted her lap and Cristina laid down again.

They were quiet once again as Cristina stared out of the large windows and Meredith continued to stroke her hair.

"You really do have great hair." She said after a while. "Like, I was aware of how great your hair was before but up close and getting to touch it, I have a new found respect for it."

Cristina laughed. "Thank you?"

"You're welcome."

\

21 February 2016

"How's Mer? I meant to drop by yesterday but I got pulled into a surgery."

"She's good." Cristina nodded. "Meredith's doing well."

She pushed herself onto her elbows and looked at Alex, lying by her feet. "How's Lou?"

He looked at her and then broke into a smile, making Cristina smile as well. "She's good, too."

Cristina laid back down. "Karev."

"Yang."

"Don't fuck up."

"Why would-"

"She's been through enough." She cut him off. "I was there. I know what he... I was there. Don't fuck up. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Thank you."

He waited a moment.

"Did you tell her not to fuck up, as well? Because I mean, I'm broken goods, too."

"She knows not to fuck up." She paused. "And you're not broken goods. You used to be. But you're fixed now."

"And I'm trying to stay that way."

"I know."

He waited again.

"How about you? Are you fixed?"

"I'm trying to be." She answered honestly. "I've got a few cracks still left. New ones have recently surfaced but, I've thrown in some super glue and eventually, I'll be good."

"Yeah. You will be. You always are."

"Yeah."

They were quiet for a while, lying in a comfortable silence until Cristina's phone beeped and she had to stretch over to the other bed to get it.

She jumped up and grabbed her lab coat.

"What?" Alex pushed himself onto his elbows. "What is it?"

She pulled on the coat and walked over to the door as she spoke. "Connor. 911."

\

Cristina ran towards his room, pushing past nurses and doctors, with Alex on her heels.

She ran into the room, pushed a nurse out of the way and brought her Middle and index finger up to his neck, checking his pulse.

She looked at that screen. "He's flat lining." She stated.

The crash cart was brought to her side while Alex prepared the boy's chest.

She was handed the paddles and brought them down to his chest.

"Cristina." A voice said from the corner of the room and she looked up.

"Owen, you need to leave."

"Cristina." He was openly sobbing.

"Dr. Hunt. Leave!" She looked at a nurse behind her. "Get him out of here!"

She watched as the nurse escorted a broken Owen out of the room and then she turned to Alex who had the same amount of fire in his eyes as she did.

She turned to the nurse at the crash cart. "Let's go."

"Charging." The nurse announced.

"Clear!"

Electricity shot through the young boy and his body shot up.

They stood back, eyes on the monitor. Nothing.

"Push one of epi." Alex ordered as Cristina prepared the paddles again.

"Here we go again. Clear!"

They stood back again, watching.

"Should we go again?" Alex questioned when nothing happened.

"Wait."

The room was quiet except for the almost deafening sound of the heart monitor.

"Come on, Connor. Don't do this." She whispered. "Don't do this."

Suddenly, the flat line on the screen jumped and started moving and the deafening noise became a welcomed one.

The boy exhaled and everyone visibly and audibly sighed in relief.

"We've got him." Alex announced.

Cristina dropped her head back. She opened her eyes, blinked a few times at the ceiling and then turned to hand the paddles to the nurse.

Her eyes fell onto Owen and she waved him in.

He didn't hesitate. He took huge steps until he was at Connor's bedside and he watched as his son's chest rose and fell, making sure he was okay.

He turned to Cristina. "Thank you." He looked at Alex. "Thank you."

They nodded and left the room. Cristina fell into a chair at the nurses station and Alex sat down on the desk.

"That was close."

She let her head fall into her hands. "Yeah."

"What do you think happened?"

She looked up at Owen and his child. "His heart has been through a lot, that's all."

Alex looked at them as well. "So, the surgery was still a success?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "The surgery was still a success."

She stood up. "I'm going home. Page me if there are any changes."

"Yeah."

Cristina gave Owen and his kid one more glance before she made her way down the hallway and into the elevator, hoping to whatever God there was that Connor survived.

/

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	55. Chapter 55

4 June 2016

Cristina was seated on the grass, watching Connor run around in circles around her. He shouldn't be running around that much after having major heart surgery two weeks prior but he looked so happy to be out of a hospital room that she just couldn't stop him.

And she figured that the out doors were good for him.

She looked around at the backyard. It was the perfect setting for a three year old. It was all huge trees and green grass and swing sets. Hell, she would be happy in a back yard like that.

She watched Connor as he stretched out his arms in front of him like he was flying and then she dropped her head back and soaked up the sun. It was her last checkup before she and Meredith left for Switzerland the next day and she was happy when Owen suggested that they do it at his house. She wasn't ready or in the mood for long goodbyes with everyone. She had done it so many times before but it was just as hard each time.

Connor crashed down by her feet and fell onto the grass and looked up at her, smiling. She found herself smiling back and went to lay down next to him.

"I can see why everyone loves you." She stated. "You're really lovable."

Connor giggled and then reached out, placing his small palm on her cheek. She turned her head to kiss it, making him giggle more.

She looked at him, his still red scar peeking out from beneath his shirt. She propped herself up on her elbow. "I need you to promise me you're going to look after your heart, okay? Because Switzerland is pretty far and I can't just drive up to the hospital like I've been doing for the past few weeks. You need to take care of it. I worked hard to keep you alive." She smiled at him. "And I need you to take care of your dad. He's a good guy. He needs you. A lot. And he loves you a lot. I need you to love him a million times more. Love him so much that he can't stand it. He waited a long time for you and i need you to be everything he ever dreamed of. I know that's a lot of pressure but you just had heart surgery and you're already running around so I'm guessing you can handle it." She paused. "So, you got it? Take of your heart and take of your dad. Do we have a deal?"

Connor nodded like he understood every single thing Cristina had just said to him. She stuck out her pinky. "Come on. You have to pinky promise me."

The three year old looked down at her finger, confused.

She brought his hand up to hers and took ahold of his pinky. "Like this. Pinky promise."

He giggled again and repeated what she had just said. "Pinky promise."

She laughed. "There we go." She stood up, wiped off her jeans and grabbed her shoes. "Let's go inside."

He stood up as well and she watched as he sprinted towards the door. She admired how fast and how well he was recovering. Kids really were resilient.

When she stepped into the house, she found Owen standing in the kitchen with Connor seated on the counter.

He smiled at her. "So, how is he?"

"He's ... good. Very good. I can leave in peace tomorrow."

Owen's smile faded a little at that and it made her heart twinge.

She looked down and then up at him again. "Anyway, I'm going to get going. I still haven't packed." She got her bag on the counter and pulled it over her shoulder. She picked up Meredith's car keys and was about to make her way over to the door, expecting Owen to follow her, when he called out.

"Stay for dinner."

She looked back at him.

"Stay for dinner." He repeated.

When he saw that she was hesitating, he spoke up again. "As a thank you. Let me make you dinner as a thank you. No ulterior motives." He gave a small smile.

She looked at Owen and then Connor and then at Owen again. She shrugged. "Okay."

\

She watched him move around the kitchen and suddenly felt nostalgic for their firehouse days. Where she would sit on the counter, very much like she was doing at that moment, and he would run around the kitchen, frying and stirring and chopping things, occasionally placing a spoon in her mouth, giving her a taste. And he was doing all of that. Just in a different house, on a different counter and in a different circumstance.

Without thinking, Owen came to stand between her legs and pointed a spoon at her. She opened her mouth and reached out for it. When she pulled back, he placed it in his mouth, tasting whatever was left. "So?" He smiled.

"Delicious. What is that?"

"It's the sauce for the Alfredo."

"You're always making some kind of pasta."

"Because you're always craving some kind of pasta."

"That's true."

They looked at one another for a moment and then Owen moved away and she surprisingly found herself disappointed.

"I also have..." he opened the oven and she inhaled.

"Garlic bread." She smiled.

"Garlic bread."

"You're really bringing your A game, aren't you?"

"You brought your A game for Connor so it's the least I can do." He gave her a warm smile.

A little boy came running into the kitchen, a huge smile on his face. "Speak of the devil." Owen scooped him up.

"Dr. Hunt, I'm heading out for the night."

Cristina turned to look at Connor's nanny standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

She looked at Cristina. "It was nice meeting you, Dr. Yang. I hope to see you again." She smiled.

"You, too, Susan."

"I'll walk you out." Owen stated and then followed the woman to the door.

Cristina listened as she said her goodbyes to Connor and then Owen and then she was gone and Owen was walking back into the kitchen.

He dropped Connor to his feet and clasped his hands together. "Right. Who's ready to eat?"

\

Cristina and Owen were intently listening to Connor tell them a story about a dragon and a rabbit who became friends and even though it didn't make complete sense at some points, it was a really touching story, Cristina thought.

And when he was done, Connor announced that he was tired and that he wanted to go to bed.

Owen laughed. "I guess storytelling isn't as easy as it seems."

"It's quite draining." Cristina agreed.

Owen picked the boy up. "Say goodnight to Dr. Yang."

"He calls me Aunty Tina." She corrected. "We're trying to work on 'Aunt Cristina' but, that'll have to do for now." She shrugged.

Owen looked up at her, surprised. "Okay. say goodnight to Aunty Tina."

She smiled at Connor. "Night. Remember what you promised me, okay?"

"Pinky promise." Connor repeated her words.

She laughed. "Yeah. Pinky promise."

Owen knitted his brows and smiled. "I'll be right back."

She watched him ascend the stairs and then disappear and she smiled to herself when she thought about how she was actually enjoying their evening so far. She never thought they'd get to that place again and yet, there they were.

\

When Owen came back down a few minutes later, he offered to open up a bottle of wine and she accepted. And then he suggested that they made a fire out in the back yard and drink their wine there and strangely, she found herself accepting that as well.

He handed her a blanket as she sat down on the swing that he had brought in from the porch. And then he packed some wood into the fire pit and she watched as he tried to get the fire started. It took him a few tries until one of the pieces caught fire and eventually set the others on fire as well.

He stood up, wiped his hands on his jeans and looked at his work with pride.

He turned around to her and he had this smile on his face that made her smile as well but then it faded when he looked at the blanket over her legs and decided to sit on the far side of the swing.

He picked up two glasses from the floor and handed her both. He then popped the cork on the wine and filled the two glasses, taking one from her.

"So, how have you been?" He looked at her.

"I've been good. How about you?"

"Great." He smiled.

"And the hospital?"

"That's been good, too. We've actually hired several new, groundbreaking surgeons who I think are going to bring a lot to the hospital."

"That sounds exciting."

"It really is." She nodded. "And you? How are you handling being chief and a father at the same time?"

"It's been okay so far." He paused. "But I'm actually thinking about stepping down as chief."

She knitted her brows. "What? Why?"

"I just feel like it's time." He shrugged. "I've never wanted to be chief in the first place. It was just handed to me and I've enjoyed it up until this point but, I've got a kid now. A kid who needs me and I just, I feel like it's time. Give someone else a chance."

She watched him. "Well, if you feel like it's the right thing to do..."

"I do."

"Okay, So, you hand it over to someone else and you what? Go back to trauma?"

"Yeah."

"And you'll be content with just being a trauma surgeon again?"

"I think so, yes." He answered confidently.

"Okay, then." She sat back. "As long as you're sure."

He nodded. "I am."

She looked at him for a second and then averted her eyes to the fire and took a sip of her wine.

They were quiet for a moment.

"So, Harper Avery recipient, Cristina Yang," he started, making her laugh and look back at him. "Tell me, how does it feel to finally get what you deserve?"

"It feels... amazing." She answered honestly. "I mean, when I got the call again, I just... I didn't allow myself to get my hopes up because of what happened last time but then, when they called my name..." she ended off with a dreamy smile and he found himself smiling back. He felt insanely proud of her.

"And your speech was amazing, as well."

"My speech?"

She saw him slightly blush. "Yeah. I, uh, I watched it online."

"You did?"

"I did."

"Oh." She looked back at the fire.

They were quiet again.

She looked down at the the blanket. "Are you cold? Do you want to share?"

He looked at her. "Uhm, sure."

She opened the blanket for him and he moved underneath it and rested his arm at the back her head and was surprised when she rested her head against it. He then used his foot to gently rock the swing back and forth, making the mood a relaxed one.

"Are you excited to go back home?" His voice was soft.

"I am. I haven't seen everyone in so long and Mer's going with me so I guess that makes leaving easier, this time."

"Meredith's going with you?"

"She is."

"Why haven't I heard about it from anyone?"

"I don't think she's told people. Not that she's keeping it a secret, I just think she doesn't want to make a big fuss about it."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She could feel him looking at her. "I'm going to miss you." He stated. "I know I shouldn't be saying things like that but it's true. Even though it hasn't been under the best circumstances, it's been great seeing you again."

She turned her head to look up at him. "I'm going to miss you, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

She suddenly found herself gravitating towards him and she wasn't sure if she wanted to stop. Not when he was looking at her like that and not when his body was so warm against hers and especially not when his bottom lip grazed her top one.

She immediately deepened the kiss and the feeling of being that close to him again, did things to her. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to cry or rip his clothes off or leave. It was so much at the same time and she knew he was feeling it to. Not just by the way he was kissing her, but by the sounds he was making, sounds she swallowed whole and matched with her own. And by the way his hands were traveling all over her body, wanting to touch all of her, all at once and she wanted him to touch all of her, all at once.

When he started lowering her onto her back, her eyes flew open and she stopped kissing him back. She used her tiny palms to push up on his chest and he sat up.

She sat up as well and started adjusting her clothing. "I have to go."

"Cristina, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"I know. But I have to go."

She stood up and began walking towards the door.

"Cristina." He called out one last time.

She swung around. "No, Owen. No!"

He was taken aback by her sudden yelling but he didn't respond.

"I can't do this anymore! I know I've said that a million times but I can't! I can't keep doing this, Owen!" She yelled. "I keep coming back to you. Even though I know it's bad for me. I keep coming back to you. And it's not your fault. It's mine. I'm just so in love with you that I can't stay away."

"So don't! Cristina, don't stay away."

"No, Owen! I can't allow you to do this anymore. You just... I deserve more. I deserve better. I deserve to know that the person I'm with isn't just going to change their mind about me and stop contacting me. I deserve someone who is content with just me because God knows I was content with just you." She held his eyes. "I operated on your child, Owen. A child you didn't bother to tell me about. And yes, I know, I keep bringing that up but it just... it hurts. Because you didn't care enough to tell me. Me, Owen. I'm not just some stranger you married on a whim! We were together and then we weren't all because you were too much of a coward to come and speak to me about it." She paused. "We could've spoken about it. We could've had a discussion. Like adults. But instead, you decided that the better route was to completely cut me out of your life and leave me wondering what the hell went wrong." She looked at him for a moment. "I just... I can't." She turned around and started heading towards the door. He waited a moment and then stood up and ran after her, catching her just before she reached the front door.

"Cristina, I don't know what to say or do to make this better!"

She pulled on her coat. "I don't know either."

"Cristina..."

"Owen, if you want me, earn me!" She yelled with so much ferocity in her voice that she had to catch herself. She then looked upstairs to make sure she hadn't woken up Connor.

When she looked back at him, her eyes were blazing with both anger and sadness. "It's time for you to earn me." Her voice was softer this time. She held his eyes for a moment and then turned around, pulled open the door and left.

This time, he didn't run after her. He didn't know what to do or say when he caught up to her so he just remained where he was.

He watched her car pull out of the driveway and disappear down the street. Still, he didn't move.

Her perfume was still hanging in the air and it was such a familiar scent that he just wanted to bottle it up and keep it safe. Who knows how long it would be until he could get a whiff of it again.

He sighed and then turned around and made his way up the stairs. He walked over to Connor's room and pushed the door open. The light from the hallway lit up the boys face and Owen gave a small smile. He walked over to the bed and got in next to him.

Connor slowly opened his eyes and looked up at him. "Daddy?"

"Yeah. I'm here."

Connor moved closer, snuggling up against Owen and sighing contently.

Owen kissed the top of his head and then smoothed down his hair. "I'm here, baby. I'm here."

/

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	56. Chapter 56

6 July 2016

Cristina handed a sleeping Zola over to Meredith before unlocking the front door. She then stepped aside, allowing Meredith to enter. She followed her inside and shut the door, locked it and threw the keys into a bowl near the door.

Meredith looked around at the spacious living room and nodded. "I like it."

Cristina passed her, dragging her suitcase along as Meredith followed closely behind.

"Kitchen." She announced as they passed and then pointed at a door. "Bathroom. But there's one in my room as well, if you don't want to share." They turned into the hallway. Cristina walked into the middle of the hall and pointed at a closed door. "Noah's room." She stated. "Elizabeth's room." She pointed at another door. "Guest room but we barely use it." She turned. "Shane's room." She gestured at the door across from hers. "And this is our room." She turned the knob and pushed the door open. She stepped inside, pulling her bag to the edge of the bed and walked over to the lamp on her beside table and turned it on. She found it oddly comforting how everything was exactly the way she left it. When she got the call, she immediately dropped everything, packed a bag and hopped on the first flight to Seattle. And now she was back and the sight of her own bed and her own sheets and her own dirty clothes lying on her bedroom floor felt like home. It was home. And she found it comforting.

She looked over at Meredith standing in the middle of the room, Zola still asleep on her shoulder, and smiled.

"What?" Meredith raised and eyebrow.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "Just feels good having you guys here." She started making her way out of the room. "Make yourself at home. I'll be back."

She took the few steps needed and then pushed his door open.

The morning sun was beginning to come in through the windows, lighting up the room in a cozy way.

She walked over to the bed, hit snooze on his alarm and then pulled back the covers and got in.

She watched him slowly open his eyes and then close them again. A minute passed and his eyes flew open again. She watched as a flash of momentary panic crossed them and then realization hit and then confusion.

He moved his face out of the pillow. "Cristina?"

"Hey." She smiled.

"You're here."

"I'm here." She rested her head on her hand.

He blinked a few times and then turned off of his stomach and onto his side. "How did you get here?"

"I booked a flight." She shrugged.

"You don't know how to do that."

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, but you don't like doing that."

"I wanted to surprise you, asshole."

He didn't say anything.

She reached into her coat pocked and pulled out a half eaten candy bar and handed it to him. "Happy birthday, Sharky."

"You remembered?"

"Of course I remembered." She shrugged and then pointed at her gift. "I got hungry on the plane ride over here so I ate some of it." She paused. "It's still good though."

He looked down at the chocolate and smiled. "Thank you." He looked back up at her.

She looked at him for a moment and then patted him on the cheek. "Okay, time to get up." She stood up. "You've gotta run my hospital for one more day while I beat this goddamn jet lag." She pulled open the door and was about to leave when Shane called out to her.

She turned back to him, her hand still on the door knob. "Yeah?"

"It's good to have you back." He paused. "I missed you."

She watched him, not saying anything and for a moment, Shane thought he saw something flash across her face but then she cleared her throat and shrugged again. "Well, that's understandable. I'm very lovable. Missing me doesn't come as a surprise." She made to leave the room but stopped one last time. "Oh and Meredith's here."

\

Meredith and Cristina followed their noses to the kitchen and found Elizabeth mixing the batter for pancakes.

She looked up. "Holy shit you're back." She smiled.

"Hey." She walked over to the island and sat down. Meredith slid in beside her and Cristina pointed at her. "This is Meredith." She then pointed at Elizabeth. "Mer, this is Elizabeth. Shane's sister."

Elizabeth smiled and wiped her hand on her apron before extending it to Meredith. "Nice to finally meet you."

Meredith shook it. "Same here."

She turned back to Cristina. "Okay, wait, but when did you get in?"

"Like an hour ago." She shrugged.

"And you didn't bother to wake us?"

"I woke Shane up." Cristina offered.

Elizabeth scoffed. "Favoritism."

"Is that Cristina Yang?" A voice came from the doorway and the three women turned to find Noah pulling on a shirt. "It is her." He smiled.

Cristina rolled her eyes and Noah walked over, pulling her off of her chair and into a hug, making her laugh.

After a moment, she patted his back. "Okay, that's enough."

He set her down on her feet and smiled at Meredith. "Dr. Grey, it's nice seeing you again."

"Wait." Elizabeth looked at the two of them. "You two met already?" She gestured between them with a spatula.

"Yeah." Noah shrugged. "Dr. Grey was there when Cristina and I were brought in from the you-know-what."

"Oh." Elizabeth made a face and then turned to the stove, filling a pan with batter and watching it fry.

"Morning." Shane came walking in, smelling like the shower and walked straight over to Cristina, giving her a kiss on top of her head.

"Wait." Noah watched them. "You knew she was here?"

"She woke me up when she got in." He shrugged.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Favoritism."

Shane looked at Meredith. "Morning, Dr. Grey."

Meredith smiled. "Morning, Ross."

Shane walked over to the pot of coffee and got out five mugs from the top cabinet, filled each one and then placed them on the island.

"So, is this morning cheerfulness and breakfast parties like an every day thing or is it just because it's Shane's birthday? Because I know this girl over here wouldn't tolerate an every day thing." Meredith pointed at Cristina.

"That's right!" Noah exclaimed. "It's your birthday." He clasped Shane on his shoulder and pulled him into a short hug. "Happy birthday, bud."

"Thanks." Shane gave him a smile and then it disappeared. "Don't call me bud."

"Fair enough."

The two of them laughed and Shane went to sit down.

"And for the record, Dr. Grey-"

"Meredith." She corrected.

"And for the record, Meredith, this is an every day thing. Sourpuss over here possesses a lot more tolerance than she seems to."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Especially when there's food involved." Shane agreed.

Elizabeth dropped a plate of pancakes in the middle of the island and then placed a candle in them. "Make a wish, bro." She lighted the candle.

"Seriously?" Shane laughed.

"Try to keep the spit to a minimum when you blow." Cristina requested.

Shane laughed and then closed his eyes, waited a moment and then blew. Everyone applauded and then the pancake with the candle was given to the birthday boy and everyone dug into the rest of the breakfast.

Meredith watched as the pancakes flew into plates and smelled them as they passed her nose and she suddenly stood up and dashed for the bathroom.

Everyone paused.

Cristina cut off a piece of pancake and brought it up to her mouth. "Meredith's pregnant by the way." She took a bite, dabbed her mouth and then got up to go and tend to her hurling friend.

\

Cristina wet the facecloth with cold water and then sank down onto the ground beside Meredith and handed it to her.

Meredith mumbled a thank you and placed it on her forehead. "I wish this would stop."

"You're in your second trimester. It should stop soon."

"If I don't die first." Meredith closed her eyes and leaned her head against the tub behind them.

Cristina copied her.

They were quiet.

"You have the frat house now."

Cristina drew the corner of her lip up. "I know."

"No." Meredith turned her head towards her. "It's a good thing. You built a home over here and it's filled with laughter and happiness." She turned her head back. "Derek always wanted a home."

"Well, he got one."

Meredith smiled faintly. "Yeah." She was quiet for a moment before she turned to look at Cristina again. "You've surrounded yourself with some great people over here. Their love and respect and support for you is so obvious. And I'm so happy for you. I'm also really proud of you." She paused. "I don't say that enough. But I am. You came over here and you built a real life for yourself. You've accomplished so much and even though you had help, you still did it on your own. And I'm so proud of you."

Cristina looked at her for a moment, not saying anything. "I'm going to blame all of this on the pregnancy hormones."

Meredith smiled and then closed her eyes again. "Do what you gotta do."

The two of them were quiet as they listened to the laughter and conversation going on in the next room. Cristina couldn't understand how people could be that happy before nine AM but they were. They always were and Meredith was right. She had surrounded herself with some great people and even though she would never admit it, she was grateful for them.

Zola started crying and Meredith groaned. "I can't move yet."

"It's okay." Cristina patted her arm and moved to get up. "I've got her."

\

Her phone rang and Zola stirred on her chest. She rubbed the baby's back soothingly and then pushed herself up and placed the sleeping baby in her car seat, beside Meredith.

She grabbed the phone from the coffee table and walked over to the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Cristina."

"Is Meredith there?" His tone was rushed.

"Yes, she is. Why are you yelling?"

"Because I just went around looking everywhere for that freaking woman and her child and thought she ran away or some shit!"

"She kinda did." Cristina shrugged even though he couldn't see her.

She heard Alex sigh.

"Karev, it's okay. I've got her. She's going to be fine. She just needs some space."

"Yeah, I know. But she could've at least told me. If Hunt hadn't told me to call you, I would've probably still be looking for her."

Cristina's heart jumped. "Owen? You spoke to Owen?" She asked carefully.

"Yeah, why?"

"How's Connor? Did he say anything?"

"Connor's doing good. I've checked on him in the last few hours and he was laughing and playing and he seemed really good."

Cristina smiled. "That's good." She leaned her elbows on the island, not saying anything.

"Just ask me." She could practically see Alex rolling his eyes.

"Don't make me."

Alex sighed again. "Hunt seems like he's doing okay. He seems distant though but we were never the best of friends so what do I know."

Cristina was quiet.

"You there?"

"I'm here."

Alex waited a moment.

"Look after Mer and Zola, okay."

"I will."

"And take care of yourself. Don't forget to take care of yourself."

She smiled a little. "I won't."

He waited another moment. "I've gotta go. I'll see you around."

"Yeah." She paused. "See you around, Evil Spawn."

/

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	57. Chapter 57

8 July 2016

She turned and watched as Zola came running towards her from down the hall.

She smiled and scooped her up when she reached her.

"Hey, Zozo." She kissed her cheek. "What are you doing here? Huh?"

Lucas Salisbury came running down the hallway a minute later. Seeing Cristina, he slowed.

"Dr. Yang." He started. "I, uh, I-"

"You what?" She snapped.

"I just turned around for a second and-"

"And what?" She cut him off again.

He held his tongue.

"Honestly, Salisbury, if you can't take care of a three year old, how am I supposed to trust you with patients?"

He opened his mouth to answer. To form an excuse. But she held her hand up, stopping him.

"Just go away and find me a competent intern, please." She paused. "Can you handle that?"

He nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

She gave him one last disapproving look and then she turned away. "Let's go get you some pudding." She smiled at Zola and kissed her cheek again. "We might have to find your mother first."

\

She found Meredith in a skills lab, working her magic on a dummy.

"Your kid has been terrorizing the interns."

"Like godmother, like goddaughter." She answered without looking up.

She sat down on a stool in front of Meredith, placing Zola on her lap. "Are you having fun desterilizing my equipment?"

Meredith smiled and looked up. "I am." She looked back down. "Are you having fun hogging my child?"

"I haven't seen her in like two years. I gotta make up for lost time." She hugged Zola, making the baby whine and move away. She looked at her and then at Meredith. "She's already starting to hate us."

Meredith laughed. "Okay... done." She stood back, looking at the open plastic abdomen in front of her and smiled. She looked up. "Still got it." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Congratulations. You didn't kill the dummy." She stood up and handed Zola over to Meredith. "Come on." She started walking towards the door. "I promised her pudding."

\

"That's Jeff Falahee." She pointed at the stubby guy in the cafeteria line. "If neurosurgeons could be gods, he'd be one."

Meredith nodded.

"That's Amber Keating." She pointed at a curly haired woman sitting a few tables away from them. "Knows her way around hearts. Good surgeon to have on board."

Meredith nodded again.

"Khadijah Ismail." She used her fork to point at a middle eastern looking woman. "Ortho. Builds bones like God." She pointed at a tall man leaning against a cafeteria table, an apple in his hand while he spoke to an intern. "James Sheffield. Kind of a slut but he can operate circles around any general surgeon there is."

Meredith looked at her.

She shrugged. "I said what I said." She pointed at a brunette woman. "And that's Samantha Drew. Plastics. One of the best there is."

Meredith nodded once more.

"I guess that's everyone you need to know. The rest you'll meet as you go along." She shrugged again.

"You know, I've read all their papers and the fact that you have all of them under one roof is kinda overwhelming." She handed Zola a baby carrot.

Cristina nodded. "Yeah. Burke left me with a good staff. Ismail and Sheffield were recently hired but they've been proving themselves over and over again." She stuck a fork full of coleslaw into her mouth. She looked at Zola and made a face. She took the carrot from her and gave her a pudding cup and a spoon.

"And how's your research?" Meredith took the pudding back and handed the baby a carrot again.

"Well, the last successful surgery was Karev's patient and then so much happened." She paused. "I still want to print a fully functioning heart."

"So, do it."

"I don't even know where to start." She laughed a little.

"Yes, you do. Start with what you know. You've pretty much nailed the rest of it. You know how to print the separate parts. So now, just print it all together."

Cristina sat back, pushing her hair up and letting it drop. "Yeah." She sat forward again and dragged Zola's pudding cup towards her. She jabbed a spoon in and took a mouthful.

Zola motioned that she wanted to share and Cristina reached over, giving her a spoon.

"Are you trying to give my kid diabetes?"

Cristina paused and then shrugged.

Meredith sighed. "I can't with you."

\

"Harriet was in here earlier with a fever." He stated.

"Is she okay?" Meredith questioned.

"Yeah. The kid's fine. April was just taking precautions. We're watching her though." Alex shrugged.

"By the way, are those two together or not?" Cristina questioned.

"Who? April and Jackson?"

"Yeah."

"Since when do you care?"

She looked at Alex. "I care."

"No." He shook his head. "You don't."

"Would you just tell me?"

He rolled his eyes. "I guess they're trying to make it work." He shrugged again.

"And Callie and Arizona?"

"They're just friends. I think Callie is seeing someone."

Cristina nodded. "Can you be just friends with someone you have a kid with?" She looked at Meredith.

"You're asking me. My husband's dead."

Cristina and Alex were quiet.

"What? Too dark?"

"A little bit." They said in unison.

Meredith shrugged.

Shane came in asking about whether they should go out to eat or stay in and Alex waited for them to wrap up their conversation.

"Is that Meredith and Cristina?"

He turned around.

"Owen." He looked at the screen, checking if Cristina was back yet, and then turned to Owen again. "Yeah. It is."

He nodded. "Say hi for me." He gave the screen a glance and then walked off.

"Was that Owen?" Meredith whispered.

"Yeah." He nodded, looking at Cristina. "He says hi."

She nodded.

"So," Meredith started, changing the topic. "Tell us about you and Louise."

\

Cristina watched Zola sleep between Meredith and her and she smiled.

"You seem happy." Meredith observed.

She looked up. "What?" Her voice was soft.

"You seem happy. Despite what happened with Owen, you seem happy."

She shrugged. "I guess I've learned to live without him."

Meredith was quiet for a moment. "Do you want to live without him?"

Cristina didn't say anything so Meredith remained quiet as well.

"How about you? How are you doing?"

Meredith's hand subconsciously drifted to her abdomen and stayed there. "I'm dealing." She nodded. "Being here helps."

"I think the two of you being here helps me, too."

Meredith smiled and Cristina looked down at Zola again.

"Remember when you asked me to take care of Zola if you happened to die in a car crash or something and I said no?"

"Yeah." Meredith answered carefully. "I remember."

Cristina was quiet for a long time as she ran her hand up and down Zola's tummy. She finally looked up at Meredith. "I think..." she looked back down. "I think I change my mind."

/

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	58. Chapter 58

9 July 2016

Cristina walked into his office and threw herself down in the chair in front of his desk.

She didn't say anything.

He looked up at her, set the iPad down and turned to her. "What?"

"My surgery got canceled."

"So?"

"I don't have any meetings today. My paperwork is up to date and all of my surgeries have been rescheduled."

"Go home then." He shrugged and picked the iPad up again.

"Nah." She dropped her head off the back of the chair.

Shane shook his head and carried on.

"I told Meredith I would take care of Zola if anything should happen to her."

He paused. "You what?"

"I told her I'd take care of Zola." She shrugged.

He set the iPad down again. "But you don't like children."

"I like children." She sat up.

"Okay, but you don't want them."

"Zola isn't just some random kid. I've known her since her first surgery at Seattle Grace." She shrugged. "I wouldn't want her to be shipped off to some random relative across the ocean. I love her too much." She paused. "Also, considering Meredith's family history, I'm her best shot."

Shane nodded as he tried to process the information. "Does this mean you want kids now?"

"No. It's means that if anything should happen to Meredith, I'd get her. I want Zola." She looked at him. "This doesn't mean that my uterus suddenly feels lonely and empty. It doesn't mean that I'm suddenly yearning to harvest a human being. Nothing's changed. I still don't want kids. But," she paused. "If it came down to it, if the worst happened, I'd want her to come to me."

Shane was quiet for a long time.

"Are you sure about this? I mean... have you thought it through?"

"I have." She nodded. "Besides, it's not like Meredith's dying. This is just a precaution." She shrugged again.

"Okay, then." He eyed her. "As long as you're sure."

"I am."

Her phone beeped and she reached into her coat pocket. "Oh, maybe someone's dying!"

Shane shook his head again.

"Ugh." She looked disappointed. "It's just Meredith." She pushed her phone back into her pocket and stood up. "I've gotta go."

He nodded.

"Maybe I could pay someone to jab a scalpel into their aorta. At least then I'd get to operate." She mumbled as she left the office.

\

Cristina walked into the gallery and everyone sat up.

She walked up to an intern and stared at him until he got the hint and stood up, giving her the seat.

She sat down, brought her coffee to her lips and took a sip.

She watched as Dr. Keating gently picked up a heart from the tray behind her and deposited it into the patient.

She sighed with envy.

She wanted nothing more than to be down there, at that moment, elbow deep in a body cavity.

At least she had back-to-back surgeries scheduled for the next day.

She had that to look forward to.

Meredith walked in and Cristina looked at the resident beside her. "Move."

The resident obliged and Meredith took the seat.

"What are we watching?"

"Piggy back transplant."

"Oh. Fun." Meredith reached into her pocket and pulled out two candy bars, handing her one.

Cristina tore the packaging and took a bite. "You know, I could've stolen this surgery from her." Her eyes drifted to the screen in the corner of the room.

"We don't steal surgeries anymore."

"Maybe we should."

"Wow." Meredith looked at her. "You're really scalpel hungry today, aren't you?"

Cristina shrugged.

"What's going on?"

She looked down at her candy bar and then back at the surgery below her. "I miss Owen." She took a bite.

Meredith looked at her. "So you wanna drown your sorrows in heart surgery?"

"Yeah."

Meredith was quiet for a moment. "I thought that I'd want to drown my sorrows in livers and pancreases but I haven't had the urge to cut ever since... you know."

Cristina looked at her.

"What if I'm no longer interested in being a surgeon?"

"Oh, that's crap." She waved her off and looked away again. "Give it some time. Soon you're going to be performing whipples left and right and you're going to be saving so many lives that you're going to cringe at how ridiculous what you just said was."

"Yeah?"

Cristina nodded. "Yeah." Her eyes drifted to the screen again. "Oh, she's attaching the second heart."

\

Shane unlocked the door and stepped aside, allowing Meredith, Cristina and Zola inside.

Cristina kicked off her boots and dropped her bag on the floor.

She looked up at the couch, just noticing Elizabeth had a visitor.

"Hey." Elizabeth greeted awkwardly.

"Hey." Cristina removed her jacket. "Who's this?"

Meredith looked up at the couch as well while Shane came to stand beside them, the three of them eyeing the blonde woman.

Elizabeth looked hesitant. She stood. "This is Giulia."

Giulia stood as well. "Giuls, this is Shane, my brother." She pointed at Shane. "Cristina, his boss and also the woman who owns this house." She pointed at Cristina. "And that's Meredith, she's visiting from Seattle." She looked down at the baby. "And of course, that's Zola."

Giulia nodded as she smiled. "Hi."

"Hey." The said unison and then they moved away from the door, planning to retreat to their respective bedrooms when Elizabeth called out again.

"There's more."

They turned back to the two women.

Elizabeth looked at Giulia and smiled nervously. "We've, uh," she cleared her throat. "Giulia and I have actually been dating for a while. She's..." she laughed a little. "She's my girlfriend. We're girlfriends."

The group was quiet for a moment.

"You're gay?" Cristina wondered after a while.

"I am."

"Oh." She nodded. "Nice."

"Yeah." Meredith agreed.

Elizabeth laughed and then looked at Shane. "Bro, say something."

Shane cleared his throat and blinked several times. "You like girls?"

"Well, guys and girls but yes. I like girls. Especially this one." She smiled at Giulia.

Shane blinked again. He stepped forward and went to stand in front of her.

"Did mom know?"

"Kinda."

He nodded. "Okay, then." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead and then turned to Giulia and smiled. "Nice to meet you, Giulia."

She smiled. "Same here."

The front door opened and Noah stepped inside. "God, it's cold out there." He removed his coat and hung it on the coat rack. He turned to the room and knitted his brows when he saw the scene in front of him. "What's going on? Are we having a secret meeting?"

"Well, we just found out that Elizabeth likes women. And men, apparently." Cristina answered.

He nodded. "That's cool." He smiled.

"So, anyway, what's for dinner?" Cristina questioned.

"I, uh, I made roast chicken." Elizabeth offered.

"Great." Cristina turned towards the kitchen. "I'm fucking starving."

"Cristina!" Meredith scolded as she followed her friend to the kitchen.

"Sorry." She shrugged. "I forgot there was a baby in the house."

Noah followed them as well. "Wait for me. I haven't eaten anything all day."

"Don't forget about me." Shane jogged after them.

Elizabeth turned to Giulia and they both listened as the gang argued over food.

"Well, that went better than I expected."

/

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	59. Chapter 59

15 July 2016

Meredith walked into the bathroom and Cristina made eye contact with her in the mirror.

"My clothes don't fit anymore."

She turned around and looked at Meredith while continuing to brush her teeth. She was in her bra, barefoot with her jeans hanging open, her belly much more swollen than it was a week ago and she was noticeably thicker in other areas as well.

Cristina turned back around and spat. "So buy new clothes." She shrugged.

Meredith groaned and walked into the room, Cristina following her.

"You're only going to grow more."

Meredith dropped her jeans on the floor and paused. "Are you calling me fat?"

Cristina pulled her sweater over head. "No. I'm calling you pregnant." She fluffed her hair.

"Isn't that the same thing?" She pulled on a pair of pants that were a little looser around the waist.

"Meredith." Cristina zipped up her boots.

Meredith was quiet for a while and Cristina looked up at her. She stood up from the bed. "What?"

"You have to be patient with me. You have to tell me that I'm thin and that I'm growing a life inside of me and that I should be happy. Not worrying about my weight. You have to put up with my moods and my eating and just deal with me because we're basically married now and that's your job. My husband isn't here to tell me all of those things but you are and I need you to be patient with me."

Cristina sighed and walked over to her. She placed her hands on both of Meredith's shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Mer, you look great. You have a little extra junk in the trunk and your boobs are all big and swollen and not to mention that glow." She paused. "It suits you. Pregnancy suits you. And as for the moods? They're no worse than before you were knocked up."

Meredith laughed.

"You look great and after work, we're going to go get you some new clothes and maybe some ice cream and you'll feel better. Okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

Cristina nodded as well. "Okay." She turned around and grabbed her bag. "Let's go. We're gonna be late."

"Where's my kid?" Meredith questioned as she slipped on her shoes.

"I've got her." Shane announced as he walked past the door, Zola on his hip.

Cristina turned back to her. "Ready?"

"Ready."

\

18 July 2016

Her phone rang and she looked at the caller ID before answering.

She swiped and Alex's face popped up.

"Hey, Spawn." She greeted as she shoved another spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

"Hey. How's being leader of the underworld going?"

"It's going well." She nodded.

Alex smiled. "Hey, where's Mer?"

"In the living room. Why?"

"Go get her. I have some news."

Cristina knitted her brows and called for Meredith.

A moment later, she came walking into the kitchen. "What?"

"Alex wants to speak to us."

"Alex is on the phone?" She smiled.

"Hey, Mer."

She perched herself on a stool. "Hey!"

"So what's going on?" Cristina questioned.

"Louise and I have some news." He paused. "Just hold on." He turned away for a moment as he called for her.

"You really should've planned all of this beforehand. Calling people and whatever. You're just wasting time." Cristina shook her head.

"Shut up."

Louise showed up on screen, smiling. "Hello, darlings."

"Hey, Lou." They smiled back.

"What's going on?" Meredith questioned.

"Uh." Louise looked at Alex and smiled even harder. "We're getting married."

Cristina nearly choked on her cereal and coughed a few times. "You're getting married?"

"Yep." Alex nodded.

"It's been two seconds."

"It's been a year, darling."

"I'm happy for the both of you." Meredith smiled.

Cristina was quiet so Meredith nudged her in the ribs. "Ow." She looked back at the screen. "Yeah. Happy."

Louise knitted her brows and then looked down at her watch. "Oh. I've gotta go." She looked at the two people on the other side of the world. "Cristina, I'll give you a call tomorrow. Okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

Louise pecked Alex on the lips and then he was gone.

"Karev, what the fuck?"

"What's the big deal, Yang? We're happy. We're getting married."

"The big deal is, they had to scrape her last husband off of my floor or have you forgotten that?"

"Her last husband was an asshole and got what he deserved."

"I know that. I was there. That's why I'm wondering if it isn't a little too soon for the two of you to be getting married!"

"Cristina, it's been what? Two years? She's over it. She's moved on. We've moved on. Just be happy for us."

She sighed and looked at Meredith and back at the screen. "Fine. I'm happy for the two of you."

"Good because I want the two of you to be my best men."

Meredith smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Two best men? Isn't that a little crowded?"

"Yang, what stick do you have up your butt this time?"

She rolled her eyes. "It was a valid question."

"Do you want to be my best man or not?"

"Of course I want to be your best man, asshole."

"Good." He paused. "You kinda have to be Louise's maid of honor as well." He said carefully. "We fought over you and this was the compromise."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Okay. Sure."

"So, when's the wedding?" Meredith asked after a moment.

"We haven't figured that out yet."

"It can't be during my third trimester. I can't fly then." She said to Cristina.

"You're pregnant?"

The two of them turned to the screen. "You didn't know?"

"No." He said sternly.

"Mer, you didn't tell him?"

"No. She didn't."

"A lot was going on!" She tried to defend herself. "I forgot to mention it!"

Alex sighed. "Well, how far along are you? How's the baby? Any extra heads? Missing fingers?"

"The baby's fine. I'm going for my checkup in a few days."

Alex sighed again. "You really suck at communicating."

"I know." Meredith sounded apologetic.

"Louise and I will figure something out." He paused. "So that you're here for your dress crap and the wedding and whatever and back home before you can no longer fly."

Meredith smiled. "Okay."

"Anything else? Any other secrets?"

"Nope." She shook her head. "That's it."

"Good." He paused. "I've gotta go. I'll see you around."

"Bye." They said in unison and then he disappeared.

Meredith and Cristina turned to one another.

"Alex is getting married." Meredith stated.

Cristina nodded. "Again."

\

20 July 2016.

The doctor maneuvered the stick over Meredith's abdomen, smiling. "Everything looks good. Your baby looks like it's developing on time. No abnormalities. Everything looks good." She looked at Meredith. "Would you like to know the sex?"

Meredith looked at Cristina. "Would we like to know the sex?"

"Hey, it's your baby, Mer." She smiled.

"Okay." She looked at the doctor. "We'd like to know." Meredith held her friends hand even tighter and Cristina brought her other hand up to rest on top of their intertwined hands. She patted Meredith's hand reassuringly.

"It looks like you're having a boy!" She turned the screen towards the two women and Meredith gasped.

"A boy." She said softly. "Cristina, we're having a boy." She pointed at the screen.

"We are." She smiled.

"I've recorded the heartbeat for you so I'll let you listen to that for a while." Dr. Dreyfus stood up and left the room.

"Derek wanted a boy." Meredith said after a long moment.

"Yeah?" Cristina watched her friend's eyes well up with tears.

"Yeah."

Neither of them said anything further.

After a while, Dr. Dreyfus came back in and handed Meredith a picture of her baby and a recording of the heartbeat for her to take home. She wiped down Meredith's abdomen and helped her sit up. "Everything looks in order and I'll see you in another few weeks, mommy." She smiled and left the room again.

Cristina silently helped Meredith get dressed and escorted her out of the hospital and into the car.

The drive home was quiet, a light smile playing on Meredith's lips the entire way.

Cristina looked over at her and then back at the road. "I take it we're happy?"

Meredith looked at her and smiled even brighter. She nodded and looked down at the ultrasound picture in her hand. "We are. We're happy."

/

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	60. Chapter 60

A/N: hi! This is just a thank you for all of the comments you guys leave after every chapter! I really, really appreciate them. They motivate me to keep on writing. Honestly.

Also, thank you for sticking around for so long!

Anyway, enjoy :).

/

3 August 2016

Meredith waddled into the kitchen, making Shane and Cristina look up at her.

"We need to go to the hospital."

"What? Why?"

"Something's wrong. There's... a feeling." She gestured at her tummy.

"Well, the last time you had a 'feeling' your hand ended up on a bomb inside a body cavity."

Shane looked at her. "That happened?"

She shrugged. "Before your time."

"Cristina."

Cristina stood up, sensing the seriousness of the situation, and walked over to where Meredith stood. She took her friend's wrist into her hand and checked her pulse. "What happened? Are you spotting?"

"No. I just... something's wrong." Her eyes were already filling with tears.

Cristina looked back at Shane and then at Meredith.

She was biting her lip, trying to keep it from trembling. "Why aren't we moving!" She yelled.

Shane stood up and walked across to her. He placed his hand on her abdomen without permission and waited. After a second, he took Cristina's free hand a replaced it with his, earning questioning looks from both women.

"That feeling, Dr. Grey, is your baby." He said nonchalantly. "It's moving."

Cristina knitted her brows and waited. After another second, her face relaxed and she smiled. "Mer, you big dummy!" She laughed, causing Meredith to laugh along with her.

"That's my baby?" She looked up at Shane, her eyes glistening.

He smiled as he nodded.

She looked at Cristina. "That's my baby!" She grabbed at Cristina's hand that was still holding her wrist and slipped it into her own, holding on tightly.

"That's your baby!" Cristina agreed. Her smile faded a little. "I can't believe a resident just diagnosed you and two attendings couldn't."

Shane retreated back to his cereal and shrugged. "One of the attending's has a severe case of preggy brain lately and the other, well, she's not what she used to be." He explained.

She glared at him and he laughed.

"Oh! He moved again!" Meredith exclaimed, bringing Cristina's attention back to her.

Cristina laughed and then released her hand to wipe away a few tears that escaped Meredith's eyes. "We really need to stop assuming the worse when things like this happen."

"Can you blame us?" Meredith laughed.

"No." She laughed along. "I really can't."

\

31 August 2016

"Will you stop moving!" Meredith yelled at her very swollen stomach.

"I don't think yelling is going to help." Cristina commented from her desk.

"Talk to it."

"What?"

"Talk to it. Talking to it helps."

"So talk to it yourself, then."

"He hates my voice."

"Well, then, that makes two of us."

"Cristina."

She sighed. She reluctantly pushed back her chair and stood up, walked over to Meredith and crouched down by her knees.

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Anything. Say anything."

She sighed again. "Hi... fetus." She rolled her eyes. "Cristina Yang here. I'm... a friend of your mom's." She paused and looked up at Meredith. "It feels like I'm talking to your crotch."

Meredith laughed, amused by Cristina's displeasure. "Just keep talking."

She sighed once more. "I know kicking the crap out of your mother is fun and whatever but you should probably stop. Like, not all together because your movement makes us happy but after a while it makes Mer grumpy and that makes me grumpy which makes Shane grumpy and it becomes this whole chain reaction thing and it's just... My point is, once or twice a day would be more than great and it would make everyone a lot happier. " She paused. "Deal?" She waited a moment. "Okay, then." She looked up at Meredith. "Am I done?"

"Talk to him some more. He likes you."

"Everyone likes me."

"Cristina, come on. I haven't had peace like this all day."

"Fine." She stood, kicked off her shoes and sat down next to Meredith on the couch, crossing her legs. She placed one hand on Meredith's bump and thought about what she could speak about next. "Oh, okay, so here's something." She started. "I've been trying to print a functional heart for quite some time now. I've printed the parts separately but I want to do so much more than that. And now that I have the Harper Avery, it would be so much easier to get the support from the FDA." She was quiet for a moment. "So, I'm assuming you know all about congenital heart disease?"

\

Shane gently shook her shoulders. "Cristina."

She slowly opened her eyes. "What do you want, Shane?"

"Your aorta is ready."

She blinked. "Already?"

"Yes. The printer just finished."

"And Ms Smith is prepped?"

"Of course."

She nodded and sat up from Meredith's lap. Her friend had fallen asleep as well and looked so peaceful. She hadn't been sleeping well for the pass few nights and that meant Cristina wasn't sleeping well either.

"Were you talking to the baby?" Shane questioned as he watched her pull on her shoes.

"Yeah. Apparently, he's going to be a kick boxer."

Shane smiled.

Cristina stood and looked down at Meredith. She gestured to Shane. "Grab her head for me." Shane did as he was told and Cristina grabbed Meredith's legs, lifting them onto the couch and laying her in a sleeping position. She got the blanket from the back of the couch and gently threw it over her friend. She walked over to her desk, pressed a button and blinds came down, making the office dark.

Satisfied, she grabbed her lab coat. "Let's go."

Shane followed her out of the office, closing the door behind him. He turned to her. "You two are so married."

\

15 September 2016

She walked into Noah's room and threw herself down on his bed.

His room was the tidiest in the house. She figured it was because of his army background.

Most days, the neatness freaked her out and made her steer away from his room, inviting him to hers instead but some days, she enjoyed it. It helped clear her mind.

At that moment, however, she was just looking for a hideout. She needed to get away from Meredith and her pregnancy hormones for a minute.

"Do you ever think about us?"

Noah tore his eyes away from the patient file in front of him and looked at her. She was lying on her back, her eyes on the ceiling and she looked so casual. Like she hadn't just brought up a sensitive topic.

"What?"

"Do you ever think about us?" She asked again.

He was quiet for a moment. "I do. Sometimes."

"What do you think about?"

"Where is this going?"

"I'm just curious."

He threw the file onto the small table beside his bed and scooted down so that they could be face-to-face. She turned towards him.

"I think about how much potential we had. I think about how we never got to explore that potential. And I think about where we could've been right now if we hadn't broken up."

She looked thoughtful. "So, you don't regret it?"

"How could I regret being with you?"

"You don't hate me?" She paused. "For doing that to you?"

"Cristina," he moved closer. "I don't hate you. How could I hate someone who has done so much for me? You invited me into your home. You took care of me. Made sure I went to a therapist. I don't... where is this coming from?"

"Sometimes, I think about us, too." She said softly. "Maybe..." She hesitated, unsure whether she should say what she was about to. "I think I could've loved you. I know that I shouldn't be saying this to you but I think I could've."

"But you don't."

She shook her head. "After Owen... I don't think..."

"I understand." He smiled softly, cutting her off. She looked at him for a moment and the moved towards him. He pulled her against his chest, placing a kiss on top of her head.

Cristina sighed.

They were quiet.

"I might sleep in here tonight." She said after a while. "Meredith is driving me crazy and Zola kicks in her sleep.

Noah laughed. "Yeah, Okay. Sure."

/

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	61. Chapter 61

2 October 2016

The automatic doors slid open and Alex's smile was on the other side, waiting by his van.

Zola spotted him and snaked out of Cristina's arms and sprinted towards him. "Traitor!" She called after her.

Alex opened his arms and scooped her up when she reached him, giving her several kisses. He turned his attention to the two women slowly making their way to him. "God, you guys look old!" His smile grew even brighter. He met them in the middle, set Zola on the floor and pulled Cristina into a bear hug.

She laughed and hugged him back.

He released her and turned to Meredith.

"Mer, you've gotta cut down on the fries." He looked down at her large bump.

"Hi, to you too, Alex." She smiled and tried to hug him as best as she could with her stomach in the way.

He picked Zola up again and grabbed Meredith's suitcase, throwing it into his van and then going back for Cristina's. "Come on. Louise is waiting for us back at the house."

\

"Cristina, darling!" Louise's arms opened up and Cristina stepped forward, accepting her hug. "I missed you." She said into her hair.

"I missed you, too, Lou."

Louise released her and stepped forward to kiss Meredith on the cheek. She looked down. "Oh, and what do we have here?" She looked up at Meredith. "May I?"

"Go ahead."

She placed both hands on Meredith's bump and beamed. "Do we know the sex?"

"Boy." She smiled.

"Congratulations!"

"Thanks."

Louise looked around, her hands still on Meredith. "Where's Shane?"

"He'll be here on Saturday." Cristina explained. "I needed him to run things while I'm away."

Louise nodded.

Zola came running into the house and Louise grabbed her, making her giggle. "Hi, miss Zola. I missed you! Did you miss me?" Zola shook her head. "Wow. Okay. I see how this works. You stay with your godmother for a few months and you suddenly forget about Aunt Lou."

"Well, can you blame her? I'm every kid's dream."

They turned to watch Alex drag their suitcases in through the door. He looked uncharacteristically happy.

"I don't think I've ever seen evil spawn smile like that."

"He's been really excited about your arrival."

"Dude." They turned to look at him on the stairs. "Don't tell them that. You're ruining my cred."

Louise rolled her eyes and looked at Meredith and Cristina. "My fiancé seems to think that he has some sort of cred."

"Yeah. I mean, you're the one who killed a guy."

"Really?" Louise looked at her. "You've been here two seconds and you're already breaking out the murder jokes?"

"I am."

Louise sighed and walked towards the kitchen. "I don't know why I expected anything else from you."

Cristina and Meredith followed her.

"You should've known better." Cristina shrugged. "Rookie move, my friend."

\

4 October 2013

"So, how is all of this going to work?" Cristina looked at Alex and Louise sitting across from her.

Zola ran past her, barely paying attention to the adults, mumbling something about dragons and bunnies.

A seamstress stuck a needle into her dress and poked her but she chose not to react.

"How's what going to work?"

"How am I a maid of honor as well a best man? How does it work? Where do I stand? What do I do?"

"Well, you stand with me, darling."

"Okay." She nodded. "And do I have to throw you a bachelorette party? Or you a bachelor party?"

"No." Louise shrugged.

They looked at Alex. "I'm good." He shrugged as well. "All of us could just go out for drinks or something."

"Meredith's like nineteen months pregnant."

"Water for her then."

The woman in question exited the dressing room and waddled over to where Cristina stood on a platform. Zola paused for second, acknowledging her mother and then continued. "Do you really want me to stand up at your wedding?" She asked Alex. "The pregnancy doesn't really add to the manliness of a best man."

"Mer, no one's going to be looking at you. They're going to be looking at us. No one will even notice you're pregnant."

Meredith made a face. "Well, that's rude." She took Cristina's offered hand and stepped onto the platform. Her seamstress came over to her and started adjusting and measuring.

"You guys are going to look great." Louise smiled.

"Yeah." He agreed. "Yang, I gotta say, you actually look like a girl now."

"I will punch you in front of your fiancé."

"Bring it on."

"Do these two ever stop?" Louise asked Meredith.

"For years I've been training myself to tune them out. It's all white noise to me now."

"Okay, we're still here." Cristina turned to look at Meredith and the seamstress pulled her back.

Alex shook his head at Meredith and Louise. "Disrespectful."

Cristina nodded. "That's what I'm saying."

\

6 October 2016

The gang had just finished their first round when Jackson walked in through the door. He threw himself down on a stool and sighed.

"Long day?" April wondered.

"You could say that." He pulled off his jacket and folded it on the table.

Alex slid a shot glass towards him. "Drown your sorrows."

He did as he was told and then slammed the glass onto the table. He looked around. "Where's Callie? Is she coming?"

"A trauma came in. When I left, Owen and her were just finishing up on a surgery. She should be here soon." April answered.

She stiffened at his name. "Did you invite him?" She tried to sound nonchalant.

"Who?" Alex looked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Owen."

"He was standing there when I invited Callie. I didn't have a choice." He sounded apologetic.

"That's okay." She shrugged. "I don't care. It's your party. I don't care." She cringed. One too many 'I don't care's. But everyone was kind enough not to point it out.

"Drinks!" The bartender announced as he brought their order over and deposited it on the table, thereby breaking the silence that had fallen. Cristina thanked god.

He handed Meredith her water and she frowned at it. "I miss drinking."

"When are you due, Mer?" April questioned.

"December." She smiled.

"Are you giving birth to Jesus?" Jackson wondered.

She smiled. "I am."

The door opened again, setting off chimes and Callie walked through.

She looked stressed and drained but when she saw them, she still managed to brighten up, giving them one of her signature smiles. "Hey!" She grabbed a chair and placed it next to Jackson. "Surgery rang long." She explained.

"We all know the drill." Cristina shrugged.

"Oh, I stopped by at the daycare and said goodnight to Sofia and Zola. They seemed fine. Arizona came and got them as soon as I left."

Meredith nodded. "Good."

Everyone was quiet for a while.

Louise looked at the faces around the table and decided that enough was enough. "Okay." She spoke up. "That's it. From this moment on, no more sad faces or complaints about being tired. I don't want to hear it or see it. From this moment on, we're going to get smashed. We're going to get so drunk that people won't be able to stand us. For god's sake, this is my bachelorette party. And his bachelor party. We didn't make our parties two days before the wedding so that we can be depressed the next day. Tomorrow, I want to wake up with a hangover so bad that I wish I were dead. So," she started picking up the shot glasses and distributing them. "You better start drinking, darlings. It's going to be a long night."

They all stared at her.

"Drink!" She yelled.

"Geez, okay."

"Fine."

They all threw their shots back and Louise stood up to order another round.

"Your fiancé's crazy." Jackson stated.

Alex smiled and watched her try to balance all of their drinks without dropping them. "I know. But she's cute."

\

They were all hysterically laughing. Story after story was being told about their resident years and about how they all became friends. The mood had drastically changed from an hour ago and Louise was enjoying it.

"Jackson had a crush on Cristina." April stated and the laughter died down.

All eyes turned on him.

"You had a crush on Alex." He threw back.

"Everyone knows that." She shrugged.

Jackson and Cristina eyed one another, briefly recalling the kiss they had shared so many years ago.

"She was badass and I didn't know her then. Sue me." He threw his hands up. "What excuse do you have? Karev? Not that much of a catch." He turned to Louise. "No offense."

She shrugged. "None taken."

"Uhm, yes. Yes offense."

April ignored him. "I don't have an excuse. He was an ass. It was mistake. He was a mistake." She looked at Louise. "No offense."

She shrugged again. "None taken."

"Am I not sitting here?"

He was ignored once again.

"So," Meredith raised her eyebrows. "You and Cristina, huh?"

"Mer." Cristina warned.

"She went rogue during surgeries and fought attendings." Jackson shrugged. "She had Hunt, anyway."

"Where is Hunt?" Callie questioned.

The door opened and everyone turned, expecting it to be Owen but instead, Shane came walking through, pulling a suitcase along with him.

"Ross!" Cristina exclaimed, clearly excited to see her friend. The alcohol obviously added to the excitement.

He smiled at her and walked over.

"What are you doing here? You're only supposed to land tomorrow."

He placed a kiss on top of her head. "I decided to arrive a day early so that I won't feel so terrible at the wedding."

She nodded.

Shane looked up at the table. "Hey." He nodded at them. He spotted Louise and walked over to her. She stood and hugged him.

"Shane." She smiled into his shoulder and he hugged her tighter.

"How have you been?" He asked before he pulled back.

"Well, I'm getting married, so there's that."

Shane laughed. "Of course, of course."

He walked back over to Cristina. "Hey, I'm going to go check in at a hotel. It was a long flight." He grabbed the handle of his suitcase.

"No. You can stay at Alex's." She turned to Karev. "Right?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. Whatever."

Louise dug into her purse and handed him the key.

He smiled again. "Thanks."

"You can stay in my room." Cristina offered.

He nodded. "I'll see you back at the house. Don't drive. And don't wander the streets."

"Sure, mom." She answered dryly.

He said his goodbyes and then turned and left.

"So, what's the deal with the two of you?" Alex asked, bringing Cristina's attention away from the door and to him.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on. He walks in here and the only person he has eyes for is you. He kisses you on the head. He tells you not to wander drunkenly down the streets. You tell him to stay in your room. Are you two sleeping together or..."

"God no." She answered almost immediately. "Shane and I sleeping together would be like us sleeping together."

"Dude. Gross."

"Exactly."

"It's a weird relationship but it works." Meredith shrugged.

"It's not weird." Cristina objected. "How is it weird?"

"It's weird." Louise agreed.

"The two of you are basically in a relationship without being in a relationship."

Cristina looked at her. "I like drunk Meredith better. Sober Meredith is annoying."

Meredith laughed.

"Besides, we live together. We've been living together for years. What do you expect?"

"Fine." Alex shrugged. "But when you come back with babies who look a little too much like Ross, I have dibs on telling you 'I told you so'."

She rolled her eyes. "Why do I come back here? You people aren't worth it."

"Oh, please." Callie brought her drink down from her lips. "You love us."

April poked her shoulder. "Love. Us."

She stood up and started walking over to the bar. "I hate all of you. I'm going back to Switzerland."

\

She stumbled into the room and tripped over something in the dark. She giggled.

She removed her jacket and stepped out of her shoes without injuring herself and felt proud.

She pulled back the covers and got in. She immediately snuggled closer to Shane and placed her head on his chest.

His body tensed, having not heard her come in but then he relaxed and his arm came down over her back.

"Owen didn't show tonight." She stated.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Would've preferred seeing him at the party. Would've made things less awkward on Sunday."

"Maybe it won't be awkward."

"Maybe."

After minute, she hugged his torso tighter. "I missed you."

He ran his hand up and down her back. "Missed you, too."

/

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	62. Chapter 62

8 October 2016

He was watching her.

He was watching her and she couldn't deny the affect his stares were having on her.

She brought her glass up to her neck and closed her eyes when the sensation of the cold glass against her warm skin took over.

He had been staring at her all day.

Since the moment she stepped into that church, his eyes were on her. And they had stayed on her throughout the ceremony, the pictures and now the reception.

She tried staring back, letting him know that she was aware of him watching her but he didn't back down. And eventually she'd have to look away when the intensity of his blue eyes became too much for her to handle.

If it were anyone else, if any one else happened to look at her the way he was looking at her, she would've gotten a restraining order already. But this wasn't anyone else. This was Owen. Owen and his big beautiful eyes. Eyes that she loved so much. Eyes she had been used to waking up to every morning for years. Those eyes. And those eyes were roaming her as she brought her glass up from her neck and took a sip of her wine.

Those damn eyes.

\

He knew he should've looked away.

He should've.

It was the right thing to do.

She wasn't his to look at.

But he simply couldn't.

She had taken his breath away when she walked into that church and he hadn't been able to take a steady breath ever since.

She was truly a vision.

Her hair was shorter but still as beautiful and curly as ever. It hung gracefully at her shoulders. Her smile was bright and inviting. It was the smile she had used with him. The smile she only brought out every now and then with people who weren't him. He had always felt extra special to witness it everyday. It only made sense that she had brought it out for the union of two of her best friends. Her skin had a lovely glow to it. It looked soft and warm and all he wanted to do was pull her close and roam every inch of it with his hands. He always loved the contrast. His hard hands on her soft skin. And then that dress. He silently cursed Louise for choosing it. It was creamy and silky and clung to her body in all the right places, in all the right ways. He had to repeatedly stop his mind from going places as she stood up there behind Louise.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

No matter how hard he tried to.

And every now and then, she would look back at him. Letting him know that she knew he was watching. And her eyes would just enchant him more. Those beautiful pools of brown he always loved to drown in.

He watched her take a sip of her wine and swallow hard. He knew she was being affected by them being this close after so long. He was too. And it felt comforting to know that he wasn't the only one.

\

She spotted Meredith speaking to her half sister across the room. Maggie Pierce. What kind of name was 'Maggie' anyway? No self respecting surgeon called themselves 'Maggie'.

She snorted at that thought.

All of her friends were involved in conversations. Alex and Louise were in a corner, making out and whispering things to one another. It was disgustingly cute.

Shane was catching up with his old resident buddies and Callie and Arizona looked like they were having a serious conversation. She didn't dare to interrupt that.

They were all busy and there wasn't anyone she could distract herself with.

The only one who was available was the exact person she needed to get her mind off of.

She needed some air.

She grabbed her purse, stood up and started making her way out of the hall, dodging Sofia and Zola as they ran past her, almost knocking her over.

She walked through the double doors and into the empty hallway.

She immediately knew he had followed her.

The sound of his shoes accompanying the clicking of her heels told her so.

Her heartbeat sped up and her skin grew even hotter. The butterflies in her stomach were out of control and she wanted to pull each of them out and rip their wings off.

Suddenly, his hand was on her elbow and she was being pulled into a bathroom.

As soon as the door shut, he pushed her up against it and pulled her into the hottest kiss she had ever experienced.

It was all tongues and teeth and moaning.

It had been so long since either of them had tasted one another and to finally be able to, intensified things so much more.

Her purse dropped to the floor as her arms snaked around his neck and pulled him closer.

He pushed her back flat against the door and locked it without breaking contact from her.

Her rapid breath was in his ear and her hands were in his hair and on his backside as he moved away from her mouth and diverted his attention to her neck, her jaw, her chin, her ear.

Cristina felt like she was losing her mind.

She grabbed his face and brought it back up to hers, briefly staring into his eyes before pulling him in for another kiss.

Those damn eyes.

He ran his hands up her thighs, moving the material of her dress along with them and then grabbed the backs of her knees and lifted her up.

There was no going back now.

\

One by one, her high heeled feet dropped to the ground. She stood up straight as his forehead lifted from hers and he backed away.

The bathroom was quiet.

The sounds of their breathing echoed through the small space.

Her chest rose and fell as she tried to steady it.

Her heart beat was pounding in her ears.

She watched him as he walked over to the taps and turned it on. He splashed his face and washed his hands.

She joined him and grabbed a paper towel, wetting it and then dabbed herself, trying her best not to smudge her make up.

She threw it in the trash and he threw his away as well.

He made his way over to the door and she followed him.

Her eyes followed him as he kneeled to pick up her purse and underwear off of the floor. He handed it to her without a word.

She meant to mumble a thanks to him but never got around to it.

He pulled open the door and gestured that she went first.

She eyed him, neither of them smiling, neither of them frowning.

She stepped out and pulled open her purse, trying her best to shove her underwear into the small thing.

"Cristina!" She froze and looked up at Meredith walking towards her.

"I've been looking for you! They want to cut the cake." Meredith reached her and frowned at the expression on her friend's face. "What-" She looked down at Cristina's hands and back up at her face. The redhead behind her caught her attention and Meredith watched him push through double doors and leave the building.

Cristina silently watched the wheels turn in Meredith's mind.

She looked back at her. "Cristina."

Cristina shook her head. "Don't." She walked past Meredith and entered the hall again.

She walked over to Arizona and Callie, took the wine out of Callie's hand and downed it.

"Woah." Arizona watched her.

"Okay, that was mine." Callie complained.

She handed the glass back. "Tough nuts."

"Are you okay?" Callie wondered.

"Cristina!" She looked over and spotted Louise and Alex in front of their unnecessarily large cake. He waved her over.

She glanced at Callie. "Gotta go."

She started making her way up the aisle and Meredith caught up with her. She didn't say anything and Cristina was grateful.

They reached the newlyweds and the other guests gathered around and cheered as Louise and Alex shoved caked into one another's mouths.

Meredith stepped behind her.

She knitted her brows. "What are you doing?"

"You're not wearing underwear and all of these camera flashes don't work well with that."

Cristina closed her eyes. "Fuck."

Meredith laughed and hugged her friend from behind, her bump pressing into Cristina's back. "Look how happy they are."

Cristina watched as Alex laughed and kissed his bride with a mouth full of cake. He was in love. They were in love. It was evident in every smile and every sparkle in their eyes. They were in love.

"I love you, Cristina Yang."

Cristina tried to look back at her. "Is this the pregnancy hormones speaking?"

Meredith laughed. "Maybe."

Cristina smiled. "I love you, too."

/

Remember to review and comment babes!


	63. Chapter 63

9 October 2016

Alex helped Cristina lift the suitcase into the car Shane had hired for them. It wasn't that heavy and he wasn't really helping but he needed to feel like he was doing something.

"Stay."

"Alex, no."

"Why not?" He whined.

"Because you just got married a few hours ago and now you need to go inside and have married sex with your wife." She picked up Meredith's suitcase and threw it in with hers.

"She's right, Alex." Meredith came waddling out of the house. "You guys need time alone."

"We have a week off. That's a lot of time. And you guys are leaving in like two days." He walked over to open the car door for Meredith.

"Just go inside, Karev." Cristina slammed the boot shut.

Meredith leaned up and kissed his cheek. "It's okay. Just go enjoy your wedding night."

"It feels like I'm kicking you out."

He looked so guilty that Cristina couldn't help but smile. She went to stand in front of him and pulled him into a hug. "Just shut up. Go inside. And then later, you can tell me all about your married sex."

He brought one hand up and hugged her back. "I'm not telling you about my married sex."

She leaned back and patted his shoulder. "Suit yourself." She walked over to the drivers side and opened the door.

"Would you stop pouting?" Meredith laughed. "You're not kicking us out. We're leaving on our own."

"It's just... you guys are family or whatever and you don't kick out family."

Cristina leaned on the roof of the car. "Oh, evil spawn," she had an amused smile on her face. "What has happened to you?"

"Shut up."

Meredith laughed.

"Okay, seriously, Alex. Would you let us go? I need to get out of this dress." Cristina complained.

"Okay. Fine. Whatever. Go."

The two women climbed into the car and Meredith rolled down her window. "Goodnight, Alex."

Cristina put the car in drive and pulled away.

She watched in the rear view mirror as Louise came out of the house, still dressed in her wedding gown, and pulled him inside.

Cristina shook her head. "He's gone soft."

Meredith laughed as she rolled the window back up. "Yeah. He has."

Cristina turned up the heat. "So, where are we going?" She looked at Meredith. "House in the woods?"

She shook her head. "I'm not ready."

Cristina gave a short nod. "Okay, hotel it is then." She flicked on an indicator and turned down a road.

"Oh!" Meredith suddenly exclaimed. "I forgot to call Callie. Zola's probably asleep by now and I didn't say goodnight."

"I'm sure she's fine." Cristina shrugged. "She and Sofia probably ran around the house, causing chaos, and then fell asleep in a corner on the floor somewhere. You know how those two are when they're together."

"I don't want my child sleeping on the floor."

"Pick your battles, Mer."

They were quiet.

Meredith looked at her. "So, we're just not going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"You. Owen. Doing the mcnasty."

Cristina made a face. "Don't use that word."

"You use that word."

Cristina shrugged.

"Anyway, don't change the subject."

"I don't wanna talk about it." She mumbled.

"Okay." Meredith turned back to the road. "We won't talk about it." She looked at Cristina again. "Was it at least hot?"

She was quiet.

Meredith grinned. "I'll take that as a yes."

\

Callie and Cristina emerged from the scrub-room. They were both on a high from saving a patient that should've died and Cristina had to admit that she was feeling uncharacteristically happy.

"I'm glad you were in there with me."

"I'm glad you forced me to come."

"I hardly forced you."

"You basically dressed me and dragged me out the door."

"Oh, please. You wanted to be here."

Cristina spotted Owen at the nurses station and immediately lost interest in her argument with Callie. "Hey, I'll catch up with you in a minute."

Callie followed her gaze and seeing Owen, nodded. "Page me when you're ready to go home." She passed Cristina and disappeared down the hall.

Cristina took a deep breath in and walked up behind him. "Hey."

He whipped around. "Hey. I didn't know you were here."

"Callie asked me to scrub in with her. Hope that's okay."

"Yeah, sure."

She nodded and then went to stand beside him. She hesitated. "So, after what happened yesterday, I started thinking and..." she watched him knit his brows and tilt his head in that adorable way. "I was wondering if we could be friends."

"We are friends." He answered almost immediately.

"I mean... real friends."

He thought about it. "Sex friends?"

She laughed. "Owen."

"Yes, Cristina," he smiled. "We can be friends."

"Okay. Great."

"Since we're friends, why don't we go out for a drink later?"

She thought about it. "I think it would be safer if we went as a group."

"Fine by me." He shrugged.

"Okay, then." She started backing up. "I'll see you later."

He smiled. "See you later."

She turned around and started making her way down the hall to find Callie. She knew she was on a slippery slope but for the life of her, she couldn't get herself to walk away. Even if that meant being just friends with him.

\

"I told you to earn me."

Owen looked up from his drink.

They were in their own booth away from the group after Cristina had suggested it. Her initial plan was to avoid being alone with him as much as possible but after a few drinks, that plan was failing miserably.

"I told you to earn me." She repeated. "Do you remember?"

He nodded slowly. "I remember."

"But you didn't. You didn't try to." The liquor was loosening up her tongue.

"I know."

"Why?"

He was quiet.

"I know. I know that you have a kid now. And I don't want kids. I get that. On paper, we don't work. But our relationship has never been on paper. The night we met, you pulled an icicle out of my chest, for gods sake." She laughed a little at the absurdity. She was quiet for a moment as she looked at him. "You confuse me, Owen. You do. You've never known what you wanted. First it was Teddy and then it was kids and then it was Amelia and then it was kids again. It has always been me or something else. Never just me. You were never satisfied. Never content. I wasn't enough."

Still, he was silent.

"And I don't know why I'm saying all of this. Maybe it's the liquor, maybe it's the sex or maybe I'm just tired but I do know that there is a perfectly nice guy back home in Switzerland who wants me. Just me. Who loves just me. And I can't get myself to love him back because there's you. There's always going to be you." She looked down at her hands and back up at him. "I said I wanted to be friends and I meant that. I did. I want to be friends. But that's it."

He looked at her for a second and then swallowed. "Okay."

She smiled, contradicting the tears in her eyes. "Okay." She downed her drink and then stood. "Let's go back to the group before I'm tempted to ruin our new found agreement."


	64. Chapter 64

16 November 2016

Meredith groaned, making Cristina look up from her laptop. She watched Meredith for a moment and then looked back down at her screen.

A minute later, Meredith groaned again. Cristina sighed and looked at her. "That's the fifteenth time in the last ten minutes that you've made that sound."

"I'm sorry but I feel... uncomfortable."

"You're thirty-five weeks pregnant, what do you expect?"

"To not feel like my body isn't my own."

"Mer, you have five weeks left. You can do this."

"That's easy for you to say. You can still see your toes. You don't have a child pushing down on your bladder. Your body still belongs to you."

Cristina was quiet for a moment. "What can I do?"

"I want ice-cream."

Cristina nodded. "Done." She picked up the phone on her desk and started dialing Shane's number.

"And donuts. I want donuts, too."

Cristina held the receiver to her ear and nodded again. "Sure."

\

Shane came through the door. He dropped several bags on the coffee table in front of Meredith. "Ice-cream and donuts. An assortment of each."

Meredith smiled and immediately reached for the bags.

Shane laughed and walked over to Cristina.

He watched as she furiously typed on her laptop, her eyebrows drawn together. "What are you working on?"

She glanced at him for a second. "I'm doing research for my trial."

"Oh yeah? How's it going?"

"It's..." she sat back. "I think I can do this."

"You think?"

She looked at him. "I really think I can."

"So, do it."

She nodded and then sat up again.

He glanced at Meredith, making sure she was satisfied and then turned to leave.

"You're aware that when I do start my trials, I'm going to need a resident, right?"

He turned back around. He was quiet.

She rolled her eyes. "That resident is you, Shane."

He smiled. "I would be honored."

"Yeah, yeah." She waved him off. "Go tend to my post ops."

\

15 December 2016

Cristina pouted at the mountains of snow in her front yard. "My car is snowed in." She complained.

"I told you that we're getting snow today." Noah said as he came to stand beside her.

"Yeah but you didn't say Santa claus was going to be landing his freaking slay on my front lawn."

Noah smiled and took her arm. "Let's go inside. I'll make you some hot chocolate."

She pushed the door closed and allowed him to lead her towards the kitchen.

"Are we not going into work today?" Shane wondered as they passed him.

"Santa claus is on our front lawn." She mumbled.

"Well, can't we ask him to move?" He followed them into the kitchen.

"Shane, sit down. No one's going into work today. I'm making hot chocolate."

"Can I have tequila in mine?" Cristina asked.

Noah laughed. "It's not even noon yet."

"Do you want me to enjoy my beverage or not?"

Meredith walked into the kitchen and Noah looked up at her. "Mer, we're having hot chocolate. Are you joining us?"

"Put mine in a to-go cup because I think I'm in labour."

After a moment, everyone looked up at her.

"What? Are you sure?" Cristina questioned.

Suddenly, a pool of water splashed onto the kitchen floor.

Meredith looked down at it and then up at Cristina. "Yep. I'm pretty sure."

\

"Mer, breathe with me." She took a deep breath in, demonstrating what Meredith needed to do. She let it go. "Again."

Shane came into the living room. "Ambulance says they'll probably be here in an hour and a half."

"An hour and a half?" She yelled.

"Maybe two."

"We don't have two hours! This baby is going to be here soon."

Meredith cried out as the contractions overtook her.

"It's the blizzard. There's nothing we can do."

"I'm so done with Zürich and its extreme weather. I'm done with you, Mer, and your unfortunate events. I'm done."

Meredith looked up at her from the couch. "How do you think I feel?"

Cristina laughed a little.

"Okay, so, what now?" Noah wondered.

Cristina thought about it. "We're in a room full of doctors." She looked at Elizabeth. "Well, except for you. No offense."

Elizabeth shrugged.

"We can do this." She continued. "Child birth is a piece of cake."

"Easy for you to say. You don't have to push a human being out of your vagina, in a few minutes."

Cristina looked at her. "Touché." She straightened her shoulders. "Okay, Noah, close all the doors and windows. Turn up the heat. We're not going to bring fetus out into a cold world." Noah nodded and ran off. "Shane, I'm going to need you to sit here and hold Meredith's hand. We don't have any drugs and like she said, she's going to be pushing a human being out of her vagina really soon and she's going to need a hand to squeeze the crap out of." Shane immediately hurried over to Meredith's side. "Elizabeth, check on Zola. Make sure she's still asleep. And then bring out some blankets and get my kit in the closet." Elizabeth nodded and ran off as well.

Cristina sat down on the coffee table in front Meredith and looked into her eyes. "Mer, I know this is scary. I know this sucks. But I'm going to get you through this, okay? You can trust me."

Meredith nodded and Cristina smiled. "Okay, let's bring my new godchild into the world."

\

Cristina threw a blanket over Meredith's knees and then helped her remove her pants and underwear.

"I'm just going to check how far along we are, okay?" She grabbed a pair of latex gloves and pulled them on. She moved the coffee table closer to the couch before reaching underneath the blanket, feeling around for a second and then stilling.

"What?" Meredith wondered.

She didn't answer.

"Cristina, what?"

"I'm... I'm feeling a foot." She looked up at Noah and Shane. "The baby's breached."

\

"So, what? You want us to perform a c-section on the kitchen table?" Noah whispered harshly.

"No. That's not what I'm saying, Noah."

"Well, it kinda sounds like it, Shane."

"Shut up. Both of you. We need to come up with a plan that doesn't involve my best friend bleeding out in my kitchen."

"Thank you. I'm with Cristina."

Shane scoffed. "Of course you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Would you guys stop?"

"No, you stop."

The three of them turned to Meredith.

"Mer-"

"No. Stop huddling. Stop whispering. Elizabeth and I are here. Speak to us."

Cristina nodded and stepped forward. "Okay. We won't huddle and whisper."

"Thank you."

A moment passed.

"What if we try an ECV?" Shane suggested.

"Flip the baby? Can we still do that? Her water already broke." Noah wondered.

"I saw an OB do it once."

Noah looked at Cristina. "What do you think?"

She thought about it. "I don't think we have any other choice." She shrugged. "Let's do it."

\

Cristina took ahold of Meredith's knees. "Mer, this is going to hurt. But don't worry. Shane is right there. Squeeze the crap out of his hand. He's strong. He can take it." Meredith smiled at the young resident beside her.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded.

Cristina placed her hands on Meredith's bump. "Here we go." She started applying intense pressure as she tried to move the baby, making Meredith scream almost immediately. She gripped Shane's hand as hard as she could and he gripped right back.

"We're almost there, Mer."

"No," she cried. "Stop." She shook head.

"We're nearly there!"

She started crying harder. "Stop. Cristina, stop! Please."

Cristina let go and Meredith sunk into the couch, tears streaming down her face.

"Mer, we have to go again."

"No." She shook her head. "He's going to have to stay in there until the ambulance arrives because I can't do this."

"Yes, you can."

"Cristina, no!"

"Dr. Grey, look at me." Shane commanded. "Dr. Grey, look at me!" He emphasized each word.

She turned her head towards him.

"Meredith, you are the strongest person I know. You have gone through so much. You're a legend. This? This is nothing. This is just child birth. You can do this. This is a walk in the park for you. You need to do this. Your kid needs you to do this. Okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

Cristina smiled at him. "Okay. Here we go again."

\

Cristina gave one last push before the baby finally moved and fell into the correct position. "It worked! Holy shit!"

Everyone sighed in relief and laughter broke out to break the tension.

"Am I done? Can I stop now?"

"Now, you have to actually give birth."

Meredith groaned.

"This child better love me because he's not even born yet and he's already giving me so much stress." Cristina complained.

"That sounds like something a mother would say." Meredith mumbled as she tried to catch her breath.

Cristina pulled on a new pair of gloves and stuck her hand under the blanket again. "Mer, it's time."

"Can't I take a nap first?"

Cristina smiled. "You can nap after." She looked around. "We could all use a nap after this." She pointed at Elizabeth. "Come sit with her. She's going to need another hand." Elizabeth did as she was told and came to sit at Meredith's side.

"Okay, Meredith, when I tell you to, I'm going to need you to push as hard as you can, okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

"Three, two, one, push!"

\

Cristina smiled as she wrapped her newest godchild in one of her favorite blankets. "The minute you get a job, I'm going to need a cheque for my couch and blankets." She told him.

"Let me see my baby."

Cristina stood and placed him into his mother's arms. "Say hello to your mamma."

Meredith smiled. "Hey, baby boy." She smoothed down the few strands of hair on his head. She was quiet for a moment as she marveled at the miracle before her. At the life she had produced. The person her body had made. And then her mind went somewhere she knew she had been avoiding all day. "Your daddy wanted to be here. He did. But I'm here. And I'm going to love you so much. So much that you won't be able to stand it." She was quiet again. "I'm going to give you the world. Okay?"

Cristina reached up and wiped away Meredith's tears. "Do we have a name?"

Meredith nodded. "Christopher."

Cristina smiled. "Derek's middle name."

"Derek's middle name."

"All the Christopher's I know are handsome and successful." Elizabeth commented. "So, I like it."

"Great name." Noah nodded in agreement.

Cristina went to sit beside Meredith and took the baby's tiny foot into her hand. "Hi, baby Christopher. Are you going to rule the world one day?"

Shane came walking in with Zola in his arms. She climbed down his side and ran over to Cristina, who scooped her up and placed her on her lap. "What kind of sleeping pills are they giving you because they've gotta be good if you slept through all of that."

Zola ignored her and gave her mother a curious look.

"Hey, Zozo." Meredith lowered the baby. "This is your new brother."

"Brother?" She questioned.

Cristina smiled and pulled the toddler against her.

"Yes," Meredith's eyes had a soft, gentle glow to them and so did her smile. "This is your brother."

"Who knew accidental home births were so emotional?" Noah wondered, earning a laugh from the adults in the room.

Suddenly, impatient sirens disturbed the cold air as they came blaring down the street. The disturbance fell quiet once it reached them but its red lights still intruded their homes, flashing rhythmically in through the windows.

"Oh, right on time!" Cristina commented.

"Hmm, I was beginning to worry that they wouldn't make it in time." Noah added.

Elizabeth, with a smile that everyone seemed to be sharing since Christopher was born, shook her head at them and went to let the paramedics in.

They came in through the door with an air of haste, like they were expecting to find a woman who was still in labor.

Cristina looked at Meredith. "Wanna go check baby Christopher out and make sure your privates aren't broken?"

"Yes, please."

\

16 December 2016

Cristina looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms. He was barely a day old and already she felt him taking up space in her heart.

She sank even further down into the chair and kicked her feet up on the bed, allowing the newborn to rest cozily against her chest.

"It feels weird."

She looked up at her friend. "What does?"

"Not having a human inside of me. It feels weird." Meredith's eyes were fixed on her son.

"Well, you carried him around for nine months so I guess that's expected."

"Yeah." She said softly.

The room was quiet. In fact, the entire wing felt strangely calm. If Cristina was willing to put the baby down, she would've been curious enough to investigate. To find the interns and residents who were secretly burning down her hospital.

But she wasn't, so she let her head fall back against the chair and enjoyed the unfamiliar silence.

The full moon was shining in through the window, illuminating the dim room.

Zola was snoring softly in a corner on top of Shane who was passed out as well.

Elizabeth and Noah had gone to get coffee and Meredith was sitting up in bed, a permanent smile on her face.

Everyone was here.

Everyone was safe.

For once, no one had died or gotten hurt.

For once, the universe had spared them.

But Cristina couldn't quiet down the nagging voice at the back of her mind telling her that things were too calm. Things were going too well. That she shouldn't get too comfortable. Shouldn't let her guard all the way down. That this was just the calm before the storm and that she should take cover before the rain showed up.

But she ignored all of the warnings and closed her eyes instead.

If a storm was coming, if the rain was approaching, if tornadoes and earthquakes were in her near future, she would face it. Like she had done so many times before.

She opened her eyes and watched as Elizabeth and Noah came walking towards the room, coffee in their hands and laughter in their eyes. She turned her head and took in the site of Shane stretched out on the recliner and Zola on his chest, both of them adding to the warmth manifesting in the room and in Cristina's heart.

She looked back up at Meredith, that smile still present, accompanied by a warm glow in her eyes and on her skin and she told herself that when that storm comes, when she's standing in the pouring rain and the tornadoes are approaching, she wouldn't be standing their alone. Her people would be with her. She was not alone. She would never be alone.

/

 **As usual, all of my medical knowledge comes from the Internet and my imagination. Don't forget to leave a comment!**


	65. Chapter 65

**A/N: hey, so, I would like to wish my person, my Meredith Grey, a very happy birthday. Greta Lou, I love you and I dedicate these chapters to you.**

 **-your harbor.**

/

7 January 2017

Shane poked his head through the door. "How are we doing in here?"

"Great." She smiled as the machine moved back and forth in front of her.

He stepped inside. "You have a weird look on your face."

She frowned. "What?"

"I don't know." He frowned back. "It's like the corners of your mouth are pulled up and your eyes are sparkling."

She rolled her eyes.

He gasped. "Could it be?"

"Shane."

"Cristina Yang is... happy?"

"Are you quitting surgery and joining broadway?"

He gasped again. "She is! She is happy!"

"Of course I'm happy! Look at this." She gestured at the printer. "I'm making progress. I'm doing glass ceiling type of things. I'm possibly changing the face of medicine."

"Not possibly. You are. You are changing the face of medicine."

"Yeah but this is just animal trials. We haven't gotten to the good stuff yet."

"This is the good stuff. All of it is the good stuff."

She was quiet for a moment and then she smiled. "You believe in me as much as I believe in myself."

He nodded. "I do."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

She looked back down at the machine. "Wanna watch the printer with me?"

"Hell yeah."

\

Cristina turned off the monitor and pulled off her gloves. "Call time of death."

He looked up at her from behind his mask and then at his wrist watch. "Time of death: five minutes past three."

She pulled off her gown and looked at him. "Shane, stop that."

His eyes drifted up to her. "Stop what?"

"Pouting. Stop pouting. This was our first try. We weren't really expecting our first attempt to be successful, were we?"

"I guess not."

"So, stop pouting and get us another sheep."

He didn't move.

She sighed. "Ross, we learned. We know where we went wrong. Next time will be better and the time after that will be even better than that because we're going to keep trying and keep learning until we get this right. Okay?"

He nodded.

"Okay. So, suck it up and get us another sheep. We've got work to do."

\

"How does it feel being back?"

"It feels weird." Meredith shrugged. "It's the first time that I've been alone in this house since Derek died so it feels empty."

"Where's Amelia?"

"She couldn't handle it either so she got herself an apartment."

Cristina took a bite of her chocolate. "You'll get used it. Just give it time."

"I know and I am."

"And if you don't get used it, you could always catch a flight to Zurich and stay with me again." She shrugged.

Meredith smiled. "Do you miss us? Do you miss me and my amazing children?"

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"It's okay. You can say it. Say you miss us."

"It's weird for me, too." She shrugged again. "It's been a while since I've slept by myself and this morning I expected to wake up to wet toddler kisses and that new baby smell."

"So, you miss my kids and not me?"

"Pretty much."

"Uh huh."

Cristina took another bite and then looked at Meredith behind the screen. "My sheep crapped out on me today."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, next time will be better."

"I know."

Meredith watched her. "Okay, so, wanna hear some gossip?"

\

25 January 2017

Her phone rang and she answered without looking, wedging the device between her ear and shoulder while she continued to type. "Cristina Yang."

"Hey."

She slowed. "Hey."

"Is this a bad time?"

She took the phone into her hands. "No, not at all. Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just... I wanted to talk." He paused. "That's what friends do, right?"

She smiled as she sat back. "That's right."

They were quiet.

"So, how have you been?"

"I've been good." She nodded. "Been a little quiet without Meredith and her gremlins around but I've gotten used to it." He smiled. "What about you? How's the hospital?"

"Well, we're getting sued. So, there's that."

"What?"

"Yeah. One of our attending's performed a procedure before the family could sign away liability and the patient ended up dying so now we're facing a lawsuit."

"Woah."

"I know."

"Well, do they have a case? I mean, if the patient was coding..."

"Apparently they're these millionaires who donate large sums of money to everyone and everything so they get whatever they want."

"But do they have a case?"

"The lawyers seem to think so."

"And what about the insurance? What do they have to say about it?"

"We haven't heard back from them yet."

"I bet you wish you'd stepped down already, huh?"

He laughed. "Since the minute this started."

"I'm sure it's all going to work out."

"Since when are you optimistic?"

"Since my trial started, forcing me to believe that one of these days I will have a breakthrough." She rubbed her temples.

"Oh, your trial! Right! How's that going?"

She laughed. "How much time do you have?"

"I've always got time for you."

She smiled. "Smooth."

"Right?"

"So, do you wanna hear about my trial or not?"

"Yes, of course. Go ahead. I'm listening."

\

28 January 2017

Cristina sat down at Shane's table. "How is Larry doing?"

He kept his eyes on the medical journal in front of him. "I thought we weren't naming the sheep."

"It's difficult to keep track of the numbers. This way is easier."

"But after your whole speech about getting attached..."

"Do you want me to make a scene and embarrass you in front of your resident friends?"

He closed the journal and looked up at her. "Wouldn't make a difference. I'm still the only resident you sit with or even interact with. I'm royalty."

"Oh, so humble. So gracious."

Shane laughed.

She took his pudding cup from his tray. "Larry. How is he?"

"Last time I checked his vitals were good. No sign of infection or complications. He was stable."

She stuck a spoonful of chocolate pudding into her mouth. "When was the last time you checked on him?"

"Like an hour ago."

She nodded. "Shorter intervals. We need to constantly monitor his vitals. Get one of your interns to babysit. Always have eyes on him."

"Got it."

She was quiet.

"Is that it?"

"Are you going to finish those fries?"

He sighed and handed her the plate. "Take it."

She smiled and then stood. "Thanks."

"You're not always going to have the metabolism of a twenty year old, you know." He called after her.

She waved a fry in the air. "I beg to differ."


	66. Chapter 66

4 February 2017

There was a knock at her door.

"Yes?"

Khadijah Ismail poked her head in. "Are you busy, Dr. Yang?"

"No. Come on in."

The woman with the radiant smile and unbelievably high cheekbones stepped inside and looked around. "You know, I haven't really been in here before. Feels like I'm in the principals office."

Cristina smiled. "How is this your first time? You've worked here for months."

"When you hired me, you left for Seattle like a day later and I haven't really been on your radar ever since."

Cristina looked down and back up at her. "That's my fault. I've been busy."

Dr. Ismail waved her off. "Don't worry about it." Her eyes caught the trophy standing on the shelf and she wandered over to it. "The Harper Avery."

Cristina nodded. "The Harper Avery."

"Can I touch it?"

"Go ahead."

She picked it up and marveled at it like every other surgeon who had visited Cristina's office, before Ismail, had. "You won for your 3D printing, right?"

"That's right."

"Not only were you the first to print an aorta but you were also the first to be renominated for the same procedure." She set it gently back on the shelf. "It's all really impressive." She looked at Cristina. "It's one of the reasons why I wanted to work for you."

Cristina smiled again. "Thank you. We're very happy to have you under our roof."

Dr. Ismail nodded.

A moment passed.

"Is there a reason for your visit, Dr. Ismail?"

She waved her off again. "Please, call me 'Khadijah'."

"Okay, Khadijah." Cristina gestured at the seat in front of her desk but she declined.

"I'm here to offer you a seat in my gallery, this afternoon." She paused. "As you know, I've got a trial of my own and today's the first test run on a human patient."

"You're trying to build bones using donor cartilage, right?"

She shook her head. "Not trying." And then she smiled. "And yes, I am."

"Okay," Cristina nodded. "I'll be there."

"Great. I'll page you when it's time." She started walking over to the door but she swung around before she reached it. "I'm really proud to be working here." She smiled one last time and then disappeared down the hall.

Cristina sat down in her chair and rubbed her chest. She suddenly had a weird, fuzzy feeling manifesting inside of her. To have someone be proud to work at her institution was... well, everything.

\

Cristina stepped into the gallery and passed several interns and residents who were all there to be closer the greatness brewing in her hospital.

She shooed an intern and took his seat.

Khadijah looked up and smiled at her from behind her mask and Cristina nodded in return.

She watched as Ismail delicately picked up her product while explaining step-by-step, to the doctors in the gallery and to everyone streaming in, what she was doing and why she was doing it.

When the procedure was over and it looked like the patient wouldn't have any complications, Cristina found herself dialing his number as she walked towards the elevator.

"Hello?" Owen's voice was groggy.

"Oh, shit." She shut her eyes. "I forgot about the time difference. I woke you."

"Yeah, you did."

"I'm sorry. Go back to sleep. I'll call you later."

"No, no. I'm here. What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Why do we always assume the worse?"

"I think it's become a part of our DNA."

"Hmm." She pressed the elevator button. "So, I just watched one of my doctors perform a groundbreaking surgery."

"You did?" She heard him move around.

"I did."

"Which one of your doctors?"

"Khadijah Ismail." The doors opened and she stepped inside.

"Oh, I just read an article of hers. She's pretty impressive."

"Since when are you interested in ortho?" She pushed her floor number.

"Hey, trauma has everything. Cardio, general, ortho. We have experience in every specialty."

"No, you guys get the trauma and then page us. The cardio, general and ortho surgeons. We do the work." She walked to the back of the elevator and leaned against the wall.

"Did you wake me up just to insult my job?"

She laughed. "No, that's not why I woke you."

He waited.

"I... I feel proud."

He waited again.

"I didn't build this place, I know that. Burke did. I was just handed the keys to the chocolate factory but... this is mine. I'm growing groundbreaking surgeons. I bring them under my roof and they do things that no one dared to attempt. Dr. Ismail told me today that she's proud to work here." She paused. "She actually said that. About my hospital. That I run."

Owen smiled. "Well, I don't blame her."

The doors opened and Cristina got off. "It's hard to believe that a few years ago, I was this intern being shunned for sleeping with her boss and then a resident who couldn't find a decent mentor who was willing to teach her and now... I'm here."

"The view is great from the top, isn't it?"

She stepped into her office and closed the door behind her. "The view is magnificent." She walked over to her desk and stood with her back against it as she looked out at the city in front of her. "Fucking breathtaking."

They were quiet for a moment.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am so proud of you, Cristina Yang."

She smiled. "Thank you." Her voice was soft.

They were quiet again.

"I'll let you get back to sleep."

"I'm already up. Might as well stay up."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

She smiled again. "How's the lawsuit going?"

\

6 February 2017

Cristina threw herself down next to Noah and he handed her food to her.

"How was work?"

She opened the box of noodles and stuck a fork in it. "Larry died."

"Larry?"

"My sheep."

Noah nodded and then placed his hand on her back. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "His vitals were failing and he had a kidney infection. We knew it was coming."

Noah watched her. "But?"

She stuffed her mouth and then looked at the wall. "I named the damn sheep."

"I'm going to need you to elaborate."

She looked at him. "I made this big speech about not naming the sheep and not getting attached and then I went ahead and named him."

"And you got attached."

"Yeah." She fell back against the couch. "And the worse part is, Shane is going to look at me with his 'i told you so' eyes and I'm going to want to punch him."

"So, do it. I'll defend you in court."

She smiled. "You're an enabler. You enable my violent thoughts."

"I prefer the term 'support'. I support your violent thoughts."

"Same thing."

Noah smiled and put his arm around her. "So, you got attached to your sheep. So what?"

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm not supposed to be getting attached to farm animals who are probably going to die anyway. I am a doctor. Not a vet."

"Wanna hear what I think?"

"Not really."

"I think that these farm animals are very important to you and to your trial. They're important to your trial because if they live, if they thrive, your trial thrives and you get to save millions of people. And they're important to you because you're putting your faith, your dedication and your hard work into their chests. You spend hours with them every day and almost every thought you have is about them. It only makes sense that you got attached to Barry."

"Larry. His name was Larry."

"My point is, allow yourself to feel things now and then."

She looked up at him. "You're annoying, you know that?"

"I'm also right."

\

10 February 2017

"I forgot that baby's could be such jerks."

Cristina laughed. "Baby Christopher giving you a hard time?"

"He peed on me three times today."

"Oh wow."

"Exactly." Her eyes looked like they were about to close any second. "Zola's mature and basically a teenager so I forgot that babies poop a million times a day and constantly want to suck my boobs dry and it was different with her because I had you and I had Derek and now I'm a single mother. Like a real single mother. I hadn't even thought about that. But that's what I am and I'm just really, really exhausted, Cristina."

"Want me to make some calls? I could get you a nanny by sunrise."

"Won't that make me my mother? My mother hired nannies and I barely saw her and I don't want to be my mother."

"You're not your mother."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Cristina nodded.

Meredith rested her head on the table.

"Do you want me to come and stay with you for a few weeks? Shane has been bugging me about hovering, anyway."

She lifted her head. "No because what am I going to do when you leave? I'll just go right back to being alone. It's better this way."

"Meredith, you're everything but alone."

Her friend looked at her for a moment and then she forced a smile on her face. "I'm just tired. I'll feel better tomorrow."

"Yes," Cristina smiled back. "You will."

"I'll call you?"

"Okay."

The screen went dark and Cristina looked at it for a while. She sat back in her chair and thought about how alone Meredith felt. She was across a whole ocean and Derek wasn't there anymore. Amelia moved out and everyone else they knew were surgeons with busy schedules. Even though she offered, she knew she couldn't leave. She needed to be there for her trial.

She sat up and searched for her phone on her desk. She knew what she had to do. She pulled up her contacts and dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Amelia?"

"Cristina?"

"Yeah. Listen, can we talk?"


	67. Chapter 67

12 February 2017

"Alex Karev." She smiled. "How are you, bud?"

"Why are you so cheerful?"

"Why aren't you cheerful?"

"I have a kid with leukemia and I don't think he's going to make it."

"Oh." She threw herself down on an abandoned gurney. "That sucks."

"Yeah." She listened as he gave instructions to a nurse. "So, Amelia moved back home." The gloom in his voice had suddenly disappeared.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That's good, I guess."

"It is." He nodded. "But it's also weird considering the fact that a few days ago, she'd spoken to me about the year long contract she had just signed on her apartment."

"Hm. That is weird."

"Cut the crap, Yang."

She rolled her eyes. "What do you want from me, Karev?"

"Did you ask Amelia to move back home?"

"So what if I did?"

He smiled. "I knew it."

"Okay, you solved the big mystery. What kind of cookie do you want?"

"So, what? Are you paying her rent or something?"

"No, I'm not paying her rent." She paused. "I'm paying half."

Alex laughed. "I was right again."

She sighed. "Mer needed someone, okay? She was feeling alone and she shouldn't. Not when she has all of us."

"I get it." He shrugged even though she couldn't see him. "I still can't believe you and Amelia are friends. I mean, it's great that you are but it's still weird."

"It's not like we're having sleepovers and braiding one another's hair. We're just... friends. And why shouldn't we be?" She rested her back against the wall. "She's a good kid, Alex." She spotted one of her interns holding a candy bar and summoned him, took the chocolate and shooed him away. "You know, I was planning on paying the full amount on her rent but she wouldn't let me. We eventually settled on half." She put the phone on speaker and placed it on her thighs while she tore the packaging open.

"I know she's a good kid. I work with her."

She picked the phone back up and took it off speaker. "Then shut up about my friendship with her."

"Fine. Whatever. I don't even care that much."

"Fine." Cristina took a bite.

A moment passed. "Hey, did you hear about the hospital?"

\

15 February 2017

She walked into his room. "My mom just called."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

She gave him a slight smile. "You don't even know what the phone call was about."

"I don't need to. I just know that I should probably go into the kitchen and open up a bottle of wine for you."

"Smart boy." Her smile faded. "But it's not my mother. It's Saul. He's sick. I've gotta fly down to L.A for a few days."

"Okay." He nodded. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No but will you take care of my hospital for me?"

"Don't I always?"

She gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Shane."

They were quiet.

"How close are you with your step-dad?"

She walked over to the bed and sat down. "We weren't like inseparable or anything but he was there for me when my dad died. He never overstepped. He would always bail me out with my mom. He's Saul." She shrugged.

"So we like him?"

She nodded. "Yeah, we do."

They were quiet again.

"He's going to be okay. It's probably something minor."

She looked up at him. "We'll see."

\

18 February 2017

Cristina handed her ticket to the woman at the gate as her phone rang. She patted all of her pockets until she found the right one and then held the phone up to her ear. "Cristina Yang."

"Hey, is this a bad time?"

She took her ticket from the woman and made her way into the tunnel. "Hey, yeah, it actually is. I'm about to board my plane."

"Your plane? Why are you boarding a plane?"

"Because that's what you do when you plan on flying somewhere."

"No, I mean, where are you going?"

She handed her ticket to the flight attendant and she directed Cristina to first class. "Beverly hills. I'm going home."

"I've never heard you say those words before."

Cristina laughed. "Saul's sick so I have to fly down for a few days."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know but I'm more concerned about the fact that I have to be in the same house with my mother for three days." She found her seat and threw her bag on the one beside hers before sitting down.

Owen smiled. "She can't be that bad."

"You haven't met my mother."

"And whose fault is that?"

"I did you a favor. You should be thanking me for not introducing you to her." She looked over at the flight attendant who was motioning that she needed to put her phone away. "Hey, I've gotta go. I'll call you when I land?"

"Okay, sure."

She was about to end the call when she heard him call out to her. "Yeah?"

"Are you going to be okay?" He paused. "You know, with flying?"

She smiled. "I'm going to be fine. I'm going to chug as much tequila as the flight attendants will allow and then I'm going to pass out and sleep through the rest of the flight. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay. Don't forget to call."

"I won't. Talk to you later."

She waited a moment and then hung up. She looked around at her surroundings and familiarized herself with the emergency exits. She felt that familiar anxiety flare up and immediately motioned over a flight attendant. She was going to have to get drunk sooner than she thought.


	68. Chapter 68

19 February 2017

Cristina held her head as she waited for her luggage. Her head was throbbing and her stomach was turning and all she wanted to do was fly back home and get into her own bed. Tequila really wasn't the best coping mechanism.

She spotted her bag on the carousel and hurled it off before it made another round.

She started making her way out of the airport as she pulled out her phone and dialed Owen's number first. Shane would be asleep.

He answered almost immediately. "How's L.A.?" Was the first thing he asked.

"I don't know. I haven't made it out of the airport yet. But judging from all of the fake tans and skinny jeans, I'm going to say that it's pretty much the same."

"I know. I haven't been here in a while but everyone still has those intimidating stares."

She knitted her brows. "What?"

"What?"

"What did you say?"

"What did I say about what?"

"Owen."

"Yes?"

"Are you... here?"

She walked up to the automatic doors and they slid open, revealing Owen with a grin on his face and his back against a jeep.

"You're here." She said stupidly into the phone.

"I am."

She stayed where she was and it didn't seem like she was going to be moving any time soon so he hung up and walked up to her. "Hi."

She looked at her phone and brought it down from her ear. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to save you from your mother."

She smiled. "You are?"

"I am."

She looked at him. "This is very cliché of you. Surprising me at the airport and everything."

"So?"

She laughed. "Wow. Okay. Just remember that you brought this on yourself."

He smiled and took her bags from her. "It's going to be fine."

She looked at his vehicle. "You rented a jeep."

"I rented a jeep." He confirmed as he threw her luggage into the back.

He opened the door for her and she got in. "How long were you waiting for me?"

He shut the door, walked around the van and got into the drivers seat. "A very long time."

\

Cristina suddenly swung her head around like she was looking for something. "You have a child." She stated. "Where's Connor?"

"My mom has him."

"And she's okay with you leaving him with her?"

"Oh, please. She couldn't wait for me to leave."

She smiled. "And what about the hospital?"

"Richard stepped in."

"Of course."

She watched him as he drove.

"What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "I just can't wait for my mother to eat you whole."

\

The security gates opened and Owen started down the driveway. He admired the green grass on both sides of their pathway and the tall trees lining their route.

"Fancy."

"Nothing but." She smiled.

The pathway split and Owen rounded the fountain that rested in the middle.

The tires crunched as the car came to a stop. He leaned forward to look up at the white, two story home with the huge French windows and realized that it was nothing like he had pictured. The Cristina Yang he knew didn't live in huge fancy houses. The Cristina Yang he knew lived in houses with firemen poles in them. He suddenly felt out of place. He assumed that she sensed it when her hand came to rest on his leg.

"It's going to be fine." She smiled again.

"Isn't that what I've been telling you?"

"It is."

"It really doesn't help, does it?"

She laughed. "No, it doesn't."

He smiled and looked at her for a moment before she grabbed her handbag from the backseat and patted his thigh. "Come on. Time to go into the dragons den."

\

Cristina rang the doorbell and took a step back to stand beside him.

Not even a minute later, the door opened to reveal a short Korean woman on the other side.

"Cristina." She smiled.

"Hi, mom." Cristina stepped inside and Owen followed her. She gestured at him. "This is Owen. My..." she looked at him and then at her mother again. "Owen."

Her mother eyed him. "So, this is Owen."

"It is." Cristina nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs Rubenstein."

She wave him off. "Please, call me 'Helen'."

Owen nodded. "Helen."

She looked him up and down as she toyed with the pearls around her neck. "Sorry that I couldn't make it to your wedding. My daughter didn't invite me."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Mom."

Owen smiled. "That's okay."

A brunette woman rounded the corner and beamed at the two of them. "Cristina!"

"Lily."

The woman pulled Cristina into a hug and Owen was genuinely surprised when Cristina hugged her back. He hadn't seen her willingly hug someone before.

Lily pulled back and held her by the shoulders. "How have you been? I haven't seen you in years."

"I've been busy." Cristina shrugged.

"Uh huh." Her eyes finally fell on Owen. "And who's this?"

Cristina looked at him. "This is Owen."

Lily's eyes went back to Cristina. "Owen? As in your husband? That Owen?"

"Ex husband but yes. That Owen."

"Oh, wow. You have great taste."

Cristina smiled.

She extended her hand to him and he took it. "Lily Freedman. I work for the Rubenstein's and the one Yang." She smiled.

Owen returned the smile. "Owen Hunt."

"Oh, I know." She released his hand and then took Cristina's bags from her. "I'll go set up your room for you."

They watched her disappear upstairs and then Cristina turned to Owen. "That's Lily."

"I've gathered." He nodded.

"Lily and Cristina have always had the weirdest relationship." Helen explained. "I've never really understood it."

Cristina cleared her throat. "Mother, I see you've renovated."

Helen's eyes seemed to light up. "I have." She started making her way into the living room and Cristina followed her as her mother pointed out everything new in the room.

Owen waited a minute before he went after her. He took the time to look around. The foyer was all marble floors and high ceilings with a double staircase that seemed to lead up to the bedrooms. Everything was light and airy, from the white furniture to the chandelier hanging above him. He was completely blown away. He knew Cristina had grown up with money but he never knew it was that kind of money.

Cristina showed up at the entrance of the living room. "Coming?"

He looked at her. "Yeah." He started walking towards her. "I'm coming."

\

"So, how's Saul?" Cristina wondered as Lily placed two cups of coffee in front of her and Owen. She then poured one for herself.

"What has your mother told you?"

Cristina picked up her cup. "Oh, she told me everything. And then she told me about her hopes and dreams and what she wanted to be as a kid." She took a sip.

Lily smiled. "Okay. I get it."

Owen eyed the woman standing on the other side of the counter. She looked older. The wrinkles around her eyes and her smile told him so. But she could easily pass for Cristina's sister. She looked very casual and warm. She seemed to be a huge contrast in the house.

"So, what's wrong with him? Why did I take a twelve hour flight to spend three days with my mother?"

Lily smiled for a moment longer and then it faded. "He has cancer, Cristina. Stage four."

Cristina stilled. "What?" Owen watched her. "What type?" She wondered.

"Prostate."

"Why didn't anyone call me? I'm a doctor for christ sake."

"They caught it too late and he didn't want to bother you until when it was necessary."

Cristina put her cup down and shook her head. "I can't believe this." She stood up. "You should've called."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Cristina walked off and Lily started following her but Owen stopped her. "Let me go."

She nodded.

Owen followed her upstairs and down a hallway. He stood at a distance as he watched her knock and then disappear behind the door. He looked around and then walked up to the room she had gone into and leaned against the wall. He could already tell that it was going to be a long weekend.

\

Cristina stepped into the dimly lit room and closed the door.

"Cristina." He smiled from the bed.

"Hey, Saul." She stayed where she was.

"What? You flew all the way from Switzerland to just hang out by the door?"

She smiled and walked over.

She grabbed a chair and pulled it up to his bedside.

They were quiet.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"I should've called, I know."

"Well, you should've. I'm a doctor, Saul. A real doctor with a hospital and everything. I could've helped."

He smiled softly as he shook his head. "No. It was too late. It is too late. I didn't want to burden you with this."

"Saul."

"Don't 'Saul' me. You know that prostate cancer is a death sentence. Especially this advanced. I'm a doctor, too, you know."

She sat back. "Yeah, I know." She looked at him. "So, what? You're just giving up?"

"I've always been a quitter." He shrugged.

She smiled slightly. "Are you in pain?"

"I can handle it."

They were quiet again.

"You should've called." She repeated.

He nodded. "I know." He watched her for a moment and then cleared his throat. "So, what's new?"

She sighed and then kicked her feet up on the bed as she thought. "I'm going to successfully print a fully functioning heart, one of these days."

He beamed. "You are?"

She nodded. "I am."

\

Cristina emerged from the room to find Owen sitting on the floor. She looked at him for a moment and then climbed over his legs to sit down beside him.

"How is he?"

"Not good."

Owen placed his hand on her knee. "I'm sorry."

She pushed her hair back. "Yeah." She suddenly looked at him. "I can't believe you're in my house. I can't believe I let you into my house."

He smiled. "I can't wait to see what kind of posters and bed sheets you had as a child. I've always wondered."

"Harper Avery posters and anatomical heart bed sheets, of course."

"Of course." He nodded.

She laughed and then nudged him. "Thank you for being here."

He nudged her back. "Any time."

\

"So, Owen, where are your bags?" Lily asked as she placed a plate in front of him and then sat down.

"They're in my truck." He pointed back like it was behind him.

"Well, how are you going to get to your things if they're in your truck?" She wondered.

He smiled. "I left them in there so that I didn't have to carry them out again when I leave."

"Leave? Where are you going?"

"Wow, Lily. So many questions." Cristina commented.

"I meant when I head back to my hotel."

"Why are you staying at a hotel?" She looked at Cristina. "Didn't you tell your husband he could sleep here?"

"I didn't think he'd want to." She shrugged as she picked a tomato out of the salad in front of her.

Susan shook her head. "It's like I didn't raise you."

"You didn't. My mother did."

"Explains a lot."

"Speaking of my mother, where is she? I'm starving."

"She's helping Saul eat first."

Cristina knitted her brows. "She does that every night?" She picked another tomato.

"She does."

"That's sad."

"Or romantic." Owen suggested.

Cristina looked at him. "You're definitely sleeping at a hotel tonight."

Lily laughed. "Owen, you can stay here. I'm sure Helen would be fine with it and if you want a night away from her," she gestured at Cristina. "There are plenty of extra rooms."

He looked at Cristina. "You're okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure. It'll be like the sleepover I never had. We could stay up late and talk about boys."

"Yeah, we won't be doing that."

Cristina looked at Lily and took a sip of her wine. "He's no fun."


	69. Chapter 69

20 February 2017

Cristina woke up to Owen gently shaking her by the shoulders.

She opened one of her eyes and looked at him. "What do you want?"

"It's time to get up."

"Are you my mother?"

"No but it's nearly dinner time."

She opened the other eye and sat up. "Dinner time?"

"Yeah. You've been asleep all day."

"Shit." She fell back down. She looked at him. "What did you do while I was out?"

"Well," he climbed over her and squeezed in beside her. "I helped Lily with breakfast and then we went down to the market to pick up a few things and then I helped your mother in the garden."

She looked at him. "You interacted with my mother without me being there?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "She's actually not that bad. She was really nice to me."

"That's because you didn't come out of her vagina."

"No, I did not."

She turned towards him and he scooted down to face her.

"Tell me about you and Lily."

"Why?"

"I'm just curious."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything."

"Well," she thought about it. "She's been working for my mother since forever. We were always close but when my dad died and I moved back home... she became my mother, my sister and my best friend all rolled into one. We were inseparable. That's until I went away to college and moved to Seattle for my internship. We just stopped keeping in touch."

"Sounds like you guys have a really special relationship."

"We do." She nodded.

"Why haven't you mentioned her before?"

"It never came up." She shrugged.

They were quiet.

He looked around. "You weren't lying about the Harper Avery posters and anatomical heart bed sheets."

"No, I wasn't."

"I always knew you were a nerd but this puts you on another level."

She laughed.

"Also, this bed is really small."

\

21 February 2017

Cristina came out of the room and found Owen on his usual spot on the floor. "He wants to see you."

"Me?"

"Apparently."

He stood up. "Why?"

She shrugged.

"Well, are you coming with?"

"He wants to see you alone."

"That doesn't sound scary and threatening at all."

She smiled. "Saul isn't a scary and threatening guy. He probably just wants to meet you."

He nodded, took a deep breath and then turned the handle of door and stepped inside.

"Close the door." Saul instructed once he was inside.

Owen turned around, gave Cristina one last glance and did as he was told.

He turned back to the man sitting up in bed and took him in. Saul looked like he was in his seventies but Owen was sure that if he wasn't sick, you wouldn't be able to tell. He was dressed in silk pajamas and his hair was in such perfect shape that even Derek Shepherd would be jealous. He had an oxygen tube in his nose and several other tubes in his arms. His face was dimly lit by a lamp on the bedside which made him even more intimidating.

"You can sit."

Owen stepped forward and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Once he was face-to-face with him, Owen could tell how sick he really was. He had dark bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. His eyes were droopy from the medication that was being pumped into his system and Owen could tell that he was weak.

"So, you're Owen."

"Yes, sir."

He raised his hand slightly. "You don't have to call me 'sir'. I know you were in the army but I don't see any sergeants around here so it's okay."

Owen smiled in response. He had no idea Cristina had told her family so much about him.

"Owen, I don't have much time and you probably want to get out of here as soon as possible so I'm just going to cut to the chase." He was was quiet for a moment. "I need you to promise me something."

Owen waited.

"I need you to promise me that you're going to take care of Cristina."

"I-"

Saul held up his hand, stopping him. "I need you to promise me that you're going to try your best to fix whatever broke the two of you apart and go back to taking care of one another. Because that girl out there loves you. She does. You know how I know?"

Owen shook his head.

"I know because she has never brought a guy home. Ever. Not even her prom date. Not even that Burke fella. She didn't feel like she needed to. That it was important enough. And even though you were the one who decided to come, she let you. We both know that if she didn't want you to be here, you wouldn't be here. She's a stubborn girl who always gets her way."

Owen smiled as he nodded in agreement.

"Her mother's the same. They mean well." He was quiet for a moment. "I don't mean to pry in your relationship with my stepdaughter but I feel like this is important. I'm not going to be here much longer so I have the privilege of saying whatever I want because I won't be here to face the consequences." He smiled and then it faded and his eyes became soft. "Try. And if it doesn't work out? So be it. But at least you tried. Trust me, if the love is there, nothing and no one can stand in your way. And the love is there. I know you love her because no one would willingly spend time with Helen if they didn't need to."

Owen laughed. "She's not that bad."

"You're right." He nodded. "She isn't."

Owen looked down for a second and then sat forward. "Thank you for looking out for her for all these years. You didn't have to. She's not blood but you did. You still are. This is the first time we've met and you're asking me to fix my relationship with her." He smiled. "It's probably not my place to thank you but I feel like I need to."

Saul nodded in response.

Owen stood up, stuck out his hand and Saul took it. "I will always be there for Cristina. Whether it's romantically or not. You can count on me."

Saul smiled and shook his hand as firmly as he could. "Thank you."

Owen stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Cristina pushed herself away from the wall. "So?"

"You were right." He shrugged. "He just wanted to meet me."

"That's it? You were in there for so long."

"That's it."

She started walking and he followed her. "Well that's a letdown."

"What? You wanted him to bust my balls?"

"I mean, a little bit wouldn't hurt."

\

Cristina handed Owen a cup of coffee and sat down next to him.

The sun had gone down and the stars were beginning to shimmer while a light breeze rustled through the trees.

Owen opened a blanket and threw half of it over her legs and kept the rest for herself. "So, you have to admit that these two days haven't been that bad."

She made a face. "Yeah. I think it's because you're here. I think she likes you."

"Your mom?"

"My mom. Lily. Me."

He smiled. "Saul might've given me the eye, too."

"It's annoying how likable you are."

"I know."

They were quiet.

"Hey, so I've gotta tell you something."

She looked at him. "Yeah?" She took a sip of her coffee.

"I should've told you sooner but I didn't want to because once I did, it was real and I'd have to deal with it."

She frowned. "Owen, what is it?"

He looked at her for moment. "The, uh, the hospital's closing down."

"What?"

He nodded. "We lost the law suit and the insurance won't pay because of some loophole which means it has to come from the hospital and we just don't have that kind of money. We're going to have to sell or close down. Neither sounds great."

"Oh, Owen. I'm so sorry." She took his hand into hers. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Get me a hundred million dollars?" He joked.

"That's how much they sued for?"

He nodded again.

"Wow." She looked away. "I can't believe this is happening. Do Meredith and Alex know?"

"No. No one knows yet. I mean, besides Richard." He looked guilty. "It's actually part of the reason why I came here. I obviously came for you but I needed to get away for a minute. Take a breather and clear my head before things go downhill. And just being around you does that for me."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I'm sure it's all going to be okay."

"I don't. I'm going to have to let everyone on my staff go. Everyone. Do you know how many families I'm going to be taking meals and clothing and tuition away from? I do. I can see the numbers in head when I close my eyes and it's worse than having nightmares. I would actually prefer the nightmares. I just... I don't know what to do." He paused. "I've already started writing recommendation letters for everyone because if I can't save their jobs, I can at least make the process of getting new ones easier. I mean, Grey and Karev and Robbins and all the other top surgeons could probably get jobs instantly. Meredith could even work for you but what about everyone else? Where are they going to go?"

"Owen," she turned towards him and wrapped her other hand around their already intertwined ones. "This isn't your fault. This isn't all on your shoulders. It shouldn't be. You aren't responsible."

He looked at her. "But I am." He nodded. "I am."

She sighed and then looked at him for a moment before resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arm around his waist. "It's going to be okay. We'll figure something out. We'll get through this."


	70. Chapter 70

22 February 2017

Cristina stepped into the room and this time Owen went with her.

"Hey, we're about to get going."

"Already? You just got here."

She sat down in the chair and Owen stood behind her. "Yeah, I've gotta get back to my hospital and so does he."

"Oh, big shots."

They smiled.

"Saul, I feel like I need to say something deep and meaningful but I'm not sure where to begin."

He took her hand. "It's okay. You don't have to. I know." He squeezed. "But I need something from you."

"Okay?"

"I need you to be great." He smiled. "You're already great, a little annoying," he teased. "but I know that you can be even better. I knew it the moment you walked through my door at nine years old when your father had just died and instead of giving up and accepting everything, which you would've been entitled to do, you strove for greatness. And I knew it when you walked through my door two days ago, talking about printing beating hearts. You've turned your father's death into something meaningful and I know that he would've been proud of you. I'm proud of you. Don't ever stop striving. Don't ever lose that passion. That drive. That need to succeed. Because that's what makes you who you are. Okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"I need you to promise."

"I promise." She said softly.

Owen squeezed her shoulder.

"And you," he pointed at Owen. "We have our own promises. Don't break them."

Owen smiled. "I won't."

She looked back at him questioningly.

"Okay," Saul patted her hand. "You can go now."

Cristina laughed as she stood and then she looked into his eyes. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay."

\

"Will you be back soon? Or will the next time I see you be at my funeral?" Helen wondered.

"I'll be back soon." Cristina nodded.

"I broke my ankle last year and I didn't even get a letter but Saul coughs and you're on a plane."

"No one writes letters anymore, Mother."

Owen hovered awkwardly by the door as he waited for the goodbyes to end.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, will the two of you just hug and get it over with."

Cristina sighed, stepped forward and embraced Helen for a moment and then let go. "I'll see you at Rosh Hashanah, okay?"

"We'll see." Helen said flatly and then stepped back and walked into the living room.

Cristina dropped her head and then looked at Lily. "How have you not killed her yet?"

"The pay's good." She shrugged and then stepped forward and hugged Cristina. "Call me. You always promise to call but you never do so call me. And try to drop by once a year."

Cristina pulled back and smiled. "I will."

Owen stepped forward and placed a kiss on Lily's cheek. "It was nice meeting you."

"You, too." She looked at Cristina. "And be sure to bring him with you."

"I'll think about it."

Owen smiled and picked up their luggage and carried it out to the truck.

Cristina followed him and climbed into the jeep.

A moment later, Owen got in next to her. "Ready to go?"

"God, yes."

\

"When does your flight leave?" Cristina wondered.

"In about two hours." He looked down at his ticket to make sure and then looked back up at her. "Yours?"

"Same." She looked at him for a moment and then sat forward. "Hey, what promise was Saul talking about?"

"What do you mean?"

"He said you guys made a promise and that you should keep it. When did you guys make promises?"

"The day I met him." He shrugged.

"I thought you said he just wanted to meet you?"

"He did."

"Owen."

He smiled. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

She frowned. "Fine." She groaned. "I'm not looking forward to another twelve hour flight. I haven't even recovered from the last one."

"So, come back with me to Seattle then?"

"What?"

"Come back with me." He shrugged. "You could check in on Meredith. Say goodbye to the hospital. And then you can go back."

She thought about it. "Well, I am on the right side of the ocean. I might as well."

Owen smiled again. "It's settled then."

\

Cristina knocked and then waited as she heard familiar footsteps run down the stairs.

She heard her curse as she stepped onto something and then the door opened.

"Hey."

"Cristina?" Meredith smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to make sure you haven't murdered my god kids yet."

Meredith pulled her into a hug and Cristina gladly accepted.

"Ugh, I missed you." Meredith said into her hair.

"I missed you, too."

Meredith pulled back. "I'll go get Zola. She's been asking about you for weeks."

\

Cristina knocked and then hovered by the door.

Amelia turned around. "Cristina? Hey!"

"Hey." She took a step inside.

"I didn't know you were coming."

"Neither did I." She shrugged.

Amelia watched her. "Is there something you need? You look like you need something."

"No." She shook her head. "I just... I wanted to thank you." She paused. "For moving back. I know that you were excited about your new apartment and everything and that it took a lot for you to move back so... thank you."

Amelia was quiet for a second and then she stepped forward. "I should be thanking you."

Cristina knitted her brows.

"I... ran. Derek died and then Meredith left and I ran. Like I always do. And usually when I run away from something, I run towards something else and that something else is opioids." She nodded. "I was... in the danger zone but when you called me and asked me to move back, you pulled me out because god knows I wouldn't be able to drugs under this roof so... I should be thanking you."

Cristina smiled slightly. "You're welcome."

They were quiet for a moment.

"We're not going to cry and then confess our love for one another, are we?" Amelia wondered.

"Oh, god no."

\

Cristina bounced Christopher on her lap and laughed as he laughed.

"Did you hear about the hospital?" Meredith wondered.

"Yeah. It's all anyone talks about when they call me." She laid Christopher against her chest.

"What do you think is going to happen?"

Cristina looked at her. "I don't know, Mer."

"This all sucks."

"It does."

"I haven't even gotten back to work yet and now there might now even be a job for me to go back to."

"You could come and work for me." She shrugged. "If the thing with hospital doesn't work out, you could come and work for me."

Meredith shook her head. "I couldn't leave. I have Alex. And Amelia. And my life is here. I can't leave."

Cristina looked at her again. "Here. Take your baby." She handed Christopher over to his mother and then she waited a minute. "Feel better?"

She looked down at his smiling face and smiled back. "Yeah. I do."

Cristina placed her hand on Meredith's knee. "It's all going to be fine, Mer. I told Owen it's going to be okay and now I'm telling you. It's going to be okay." She made sure Meredith understood her and then she gestured at the baby. "Now, give him back to me."

\

Cristina stepped into his office. "Hey, you got a minute?"

Owen looked up from the paperwork on his desk. "Yeah, sure."

She walked over and pulled up a chair. "So, this hospital business, you're still bankrupt and whatever, right?"

He nodded. "We are." He looked at her curiously. "Why?"

"And the only way you could save the hospital is by selling it to some rich buyer, right?"

"Right." He said slowly. "What is this about?"

"But there's still a chance that the buyer could decide to close down the hospital and sell it for parts, so you need someone who knows what they're doing and actually wants to save the hospital and keep it running as it always did, right?"

"Cristina, what's going on?"

She smiled. "I'm going to buy the hospital."

"What?"

"Well, actually, Klausman, the guy who owns and funds my hospital is going to but I'll be in charge of everything, like I am at my hospital, and I'll make sure everything runs the way it's supposed to and no one gets fired and-"

"Cristina, wait." He cut her off. "What are you saying?"

She rolled her eyes and then smiled. "Owen, I'm saying that I'm going to save the hospital."


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N: To those people who commented "I love you" on my last few chapters, I love you, too lmao.**

/

24 February 2017

Owen walked into the conference room and everyone went quiet, turning to him.

"I know you are all wondering why you're here so I'm just going to get right down to it."

"Listen, I've got a kid that I've got to get to so if this isn't important, can I go?" Alex wondered.

"Yeah, I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm still on maternity leave. I had to leave my kids with Cristina."

Callie looked at her. "Cristina's here?"

Meredith smiled. "Yeah, she is. She got in last night."

"Really? Is she just visiting or-"

"She's just visiting." Meredith nodded.

April came running in. "I know, I know. I'm late. I had this patient who wouldn't stop talking and I tried to get out as fast as I could." She went to stand at the end of the table. "What did I miss?"

"Cristina's here." Callie informed her.

"In the hospital? I didn't see her."

"No, she's in Seattle." Meredith corrected.

April turned to her. "Well, is she visiting-"

"People!"

They turned to look at him.

"This is important."

" 'people'?" Alex mumbled to Meredith who just shrugged.

Owen took a breath. "So, you might have heard about the hospital being hit by a lawsuit earlier this year and I know I haven't been saying anything about it or keeping you all up to speed and i apologize for that. I just didn't want to cause any panic or make you all worry." He paused. "That being said, unfortunately, we lost. We lost the case."

"We lost?" Callie looked around. "How did we lose?"

"They had very good lawyers." Was all Owen could offer.

"Okay, so what now?"

"Now, we owe them a hundred million dollars."

"A hundred million dollars?" Arizona exclaimed.

Owen nodded.

"So, what? The insurance pays it off or something?" Meredith questioned.

"Actually, no. They found some kind of loophole so now we have to pay it."

"Do we even have that kind of money?" Jackson wondered.

"No. No we don't."

"So, what does all of this mean?"

"It means that we either have to sell or... close down."

Everyone was quiet.

"Close down? Seriously?" Callie looked at him.

"Yeah."

"Owen, you can't let that happen." Arizona pleaded.

Owen placed his hands on his hips. "And that bring us to the second half of this meeting."

"Which is?"

"I've sold the hospital."

"You've sold the hospital?" Webber exclaimed.

He nodded. "I have."

"To who?"

"Well..."

Cristina came rushing in. "Hey, sorry I'm late. Meredith's kids wouldn't let me go and I couldn't just leave them because you know, godmother and everything."

"You left them at daycare?"

She looked at Meredith. "Yeah." She nodded. "Oh, Janine said something about food from around the world day."

"Shoot. I totally forgot about that."

"I have some mini pizzas in my locker. You can defrost those and say they're from Italy." Callie offered.

"Why do you have frozen pizzas in your locker?" Alex wondered.

"I work long nights and the food in the cafeteria isn't always great." She defended.

"I learned a long time ago that you need to either be there a few minutes before any main meal time or an hour after. That's when everything's fresh." Cristina commented.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I always used to-"

"Cristina."

She looked up at him. "Oh, right."

"Yeah."

"Well, have you told them yet?"

"No, I was about to."

"About to tell us what?" Alex wondered.

Owen smiled at her. "Do you want to or should I?"

"I'll do it." She stepped forward. "I, uh, I bought the hospital."

\

"You were with me all night last night and it didn't occur to you to tell me?"

"I was jet lagged and hungry and I was recovering from spending three days with my mother. Besides, the deal only went through this morning and that's when I told Owen."

"Wait, why do you have enough money to buy a hospital?" Alex wondered.

"I don't but the guy who funds my other one does. So, when Owen told me about Seattle Grace, I immediately called him and asked if he's interested in buying another hospital."

"So, a guy we've never met before is our boss now?" Arizona questioned.

"No." She shook her head. "I am. That was part of the deal. He would only buy it if I was in charge and how could I say no to bossing all of you around?"

"But you live in Switzerland." Jackson commented stupidly.

"And that's why all of you are here." She looked around. "I want everyone in this room to be on my board of directors."

"You want us to what?" Alex wondered.

"Listen, I can't be here every day but you people are. And I trust you enough to run my hospital for me."

"But we know absolutely nothing about running a hospital." Callie stated.

"Jackson does." Cristina gestured at him. "He grew up in board meetings and probably knew how to draw up a budget report by the age of twelve. His family does this for a living."

"That is true." Jackson nodded.

"And besides, it's not like I'm buying this place and then bolting. I'm going to be here a few times a month. Just to check if you guys haven't burnt my new hospital to the ground. Also, Owen, if he wants to be, will still be chief." She looked at him. "Do you still want to be chief, Owen?"

He thought about it. "Yeah." He paused. "Yes. Yes, I do." He looked at everyone. "If you all still want me to be?"

Cristina looked at them. "Everyone who wants Owen to remain chief, raise your hand."

All of their hands went up.

"Okay, so, Owen remains chief."

He smiled.

She looked at everyone again. "When I moved to Zurich, I didn't know anything about running a hospital either. I took a chance and it paid off. And now I'm taking a chance on you guys and I'm telling you it's going to pay off." She paused. "The only alternatives are reselling to some guys in suits or closing down. Now, I can promise you that you do not want suits running this hospital. They think they know what they're doing but they don't. They're going to run this place like a business and you and I both know that our hospital is much more than that. And closing down shouldn't even be an option. Just put your trust in me and I'll help you get through this." She made eye contact with everyone. "Okay?"

Everyone agreed.

"I like this Cristina." Jackson commented.

"Of course you do." She said and then carried on. "Now, we're going to be having a gala really soon. That's what I did with my hospital and that's what I want to do here."

"A gala? Seriously?" Alex questioned.

"It's to get investors and to let them know that we're under new management." She shrugged.

"I thought you said your guy's loaded."

"He is but it's good to have backups. And that way, you'll have money pouring into the hospital at all times."

"I'm starting think that you should've bought the hospital a long time ago." Callie commented.

Cristina smiled. "So we're all in?"

"Hell yeah we're in!"

\

Her phone rang and she pulled it out as she walked towards his office. "Fuck." She muttered when she saw it was Shane. She held it up to her ear. "Hey, bud."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you calling me that?"

"Because you're my buddy."

"Okay..." He paused. "Anyway, did you decide to stay an extra day or something? Is it Saul?"

"Actually, no. I'm in Seattle."

"Oh. When will you be back?"

"I'll be here three days tops."

"Okay, I'll hold down the fort."

"Thanks."

They were quiet.

"Oh, hey, by the way, I bought the hospital." She paused. "I bought Seattle Grace."

"You-you bought Seattle Grace?"

"Yeah. I kinda did." She leaned against the railing and watched Owen in his office.

"When did that happen?"

"This morning."

He was quiet for a moment. "Klausman?"

"Klausman."

"Uhm, congratulations?"

"Thanks."

They were quiet again.

"I've-I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Shane."

He didn't say anything.

"Shane." She repeated.

"Are you leaving me here? Are you moving to Seattle and leaving me here? Because if that's the case I-"

"Shane, I'm not leaving you. This was just a spontaneous decision I made. Owen-"

"Owen? Where did he come from?"

"What do you mean 'where did he come from'? He was with me in L.A and he told me-"

"He was with you in L.A? Is that why you didn't want me to come with you? You didn't want me to get in the way?"

"What? No. Shane, listen to me. This has nothing do with Owen. Yes, he was with me in Beverly Hills but I didn't invite him. He just showed up and while he was there he told me about the hospital going bankrupt and that they needed someone to help them out so that's what I did. Besides, why am I even explaining myself to you? You work for me, remember?" She shut eyes, immediately regretting her words.

"Oh, yes, of course. What was I thinking? Listen, I've gotta go. Talk to you later, boss."

"Shane-"

He hung up and she brought the phone down from her ear.

Why was it that she could never keep all the men in her life happy at the same time?

She sighed.

They were so the weaker sex.


	72. Chapter 72

26 February 2017

She smoothed down her new dress as she made her way inside.

The gala had already begun and it was packed with the filthy rich.

She looked around, admiring the work the decorator had done. It was all elegant yet exciting. She was definitely worth the extra bucks.

She watched as Owen approached her.

"Well, don't you look handsome in your tux." She smiled as she took his drink from him, taking a sip.

"Thank you." He leaned down and placed a kiss on her cheek. When he leaned back, his eyes roamed over her. He smiled. "You look beautiful."

"I know." She took another sip, her playful eyes watching him from over the rim of the glass.

A waiter passed and Owen removed a glass from the tray, never taking his own eyes off of her.

"Do I have to be here?" Meredith was suddenly beside them and they turned to her.

"What?" Cristina blinked at her.

"Do I have to be here? I should be home with my children, sitting on my couch in my sweats watching old Seinfeld reruns."

Cristina watched her. "Yes. You have to be here."

Alex walked up to them. "This party blows."

"What's your problem?"

"I don't know how to do this." He gestured around him. "I don't know how to con people out of their money."

"You're not-"

"How long do we have to stay? Because I've got a big surgery tomorrow."

"And I have to take Sofia to the dentist first thing in the morning." Callie and Arizona joined them.

"What are we all huddled for?" Jackson asked as he and April arrived.

"We're trying to decide what's the appropriate amount of time to stay before we bolt." Callie informed him. She looked at Cristina. "So?"

Cristina watched them, handed her glass to Owen and then went to stand beside Alex so that she was facing the group. She folded her hands in front of her. "Seriously?"

Everyone looked at one another. "What?" Callie questioned.

"Seriously?" She repeated. "You all realize that we're doing this for the sake of the hospital, right? That we're not just doing it for the science and the giggles. You realize that, right?"

They looked at one another again.

"Because I don't think you do. I don't think you realize that this gala is to save all of your asses. So that you don't have to go out and hunt for jobs and lose your apartments and pull your kids out of their fancy daycares. This is for you. And I don't think you realize that because if you did, you wouldn't be complaining the way you are right now. You wouldn't be complaining about having to wake up early tomorrow morning or missing your sitcoms or socializing." She looked at Alex. "So, the faster you realize that this is all for your benefit and for the benefit of the hospital, the sooner you can stop whining and actually do what we came here to do."

"But how do we get these people to... give us money?" Arizona questioned.

"You flirt." She stated.

"Flirt?"

"Flirt." She repeated. "It's really that simple." She stepped closer. "Look, these are wealthy millionaires who love to have their egos stroked so, do just that." She shrugged. "Just pretend you're trying to pick someone up at a bar, which I know for a fact that each of you know how to do, and instead of taking them home tonight, you take a cheque instead."

"It's that simple?" April questioned.

"It's that simple." She nodded. "Now, disperse."

They did as they were told, leaving Owen and Cristina alone again.

She took her glass back from him.

"You're bossy." He stated.

"I've been told."

"It's hot."

"I know."

\

She held her fingertips against his wrist. "Strong, healthy heartbeat. Lot's of, uh, physical activity..."

"You can tell from my heartbeat?"

"Of course." She smiled. "And from the way the suit fits." She glided a hand down his arm.

Her eyes fell on Owen standing at the bar with a woman she hadn't seen before.

She didn't look like an investor.

She had a hand on Owen's and the way she was looking at him annoyed her.

The woman laughed, throwing her head back and Cristina watched Owen's eyes follow her, a smile on his face

"Dr. Yang?"

Cristina's head snapped back to the very wealthy man in front of her. "Sorry." She smiled. "Where were we?"

\

Meredith approached her at the bar and slid a cheque across the counter.

Cristina looked at it and then at her.

"I've still got it." Meredith gave her a smug smile.

Cristina took the cheque. "That's a lot of zeroes."

"I know."

"Think they have anything to do with it?" She gestured at Meredith's breasts.

"Oh, they better have. My baby boobs have to be good for something."

"So, feeding your child..."

"Here." Callie was suddenly beside them.

Cristina took the cheque. "Nice."

"Right?"

Meredith inspected it. "Mine has more zeroes."

Cristina smiled and placed both of the cheques inside her purse.

Alex walked up to them and ordered a drink.

"What's with the sourpuss?" Cristina questioned.

"This is the lamest party I've ever been to. I'm going home. Louise is waiting for me anyway."

"No. You're not."

Alex took his drink from the bartender. "I don't know how to do this." He gestured around him.

"Karev," She started. "You couldn't have gotten women like Izzie and Louise without a little effort. So just perform whatever magic trick you used on them on these investors and you'll be set."

Alex rolled his eyes and took a sip.

She stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, come on. You're semi good looking and your personality is a solid five. You can do this."

"Thanks." He said sarcastically.

"You're welcome." She swung him around and gently shoved him back into the crowd. "Now, go get 'em."

She went to stand at the counter again, between Meredith and Callie.

"Who's that woman Owen's talking to?" Meredith wondered. "Is she an investor?"

Cristina watched them. "I don't know." She said dryly.

"Should Callie and I go over there and find out?"

"No."

"Well, don't you want to know?"

Cristina looked at her. "No, Meredith. I don't want to know. It's fine. Whatever."

She picked up her purse and placed it under her arm. She then picked up the two drinks the bartender had placed on the counter. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go flirt a cheque out of my investor."

\

It had gotten to that point of the night where everything was starting to calm down and people were beginning to leave.

The music was softer and the sounds of low chatter could be heard across the room.

"I really enjoyed tonight." He smiled. "I was dreading coming but you made it worthwhile." He paused. "Even if it was just about the money."

Cristina smiled. "Now, about that money..."

He pulled a cheque out of his jacket pocket. "Here."

She took it and did a quick scan. "Hmm. That's a lot of money."

"It is. So, I hope you know how much I enjoyed your company."

"Noted."

He smiled again and then looked at his watch. "I've gotta get going. Early morning."

"I'll walk you out." She offered.

They made their way through the thinning crowd and into the cold, Seattle air.

They turned to one another and he stuck out his hand. "It was nice meeting you, Dr. Yang."

She placed her hand in his. "Same here, Mr. Lucas."

"Please. It's Richard."

"Two first names?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "My parents thought it would be cute but none of my classmates felt the same."

A car pulled up and they turned to it. "Well, this is my ride." He looked at her. "I guess I'll see you around."

She smiled. "See you around."

He stepped off the pavement and the driver got out, opening the door for him. He was about to get in when he stopped. "I know this is a long shot but... do you wanna go get a drink?"

She turned towards the venue and spotted Owen walking towards them and she looked back at Richard. "I'm going to have to ask for a rain check."

"It was really just about the money?"

"I'm afraid so."

He was quiet for a moment. "Well, I've got a lot more where that came from."

She laughed. "Goodnight, Richard."

He smiled at her one last time and then disappeared inside the vehicle. She watched the car drive off.

Owen walked up to her. "Was that your investor?"

"It was."

"You get the cheque?"

"Of course."

Owen smiled.

They were quiet for a moment.

"Hey, wanna go over to joe's for a drink?"

He thought about it. "Yeah, I could-"

"Owen?"

They turned and found the woman Owen had been speaking to all night standing behind them.

"Emma, hey."

Cristina looked between the two of them. She stepped forward and offered her hand. "Cristina Yang."

"Emma Marling." She took her hand. "Wow. Dr. Yang, I'm a big fan of your work."

Cristina smiled. "Thank you. Are you an investor?"

"No. I'm a surgeon down at Seattle Pres."

"Oh, I've got friends over there and they've never mentioned a Marling."

"Uh, Emma just transferred last month." Owen cut in.

"Oh." Cristina nodded. "I see."

Emma smiled and then turned towards Owen. "Anyway, I came out here to ask you if you wanted to go get a drink or something?"

Owen looked at Cristina and then back at Emma. "I, uh, I was actually-"

Cristina saw the look on his face and decided to make the decision easier for him. "I'm just going to head home and call it a night." She cut in.

"Are you sure?" Owen wondered.

"I'm sure." She gave him a small smile and then headed inside.

She walked over to the bar and placed her purse on the counter.

She looked around and spotted her friends in the crowd still trying to milk their final investors.

She should be doing the same thing but she wasn't in the mood.

She opened her purse and pulled out her phone and the business card Richard had given her.

She dialed his number, her thumb hovered above the dial button.

She pressed it.

He answered on the third ring.

"Hey, Richard? It's Cristina Yang."

\

Cristina smiled as he walked up to her. "Richard Lucas."

"Cristina Yang." He stopped in front of her, his hands in his pockets. For a millionaire, everything about him seemed casual. "I was surprised to get a call from you. What changed your mind?"

"I thought maybe you deserved a chance."

"So, it had nothing to do with my unbelievably good looks and mountains of money?"

She laughed. "Maybe the latter."

Richard smiled and gestured towards the entrance of the bar. "Shall we?"

They stepped inside and the place was crowded.

Cristina could tell that everyone had the same idea as them and headed over straight from the gala because they were all dressed in evening wear.

Richard ushered her towards a table and they sat down.

"This place looks fun. You've been here before?"

"It's right across from the hospital so yeah."

"So, you're saying that all of your doctors operate under the influence?"

"Is there any other way?"

"Operating while high is just as great, if I'm being honest."

Cristina laughed again. "I can't tell if you're actually funny or if it's the huge cheque you just gave me that guilts me into laughing."

"Either one is great with me." He shrugged and picked up the menu on the table.

The bell went off, signaling that the door opened and Cristina looked up to find Owen and Emma walking in.

She was suddenly unreasonably annoyed.

Owen spotted her and Cristina watched his smile fade as his eyes travelled towards Richard.

She had to admit that she felt a little bit better.

Emma grabbed Owen's hand and pulled him over to the bar where Cristina and Owen were in direct eye line.

Richard looked up and followed her gaze. "Do you know him? Want to go over?"

"No." She said a little too harshly. "No." She corrected herself. "That's okay. What do you wanna drink?"

\

Owen watched as Cristina laughed again at something her investor said.

It was so distracting.

Every time she threw her head back, her neck was completely exposed and all he wanted to do was take her home and drag his-

"Owen?"

Her voice penetrated his thoughts and his eyes snapped down to her. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course." He smiled. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"It just seemed like you weren't here for a moment."

"I'm here." He nodded. "I'm here."

\

She had her hand on Owen's arm again and he wasn't moving it away.

Why were they there anyway?

Joe's wasn't the only bar in Seattle. She was sure they could find another one.

She watched as Emma laughed hard at something Owen said and felt even more annoyed. Owen wasn't that funny.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Cristina, is everything okay? Do you not want to do this?"

"Everything's fine. I'm just a little distracted but I'm fine." She waved him off. "You were saying?"

He turned to look at Owen and then looked back at her, not fully understanding what was going on with the woman in front of him but he was beginning to think that it had something to do with the redheaded man behind him. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure." She nodded. "Please, carry on."

\

More than a half an hour had passed and Owen was pretty sure he was completely neglecting the lovely woman sitting in front of him but how could he concentrate while Cristina was with another man a few feet away from him?

She seemed pretty interested in whatever he was telling her because she was always smiling and nodding along but every now and then, when he would look up at her, she would already be looking at him. He knew this was bothering her as much as it was bothering him.

Suddenly, she was grabbing her purse and he was throwing a few dollar bills on the table.

Were they leaving?

Was she going home with him?

\

"Are you sure you don't want a ride home?"

"No, that's okay. I'll catch a cab."

"At least let me pay for it then?"

"Hey, it's your money."

He smiled and placed a hand on her back, ushering her towards the door.

They were about to leave when someone suddenly grabbed her hand and swung her around.

"Owen, what the hell?"

"Can we talk?"

"Hey, she's with me so I suggest you let her go."

Owen held his free hand up. "Mind your business."

Cristina could tell he was trying to remain calm. "Owen, what is this about?"

"Let's just go outside and talk."

"Listen, buddy. Let her go. She doesn't want to talk."

"I'm not your 'buddy'." He was about to step forward but Cristina put a hand on his chest, stopping him.

"Richard, I'll be right back. Just give us a minute."

"Are you-"

"I'm sure." She nodded. She looked up at Owen. "Let's go."

\

Once they were outside, she yanked her hand out of his. "What the hell was that, Owen? You were going to beat up an investor? Seriously?"

"I wasn't going to beat him up." He dismissed her.

"I know you. You were this close from starting something."

"Why were you with him anyway?"

"What?"

"Were you about to go home with him?"

She took a step back. "How is that any of your business?"

"So that's a 'yes'? You barely know him!"

"Oh, so, you and Jenna have been friends since kindergarten?"

"Emma." He corrected.

"Like I give a fuck. My point is, don't try to pin your jealousy on me!"

"I'm not jealous."

"Okay, so why did you stop me just now?"

"Because you were making a mistake."

"Why was I making a mistake?"

"You just were."

"Why, Owen?"

He turned around and took a few steps away from her.

She followed him, keeping her eyes on his back. "I asked you a question, Owen. Why? Why was it so wrong for me to leave with that perfectly decent man? Why did you find the need to stop me? Why?"

He suddenly swung around. "Because you're supposed to go home with me!" He yelled. "I'm the one who's supposed to take your hand at the end of the night and take you home! You're supposed to go home with me!" He yelled again. "There's your answer! Are you happy now?" He turned around and started walking again.

"Don't walk away from me!" He continued. "Owen!" She ran up to him and grabbed his hand. He swung around again and this time, he grabbed ahold of her waist and pulled her against him, his lips immediately on hers.

She didn't fight it.

He backed her up against the wall, his lips and teeth ravaging her mouth.

And when he added his tongue, she let out a sigh and melted against him.

She held onto his arms as he held her up and when he pulled away, her eyes were hooded. "You're an asshole." She said softly, her breath against his lips.

"I am. I am an asshole."

"And a hypocrite."

"I know."

"I should go back to Richard."

"You should."

Neither of them moved.

She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down to her again.

His body crushed her against the wall, wanting to be as close to her as he possibly could.

She grabbed onto his waist, pulling him even closer.

His lips left hers and went to her neck.

She moaned.

"Owen."

He kissed his way up to her jaw. "Hmm?"

"Take me home."

\

He was nestled in between her legs.

Her hand in his damp hair.

His lips on her collar bone.

Their naked bodies were beginning to grow goosebumps but neither of them were willing to move.

The sun was beginning to rise and shine in through the windows, giving the room a soft glow.

"Do you realize we left our dates at the bar?" She finally spoke, interrupting the silence.

He lifted her arm and kissed it. "They knew we weren't coming back."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They could see the lust in your eyes."

She laughed. "My eyes? What about yours? You were practically undressing me from across the bar."

"I was." He admitted.

They were quiet again.

She ran her fingertips up his back. "Owen?"

He placed a kiss on her abdomen and she inhaled. "Yes?"

Her hands went to his hair again. "You know you're always going to be the one I want to go home with, right?"

He paused and looked up at her.

She gently ran her fingers through his hair. "No matter where we are. No matter who I'm with. You're always going to be the one I want to go home with at the end of the day." She paused. "Always."

And there it was. The sincere, sensitive side of Cristina that only came out for him. He smiled and placed a kiss on her lips. "And I'm always going to be the one who takes you home." He paused. "How lucky am I?"

She smiled such a radiant smile that his heart felt like it had skipped a beat.

He wanted to say more. Three words to be exact. But he was afraid of scaring her off so he tucked it under his tongue and expressed it through a kiss instead.

She sighed into his mouth and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Connor would be up soon.

He needed to hurry up if he was going to really express it.

/

 **A/N: They still have a lot to figure out but they will always find their way back to one another. I strongly believe that. And yes, I know. Finally!**


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N: I would just just like to thank every person who has ever taken the time to leave a comment on one of my chapters. Y'all have no idea how much it means to me. It makes my day. Please, never stop.**

 **Also, sorry for making it seem like chapter 72 was the end of this fic, lmao. I wouldn't drop y'all without warning like that. Anyway, don't worry. As long as I am still inspired by this story, crowen and I aren't going anywhere.**

 **Once again, thank you!**

 **Enjoy.**

/

27 February 2017

She slowly opened her eyes and looked directly into blue ones.

She blinked. "Morning."

He smiled. "Morning."

"Were you watching me sleep?"

"I was."

"That's creepy."

"No, it isn't."

"It kinda is."

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer. "It's not creepy." He leaned down and kissed her.

"Owen, trust me, it's creepy. You might as well take pictures of me while I'm asleep and hang them up in your secret basement."

He laughed and pulled her on top of him. "Who says I haven't already done that?"

"Creep."

He kissed her again, not meaning to start something but ended up starting it anyway.

He tugged at the hem of the old army t-shirt she was wearing. "I like you in this."

"I'm never giving it back." She pulled it over her head and threw down beside her other clothes.

"It's the only one I have left that you haven't stolen."

"Too bad." She leaned down and kissed him again.

She deepened the kiss and his arms went around her, pulling her against him.

"Dr. Hunt," the door opened. "Time to get up."

"Susan!" Owen exclaimed.

Cristina swung around, found Owen's nanny standing in the doorway and hopped up, landing beside him. He immediately threw the covers over her.

"Oh god! Oh god! I'm so sorry!" Susan covered her eyes. "I didn't- oh god, I'm so sorry!" Mortified, she shut the door again.

Owen looked down at Cristina. "I forgot about that wake up call."

"You don't say."

\

"I probably should've locked the door."

"Yeah, that would've been the smart thing to do." She pulled on a pair of pajama pants she had stolen from Owen's drawer.

Owen tossed her bra to her. "At least it wasn't Connor."

She smiled. "That's not funny."

"Oh, come on." He walked over to her, grabbed her by the waist and pulled her against him. "It's not like we haven't been caught in the act before."

"This is different." She moved out of his embrace and pulled on the army t-shirt. "I mean, how does this usually work?"

"How does what work?"

"You know, the other times when you brought women home and snuck them pass Connor or whatever. What did you do? How did it work?"

He was quiet for a moment. "There haven't been other times."

She pulled her hair out from underneath her shirt and looked at him. "You mean, you've never brought women home before? I'm the first?"

"Well, yeah."

She was quiet for a long while, just looking at him. And then she went around the bed, got down on her knees and dug around underneath the bed for the slippers she had spotted there the night before. "Okay, but there's a kid in the house, now. It's not like all the other times we've gotten together. We can't be reckless anymore."

He watched her. "So, this is going to happen again?"

She pulled the slippers out and slipped them on. She looked up at him. "Yeah." She shrugged. "I hope so."

His lips extended into a smile and she returned it, throwing in an eye roll. "If you're going to start crying or whatever, I'm leaving."

He walked over to her and pulled her against him again. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

He lifted her up and she laughed. "You're not going anywhere." He dropped her on the bed and kissed her hard.

He finally pulled back when both of their lungs were on fire.

She looked at him for a moment, a smile on her face. She leaned up to give him a quick kiss and then pushed him off of her.

He looked confused. "Where are you going?"

"To get breakfast." She pulled the door open. "God, you're so obsessed with me."

\

They made their way downstairs and were immediately met by Susan.

"Dr. Hunt, I should've knocked. I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry. Next time-"

Owen took ahold of her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Susan, it's okay. It was a mistake. An unfortunate mistake but it happened. Let's just forget about it."

She nodded.

Cristina smiled, letting her know she was okay with it, too.

"I made breakfast." She offered.

"Great." Owen released her. "Now, where's my kid?"

They walked into the kitchen and Connor looked up from his highchair at the table, his face stuffed with pancakes.

He smiled when he saw Owen but smiled even brighter when he laid eyes on Cristina.

"I think he's happy to see you."

"He wouldn't be the first Hunt who has been in the last twenty-four hours."

Owen smiled and kissed his son on top of the head before inspecting the breakfast.

Cristina sat down beside Connor. "Hey, buddy. You miss me?"

He nodded eagerly.

"Yeah? How's that heart? You taking care of it?"

He shoved a pancake into his mouth.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'. "

Owen set a cup of coffee down in front of her. "So, what are your plans for today?"

"Well, after breakfast, I'm going to take a shower, steal a pair of your sweatpants and then I'm going over to Meredith's to pack."

"Pack?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving tonight."

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah." She repeated. "I live in Switzerland, remember?" She watched him. "Oh, come on. Don't make that face."

"What face? I'm not making a face."

"You're making a face. Your eyes are all sad and you're pouting. That's a face."

"Fine. I'm making a face. But can you blame me? I literally just got you back a few hours ago and now you're leaving me again. So, sorry if that causes me to make a face."

They were quiet.

Connor looked between them.

"Are we going to talk about things?" She wondered.

"Yes, of course we're going to talk about things."

"Okay, good because we need a plan. I need to know where we are and what all of this means."

"Me, too."

"Because you know, the last time we made plans, they didn't exactly work out."

"Ouch."

"I said what I said." She shrugged.

Owen leaned forward and looked into her eyes from across the counter. "Cristina, we'll work things out. We'll have the talk and figure out how everything's going to work and we'll draw up a plan. A plan we're going to stick to. Okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." He repeated. "So, what time does your plane leave?"

"At eight."

He nodded and stood up straight. "Do you have to leave tonight? You could leave tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. Or the day after that..."

She laughed. "I have a hospital to run. I can't stay another day."

"Yeah, I know." He pushed himself away from the island and walked over to the cabinets, pulling out two plates.

"You could come with me, you know?"

He turned to her. "What?"

"Well, maybe not tonight because that's too last minute but you could fly down tomorrow or something." She looked at Connor and then back at him. "The two of you could come and stay with me for the week." She shrugged. "It would make it easier for me to discuss Seattle Grace with you instead of Skyping every day or whatever. The board is set up so they can run the hospital while you're gone and if they have any questions, they can give us a call. I'm your boss so I can authorize your time off. I have an extra room for Connor to sleep in. I have a lot of hands who will help take care of him. We can have our talk in person. It all checks out."

"Are you sure about this?" He went to stand at the island again, setting the plates on top of the counter.

"Of course I'm sure." She looked at Connor. "What do you say, buddy? Do you wanna come home with me?"

He threw his hands up in excitement and squealed.

"See. He wants to come."

"He's a sellout. He would follow you over a cliff if he had to."

Cristina smiled and then reached out her hand, covering his with hers. "Owen, come home with me."

\

Cristina watched as the kids played.

Owen had insisted that he needed to drive her over to Meredith's and refused to let her call a cab. She finally gave in and told him that if he insisted on coming with her, he needed to give Susan the day off and bring Connor along. He obviously agreed.

Once they got there, Callie stopped by and brought Sofia over.

Christopher was being put down for a nap upstairs.

Connor stood up and handed her a lego, asking her to inspect it.

She took it and looked it over. "It's a good one." She nodded and he smiled, taking it back from her.

She looked over at Owen. "He's really easy to please, isn't he?"

"When it comes to you he is."

Cristina sat back and looked around.

If things actually worked out with Owen this time around, this would probably be her life.

Play dates and talks about children.

She and her friends would sit around and discuss how much their child pooped the night before and what color it was.

Could she do it?

Could she be that person?

It wasn't the life she had planned for herself.

It still wasn't.

Nothing had changed.

She still didn't want to be a mother.

So why was she even considering a relationship with a man who had a child?

Owen's hand instinctively went to her knee and squeezed. She wasn't even sure if he realized what he had done because he was so engrossed in a conversation with Callie about some case they had worked on together that it had to be a subconscious thing.

For some reason her heart fluttered.

She took his hand into hers and held it.

His head turned to her, a smile on his face.

She returned it, suddenly feeling nothing but love for the man sitting beside her.

Callie's phone rang and she excused herself, disappearing upstairs.

Cristina brought her hand up to cup his face, her thumb grazing over his cheek. "We can do this, right? I mean, I can do this?"

He immediately knew what she meant and turned his body towards her. "Yes. Yes, you can."

"But what if-"

"Cristina, you can do this." He nodded.

She looked at him for a moment. "I still don't want to be a mother."

"You don't have to be." He looked into her eyes. "You guys are more like friends anyway. You don't have to be his mother."

"Won't that screw him up?"

"With you in his life? I highly doubt it. If you could fix me..."

She smiled softly. "I didn't fix you."

"Oh, but you did." He nodded again. "You did."

They were quiet, never taking their eyes off one another.

Cristina sighed and brought her forehead against his. "I can do this."

"You can do this."

Meredith came walking down the stairs, Cristina's phone in her hand. "There's someone on the phone for you."

Cristina turned to her, standing to take it. "Who is it?"

"Someone named 'Lily'."

She held the phone up to her ear. "Hey, Lil." She gave him a smile and then made her way outside.

Owen's eyes followed her all the way to the door and when he looked back, he realized that his son's had as well.

He was already falling in love with her.

Owen couldn't blame him.

Cristina was this force that drew everyone around her in. She didn't even mean it most of the time. It just happened naturally.

She drew him in.

It only took one encounter for him to be completely hooked.

And there he was, years later, still orbiting around her sun.

His son stood up and handed him one of Zola's dolls.

"That's a great doll, buddy."

Owen watched him. He was still so vulnerable. So innocent. He could probably adjust to Cristina being around. Owen was certain of it. And they could be close. Maybe not like a mother and son type of close but he knew that Cristina would be the one to bail her son out when he was in trouble and talk to him about girls and sex and all the other things he couldn't even think about discussing with him.

They could make it work. They had to.

Connor moved on from the doll, showing no interest in it anymore and Owen stood up, going to the door to check on Cristina.

"Hey, is everything okay?" He watched her back.

She turned to him, her phone in her hands and looked up at him.

He could immediately sense that something was wrong. He stepped forward. "What is it?"

She looked down at the phone and then back up at him. "Saul died."


	74. Chapter 74

**A/N: okay, so, this chapter was really important to me and I tried my best to give it as much justice as i could. To be honest, I'm still not 100% sure about it but then again, I'm never 100% sure about any of my chapters, lmao. I just hope you guys feel as strongly about it as i do.**

 **Enjoy!**

/

28 February 2017

Cristina smiled as her father sang his favorite song to her. All of the lyrics were completely wrong but at least he had the tune down.

They were on their way to her mother's house. It was her week. Unfortunately.

Her father turned the radio down. "Do you have everything?"

She looked behind her at her backpack on the seat and then at him. "Yep."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure, dad."

"Okay, good." He turned the radio back up and starting singing again.

Cristina sat back and listened to him.

He was still dressed in his work clothes and Cristina wondered how he was able to wear a tie all day.

Her father was always in suits. Never casual.

He always had a stern look on his face that made him seem unapproachable but once you got to know him, he could make you laugh until you cried. Most of their nights were spent that way. On the living room floor, food spread out in front of them and just endless laughter.

She missed it when she was with her mother.

Things were just different over there.

He turned down the music again. "How do you feel about going camping sometime?"

She looked at him. "You don't camp."

"I could camp."

"Okay, fine. I don't camp."

He laughed. "It could be fun."

"You realize that you won't be able to wear your suits while camping. You'll probably have to wear a shorts and sandals and sleep on the floor."

He thought about it and then made a face. "Okay, so we won't go camping."

She laughed.

"What if we set up a tent in the living room?"

"That could work." She nodded.

"Okay, then. Camping in the living room it is." Satisfied, he turned up the volume again and another one of his favorites came blasting through the speakers. He started to dramatically sing it to her and she rolled her eyes, despite being amused.

All of a sudden, the sound of screeching tires caught their attention and her father looked away from her and towards the source.

He hit the brakes and she flew forward, his hand coming out to stop her.

Cristina's eyes widened as she watched a truck slam into a tree, flip into the air, do a somersault and when it finally landed, it slid across the tar, heading straight for them.

It hit the drivers side of their car, pushing them off of the road and onto the grass. The car rolled a few times until it hit a boulder, stopping them.

xx

"Cristina?"

Her head snapped up and she looked into Owen's concerned eyes.

He placed his hand on her knee. "Hey, you okay?"

She cleared her throat and nodded. "Yeah. You know I don't do well with planes." It wasn't a complete lie. "But I'm okay." She gave him a small smile.

"You sure?"

She covered his hand with hers. "I'm sure."

He cupped her cheek and placed a kiss on top of her head, bring her down to lay on his shoulder.

She turned her head and placed a kiss on the inside of his palm. She looked up at him. "Thank you for coming with me." She paused. "For the second time in a week." She smiled.

"Are you kidding? I love L.A."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah. I don't."

She leaned up and kissed his lips. "Thank you, anyway."

\

She walked into the house and Lily through her arms around her.

She held on.

"I know this must be hard for you." She whispered.

Cristina didn't say anything.

Lily released her and Cristina pulled her suitcase further inside.

Owen leaned down and gave her a hug as well.

"How is she?" She asked softly.

"Okay, I think." Owen nodded.

"I can hear you." Cristina commented, her back towards them as she made her way upstairs.

Owen smiled at Lily and followed her.

She dropped her suitcase in the middle of her room and crawled onto the bed.

Owen picked up the bag and placed it beside the bed, along with his.

He got a blanket out of the cupboard and covered her with it, climbing in behind her. He rested his chin on her shoulder. "On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?"

"Eight."

"Okay." He nodded. "We can work with an eight."

She brought his arm around her waist and he pulled her against him. "I'm here." He kissed her shoulder and she closed her eyes. "I'm here."

xx

Cristina slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times.

It was quiet.

She squinted as the sun came in through the cracks in the windscreen.

She held her hand up, blocking it.

She touched her forehead, looked at her hand and found that she was bleeding.

That would explain the throbbing pain in her head.

She looked beside her and felt her heart sink. "Dad?" She said softly.

There wasn't any answer.

She moved to get up but was pulled back by the seatbelt.

She tried to get it off as fast as she could but her hands were shaking.

When it finally released her, she sprung up. She held her father's head between her hands. "Dad?" She shook him. "Dad!" She yelled. She bent down and listened. He was still breathing.

Her eyes scanned over him. She noticed that his shirt was covered in blood. She pulled it open and gasped when she saw the gaping wound in her father's chest. Her lip shook.

She needed to find help.

The truck driver.

She moved to open her door but it wouldn't budge.

The boulder was pressed up against it.

She climbed onto the backseat and tried the back doors. They wouldn't open either. She jiggled the handle, groaning in frustration.

"Dad, what do I do?" She climbed into the front again. "What do I do?" She yelled.

She looked up and noticed that the sunroof seemed to still be intact. She hit the button and watched it open.

She stood up on the seat and hoisted herself up onto the roof of the car and slid down to the hood.

She hopped off, ran over to the truck and made her way around it. "Help! I need help! My dad-" she stopped when she saw the driver hanging outside of the windscreen, a shard of glass going right through him.

There was no way he survived that.

She looked around.

She looked left and right, searching for signs of life but couldn't see anything but trees and more road.

She was alone.

"Help! Please! Help!" She screamed. "Somebody! I need help!" Tears were streaming down her face and her throat was burning from her cries.

She needed to get back to her father.

She walked over to the car and tried his door. Surprisingly, it opened.

She stepped onto the door frame and brought her head down to him. He was still breathing.

She knew she had to control the bleeding.

She had seen in it on one of those medical shows Saul watches.

She grabbed his jacket from the backseat and laid it down on the grass.

She unbuckled his seatbelt and prepared herself.

She was going to have to drag her father out of the car and onto the ground.

It was the only way she could get to the bleeding.

She wrapped both of her arms around his waist and pulled. He barely moved.

She then went to plan B and grabbed his legs, turning him so that the lower part of his body was facing outside of the car.

She pulled his legs until his back was almost off of the seat and then she grabbed him beneath his arms and dragged him out of the car and over to the grass.

She collapsed.

Her tiny body was no match for his.

She sat up. "Dad?" She shook him. "Dad, wake up!"

Nothing happened.

She placed both hands on his chest, holding the wound closed. "Don't leave. Please don't leave me." She said softly.

She could feel his heartbeat beneath her palms. It was comforting to know that it was still there.

Her knee was hitting something hard and she looked down.

She carefully removed one of her hands and shoved it in the pocket of the jacket her dad was on and found his phone. She sighed in relief. She immediately dialed 911 and put the phone on speaker.

"Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?"

"We've been in an accident. We were hit by a truck and the car rolled and now my dad is bleeding and he's not awake and I'm all alone." She cried. "I'm holding his chest closed but the bleeding won't stop!"

"It's okay, sweetheart. We're going to get you some help. Do you know where you are?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Could you describe your surroundings for me?"

She looked around. "We're close to Beverly Hills. That's where my mom lives. There aren't any houses here. Just some trees." She tried her best. "I don't know." She started crying again.

"That's okay. It's okay. We're going to get to you. You just hold on and stay on the phone with me. Can you do that?"

"Yeah- yes. I can do that." She looked down at her father. "Did you hear that? Help is coming. Just stay with me."

Her father coughed and his eyes shot open. "Cristina?" His eyes moved around wildly as he tried to find her.

"I'm here!"

"Cristina." He repeated, struggling to stay awake.

"Dad! Daddy, I'm here!" She shook him but he had slipped away already.

She looked down at her hands and saw that the blood was now gushing profusely out of her father's chest.

"I can't stop the bleeding any longer!" She yelled into the phone.

"Just try to hold on! An ambulance is on its way!"

"I'm trying!" She sobbed. "I can't! I can't! My hands are too small!"

"Sweetheart, what's your name?"

"Cristina! Cristina Yang!"

"Okay, Cristina, is your father's heart still beating?"

"Yes! I can feel it."

"Okay, so that means he's still alive, you hear me? He's going to be okay. I just need you to remain calm and try your best to hold that wound closed. Apply as much pressure as you can. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes." She nodded. "I can do that."

"Just keep talking to me, okay? Are you in school?"

"I am." She sniffled.

"Yeah? Which grade?"

"Third- third grade."

The dispatcher sighed. She was so little. "That makes you what? Eight? Nine?"

"Nine. I'm nine years old."

"I've got a ten year old back home. And let me tell you, he's not half as brave as you are. You're amazing."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. How's his heartbeat?"

"It's still there." She nodded. "It's still there."

"That's good. Just keep applying pressure. Our units are almost there."

She nodded again.

She removed one hand and wiped her tears, smearing blood all over her cheeks.

She returned the hand.

The bleeding wasn't that bad anymore.

She just had to hold on a little while longer. "Help is on the way." She whispered. "They're coming. Your heart is still beating. You're alive. Help is on the way." She repeated. "They're coming. Your hear is still beating. You're alive."

All of a sudden, her father let go of a huge sigh and dropped his head.

"Dad?" She looked down at her hands. "There's no heartbeat." She said softly. "There's no heartbeat!" She yelled into the phone.

"Okay, Cristina, I'm going to need you to perform CPR on your father. Do you know how to do that?"

"I do. We just learned it in school."

"That's great! I'm going to need you perform it on him. Just bring your hands over his heart and push down as hard as you can. I'll keep count. Okay?"

"Okay." She nodded.

"Here we go."

After that, everything was a blur.

She didn't hear the dispatcher continuously call out to her.

She didn't hear or notice the ambulance pulling up.

She didn't even feel the paramedic pick her up and place her at the back of the van, throwing a blanket over her shoulders.

She vaguely remembered him telling her that she had done everything in her power to save her father. That it wasn't her fault. That she shouldn't feel like it was. But she could barely hear him. After all, she was watching them zip up her father in a black bag.

She watched as they lifted him onto the gurney and wheeled him into the back of a different ambulance.

She threw the blanket down and hopped out of the back.

She ran over. "I'm going with him."

"You can't-"

"I'm going with him. He's my father. I'm going with him."

The paramedic watched her and then nodded.

He helped her into the back and she sat down on the cushioned seat across from her father's body.

The guy got in and closed the doors.

The ambulance started up and she felt it jerk as it pulled way.

It was quiet.

"Look kid, I'm really sorry about your dad." He tried to fill the silence.

She looked over at him and chose not to reply.

She stood up and looked down at the body bag in front of her.

She went for the zip.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

She ignored him and pulled it down, revealing her father's face.

She placed a hand on his cheek. "He's still warm." She observed. "Shouldn't dead people be cold?"

The paramedic watched her. "It takes a while."

She was quiet.

She brought her other hand up and placed it on his other cheek, holding his head between her hands. "Dad." She whispered. "Daddy." Her voice shook. "This is your last chance. You have to wake up now." She sniffled. "Dad."

"He's not coming back, kid."

"I know that!" She yelled.

He nodded.

She looked back at her father. "You can't leave me alone." She shook her head. "What about our weeks? And our movie nights? What about our camping trip? Daddy, you can't leave me. What am I supposed to do without you?" She wiped her eyes. "You promised me that you'd always be there for me. No matter what. You're breaking your promise. You never break your promises." She shook her head again. "Dad, please wake up." She begged. "Please." She dropped her head to his chest and sobbed. "What am I supposed to do without you?" She asked again.

The paramedic stood up and walked over to her, trying his best not to fall over.

He sat down on the seat and placed his hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged him off.

He waited a moment and then picked her up, placing her in his lap.

She fought him but he held on tight.

Eventually, she threw her arms around his neck and stained his uniform with her tears.

"It's okay." He soothed her. "You're going to be okay. Trust me. Everything is going to be fine." He assured her. "You're going to get through this, kid."

\

1 March 2017

Cristina and Owen walked in and made their way down the aisle and to the front.

She eyed Saul's coffin as she sat down in the front row.

Owen placed his hand on her knee.

The synagogue was beginning to fill up and she knew they were going to start soon.

She couldn't wait for it to be over.

Her mother sat down beside her.

Cristina looked at her. She was hiding her emotions behind a stern face but Cristina could tell she was hurting.

"Mom."

Her mother's head snapped towards her like she hadn't even realized Cristina was there. And then her eyes softened and she took Cristina's hand into hers.

Cristina was drawn back for a moment. Her mother wasn't big on physical contact but she figured that it was one of those days where all norms flew out of the window.

She squeezed her mother's hand, letting her know she was there.

She wanted to say something. Something comforting and supportive but she couldn't find the words so she just used her other hand to gently bring her mother's head down to her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Her mother grabbed onto her arm.

Cristina held her. "It's okay. You're going to get through this." She assured her. "It's okay."

xx

Cristina looked down at her clothes and realized that they were covered in blood.

So were her hands.

She looked around and wondered if the nurse had anything to get it off. Her mother was going to kill her.

She was seated in the waiting room.

The paramedic had handed her over to a nurse when they arrived at the hospital and she watched as her father got wheeled off into some unknown location.

The crying had stopped.

She felt numb.

More than numb.

And drained.

Numb and drained were the only two emotions she was feeling at that moment.

She was waiting for her mother to arrive. To take her home so that the worst day of her life could finally end.

But it was never going to end.

She knew that.

She kept replaying the events in her mind, wondering what else she could've done.

She heard the sound of heels running down the empty hallway and looked up to find her mother heading towards her.

She slowed down once she reached her.

Cristina watched her.

She looked uncertain.

Like she wasn't sure what to do with the nine year old covered in blood.

Saul was hovering behind her, keeping his respectful distance.

"Are you..." her mother finally spoke.

"I'm okay." She nodded.

Her mother threw her bag down on a chair and waited a moment before she dropped down on her knees in front of Cristina.

She brought a hand up and cupped her face. "I spoke to the nurse." She stated. "She told me what happened. How brave you were." She paused. "And I just want you to know... I am so proud of you, gongjunim."

Cristina was quiet for a moment. "Dad's dead." She felt the need to say it.

"I know." Her mother nodded. "I know. And I am so sorry."

Cristina's lip trembled. "I was alone. I tried my best. I couldn't-"

"I know." Her mother repeated. "You did everything you could."

Cristina threw her arms around her mother's neck and began to sob on her shoulder.

Her mother rubbed her back, soothing her. "It's okay." She said softly. She wrapped her arms around her daughter and lifted her. She sat down on the seat, cradling Cristina on her lap. "It's okay." She repeated. "Mother's here. It's okay."

\

Owen pulled up in front of the house.

Neither of them moved to get out.

"Long day." He stated.

"Yeah." She said softly. "And I have to fly in a few hours."

"Me, too. And then again tomorrow."

She turned her head to him. "Do you wanna postpone the trip?"

"No." He shook his head. "Do you?"

"No."

He gave her a gentle smile.

She looked away again and up at the house. "My mother wants me to stay and sit shiva with them. I don't think I can."

"I'm sure she'll understand."

Cristina scoffed. "Have you met my mother?"

He smiled for a second and then it faded. "I know today was hard for you. Losing Saul must be difficult."

She sighed. "It is." She kept her eyes on the house. "His death reminds me of so much."

Owen watched her. "Of your father?"

"Yeah." She looked down and then up at him. "It's funny, it's been so long and I still miss him every day."

"You never really get over losing a parent." He stated, thinking about his own father. He was quiet for a moment. "You never told me what happened."

She looked up at him. "What?"

"After that day in the on-call room, you've never spoken about the accident again."

She rested her head against the back of the seat. "It's not something I talk about."

"I know." He nodded. "Maybe one day?"

"Maybe."

He took her hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing the inside of her palm.

She smiled softly. "I love you."

He paused and looked at her. Of course, he knew. He knew that she still loved him but to actually hear her say it was something else. He leaned forward and kissed her, burying his hands in her hair and drawing out little sighs from her.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes, the one place where her emotions were always raw and out in the open even when she tried to hide them. He saw nothing but genuine love there. "I love you, too."

\

Cristina walked through the door and Lily bent down to throw her arms around her.

She didn't reciprocate.

Lily pulled back and looked into her eyes. "You're so brave."

She had been hearing that a lot.

She forced a small smile on her face and then moved out of the woman's embrace, pulling her suitcase along.

"Do you need help with that?"

"No. I've got it." She lifted the case up, threw it over her shoulder and made her way up the stairs.

She stepped inside, walked to the middle of her room and dropped her bag.

She looked around.

Even though it had always been her room, everything felt different.

Knowing that she was never going back to her dad's place broke her heart.

She turned around and Saul was standing in the doorway.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Can I come in?"

She nodded.

He took a few steps forward and placed his hands in his pockets. He was quiet for a moment. "Listen, I know what you've been through in the last twenty-four hours has been traumatic and devastating and I know that I could never even try to imagine what you're going through because I can't possibly relate but just know that I am here." He placed a hand on his chest. "You can come to me at any time. My door is always open. We don't even have to talk. We could just go for ice-cream or something." He shrugged. "I don't really know what you like." He smiled. "But what I'm saying is, you don't have to be brave all the time. It's okay to not be okay. Especially in your case. The amount of courage you have to still be standing... I only wish I had your strength." He paused. "But when you don't feel like being strong and courageous, come to me. I'll be strong enough for the both of us. Okay?"

She nodded.

"Okay." Having said everything he came to say, he turned to leave.

"Saul?"

"Yes?" He swung around.

"What am I supposed to do?" She wondered. "Where do I go from here?"

He stepped forward again. "Now, you take this tragedy and you turn it into something. Take all the pain and the anger you're feeling and make use of it. Turn your pain into success. It's the only way to make sense of all of this."

"Turn my pain into success." She repeated.

"Turn your pain into success." He gave her a small smile and then took a step back. He turned around and gave the door a light tap as he walked through it. "Welcome home, Cristina."


	75. Chapter 75

**A/N: happy 2018! Hope this is the year we all get our shit together! Love y'all.**

/

2 March 2017

Cristina walked out of the gate and found Noah standing there with 'Yang' written on a piece of paper. She smiled.

She walked up to him, dropped her bags and pulled him into a hug.

He held on tight.

"I missed you. The house has been too quiet and too happy."

She laughed. "You missed my sourpuss?"

"More than you'll ever know."

She pulled back and looked around. "Where's Shane?"

"He's waiting at home."

"He didn't want to come?"

"You kinda hurt his feelings."

She rolled her eyes. "I know."

He picked up her bags and threw them in one of those airport trolleys, grabbing the handle with one hand and then throwing his arm over her shoulders. "Let's go home."

\

Cristina pushed the door open and stepped aside, allowing Noah to pass through with her bags. "Should I just put these in your room?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Thank you."

She walked inside and closed the door.

She turned.

Shane stood up from the couch and they eyed one another.

"Hi." She said softly.

"Hey."

"Cristina!" Elizabeth came out of the kitchen.

"Hi, Liz." She smiled as the woman pulled her into a hug.

Elizabeth pulled back and held her by the shoulders. "You have no idea how much we've missed you around her. Shane has done nothing but mope for the past week."

"I've missed you guys, too." She looked at Shane.

Elizabeth released her. "I made you dinner. I'll go heat it up." She disappeared again and Cristina turned to Shane.

She stepped forward and then dug into her handbag, pulling out a bar of candy. "I brought you airport chocolate." She offered. "Your favorite." She handed it to him. "I ate some of it."

He looked down at it and then at her. "Thank you."

"Look, Shane, I know what I said was-" A suitcase in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she stopped mid sentence. She turned and pointed at it. "What is that?"

He looked at it and then at her. "I'm just here to make sure you're okay and then I'm leaving." He tried to seem confident, unbothered.

"Leaving? Where are you going?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "But I don't live here anymore."

"What do you mean you don't live here anymore?" She raised her voice.

"I don't think it's appropriate for an employee to be living with their boss." He walked over and picked up the bag.

She followed him. "Shane, you're being ridiculous. Go unpack."

"No. You're not my boss right now. You can't tell me what to do."

"Are you serious, right now? I just got off a twelve hour flight after attending my step-father's funeral. I've had a long day. I don't have time for this. Go unpack."

"No."

"Shane."

"Dr. Yang."

She looked at him. "You're being ridiculous." She repeated and grabbed the bag.

"You're being ridiculous." He grabbed it back.

"You're acting like a child!" She grabbed ahold of the suitcase and held on, pulling it towards his room.

He pulled back. "Let go, Dr. Yang. I don't live here anymore!"

Noah came out of the room. "What's going on?"

"Shane's being an idiot!"

"You're the idiot!"

Elizabeth came out of the kitchen. "I knew this was going to happen." She looked at Noah. "Didn't I say this was going to happen?"

"You did say this was going to happen." He nodded.

"Shane, just let go! We can talk about this but you're not going anywhere!"

"Yes, I am! You can't control every aspect of my life!"

They continued to pull the bag in either direction.

"Oh, so now I'm controlling?"

"That's what I said."

"Okay, so how about we put the bag down and have a proper conversation about this?" Elizabeth suggested.

"Stay out of this!" They yelled unison.

She held her hands up and took a step back.

Noah put his arms around her in a comforting way.

"Are you seriously going to hold what I said against me?"

"Yes because you see me as an employee."

"Because you are my employee!"

"I'm also your friend, Dr. Yang!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"How about you release my suitcase so that I can leave and you can go be happy with Owen?"

"So that's what this is about? Owen? You're afraid I'm going to leave you for Owen?"

"Haven't you already?"

She paused. "Shane, what are you talking about? I'm here, aren't I?" She released the bag.

He dropped the suitcase on the floor. "For now."

She stepped forward. "Shane, I'm not leaving you for Owen. I'm here. In Switzerland. With you. And besides, wherever I go, you're going with me." She paused. "And I'm sure those freeloaders are coming along." She pointed at Elizabeth and Noah, not taking her eyes off of her friend and they smiled. "I'm not leaving you. How do you not get that?"

He looked down. "My therapist mentioned something about abandonment issues."

She was quiet for a moment, watching the broken man in front of her. The man who had been left too many times by the people he loved. So many times that his only solution is to leave them before they leave him. She stepped even closer and cupped his face in her hands, making him look at her. "I'm not abandoning you." She looked him straight in the eyes. "I will never abandon you." She said slowly. "You're stuck with me. Forever. Okay?"

He looked away.

"Okay?" She repeated.

He nodded. "Okay."

She pulled him into a hug and held on tight. "You're so dumb." She whispered.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her.

Noah and Elizabeth looked at one another and then walked over to them to join in on the love, forming a group hug.

Cristina allowed it for several minutes and then maneuvered her way out. "Okay, that's enough." She straightened her clothes. "Don't want all of you to get used to this kind of treatment."

\

3 March 2017

There was a knock on the door and Cristina hurried down the hallway.

She pulled the door open, a smile on her face. "Hi."

"Hi." Owen smiled and then dropped his bags, pulling her against him and kissing her senseless.

It had only been a day but he missed her more than he could handle.

When they pulled back, Connor popped out from behind him and grinned at her.

"Hey, buddy!"

He threw himself at her legs and she bent down to hug him. She looked up at Owen. "How was he on the plane ride over?"

"Fussy in the beginning but he passed out and slept through the rest of the flight." He shrugged.

Shane, Noah and Elizabeth rounded the corner.

"Hey, guys." Owen smiled.

They nodded in return.

Cristina knitted her brows at them. She looked down at Connor. "Wanna go see your room?"

He nodded eagerly and she stood up, taking him by the hand and leading him down the hall.

Owen was about to follow them when her roommates stepped in front of him, blocking his way. He looked up at them.

"We need to talk." Shane stated.

"We do?"

"We do." Noah confirmed.

"Okay." Owen said slowly.

"We're concerned about your relationship with Cristina." Elizabeth said bluntly.

"You're flakey." Shane added. "Unreliable and you're untrustworthy."

"You've dropped her before. And we've been here to clean up the mess you made." Noah gestured between the three of them. "How do we know that's not going to happen again?"

"It's not-"

"I mean, you told her that you were all in and then you disappeared and then you showed up again and this time, with a child." Elizabeth cut him off. "A child you didn't even tell her about. The only reason you're in this house again is because Cristina loves you so much that she's willing to give you another chance. Do you know how lucky you are?"

"I'm aware of-"

"That woman in there loves you so much. You have the heart of an extraordinary person and yet, you fail to see it. You just keep throwing it all away. And I can't tell if you're blind or incredibly stupid." Noah placed his hands on his hips.

"Excuse me?"

"Look, Owen, I've never really been a fan of yours." Shane stated. "But Cristina loves you which means I have to at least try to tolerate you. For her. But I swear to God, man, if you break her heart again, we will all be coming for you."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's whatever you want it to be." He shrugged. "Cristina might be willing to give you countless chances but we certainly aren't and we'll make sure you never see her again." Noah eyed him. "Do we understand one another?"

Owen was quiet for a moment, looking at each of them and then he sighed. "We do." He nodded. He realized that the three people standing in front of him loved Cristina almost as much as he did and they were just trying to protect her. How could he be angry at that? "Look, guys, I love her. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to hurt her again. You have my word."

They looked at one another and then at him.

"Okay, good." Elizabeth nodded.

Cristina showed up behind them. "What's going on?"

Everyone turned, fake smiles on their faces.

"We were just asking Owen about his flight and whatever." Noah explained.

Cristina didn't believe them but she let it go.

Connor held a new teddy bear up and showed it to his father. "Look!"

Owen smiled. "Hey, that's great, buddy! Where did you get that?"

"I got it for him." Cristina replied. "It looked like something he'd like." She shrugged.

Owen looked up at her, his heart swelling even more. "Thank you." He said sincerely.

"No problem."

"Okay!" Elizabeth clasped her hands together, making everyone look at her. "Who wants pie?"

\

Owen walked into the room and Cristina gave him a soft smile. "Is he asleep?" She lifted herself a little and watched him as he walked over to her.

He sighed. "Finally."

He laid down and she wrapped her arms around him, bringing her nose against his. She looked into his eyes. "You're a good Dad. I don't know if I've ever told you that but you are. Connor's a great kid."

He looked at her for a long moment, his emotions suddenly overwhelming him. "Thank you." He finally forced out.

"You're welcome." She seemed unaware of how much her simple acknowledgement meant to him. She placed a kiss on his lips and turned around, bringing his arm around her waist.

He pulled her against him, leaving no space in between them.

He kissed her shoulder.

He couldn't believe they were there again.

Couldn't believe that he had the love of his life wrapped up in his arms.

Couldn't believed he was in her home.

Sharing her bed.

It felt surreal to him.

He never thought that he'd get another opportunity to experience any of that again and yet, there he was.

There they were.

He ran his palm across her abdomen. "I love you." He declared, his voice barely above a whisper.

She smiled even though he couldn't see her. "So I've heard." She brought his hand up to her lips and kissed it. "I love you, too." She placed it back on her abdomen. "Just for the record." She added.

He turned her on her back and looked down at her, gently moving a strand of hair out of her face. He looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry."

She knitted her brows. "For what?"

"Everything." He shrugged. "I've put you through... so much and I feel the need to let you know how sorry I am. You deserve so much better. You deserve so much better than what I've given you over the past few years and I swear, from now on, you're going to get what you deserve. Because, Cristina Yang," he purred her name. "You deserve everything the universe has to offer and more and I'm going to find a way to give it to you. No more bullshit. No more excuses. I'm in this. For real. Forever. You're the love of my life and I'm not going to fuck this up. Not again. You have my word."

She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. "You better not fuck this up." She teased.

He turned his head and kissed the inside of her palm. "I won't fuck this up."

"I believe you." She nodded.

He looked at her, love radiating from his blue eyes and then he leaned down and kissed her, pouring the rest of his love into the way his lips moved against hers.

His kisses began to migrate, making their way down to her neck and across her chest, drawing out little sighs from her.

When he lifted her sweater and placed an open mouthed kiss on her abdomen, she whispered his name and he looked up at her.

She ran a hand through his hair and brought it all the way round to cup his chin. Her voice was low. "Lock the door." She commanded.

He smiled. "Yes, ma'am."


	76. Chapter 76

A/n: **hi! Yes, I know, it's been a while. I've been wanting to update for so long but life just kept on getting in the way. I was sick for a few weeks and then I started college and that has practically consumed my life. Not to mention the writers rut I've been in. I hope you guys haven't lost interest in this story. It's my baby. And I'll carry on with it for as long as you want me to. Which is why I have to ask, do you guys want me to keep going? I definitely will. Even if there's just one person out there, still willing to read. But if not. If you're growing tired and wishing for me to wrap up, I'll do that too. You guys are important to me and whatever you want, you're going to get.**

 **I'll try to update faster in the future. I just have to learn how to manage my time with school and assignments and things. I'm going to try and produce chapters that we both can be proud of. I promise.**

 **Anyway, enjoy this short chapter while we wait for my imagination to stop fucking around. It won't be long.**

 **Love y'all xx**

 **\**

4 March 2017

Elizabeth slowly opened her eyes and then flinched back. "Cristina!" She blinked, taking in Cristina's form standing over her in the dark. "What the hell?"

"I cracked three eggs into a bowl. Added flour and milk, like the recipe said. But the stupid WiFi is down so I have no idea what do next. What do I do next?"

Elizabeth blinked. "What?"

"Pancakes." Cristina said impatiently. "How do I make pancakes?" She held the bowl out in front of her.

Elizabeth looked at it and then at her, an amused smile forming on her lips. "You're trying to make pancakes?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "You know what? It's fine. If you're not going to help-"

"I'm going to help you." She laughed, throwing back the covers. "I think it's cute that you're trying to make breakfast."

"Yeah, well, it's Connor's first morning here. I want him to feel at home."

Elizabeth smiled. "Cristina, you have the ability to make anyone feel at home. I know from first hand experience. Don't doubt yourself."

Cristina smiled back.

Elizabeth took the bowl from her and looked down at it. "There are egg shells in here."

"Shut up and help me!"

\

Cristina stirred the batter, watching the lumps disappear. It was the only job Elizabeth had given her, with the promise, of course, that all the hard work would be accredited to Cristina. She sighed, boredom setting in as she waited for Elizabeth to return from the store with more milk. She was tempted to carry on without her but she was left with strict instructions, many of them forbidding her from giving in to her temptations.

Suddenly, she felt two hands snake around her waist and she smiled.

"Morning."

"Morning." She turned around and was greeted by blue eyes and a soft smile.

"I woke up and you were gone."

"For good reason."

He looked behind her and knitted his brows. "What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast."

He looked confused. "You don't cook." He said almost accusatory.

"I cook!"

"No." He shook his head. "You don't."

"Okay, so, I don't cook." She shrugged. "I'm a surgeon. I fix hearts. I shouldn't be expected to cook."

"No one does."

"Would you let me do this nice thing?"

"Okay, fine." His arms enveloped her waist. "But if I get salmonella, it's on you."

She smiled and leaned up for a kiss. "I might just let you die." She said softly.

He pushed her back against the island. "You wouldn't dare." He kissed her again.

"Try me." She went in for another.

"You'll miss me too much."

"What makes you so sure?" She threw her head back, giving him access to her neck.

"This." He ground his hips into hers and she grabbed onto his shoulders, her breath hitching. He lifted his head and looked down at her, a smug smile on his face. "See."

"Shut up." She grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss, this time, taking it further by adding her tongue.

Owen reached behind her and moved the bowls and ingredients out of the way. He grabbed her by the hips and lifted her onto the counter. He was about to lift her shirt over her head when a voice came from the doorway.

"Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?"

They broke apart and found Shane staring at them, an annoyed look on his face.

Cristina hopped down from the counter and straightened her clothes. "Oh, relax. I'm getting laid regularly which means I'm happier and that's a good thing for all of you. It makes the chances of me kicking you out a lot slimmer."

Shane rolled his eyes and walked over to the coffee pot and filled up his mug.

Elizabeth came through the door, bags in her hand and looked at all of them. "What are all of you doing here?"

Shane and Owen looked at one another.

"Out." She demanded. "Cristina and I are making breakfast and we don't need you here. You're just going to crowd us." She placed the bags on the counter, removing a container filled with strawberries and dropping it on the surface.

Shane used his mug to point at Cristina. "You're making breakfast?"

"Yes, I am. Why is that concept so hard to grasp?" She asked, exasperated.

"Because... you're you." Shane answered.

"Cristina is doing perfectly fine, thank you." Elizabeth started shoving her brother out of the kitchen.

"Yeah and she's a surgeon. She shouldn't be expected to cook!" Owen added.

Cristina smiled. "Kiss ass."

Owen leaned down. "Maybe later." He tapped her on the butt and then kissed her.

She smiled as he left the room.

"Okay, enough of all the lovey dovey stuff. We've gotta get down to business."

Cristina looked at her. "You're bossy when you cook."

"So I've been told."

\

Cristina watched Owen as he took his first bite. Somewhere during the course of the morning, Elizabeth caved and allowed her to fry her own batch and Cristina made sure that least one of them ended up in Owen's plate.

"And?"

He nodded. "I've gotta say, it's good." He smiled.

"Of course it's good. I made it." She turned to her own pancakes and took a bite.

Owen rolled his eyes, clearly amused.

"Connor, buddy, are they good?"

He stuffed a pancake into his mouth and gave her a muffled 'yummy!'

"There's my guy." She smiled.

Owen looked at her. "So his opinion matters more than mine?"

She looked at Connor and then she looked at him. "Yes." She shrugged.

"Great."

Elizabeth dropped a bowl of fruit in the middle of the table and then dusted her hands. "And now, after being woken up at the crack of dawn to help Cristina achieve the impossible, I'm going back to bed." They watched her exit the kitchen and then they turned back to one another.

"What are your plans for today?"

"I've gotta go to work. I miss my hospital. Feels like haven't been there in years." Her eyes drifted to Connor as she watched him dribble syrup all over his face and thought about her sticky he was going to be. "How about you?"

"I don't have any plans. We might just hang out around her." He shrugged.

"You could come with me?" She suggested.

"We won't be a bother?"

"Not at all."

"Okay, then." He kissed her cheek.

She ran her palm down his thigh. "Your kid is messy."

Owen smiled and turned to him. "Yeah but he's cute."

Shane passed the kitchen and Cristina called out to him. "Come and try my pancakes!"

Shane came to stand in the doorway. "No, thanks. I'm not that hungry."

"This is the first and last time these hands are ever going to produce food." She held up both of her hands. "Are you sure you want to miss it?"

"I'm sure." He nodded. "Besides, I've gotta get to the hospital."

She knitted her brows. "You're not going to wait for me?"

"I already called a cab." He looked down at his watch. "I'm late. I'll see you at the hospital." Cristina watched him disappear and then heard the front door close.

Owen looked at her. "I thought you guys made up?"

"We did."

"So, what was that?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and then turned back to her pancakes. "But you can bet I'm going to find out soon. Shane sucks at hiding his feelings."

\

Shane knocked on the door of her office and then stuck his head inside. "The printer is almost done."

Cristina beamed. "Really?"

"Yep."

"On the first try?"

"First try."

"Okay, I'll come with you to see it." She grabbed her lab coat from the back of her chair and pulled it on. "You coming?"

Shane knitted his brows and then pushed the door open. "Oh, Owen and Connor are here."

"Yeah. Why wouldn't they be?"

Shane shrugged.

Cristina eyed him and then turned to Owen. "So?"

"Yeah, sure." He stood. "What do I do with Connor, though?"

"Drop him off at daycare. We'll meet you in the lab." Cristina passed Shane. "Let's go."

\

She stepped inside and smiled as the printer neared completion. "Have you called the Riley family?" She walked up to the glass case and peered inside.

"Yeah. They'll be here soon."

She nodded and then looked up at him. She sighed. "Okay, Shane, what is it?"

"What's what?"

"That." She gestured at him. "What's with the sourpuss?"

"It's nothing." He shook his head. "I'll get over it."

"Shane."

He was quiet.

"Shane." She repeated.

He looked up at her, hesitating for a second. "What are you doing?"

She knitted her brows. "What-"

"With Owen." He elaborated.

"What? What do you mean?"

He was quiet for a second and then looked down. "You know what? It's fine. Forget i said anything." He moved to leave but Cristina stopped him.

"Shane, you can't ask me something like that and then just leave."

He hovered by the door and then swung around. "He cheated on you." He stated and Cristina looked confused. "No, not now. Back then. He cheated on you. And before that, he screamed that you killed his baby in front of all of your friends. And then he cheated on you. And then he divorced you. And then you guys got back together but then he left you, no wait scratch that, he actually ghosted you, and went and had a child and now he's back and I just want to know, what are you doing?"

"Shane, what-"

"I just think you deserve more. Much more than what you're getting. I know you love him but..."

Cristina blinked. "Where is all of this coming from?"

"You made breakfast."

"Yeah, so?"

"You don't cook." He stated. "It's something you actually pride yourself on. But he's back for five minutes and you're in the kitchen."

"Not that I have to explain myself to you but I was trying to do something nice for Connor."

"That's the other thing." He paused. "Cristina, you don't want kids."

"You think I don't know that, Shane? You think I've somehow forgotten that I don't want be a mother? I haven't forgotten. It's always on my mind. It's always just there. But you know what? I'm trying. I'm trying because I love Owen. I'm trying!"

"Maybe you're not supposed to be trying this hard. Maybe things are a little too hard. Too complicated. Have you ever thought about that?"

"I'm sorry, and what do you know about love and relationships? You haven't really been a model student."

"Okay, maybe I don't know much about love and relationships but I do know you. I know that you hate cooking. I know that you definitely don't want to be a mother and I know that you don't compromise for anyone. But here you are, giving away little pieces of yourself to a man."

His choice of words triggered something in her. She clenched her jaw and watched him for moment. "The Riley's will be here soon." She turned her back to him. You better go and make sure their room is booked." Her tone was cold.

"Cristina."

"You're dismissed, Dr. Ross." She could feel his eyes on her and then she heard the door close.

"Why does Shane look so upset?" Owen questioned as he stepped inside, not even a minute later.

Cristina closed her eyes.

"Cristina?" Owen walked closer.

She swung around hugged him to her.

Immediately, his arms enveloped her. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She looked up at him and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You love me, right?"

He laughed. "What? Is that even a question?"

"Just answer me."

"Cristina, baby," He smiled. "I love you more than I can fathom."

"Okay." She nodded. "Okay." She buried her face in his chest again. "Shane's an ass."

\

Cristina pushed the door open and Connor sprinted pass her. "Where's he going in such a hurry?" She looked at Owen.

"Liz."

"Really? Elizabeth? Wow. I made pancakes this morning and he's choosing her over me.

There's no loyalty in this house." She tossed her keys into the bowl beside the door.

Owen laughed. "How do you think I feel? He never chooses me."

Cristina looked at him. "That's sad." She dropped her bag on the floor and kicked off her shoes.

Owen shook his head, amused.

She sighed. "I need to go make up with Shane." She stated and then started making her way down the hall.

"Good luck." He called after her.

She stood in front of his door and prepared herself. She knocked lightly. "Shane?"

There wasn't any answer.

"Come on. Open up. We need to talk." She knocked again. "Shane?" She listened but couldn't hear anything on the side so she tried the doorknob, turning it and then pushing the door open.

She knitted her brows.

The room was empty.

His bed, stripped of its sheets and the dresser, presumably empty, were the only things left in the room.

She stepped inside and looked around, too confused to process anything.

Owen passed the door, pausing when noticed her standing in the middle of the room.

He walked up to the door and looked around.

Cristina's eyes found his. "He's gone." She stated.

Elizabeth showed up next to Owen, Connor on her hip.

"You let him leave?" She shot at her. "How could you let him leave?"

"His mind was made up. There was nothing I could say to convince him to stay." Elizabeth explained. "He'll be back. You're his world. He won't be gone for long." She tried to reassure her. Elizabeth watched her for a moment and then turned to Owen. "Let's go and get this little guy something to eat."

Owen looked at Cristina and then at Elizabeth. He nodded and looked at her again. "I'll be right back."

There wasn't any answer so he followed his son and the woman he had attached himself to, leaving Cristina alone for a moment.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. Shane was overreacting. She knew he'd be back. But even as she said it to herself, she wasn't convinced.

She closed her eyes and sighed once again. She dug into her pockets and pulled out her phone, dialing his number. It went straight to voicemail and she was relieved. She wasn't in the mood to fight with him. She just needed him back. "Shane," she said softly. "It's me." She pushed her hair back. "I know things haven't been great between us lately and that sucks but... I need you. I need you to come back. You're my best friend, Shane. I can't do any of this without you." She was quiet for a moment. "Just come home." The was a pause. "Please." She hung up and tossed her phone on the bed.

She fell back against the mattress and stared up at the ceiling.

"He'll be back." Noah said from the doorway.

She didn't look at him. "Yeah."


	77. Chapter 77

**A/N: I made** **some last minute changes so I apologize if there are errors. My bad. Enjoy!**

 **\**

9 March 2017

Cristina watched as the nurses prepped Rachel Riley for surgery. Her body pale and weak from her faulty heart.

It had taken longer than expected to finally get her to surgery. Somehow, her heart had gotten contaminated and had to be reprinted and then when the new heart was close to finish, the printer malfunctioned and they had to restart the entire process again. But now, everything was ready. Everything was in place. It was all up to Cristina and her skills.

She removed a scrub mask from the box as a resident came through the door. She couldn't remember his name but she knew he was a good one.

"Dr. Yang," he addressed her and stepped forward. "Let me help you with that."

She eyed him but decided to allow it.

He took the strings from her and carefully tied them together.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to scrub in, ma'am."

"Scrub in?" She turned to him. "Where's Shane?"

He dropped his hands to his sides. "He asked me to step in for him. Is that a problem?"

She pulled the mask from her face with a groan and threw it in the waste bin. She swung the door open and left the scrub room with purpose.

She walked into the middle of the hallway and paused, searching for him.

She stopped a nurse. "Have you seen Dr. Ross?" Her tone was harsher than she intended.

The woman pointed her in the direction she needed to go and she muttered a 'thank you' and made her way down the hall.

She found him at a nurses station, speaking to another resident and she felt her blood boil. "Dr. Ross!" She yelled before she had even gotten to him.

His head shot up, shock and confusion in his eyes.

She stopped in front of him. "What the hell are you doing?"

Heads turned as Cristina caused a scene. The resident Shane had been speaking to took a step back and pretended to talk to a nurse.

Shane looked around and then at her. "Dr. Yang, I sent Simon in to assist. He's good. You'll be fine."

"I don't give a damn about Simon. What the hell are you doing? You're mad at me. I get that. I understand. You moved out. That was your choice. I'm fine with it. But we have been working on this project since the moment we got here and now you're going to hand it over to Simon because of one fight? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It's one surgery, Dr. Yang."

"That's not the point, Ross!" She yelled. She looked around and realized they were getting stares. She straightened up. "Move along. You have work to do." She said sternly and her employees scattered. She looked at Shane again. "If this surgery is a success, if this is the one, the one that gets my name in the history books, guess whose name is going to be alongside mine?" Her volume had gone down but the anger was still evident in her voice. "Simon. That's who. This is so dumb of you." She shook her head. "I can't believe you're this dumb. This petty. Have I not taught you anything? Have I not taught you that your career comes before everything? Because if I haven't, then I've failed as a mentor. Honestly." She took a few steps back.

"Maybe you have." He said softly.

She looked at him, her expression unfalterd. She refused to allow him to see how much his words had hurt her. She stepped forward. "I did not bring you over from seattle to be... this." She gestured at him. "This person who allows personal problems to get in the way of his career." She stepped back again. "Dr. Ross, I'm done with you. You can find another mentor. I've been failing at my job anyway so why not just cut the chord." She shrugged.

He didn't say anything.

"What are you standing around for? You're dismissed. Get back to work." She watched him pick up his tablet and disappear down the hall.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When did she get soft enough to allow residents to get under her skin? Even in her head, she knew Shane was much more than just a resident to her. She opened her eyes and headed into the direction she had come from. She had a life to save. She didn't have time to worry about Shane and his feelings.

\

Cristina opened her front door with a sigh. She dropped her bag on the floor and kicked off her boots.

She realized that there wasn't a toddler at her legs yet and she knitted her brows. "Owen?"

"He took Connor sight seeing." Elizabeth answered as she came out of the kitchen. "He'll probably be back soon."

"Oh." She removed her coat and hung it on the hook.

"How was your day?"

"Don't ask." She walked into the kitchen and Elizabeth followed her.

"Rachel not make it?"

"Oh, no, she made it. She's not awake yet but... I think she's going to be okay." She nodded. "Then again, that's what we thought about Sarah and look what happened there." She shrugged.

"Sarah lived another year. A year she wouldn't have had without your heart." Elizabeth assured her.

"Yeah." She grabbed the bag of chips in front her and shoved a few into her mouth. "What are we doing for dinner? I'm starving."

Elizabeth hesitated. "Actually, Noah and I were just heading out for dinner."

"Oh." She dropped the bag and dusted her hands. "Okay, let me change my shirt and I'll go with you."

"It's at Shane's house." She said quickly and then paused. "He got an apartment and he asked us to come over for dinner tonight."

Cristina watched her. "Oh."

"Are you mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" She laughed. "He's your brother. Besides, it's not like you need my permission or anything."

"I know but it just feels weird now that-"

"Elizabeth," Cristina cut her off. "It's fine. Go ahead. Owen's going to be home any minute now and then we'll probably go out to eat or something. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She nodded.

Noah showed up in the doorway. "Are you ready to go?" His eyes fell on Cristina. "Oh, you're home. We were hoping to leave before you got here."

"Why? Because you thought I'd be hurt?" She smiled. She made her way over to him. "The two of you are sweet but you're worrying too much. The fight is between me and Shane. Stop acting like children of divorce." She patted his stomach as she passed him and made her way into her room. She closed the door and walked over to her bed. She sat down and sighed.

She got out her phone and called the only person she was willing to speak to at that moment. "Hey, Mer."

"Hey!" Meredith's voice lit up. "I was just talking about you!" Cristina heard laughter in the background.

"Are you busy? Do you have company?"

"It's just Amelia and Maggie. But I can talk."

"Maggie? As in your sister?"

"Yeah. We're kinda friends now."

"Oh." Cristina paused. "I guess that's good."

"I guess." Meredith shrugged. "What's up? Why do you sound so gloomy?"

"It's nothing." Cristina waved her off even though she couldn't see her. "You go back to your sisters. I'll call you later."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay."

"Okay."

They were quiet.

"Cristina, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Mer. Don't worry about me."

"I'm always going to worry about you."

"I know."

They were quiet again.

"Go back to your sisters, Mer."

"Okay." She paused. "Just for the record, you're always going to be my sister. I just have a few extras now."

"You're being soppy."

"It's the wine." She confessed.

"Bye, Mer."

"Bye. I love you."

Cristina hung up without reciprocating but she knew Meredith knew how she felt.

The door opened. "Cristina?" She looked up and Connor sprinted into her arms.

"Hey, bud." She pulled him onto her lap and hugged him. His cheeks were cold and his hand even colder. She took both hands into hers. "How was your day? You enjoy yourself?" He nodded.

"Yeah? That's all I'm getting? Okay." She smiled and looked up at Owen standing in the doorway, a smile on his face. "Hey, you."

"Hey."

"Are you going to stand there all night?"

He stepped forward and walked towards her.

She kept her eyes on his as he towered above her and then closed them as he leaned down and kissed her. "I missed you." He whispered against her lips.

"I missed you." She rested her forehead against his.

He sat down beside her and she rested her head against his shoulder.

Owen looked down at Connor and watched as he played with the buttons on Cristina's shirt.

"How was your day?" She repeated the same question she had just asked his son moments ago.

"Would've been better with you there."

She smiled. "Next time."

"Where are Noah and Elizabeth?" He looked around like he expected them to be in the room.

"Over at Shane's."

He was quiet.

A moment passed and Cristina lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Tell me you love me." She requested softly. She needed to hear him say it.

He leaned forward and cupped her cheek. "I love you."

She leaned into his palm and he kissed her forehead.

He noticed that she was a lot more needy lately and he had a feeling it had something to do with Shane. Or maybe she just didn't fully trust him yet. Either way, he was going to keep saying it and keep proving it. He loved her. Even though he wasn't sure about anything in his life at that moment, the two things he was sure of was the immense love he had for the woman sitting in front of him and the equally immense love he had for the toddler in her lap.

\

Cristina heard her name being called and it brought her out of a deep sleep.

She opened her eyes and found Elizabeth and Noah standing in the dark.

She blinked. "What are you doing?"

"We brought you leftover lasagna." Elizabeth held the plastic container up.

She looked at the alarm clock beside her bed. "It's two in the morning."

"So?"

"Fair enough." She sat up and Elizabeth handed her the container and climbed over her, settling in between Cristina and Owen.

Owen lifted his head. "What's going on?"

"We're having lasagna." Elizabeth explained.

"Do you want some? I can go get an extra fork?" Noah offered.

"I'm good." Owen dragged himself out of bed. "You guys enjoy yourself. I'm going to go sleep in Connors bed."

"Night!" Elizabeth called after him.

He waved without turning around.

"Move over." Noah instructed and Elizabeth and Cristina did as they were told. He turned on the bedside lamp before crawling in next to them, sandwiching Cristina in the middle.

Cristina pulled the container open and Noah handed her a fork. "I really hope you made it."

"I did." Elizabeth answered, smiling.

"Good." Cristina took a bite and closed her eyes. "Please never stop cooking. And never move out."

Elizabeth stuck her own fork in and broke off a piece. "Oh, I don't plan to."

"Me neither." Noah added, taking his own piece.

"You kicked my boyfriend out of bed." She stated, her brain finally realizing he was missing.

"He'll live." Elizabeth took another piece.

Cristina looked at her. "I'm really starting to like you."

"I thought you always liked me."

"Yeah, well." She shrugged.

Elizabeth smiled. "I like you, too, Cristina."

"Excuse me?"

They looked at Noah.

"I'm not so sure about you." Cristina stated.

"Me neither."

"Funny."

Cristina stuck her fork in again and took another bite. "This is really good lasagna."

"Really good." Noah agreed.

Elizabeth shoved her fork in her mouth and looked at the two of them. "You're welcome."


	78. Chapter 78

11 March 2017

As usual, Cristina was woken up by wet kisses and clammy hands on both of her cheeks.

She pretended to be asleep and then suddenly wrapped both arms around the toddler lying on her stomach and flipped them over, tickling him until he squealed and laughed uncontrollably.

And then she placed a kiss on his head and sat back, allowing him to crawl onto her lap again.

"I'm going to miss you, little buddy. Who's going to wake me up with kisses? Noah? Elizabeth? I don't think so." She shook her head and he laughed like he understood.

Owen came through the door, a tray filled with their breakfast in his hands and a smile on his face. "Morning."

"Morning." She smiled up at him and noticed that he was wearing Elizabeth's apron. "Nice outfit."

"Thanks. The ladies love it." He set the tray on the bed and then bent down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"I'm sure they do." She smiled and kissed him again. She looked down at the tray. "Breakfast in bed?"

He laid down next to her. "I figured we'd make our last morning special."

"You say that like we're never going to see one another again."

"You know that's not what I meant."

She nodded and gave him a small smile. She handed Connor a slice of toast and set him on the bed. "I'm going to get ready for work." She pulled the blankets back and stood up.

Owen sighed. "Cristina."

"It's okay, Owen. I'm just going to jump in the shower. I'll eat when I come out."

He sat up. "Cristina, you know I'm coming back, right?"

She didn't answer him.

"Cristina."

"I just... I'll believe it when I see it." She shrugged.

"I'm coming back. I promise."

She looked down and then back up at him. "That's what you said the last time."

He deserved that. "What can I do to make you believe me?"

"I don't think there's anything you can do but prove me wrong."

"And that's what I'm going to do."

She nodded. "Okay."

She waited a moment and then turned around and headed towards the bathroom. When she reached the door, he called out her name and she swung around again.

"Yes?"

"I love you." His eyes were sincere.

"I know." She nodded. "I love you, too."

\

"So, I'll call you every morning."

She nodded as she poured coffee into her travel mug.

"And we'll Skype as much as possible."

"Yep." She grabbed a folder from the kitchen table and shoved it into her bag.

"And in a few weeks, you're going to fly down to come and see us. Well, you're obviously coming to check up on the hospital as well but mostly to see us."

"I sure am." She grabbed the muffin Elizabeth had wrapped up for her in cellophane the night before and tossed that in her bag as well.

"Cristina." He said gently.

She stopped and looked at him. She sighed and tried to find the right words. "I... I don't want to make plans. The last time we made plans, none of them worked out and I was stuck with these months of scheduled dates and visits and none of them happened and that was... I just don't want to go through that again. So, I'm taking it as it comes."

It pained him to know that he had hurt her as much as he did.

Connor came waddling into the kitchen and handed her one of his toys. She inspected it and gave him a smile. "Great choice, buddy."

He smiled back and raised his hands, asking to be held.

She picked him up and hugged him to her. She gazed at him and realized that she had gotten attached to the kid in her arms and that she had so much more to lose this time around.

"Things are going to work out." He assured her, somehow reading her mind.

She kissed Connor on the forehead, hugged him and then placed him on the Counter. "I've gotta get to work." She grabbed her bag and keys.

"Cristina, things are going to work out. I promise."

"Don't." She shook her head. "Don't make promises like that. Not again."

Owen looked at her for a moment and then took her hand and pulled her closer. He then held her face between his hands and stared into her eyes. "I love you. I am in love with you. My whole world revolves around you. You're the light of my life. You're my whole entire heart. My every thought and emotion is about you. I love you." His eyes were alight with emotion.

"Don't let your son hear you."

He smiled. "I love you." He repeated. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay." She said softly.

He kissed her with as much passion as was allowed with his son in the room and then pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Okay."

He grabbed her coffee mug and handed it to her. "Now, go to work. I'll see you later." He turned her around and swatted her butt. "Go save some lives, Dr. Yang."

"Yes, Major." She answered sexily and made her way out of the house.

When she got outside, she realized for the first time that it was raining but she had already closed the door and didn't feel like ringing the doorbell and asking Owen to get an umbrella for her. So, she lifted her bag above her head and hurried over to her car.

She unlocked the door, threw her bag on the passenger seat and got in.

She placed her travel mug in the cup holder and closed the door.

She sat there for a minute, watching the raindrops fall on her windscreen.

She had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She was so close to calling an Uber and having them drive her to work.

But did she really trust a stranger to drive her more than she trusted herself?

She started up the car and put it in reverse.

She was sure it was just nerves about Owen's departure.

She knew she'd get over it.

\

"I haven't heard from you in a week." Meredith stated.

"You could've called. It's a two-way street."

"I know but I was being petty. I wanted you to break first."

Cristina smiled and then it faded. "Shane moved out."

"And we're not happy about that?"

"I guess it's the way he moved out. We had a fight and then I came home and he was gone."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"Well, what was the fight about?"

Cristina was quiet for a moment. "Owen."

"Oh." She heard Meredith sigh. "We've had that fight before."

"We have." She nodded. "We've had the Derek fight, too."

"You were always so afraid of losing me."

"You know, your therapist said that to me once?"

"Who? Dr. Wyatt?"

"Yeah."

"The woman's a genius. She's never wrong."

"Shut up."

They were quiet.

"He's coming back." Meredith said after a minute.

"Which one?"

"Both of them." She answered a concern Cristina hadn't even spoken to her about.

"We'll see."

They were quiet again.

"How's my hospital? Have you burned it to the ground yet?"

"Not yet. We're taking care of it. Are the weekly Skype meetings starting tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Cristina nodded. "Make sure everyone has their points and whatever else. I won't have much time between surgeries."

"Are you making me group leader?"

"I am."

"I've always wanted to be a group leader. For some reason, teachers never trusted me."

"I can see where they were coming from."

"Says the woman who just made me group leader."

"And I'm already regretting it." There was a knock at her door. "Come in."

"Where am I going?"

"Not you. Shut up." She held her hand over the receiver and looked at the intern squirming over at the door. "What is it?"

"Mr Ramirez has been prepped for surgery."

Cristina held the phone up to her ear again. "Mer, I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"When are you coming home?"

"First of all, I am home. And second, I'm not sure yet. We can discuss it tomorrow."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Yang."

"Goodbye, Dr. Grey."

Cristina hung up and placed the phone in her lab coat pocket. She felt noticeably lighter after speaking to Meredith. She missed her. She had been so occupied with Owen and Shane over the past few days that she had forgotten what it was like to speak to somebody who didn't expect anything from her other than friendship.

She stood up and made her way out the door, closing it behind her.

"You know Meredith Grey?"

Cristina eyed the intern.

"I'm sorry if I was eavesdropping. I just... Meredith Grey. Ellis Grey. You. That's a powerful group of women."

Cristina's eyes softened and she began to walk, the intern following swiftly behind. "What's your name, kiss ass?"

"Penelope, ma'am. Penelope Gomez."

Cristina nodded. "Well, Gomez, you're right. We are a powerful group of women."

"Oh, no doubt about it. I've always looked up to the three of you. I've had a picture of Ellis Grey winning the Harper Avery up on my wall since I was a kid and now I've got you. I idolize all three of you."

"Wow, you really have no shame, do you?" Cristina smiled.

"Sorry."

They reached the elevator and Cristina hit the button. "Oh, no, don't apologize. Kiss ass all you want. Kiss every ass if you have to. It gets you places, trust me. I know from experience." The door opened and they stepped instead. "And never apologize for who you are, Gomez. If you're a kiss ass, be a kiss ass. Don't apologize for it."

\

Cristina looked at Roberto Ramirez on the surgical table. He looked vulnerable and afraid and she knew she'd have to talk to him before he went under. Just to calm his nerves.

She signaled for the water to come on and rinsed her hands and forearms underneath the spray.

Suddenly, the door opened and a nurse was on the other side. "Dr. Yang, it's Rachel Riley. Something's wrong with her heart."

\

Cristina looked at the open chest cavity in front of her. The heart she had manufactured was failing and she needed to buy some time before the new heart was done printing.

"Dr. Yang?" Gomez sounded uncertain. "Are we... what are we doing?"

"We're thinking."

Another minute passed and Cristina still hadn't moved.

"Dr. Yang, I don't think Rachel can be under for much longer."

"I know that!" She snapped. "I'm thinking. Just give me sometime." And then it hit her. "We'll have to hook her up to an LVAD."

"But the heart... she's almost septic."

"We just have to hope that we don't run into any complications with the printer."

"This is risky."

Cristina looked up at her and then back down at the heart. "I know."

\

Cristina was updating Rachel's chart and listing the strict instructions the nurses had to follow, when Gomez appeared beside her. "What?"

She hesitated. "I just- that was badass. You're amazing."

"I know." She smiled smugly.

"Would you- would you considering mentoring me?"

Cristina looked at her for a moment and was about to answer when Simon showed up at her other side. "Dr. Yang?"

"Simon." She turned to him.

"Dr. Yang, you're needed down in the E.R."

"Oh, I can't right now. I have another surgery to get to. I already pushed him up once today, I can't do it again. Get another attending." She turned back to her tablet.

"Ma'am, it's Shane."

"What about Shane?" She didn't look at him.

"He's in the E.R."

"Okay, well, Shane's a big boy. He can handle himself. If he needs help that bad, tell him to page Keating. I have to get to surgery." She handed a nurse the tablet and turned to Penelope. "What were you asking me?"

"Oh, I was about ask you about being-"

"Dr. Yang!"

Cristina swung around. "Did you just yell at me?"

"No- yes. I had to. You weren't listening to me."

Cristina eyed him. "What do you want, Simon?"

"Shane, ma'am. He's in the E.R."

"Yes, you've said that already and I told you to tell-"

"No, he's in the E.R." He repeated. "Dr. Yang... there's been an accident."


	79. Chapter 79

11 March 2017

Cristina rounded a corner and rushed into the E.R.

It was a busy day. A bus had crashed nearby and all of the patients were sent to their hospital.

Luckily there weren't any fatalities. Just some bumps and bruises.

She spotted Elizabeth and Noah standing in front of ER1 and maneuvered her way through the swarm of doctors to get to them. "What happened?" She yelled.

She heard screams of pain coming from inside of the room and her heart sank.

"We... we don't know yet. They won't let us inside. Cops haven't spoken to us either." Elizabeth answered, her face pale and her eyes weak. She looked like she had been crying for a while.

Cristina looked at them and was about to enter when her trauma surgeon stepped out and stopped her. "You can't go in there."

She knitted her brows. "What do you mean I can't go in there? I'm going inside and you can't stop me." She tried to get past him but he blocked her pathway.

"Dr. Yang."

"Dr. Bennett." She spat. "This is my hospital. This is my E.R. You do not tell me what to do. I tell you what to do. I tell you when to eat. When to breathe. And when to pee. And right now, I'm telling you to let me inside that room."

Shane screamed in pain again and she began to panic even more, she tried her best to hide it from her eyes.

The doctor stepped aside and she rushed in.

She paused, taking in the scene.

There was blood pouring out of everywhere. He had so many monitors attached to him and they had already placed the chest tube. That must've been the screams of pain.

She shook the initial shock and went over to him, trying her best to look calm, to keep the emotion out of her face.

"Shane." She said gently.

His wild eyes darted to her. "Cristina." He cringed in pain.

"I'm here." She nodded and took his face into her hands. "I'm here." She repeated. "You're going to be okay." She smiled.

He grabbed her hand, covering it in blood. "I took my eyes off the road for one minute." He was sobbing and it was starting to affect her, she didn't want to cry in front of him. She needed to be strong for the both of them.

"It's okay." She nodded, her smile remaining despite the tears in her eyes. "You're okay. You're here now. You're with me. I'm going to take care of you." She used her thumb to wipe blood off of his eyebrow.

"I'm so sorry." His voice was small.

"It's okay." She said softly. "You're okay."

"Dr. Yang, we have to take him up to surgery now."

She turned to him. "Yes, of course." She wiped a stray tear, smearing blood over her cheeks. "I'll go get scrubbed."

"Dr. Yang..." He said slowly. "You can't come with us."

"The hell I can't."

"It's not ethical for you to operate. And there's a reason why we don't allow family members in the operating room."

"Listen, I'm not some distraught family member. I am your boss and this is my patient!"

"Cristina." A voice came from the door and they turned to it.

"Dr. Hunt, go get scrubbed. You'll assist."

"Cristina, you can't. Let Dr. Bennett do what you pay him to do."

"Dr. Hunt." She looked at him.

"Dr. Yang, I've got him. Let me do my job."

She looked at the two of them and then at Shane, his eyes darting around the room. "I can't leave him." She said softly. "I don't want him to be alone."

They men looked at one another, both unable to deny her.

"I'll stay with him, Dr. Yang." Simon spoke up.

She looked at him.

"I'll stay with him." He repeated. "We're friends. He knows me. And I don't mind. I'll stay with him."

She looked at the resident and then at Shane. He managed to grab her hand and hold on, his grip was weak.

"Yang, we're running out of time." Owen said gently.

She squeezed Shane's hand and then nodded. "Okay." She wiped a tear and looked at Simon. "If you leave his side, you're fired." Her eyes were alight with emotion.

"Yes, ma'am."

She looked at Shane again, held his head between her hands and said his name until he looked at her. "Shane, sweetie, I'm going to be right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. You're going to be okay. I promise." She smiled at him and then kissed his forehead. "Don't you dare pull anything funny. I won't survive. You can't leave me. Not yet." She said quietly before she pulled back. "Okay, you can take him now."

The doctors sprung into action and less than a second later, they were wheeling him out of the room.

When they got to the door, Cristina called out to them. "Wait!"

They stopped and looked at her.

She walked up to the door and looked at Elizabeth. "Wish your brother good luck." She instructed and went back into the room, she couldn't watch.

She stood in the middle of the now empty space and listened as they wheeled her best friend off.

She suddenly felt so alone.

And helpless.

And useless.

Owen came in and stood beside her. "He's going to be okay."

She nodded.

He tried holding her and she allowed him to for a second, keeping her arms to herself.

He looked into her eyes. "What do you need?"

She knitted her brows. "I- I have to go."

"What?"

"I can't stand around here while they operate on my best friend upstairs. I can't do that."

She turned to leave.

"Cristina, where are you going?"

She didn't answer him.

She exited the room and spotted Connor in Elizabeth's arms. He was looking at her curiously and stretched out his arms, asking to be held.

She carried on walking until she was outside of the E.R. and in the ambulance bay.

The cold, night air hit her and she crouched over, her hands on her knees, and took a few breaths in.

She could hear Owen approaching her and she straightened up.

She needed to get out of there.

\

She squinted as she tried to see through the heavy rainfall hitting her windscreen.

She had been driving around aimlessly for more than fifteen minutes.

She wasn't sure where to go.

She couldn't go home and she certainly didn't want to be back at the hospital. So, she was going to drive until she found something to do and somewhere to be or she was going to drive until she ran out of gas. Whichever came first.

She spotted a sign in the distance and gave a slight smile. "Perfect."

She turned into the parking lot and parked her car right in front of the store.

She hopped out, using her bag as an umbrella for the second time that day, and made her way inside.

She looked around at the overly stocked store. The lights were so bright that it hurt her eyes but that's how she knew that it was an authentic dollar store.

She nodded at the owner standing at the till and he nodded back.

She grabbed a basket and started making her way through the aisles, throwing in anything that caught her eye.

She came across a box of chocolates and picked it up. It was Shane's favourite. She always got him a bar when she was at the store and he was always so happy when she gave it to him. Even though it was always half eaten.

She looked at it for a second and then sat down against the shelves.

She tore open the box and took out a bar.

She opened the packaging, broke off a piece and took a bite.

"You're not allowed to open items before purchasing them."

She looked up and realized it was the owner. She was half expecting Owen. She looked at the bar and then looked at him. She held the chocolate up. "Want a piece? I'm paying."

The guy looked around and then shrugged. "Sure." He sat down beside her and broke off a piece for himself. "So, what brings you down to this dollar store on a rainy night when you could be in bed right now?"

"Question is, why are you open on rainy night when you could be in bed right now?" She deflected.

"I need the money." He shrugged.

She raised her eyebrows in understanding and then broke off another piece. "I didn't know there were dollar stores in Switzerland." She offered the bar to him.

He took another block as well. "There aren't that many but... we exist."

"Shouldn't you be called the 'Swiss franc store' or something?"

"Probably." He nodded. "But it doesn't have the same ring as 'dollar store'."

"Hm."

They quiet for a moment.

"You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"Why are sitting on the floor of a dollar store with a complete stranger, at this hour of the night, eating chocolate, while it's pouring cats and dogs outside?"

She stuck out her hand. "I'm Cristina."

He looked down at her hand and she realized it was covered in blood so she retreated it instead. "Luqmaan."

"Now we're not strangers anymore. Now it's not weird."

"It's still weird."

She looked at him for a moment, admiring his dark features and soft eyes and then looked down. "My best friend got into an accident and is in surgery as we speak."

He knitted his brows. "I'm so sorry to hear that." He turned around, search for something, and pulled down a packet of wet wipes off the shelf. He opened the packaging and handed it to her.

She set the candy down and took it from him. "Thank you." She pulled one out and began to wipe the blood off of her hands.

He pointed at her cheeks, indicating that she she had blood there as well. "Still doesn't answer my question, though."

She wiped her cheeks and then dropped her hands in her lap, toying with the wet wipe. "I'm a surgeon. I fix people for a living. And I'm good at it. I have a Harper Avery to prove it. And yet, here I am, years of medical school and residency behind me, and I... I can't fix him. I can't help one of the most important people in my life."

"Why can't you help him?"

She looked down. "Stupid ethics that comes along with it. And the stupid ethical doctors whom I employ." She mumbled.

"You're mad that your doctors are ethical?"

"No- yes. No." She shook her head.

"Then why are you mad?" He asked gently.

She was quiet, wondering if she should open up to a complete stranger but then she realized that the fact that he is a complete stranger, makes it easier for her to open up. "I feel useless." She stated. "The fact that I can't do anything to help makes me feel useless and I hate feeling useless."

"I think we all hate feeling useless."

"Yeah but this is different." She said softly.

"And why is that?"

She looked at him, a smile on her face. "Boy, you really love asking questions."

"I've always wanted to be a journalist." He smiled back.

She sighed. "It's different because when my dad was dying and I was holding his chest closed with my bare hands, I felt nothing but useless. And I've never wanted to feel that way again but it seems that I've chosen a life where everyone dies around me and it has me constantly feeling this way."

"Seems like you've lived a quite a life."

She scoffed. "You have no idea."

He looked at her for a moment and then looked ahead. "Your friend? You're close?"

She wiped a tear that managed to escape. "Very."

"You love him?"

"I do."

"And right now he's in surgery but instead of being there, you ran?"

She nodded. "Yep."

"And your friend, if this situation were reversed, would he be by your side?"

She smile slightly. "No doubt about it."

He looked at her. "So why aren't you by his?"

"I just told you I can't. I can't-"

"You can." He nodded. "You can. For friends as important as this guy is to you, you can."

She sighed again and rested her head against the shelf behind her. "I can't stand around and wait for him to die."

"Do you think he's going to die?"

"He might."

"I don't know you, Cristina, but I can tell that you're the type of person who would be bothered by the fact that you weren't by your best friends side when he died. And I think you should be by his side. Even if you're not physically there."

She was quiet.

"Don't run from your emotions. Embrace them. Feel them. And then move on. If your friend survives? Good. Embrace that feeling. Feel it fully and then carry on living, maybe with a little more appreciation for life. And If something happens to your friend? Feel it. Be angry and sad and curse the universe and then move on. Just take him with you everywhere you go and use his memory for good." He paused. "What am I saying is, don't run from this. Don't run from what you're feeling. Pushing it down only makes everything worse."

A bell went off, signaling that a customer had entered the store and Luqmaan stood up. "I have to go. Duty calls." He started walking away but then turned back to her. "Feeling this way isn't always a bad thing. It just means that you have had the privilege of loving someone as much as you do." He looked at her for a moment and then turned back around.

She watched his retreating back, thinking about what he had said to her, when suddenly Owen was standing at the front of the aisle.

"Cristina?" She could hear the relief in his voice when he realized it was her.

Luqmaan passed him and tapped him on the shoulder. "She's all yours."

Owen looked at him curiously and then turned his attention back to his girlfriend seated on the floor, surrounded by chocolate.

He made his way over to her and she kept her eyes on his until he reached her.

"I've been looking for you everywhere."

"I'm sorry." She looked down, her voice soft. "I just couldn't stay there."

"I know." He nodded.

They were quiet for a moment, Owen watching her.

She suddenly looked up at him, her lip trembling. "He's my best friend, Owen." Her voice broke and Owen's heart sank, and so did his knees as he fell to the ground and pulled her against him as she sobbed.

He held her tightly, one hand cradling her head while the other held her body to his.

He could feel her chest heaving as her cries overtook her.

"I'm so sorry." He said softly. "He's going to be okay. You're going to be okay." He repeated those words so many times but they never lost meaning. He repeated them until she began to calm down but he never released his grip around her.

Not until she pulled back and looked into his eyes. She looked so soft and sad and it made his heart ache. He wished he could take all of her pain away. "Take me back to the hospital."

He nodded and placed a kiss on her forehead.

She gathered her things, leaving the basket but taking the chocolate.

Owen placed his jacket around her shoulders, realizing that the thin material of her scrubs would never be able to protect her from the cold that was waiting for them outside.

She grabbed his hand and allowed him to lead her to the front of the store.

When she got to the till, she yanked him back, released his grip and pulled a few bills out to pay for her chocolate.

Luqmaan held his hands up, a smile on his face. "It's on me. Please. Your company was more than enough."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'm sure."

She looked at him for a moment and then dug around in her bag, pulling out her card. She handed it to him. "If you ever need anything, call me."

He smiled again. "You can count on it."

She gave him a small smile back and then took Owen's hand again and followed him out of the store.

It wasn't raining as hard as it was before but it was still coming down.

Noah's car was park right beside hers and she spotted Elizabeth in the backseat with Connor.

"Elizabeth's here?"

"She was worried about you." He told her. "And she didn't want to be at the hospital either. So Noah stayed and she came."

Cristina nodded.

They reached the car and he opened the door for her, waited until she got in and closed it again.

It was quiet for a moment.

"You okay?" Elizabeth asked.

She made eye contact with her in the rear view mirror. "No but I will be." She turned to her. "You?"

"I will be." She said softly.

Cristina reached out and squeezed her hand.

Owen got into the drivers seat and the sound of Owen's door closing woke Connor up.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Stina?"

Owen looked at her curiously and she gave him a small smile. "That's me." She turned to the toddler and held out her hands. He happily climbed over the console to get to her.

He looked at her with the same curious eyes his father just did and held her face between his tiny hands. "Sad?"

"Yeah, bud, I'm sad."

He leaned in and placed a cold kiss on the tip of her nose and she smiled.

He pulled back and looked at her. "Sad?" He asked again.

"A little."

He looked at her and then rested his forehead on her shoulder, one of his little hands tapping her cheek in an effort to comfort her.

She closed her eyes and hugged him to her, gliding his hand back and forth across his back.

Owen watched the two of them, his heart swelling. Never in a million years did he think he'd be able to witness such a scene between the two most important people in his life.

Connor was really winning Cristina over and she had won him over the minute he met her.

Like father, like son, he thought.

He started up the car and turned on the wipers. He looked at Cristina and then at Elizabeth. "Let's get back to Shane, shall we?"


	80. Chapter 80

12 March 2017

 _"_ _Have you unpacked yet?"_

 _She looked at Shane standing by the door. "I unpacked this rug." She ran her hands across the lush material of the carpet she was lying on._

 _"_ _The delivery guys unpacked it for you."_

 _"_ _Same thing."_

 _He walked over and laid down next to her. "How do you feel?"_

 _"_ _About what?"_

 _"_ _Everything."_

 _She thought about it and then shrugged._

 _Shane looked at her and then up at the ceiling, deciding not to push._

 _They were quiet._

 _She swallowed, deciding what to say and whether she even wanted to open up to him. They were close but he wasn't Meredith. "I'm scared." She finally said._

 _He looked at her, surprised by her sudden declaration. "Yeah?"_

 _She nodded. "Yeah."_

 _He looked back up at the ceiling. "That's okay." He said casually. "I'm scared, too."_

 _"_ _You are?"_

 _"_ _I am."_

 _She felt better for some reason._

 _"_ _And after everything you've been through, you're allowed to be scared."_

 _She scoffed. "Yeah."_

 _He turned to her again. "Dr. Yang." She looked at him. "We're in this together. We're a team, whether you like it or not. We made the move together and we'll get through this together. I've got your back. I promise." He paused. "We can be scared together."_

"Cristina?"

Her head snapped up to the door.

"You shouldn't be in here."

She turned her attention back to the O.R. below her. "Are you going to make me leave?"

Owen took a step inside. "No."

"Good."

He walked over to her and sat down beside her. "But you shouldn't be in here."

"There's a lot of things that shouldn't be happening, right now. Shane shouldn't be down there with a man's hands inside of his body. That surgeon shouldn't be the one operating on him. My best friend's life shouldn't be on the line. Me being in here is the least of our problems, Owen."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." She snapped.

Cristina watched her orthopedic surgeon turn towards them and hold up Shane's scans in the light, her eyes falling on Cristina.

Ismail looked at her and then at Bennett, Cristina could tell she was contemplating on whether she should snitch or not.

She looked over at Simon and nodded towards the gallery.

The resident looked up, looked at Cristina for a second and then looked at Ismail, subtly shaking his head.

Khadijah gave her one last look and then extended her hand for a scalpel.

"Looks like Simon's on your side." Noah commented.

Cristina looked down at him sitting at Shane's head. He had kept his promise to stay by his side even though he could've been operating.

Cristina admired him for his loyalty.

She suddenly stood. "Let's go."

Owen watched her walk towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"I kinda feel like I'm bad luck. I don't want to be the reason the surgery goes wrong."

"Cristina-"

"Let's just go." She disappeared through the door.

Owen sighed, looked at Shane one last time and then stood and followed Cristina out the door.

\

 _There was a loud bang and her head shot up._

 _She looked around but no one seemed to be alarmed. She decided that it must've been her imagination and relaxed back into her seat._

 _The bang went off again, louder this time._

 _She knitted her brows and looked out of the window._

 _Her heart dropped._

 _The entire wing was on fire._

 _She stood up. "The wing!" She yelled. "The wing is on fire!"_

 _An air hostess approached her, a concern look in her eye. "Ma'am, I'm going to need you to take a seat."_

 _"_ _Take a seat? The plane is on fire!" She looked around and noticed that everyone was looking at her curiously. "Do you not see that?" She pointed at the very obvious flames. "Why are you all so calm?" She screamed._

 _"_ _Ma'am, I need you to calm down. You're disturbing the other passengers."_

 _"_ _They should be disturbed! The plane is on fire!" She yelled again, her frustration building up inside of her. She could feel her heart beating against her ribs and for the life of her, couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't as freaked out as her._

 _Suddenly, a loud noise came from the back of the plane and she turned around, facing it._

 _She watched in horror as the plane began to crack right down the middle and watched as it broke away, taking the passengers with it._

 _She could see the sky. Could feel the wind._

 _She broke out in a sob, dropping to her knees._

 _Everyone carried on, like they hadn't even noticed it happened._

 _"_ _Someone help!" She screamed desperately._

 _A pair of shoes came into her line of vision and she looked up, realizing it was Noah._

 _She sprung to her feet. "Noah! The plane!" She pointed to the back. "We're going to crash!"_

 _He looked at her incredulously. "Cristina? What are you talking about?"_

 _She grabbed her hair, her frustration boiling out of her._

 _The plane dipped and everyone fell forward but again, it was like they didn't even notice._

 _The windows began to burst, one-by-one, as the pressure in the cabin became too much._

 _Cristina screamed as she grabbed onto anything she could get her hands on._

 _She was going to die._

 _She was going to die._

 _She was going to die._

 _She shot up, panting as she tried to catch her breath._

 _"_ _Cristina!" He called once more._

 _Her eyes found his. "Shane." She whispered._

 _"_ _I'm here." He had his grip on her shoulders, holding her upright. "It was just a dream. You're safe. Do you hear me?"_

 _Her wild eyes darted around the room, trying to take in reality. "It was a dream?"_

 _"_ _A dream." He confirmed._

 _She looked at him and then burst into tears._

 _He pulled her against him like he had done so many times since she had arrived. Her hair and back were soaking wet and he could feel her heart pounding against his chest. "I'm here. You're okay. Don't you worry. I've got you. You're okay." He said gently._

 _He moved, climbing over her and settling in next to her._

 _She moved with him, her forehead glued to his chest. She wrapped her arm around his waist, holding him tight. He was the only thing keeping her in reality and out of her nightmares._

 _"_ _I'm here now. You're okay. You're not alone. I've got you."_

Owen found Cristina at the nurses station with a tablet in her hand. He felt like his whole night consisted of chasing her around and trying to find her and he was okay with that. Whatever she needs. "Hey."

She didn't look up. "They haven't updated his chart yet."

"They're still in surgery." He said it like it was obvious.

She ignored him. "What about my car?"

"Noah and I will pick it up tomorrow."

Her head shot up. "Owen, your flight!"

He smiled and looked at his watch. "They're probably halfway to Seattle by now."

"Shit. I should've reminded you earlier."

"Cristina." He looked at her in disbelief, his smile remaining as he stepped forward. "There's no way I'm leaving you right now."

"You don't have to stay." She shook her head. "I don't need to be looked after."

"I know." He shrugged. "But I'm going to anyway."

She looked at him, not reacting but was relieved that he called her bluff.

An alarm went off behind them and she swung around. "Oh no." They watched as nurses began running into the room, carrying needles and pushing the defibrillator in with them. "Rachel."

\

 _Cristina tossed and turned._

 _She couldn't get comfortable._

 _She was usually good at adjusting to new surroundings, having moved so many times, but this time something was different._

 _She flopped on her back and sighed._

 _She threw back the covers with her good hand and made her way over to the door, holding her arm in place as she did._

 _She walked across the hall and into his room._

 _"_ _Shane." She whispered. "Shane!" She called a little louder._

 _He groaned. "What?"_

 _"_ _I can't sleep."_

 _"_ _Well, I can."_

 _"_ _Shane."_

 _He sighed. He sat up a little and threw back the covers._

 _She smiled and walked over, climbing in under them._

 _"_ _What if we both have nightmares?" She whispered._

 _"_ _It's okay. Our screams will wake the other up."_

 _She nodded. "Good plan." She scooted closer to him, bring his arm around her waist so that they were spooning._

 _A moment passed._

 _"_ _I miss Lou." She stated. "If she were here, she'd be in this bed with us."_

 _"_ _She's better off in Seattle."_

 _"_ _I know." She was quiet. "It's been one hell of a year."_

 _"_ _Yeah."_

 _"_ _I nearly died." She paused. "Twice."_

 _"_ _But you didn't."_

 _"_ _Yeah." She moved closer to him, trying to steal the heat from his body._

 _He hugged her closer. "Go to sleep, Cristina." He hadn't opened his eyes once throughout their conversation._

 _"_ _I can't."_

 _"_ _Try."_

 _She sighed. "Fine."_

 _Not even a minute later, she was peacefully asleep in the arms of her best friend._

Cristina looked down at the body in front of her. "Time of death: three-thirty am."

She gently ran her hand across Rachel's eyelids, closing her lifeless eyes.

"Dr. Yang," Gomez walked into the room, a smile on her face. "I was just about to update-" her eyes fell on Rachel's body and all the color drained from her face. "I was- I was just in here. I went to get a pen because mine ran out of ink and I- I was just in here."

"She threw a clot. There was nothing we could do." Cristina informed her.

The nurses dismissed themselves, taking their equipment with them.

"But I- I was just in here." She repeated.

"I know. It happens."

One of the nurses dragged the white sheet over the young girl's face.

"These things happen so quick it's almost impossible to catch it." Owen told her.

Her eyes darted to him. "Impossible? We're doctors. We're supposed to save them. We're supposed to confront the impossible and make it... possible. What is the point if we can't even..."

Cristina turned to her. "Gomez, this is your first major loss. I know. But it doesn't end here. You have to suck it up and keep moving."

She looked at Cristina, anger in her eyes.

"Go home and get some rest. Tomorrow's another day."

The intern didn't respond. She simply turned around and left.

"Cristina." Owen said gently.

She didn't respond either. She looked at Rachel's body one last time and then left the same way Gomez had.

Owen followed her until she walked into her office and closed the door, stopping him from going any further.

He leaned against it, listening for any movement.

It was quiet.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of glass shattering on the other side.

He immediately began contemplating whether he should go inside or give her the space she needed.

He heard her scream and decided that he had to make sure she was okay.

As he opened the door, he immediately ducked as a paper weight, made completely out of glass, hurled itself towards his head.

He closed the door again, listening as the glass shattered against the it.

He took deep breaths, trying to steady himself after his life had just flashed before his eyes.

He counted to three and then opened the door again.

He froze.

She was holding her Harper Avery award above her head. "Woah." He stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "Cristina, you don't want to do that." He said as he carefully stepped towards her.

"Yes, I do."

"No." he shook his head. "No, you don't." He picked up a coffee mug and pointed it at her. "Break this instead."

She looked at it and then dropped the award to her side, Owen's eyes following it.

She was quiet for a moment. "I have no idea what I'm doing anymore." She stated. "I have no idea why I'm even here." She shrugged. "Every day of my life is a battle. If I'm not fighting to keep my patients alive, then I'm fighting to keep my relationships alive. And if I'm not fighting to keep my relationships alive, I'm literally fighting to keep the people I love alive." Her eyes fell on him. "And I'm tired. I'm so tired. What's the point? Is there even a point anymore? What more could the universe want from me?" She looked down. "All I've down over the last few years is embarrass myself. I should just take whatever dignity I have left and leave."

"You can leave." He nodded. "You can come home with me."

"No." She shook her head. "What I need to do is move to a deserted island where no one can come in a hundred feet of me because clearly everyone I come into contact with dies."

"Not me." He pointed out. "I didn't die."

"Yeah, well, you came pretty close."

He didn't have an answer. She was right.

"And if you had any sense at all, you would keep your son away from me because if I don't ruin him physically, by me just being around him, I'll definitely ruin him emotionally. Because let's face it, Owen," She threw her hands up and Owen watched the award, praying that it doesn't slip out of her fingers. "I'm not fit to be around children. I'm not the most emotionally stable person out there. I didn't have a perfect childhood. And let's not forget the fact that I don't want kids." She emphasized the last line with a smile.

"Cristina."

"Do you know what Shane and I fought about?"

He nodded.

"Yes, I told you that it was about you. But do you know what about you?"

He shook his head.

"Well," she laughed a little. "Shane... he reminded me of something I already knew. Something I'd been trying to fight because I love you and I love being with you but that thought- that thought is always at the back of my mind and..." She paused. "I don't want kids, Owen. You know this. It's what broke up our marriage. It's what ruined us so deeply. It's what made you sleep with another woman. You know this. And if I didn't love you and that boy so much, I would've left a long time ago. I would have. But I'm still here. And I still don't want kids. And honestly, I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do."

"Cristina." He said gently.

"You wanna know what else he said?"

Owen eyed her, not responding.

She told him anyway. "He said that I was giving away little pieces of myself to you."

Owen took a step back.

She immediately regretted her words but she held her ground. She was too mad and too hurt and too sad to care about anyone else at that moment.

"Is that what you think?" His voice was soft.

"I don't know." She shrugged.

Owen was quiet for a moment. "Do you think I'm him?" He paused. "Do you think I'm Burke?"

"You might be."

A moment passed and he nodded, stepping forward. "I love you, you know that right?" He sounded so broken.

She didn't respond.

"I don't want any of your pieces if it means you have to change who you are. I would never force you into marriage or force you into a white dress or even force you to be a mother. I made that mistake once. I always wonder if I hadn't been so pushy, if i hadn't tried to change who you are, if you would still have moved across the ocean. Away from me."

She was quiet.

"I love you." He repeated. "You. This Cristina standing in front of me, right now. The Cristina saying mean things to me, to hurt me, because she wants someone else to hurt as much as she's hurting." It annoyed her how well he knew her. "And I'll take it. I'd take all of your hurt if I could. I know you don't believe what you said. I know you know I love you." He slowly stepped forward so that he was standing in front of her. "I love you." He said again. "I love you." He took her head between his hands. "I love you." He looked into her eyes. "I love you." He brought his forehead against hers. "I love you." He said one last time.

She stayed that way for a moment. Her eyes closed as she tried to fight off the tears.

She pulled away and looked at him, noticing for the first time that he had tears in his eyes, too. She shoved the award against his chest and held it there until he took over. "That might be your biggest mistake." She stated and walked out of the office, leaving him alone with the weight of her words.

\

 _She had his hand on his cheek and her cold nose against his. "Breathe."_

 _He nodded, tears staining his cheeks._

 _"_ _Breathe." She repeated. "I'm here."_

 _"_ _My mom's dead."_

 _"_ _I know." She said gently._

 _"_ _I could have done so much more for her. But I ran. And I left Liz."_

 _"_ _You were young. She was a grown woman. You did everything you could."_

 _He nodded again._

 _A moment passed and she looked at him with the softest eyes. "Do you want to try to sleep? We've got a long flight later."_

 _He nodded once more and she turned around, pressing her body into his._

 _He brought his arm around her waist and held her tight._

 _"_ _You're so important to me." He said softly._

 _She turned a little so that she was facing him. She gave him a gentle smile and wiped his tears. "And you're important to me. I don't know what I'd do without you."_

 _"_ _You'll never find out."_

 _She smiled again and turned back around. "I hope so."_


	81. Chapter 81

**_A/N: Hey, everyone. I know it's been a while since I've posted and I wanted to thank everyone for being so patient. I've got a lot going on at the moment which makes it really hard to write. Also, my brain hasn't really been in the mood to be creative lately. I've been lacking imagination. That'll pass soon, I'm sure. I don't know when I'll be able to post again. Might be a while. Might not. But don't worry, I'll always come back. Thank you for understanding and thank you for sticking with me. Love y'all xxx_**

 ** _\_**

12 March 2018

She held her stethoscope over his heart.

She looked up at his monitors.

She took the chart from Bennett and scanned her eyes over it.

"He's... Okay?"

Bennett smiled. "You sound disappointed."

"Not disappointed. Just..."

"Surprised." He finished for her.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, he is. He's okay. Things were a little messy during surgery but we got him. I did my best work on this guy." He smiled again. "And he'll just continue getting better. He'll be out for a few hours but once he wakes up, he'll be in pain, of course, but good as new."

Cristina looked down at Shane, she noted the dark purple bags under his eyes and the frown on his face.

"If that's all, Dr. Yang..."

She turned to him. "Oh, yes, that's all. You can go now."

He nodded and backed away. He was about to open the door, when he paused. "So, do I get an apology now... or?"

She smiled slightly. "You won't be getting an apology but I will thank you. You promised to save him and you did, so... thank you."

He smiled back and nodded.

"Dr. Bennett?" He looked up at her. "Kick me off a surgery again and you're fired." Her face was stern.

He sensed the seriousness of the threat. "Of course." He dropped his head a little and left.

Cristina looked down at Shane again and ran her hand across his hair.

She listened as the heart monitor beeped behind her and as the tube down his throat helped him breathe. All of it told her that he was okay. He was there. He was going to make it.

The door opened again and she didn't look up. "You're not getting an apology, Bennett. Move on."

"Well, I would hope so. He kicked you off a surgery. He doesn't deserve an apology."

Her head shot up. "Mer?" She stared at her in disbelief.

Meredith smiled. "Surprise."

Cristina rounded the bed and pulled her friend into a long hug.

She pushed her back and held her by the shoulders. "What- what are you doing here?"

"I heard about Shane and I thought you might need your other best friend."

"I do." She nodded and pulled Meredith into another hug. "I really do."

"Well, I'm glad." Meredith held on. "Because I just got off a twelve hour flour with two kids so this better be worth it."

Cristina pulled back again. "Wait, how did you know about Shane?"

"Owen called me and told me what happened and that you guys were fighting and that's why he suggested that I fly down. So that you could have someone."

She closed her eyes. That guy. Her guy.

"So, why are you guys fighting?" Meredith questioned.

She opened her eyes and dragged herself over to a chair, Meredith following her.

They sat facing one another.

"I just- I don't know. It might be because of Shane."

"You were scared and you took it out on Owen. I get that."

"Well, there's that and then there's the other thing."

"What other thing?"

"Remember I told you Shane and I were fighting?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay, so it was kinda about Owen." She made a face.

"What about Owen?"

She sat back against her chair. "Shane's worried that I'm giving up too much of myself for Owen's benefit." She said carefully.

"And do you think he's right?"

She looked down. "I mean, I don't want him to be." She looked up again.

"But is he right?"

She was quiet for a moment. "I don't want kids, Mer."

Meredith sat back as well. She looked over at Shane. "How is he?"

"Bennett says he's going to make a full recovery."

"That's good."

"It is."

They were quiet.

Cristina sighed. "God, I'm so tired." She looked at Meredith. "Aren't you tired? Of all the death and near-deaths and the constant fighting and trying to keep everyone happy and trying not to lose yourself. Doesn't it all just... exhaust you?" She sat forward and placed her head in her hands. "I'm exhausted." She sat up again. "It's like I'm in this constant battle with myself and everyone and everything around me. I'm constantly trying to fix one thing and when I feel like I've finally got the hang of it, something else pops up and I'm just..." She shook her head. "I love that man out there." She pointed to towards the door. "I love him. He is my... everything. And yet the universe just keeps making it impossible for us to be together. To the point where I feel like just giving up and moving to a place where no one can find me because, Mer, if I can't have Owen?" She looked defeated. "I wish I was a person who wanted kids. I want nothing more. My life would be so much easier. But I'm not. I don't want kids. I love kids. I respect them. I think they're amazing but I don't want them. Connor-" She looked towards the door. "He is brilliant. He is smart. He is loving and kind and I've fallen in love with him but the thought of being his mother?" She shook her head. "So, what do I do?" She laughed. "What do I do? Because I feel like I've run out of options here. I feel like I've hit a wall and there's nothing on the other side of this wall and that... scares the crap out of me." She fell back against the chair again, resting her elbow on the arm and bringing her nail into her mouth. "He flew you out here because he knew I'd need someone." She said sadly. "Even with Elizabeth and Noah sitting out there. He flew you out here because he knew that I would want you."

Meredith watched her. She stood up, walked over to her chair and gestured for her to move over.

Cristina did as she was told and Meredith squeezed in beside her.

She was quiet for a moment longer. "I am tired." She nodded. "I'm... I'm exhausted." She admitted. "Every day is a struggle. Every day is a learning process. I'm learning how to be the best mother I can be. I'm learning how to be a parent without my husband. I'm learning to how to be a single, working parent. And I'm struggling. Every day is a struggle. And I'm tired." She repeated.

Cristina rested her head on Meredith's shoulder. "I wish we were regular people."

"Me, too." She sighed. "Me, too."

\

Cristina sat in her towel on the toilet while Meredith showered.

She grabbed a bottle of moisturizer from the basket beside her and dropped a few dollops in her hand, rubbing it together and spreading it down her legs.

"Have you spoken to your mom since the funeral?" Meredith questioned, raising her voice above the water.

"Not really."

"Well, is she okay?"

"I don't know."

"Cristina." Meredith scolded.

She looked up from moisturizing her arms. "We've never had that kind of relationship."

"A relationship where you make sure the other is okay after their husband dies?"

"Oh, would you get off your high horse, Ellis Grey's daughter?"

"Touché."

They were quiet.

Meredith turned off the shower and reached out to grab a towel, wrapping it around herself. "What if you invite her to come and stay with you for a while?"

"Are you insane?"

"I'm serious! It could be good for both of you."

"Or it could end in homicide."

Meredith smiled. "Just think about it."

"I'm thinking about it and I think you're insane."

"Okay, then." Meredith shrugged. "I was just trying to help."

"Okay, then." Cristina stood up and walked into the room and immediately sat down on the bed.

Meredith walked in. "Are you ever going to get dressed?"

"Doubt it."

Meredith shook her head, amused, and picked up her suitcase, depositing it on the bed. "Have you thought about how you and Owen are going to move past this?" She tried keeping her volume down.

Cristina shook her head.

"And he's leaving soon?"

"In two days, yes."

Meredith nodded as she got out her clothes. "So, why don't you go with him?"

"What? I have Shane to take care of."

"He has Elizabeth. She's his sister. She's more than capable of taking care of him."

"He already thinks I'm abandoning him for Owen so how would it look if I packed my things and flew to Seattle while he's still in a hospital bed?"

"Would you think about yourself for a change? You want Owen. You want to fix things. You want to discuss your relationship. You can't do that effectively if he's in another country so the logical thing to do is go with him. Even if it's for a few days. And it'll give you a chance to check in on your hospital."

Cristina thought about it. "I don't know."

Meredith sighed. "You need to start putting yourself first. You used to do it so well. And I get that things have changed but maybe that was something didn't have to let go of completely."

Cristina was quiet.

She suddenly stood. "I have to get dressed. Your fixed gaze on my naked body is starting to make me uncomfortable."

\

Cristina and Meredith walked into the living room and found Owen with a sleeping Christopher on his chest, a half asleep Zola with her head on his lap and a zoned out Connor nestled into his side, too engrossed in the game his father had downloaded on his phone for him.

"You look like you've got a handle on this." Cristina commented.

Owen looked up at her. "Seems like it." He gave her a small smile.

At least he was talking to her.

"Are you okay with watching them for a few more minutes?" Meredith wondered. "I'm starving."

"Oh, yeah." He nodded. "Go ahead."

Meredith hurried off but Cristina remained.

She walked over awkwardly and sat down on the coffee table in front of him.

He watched her.

She looked at Connor and Christopher and Zola and thought about how kids were just drawn to him. He was a natural parent.

"So." She started.

"So." He repeated.

"Are we talking?"

"We're talking."

"Good."

He was quiet.

She looked down and then up at him. "Do you... uh- do you want me to come with you?" She blurted out. "To Seattle? Just for a few days. So that we can sort this out. I mean, if you want to... sort this out."

"I want to sort this out." He nodded.

"Okay." She visibly relaxed. "Me, too."

He was quiet again.

"So, I'm going with you?"

"If you want to."

"I want to." She nodded.

"Okay, then."

"Okay."

They looked at one another for a moment.

Her phone buzzed and she reluctantly looked away from him to check the text message. "Shane's awake." She announced.

Owen nodded. "I'll get them into the car."

\

"Are you up for visitors?"

Shane gave her a weak smile. "Always."

She walked over to him, Meredith and Owen following behind. They decided to leave the kids with Elizabeth. Shane wasn't ready to be climbed on and prodded.

"How are you?" Cristina wondered.

"A little sore but happy to be alive."

"Good." She suddenly punched him in the arm and then immediately soothed it.

Everyone looked at her questioningly.

"That's for almost dying on me before we got to finish our fight."

"I should punch the both of you for having the fight in the first place." Owen commented.

Shane looked at him sheepishly. "She told you, huh?"

"Yeah, we kinda had a little fight of our own." Cristina looked up at Owen and made eye contact with him for a brief second.

"Sorry." Shane said awkwardly.

"I kinda feel left out. No one's fought over me." Meredith complained.

Cristina turned to her and place a hand on her back. "There's still time." She assured her. Cristina looked down at Shane and then up at Meredith and Owen. "Can we have a second?"

They nodded, wished Shane well and then exited.

She turned to him and they looked at one another for a moment. "You really had me worried."

"I know." He looked apologetic.

"You had me fighting attendings. I fought Bennett."

He laughed a little, wincing when it hurt his ribs. "You fought Bennett?"

"I fought Bennett." She nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be." She placed a hand on his cheek. She wanted to ask him how the accident happened but decided to leave that for another time, the thought of upsetting him was off putting. He was okay and that was the only thing that mattered.

He leaned into her hand.

"Move back home with me."

He smiled at her. "I can't."

"You can. Owen's going home in two days so there's no reason why you should live in a crappy apartment."

"First of all, it's not a crappy apartment. You haven't even seen it."

"I know it's crappy because it's not home. I'm not there."

He ignored her. "And second, what do we do when Owen comes to visit? The two of us in the same house isn't a good idea. It'll just cause problems between you and me. Problems that can be avoided. Owen and I are better off under two different roofs."

She fidgeted with his sheets. "Who says Owen's ever going to visit again?"

Shane looked at her. "What? The fight? You'll get through it. You've gone through worse."

"Yeah." She didn't want to go into why she felt the fight was more serious than they were letting on. "I'm going home with him." She informed him. "Just for a few days. So that we can talk through all of this and see where we stand. I'm also going to check on my hospital so I'm not abandoning you or anything, if that's what you think."

"Cristina, it's okay. I understand." He smiled at her.

She looked sad so he patted the open space beside him and she climbed in.

She wrapped her arm around his waist, as tight she could without hurting him, and placed her head on his chest.

He kissed her hair.

"Thank you for not dying." She said softly.

"No problem."

"Don't do it again. Don't put me through this again. You're one out of three people in my life who I cannot live without and I would be so mad if you died."

He knitted his brows. "You would be mad if I died?" He smiled.

"I would be furious."

"I believe you."

"So don't do it."

"I won't."

A moment passed.

"So, you really fought Bennett?"


End file.
